Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Husband fantasies about my sister

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    1

    Husband fantasies about my sister

    So my husband and I have been married for 12 yesrs. Two kids, great relationship.

    He has always been honest about his fantasies, and I donít mind listening if they turn him on. Recently he shared he fantasizes about my sister, who is 5 years older than I am. First, it was like any other fantasy and I would listen. But for the past couple weeks he has mentioned her every time we have sex. Like he will talk about her while we are giving each other oral AND having sex, so basically the whole time. The first time I was okay with it, but as it continued I started to get bothered by it. Now, itís all I think about. I know that all men have fantasies, so I donít blame him for feeling that way. But for me, it makes me feel like heís not attracted to me physically because heís been so fixated on my sister. I am close with her, so Iím at her house quite often. The last couple times we went to visit, he wanted to have sex as soon as we got home and started talking about her. I even feel like I donít want to have sex because I know heíll just be thinking about her and it just makes me feel bad. I donít know how to bring it up to him because Iíve gone along with his prior fantasies, and I donít want him to feel like he canít tell me any of them in the future. What are your thoughts? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    54
    Posts
    38,222
    Gender
    Female
    The sex would stop, done. Discussing siblings goes over boundaries.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,431
    I agree with Seraphim.

    Also, why would you be okay with your husband discussing any other woman during sex? Do you discuss hot men when engaging in sexual activity with him.

    Where are your boundaries. You have been married 12 years and have 2 kids, and you have never been able to discuss how hurtful this is! I don't get it!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-22-2020 at 01:36 AM.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    14,960
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    The sex would stop, done. Discussing siblings goes over boundaries.
    I totally agree. Mentioning the fantasy once is one thing, but mentioning the sister now every time you have sex is totally crossing the line. He needs to shut up and zip it. You really need boundaries and he needs to understand he's crossing the line big time and it's just not funny anymore. I can't imagine he would love it if you mentioned his brother or his best friend every time you had sex.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,938
    You need to put a stop to this, OP. Draw your boundaries, and be firm.

    It doesn't matter if you've previously gone along with his fantasies. You are always allowed to speak up when something makes you uncomfortable, and I can't see how he thought fantasizing over your sister wouldn't make you uncomfortable.

    There is a big difference between sharing a general fantasy, and involving a close family member in the fantasy - especially if he always refers to her every time you're intimate. That is so inappropriate. He shouldn't need this spelled out to him. Simply tell him it needs to stop. If you need to explain why, you have bigger problems with him than you realize.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,647
    Gender
    Male
    Sex should be enjoyable for Both of you. Speak up. Tell him this particular fantasy turns your stomach.

  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    899
    Originally Posted by Kayn619
    I donít know how to bring it up to him because Iíve gone along with his prior fantasies, and I donít want him to feel like he canít tell me any of them in the future. What are your thoughts?

    Repeat after me: Prior consent does NOT equal present consent or future consent, nor should it be assumed. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to say no- Yes, even in marriage.

    While I commend you for being open and honest with each other, this has gone too far. Relatives, especially close relatives, should be off limits. And it's all about your comfort zone.

    You're going to have to have a somewhat awkward conversation. You have to be honest and just say " I am no longer comfortable with this. She is my sister and this cannot continue. It's become an issue for me and it needs to stop now." You cannot control his response, but that doesn't mean you should express yourself. You are an equal partner in this marriage and your feelings are equally important as his.

    I know you're scared of his reaction, but if you want it to stop you must be vocal and clear.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    3,112
    Originally Posted by redswim30
    Repeat after me: Prior consent does NOT equal present consent or future consent, nor should it be assumed. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to say no- Yes, even in marriage.

    While I commend you for being open and honest with each other, this has gone too far. Relatives, especially close relatives, should be off limits. And it's all about your comfort zone.

    You're going to have to have a somewhat awkward conversation. You have to be honest and just say " I am no longer comfortable with this. She is my sister and this cannot continue. It's become an issue for me and it needs to stop now." You cannot control his response, but that doesn't mean you should express yourself. You are an equal partner in this marriage and your feelings are equally important as his.

    I know you're scared of his reaction, but if you want it to stop you must be vocal and clear.
    I agree with this.

    I find this situation so abhorrant. How is your mental health? do you feel this is ok? I wonder that your self esteem is so very low, you don't even see it. And that you feel it is your wifely duty to be a sex object.

    It is beyond hurtful imho to listen to the man I married and love explain fantasies about other women, especially MY SISTER.

    His behavior is not normal.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,178
    Gender
    Male
    Tell him how what he is doing makes you feel. If he doesn't stop then it is time to rethink the relationship.

    He has watched to much porn and thinks he can have you both, probably at the same time!

    I would bet if you picked out someone from his life (handsome coworker) and started telling him stuff while you are being intimate he wouldn't care for it much. This type of thing is a lot more harmless when it stays in the fantasy realm but when it is someone close by then it is way to close to home.

    I agree you need to speak up and straighten him out that you no longer like to hear his fantasies.

    Lost

  11. 06-22-2020, 01:52 PM

  12. 06-22-2020, 01:57 PM
    Reason
    Reference to deleted post.

  13. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,317
    Gender
    Female
    Intelligence being an important quality in a partner, I doubt that I could stomach someone stupid enough to bring up my sister in his fantasies.

    Not everything is okay with me. How about you?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •