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Thread: I think heís cheating

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by MadJ
    I know itís awful but I became insecure after that day and started spying on his phone and social media. Fast forward to today my baby is now seven and I guess nothing has changed.
    It's human. He gave you very good reason not to trust him.

    Obviously you can't spend your marriage monitoring him. But you have indeed learned that he hasn't changed. He's probably been cheating on and off for years, but got better at hiding it from you.

    Now that you know he's still up to his old tricks and still not invested in your marriage - what are you prepared to do?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LoreliFinn
    Find out her phone # or better yet her address, then confront the woman. Tell her in a very forceful way to stay far away from your husband. He is married and its not to her. Make her feel embarrassed. If she works in the same office as your husband, ask to speak with his manager - then complain to him or her. This may cause enough embarrassment to halt whatever is going on.

    Otherwise this will continue. Your husband won't stop it. Sitting by and doing nothing will change nothing.
    When I was reading this, I was thinking ďnooooo, this is bad adviceĒ and that your husband is the person you should be approaching. This isnít high school drama. Then I saw that everyone else felt exactly the same. Iím glad to hear that you have taken what others have said on board.

    The issue is with your husband. Heís the one cheating on you. Even if not physically, then emotionally. They are certainly being risquť. Heís married. Whatever their connection, itís wrong.

    I know this is much easier said than done and itís going to take a lot of strength on your part but it sounds as though itís time to walk away from your marriage. After lying to you for 5 years, you gave him an opportunity to be a proper husband to you but he lied to you again. He has continued to disrespect you by not giving this woman up. Can you ever trust that he will?

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Please do NOT listen to @lorelifinn.
    That person clearly is ok with being disrespected and thinking that controlling the other womanís behaviour is the solution.

    I realise you donít want your marriage to be over , but your marriage was never the one you wanted. So itís very ok for it to be over.
    Make a get out plan. Consult a divorce lawyer. See what your future potentially holds after divorce and work with it.

    Your husband has not lived up to your expectations of a husband nor most peopleís expectations.
    He just wants an ďapparentĒ family life while doing whatever he wants.
    That was his expectation of you!

    Tell him that you are not the person he expects you to be and that he certainly isnít what you or most expect him to be.

    And leave.
    Thank you. Yes my child will be devastated so I keep praying for him to be someone he keeps showing me he is not. I know you are right I just donít know if I am strong enough. I am ashamed to admit that.

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    It's human. He gave you very good reason not to trust him.

    Obviously you can't spend your marriage monitoring him. But you have indeed learned that he hasn't changed. He's probably been cheating on and off for years, but got better at hiding it from you.

    Now that you know he's still up to his old tricks and still not invested in your marriage - what are you prepared to do?
    I know what I have to do but Iím terrified.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    It is only natural that you would want to confront this woman. Her participation in this is hurting you too but the reality is your husband is a serial cheat and is manipulating her and stringing her along too. I know her participation isnít right but heís the one in control here and he is probably lying to her about you and your marriage. Your husband is the common denominator when you look at all your problems past and present. It doesnít sound as though anything has changed in 7 years. I doubt it ever will. Please give yourself the opportunity to eventually find someone who can love you properly.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by MadJ
    I know what I have to do but Iím terrified.
    That's understandable.

    Let that fact that he isn't terrified of blowing up his family motivate you to move on.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Is this an arranged marriage? Why did he marry you rather than her? Do not contact or confront her. Direct this at your husband.

    He is the problem, not her. Make an appointment with a marriage therapist and explain to him that your marriage is in deep trouble.The most disconcerting part is his lying and secrecy.
    Originally Posted by MadJ
    My husband has been friends with woman he once dated.
    I told him that I was uncomfortable with the friendship because he kept it secret for 5 years
    He said he would end it but he lied.
    I find out he sent her a picture of a tube of flavored lube on her birthday.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by MadJ
    Thanks Everyone for the advice. I wonít approach the woman although Lord knows Iíve been tempted. But I know my husband is the problem. I found where he was sexting and sharing nudes with other women. I accidentally found nude pics of a coworker when looking at pics heíd taken in his tablet of our baby who was a newborn at the time. I confronted him and he swore it wasnít physical with any of them. He swore he wanted our marriage and family. I wanted to believe him but I told him if he cut all of them off I would forgive and we would work to rebuild trust. I know itís awful but I became insecure after that day and started spying on his phone and social media. Fast forward to today my baby is now seven and I guess nothing has changed.
    You should have left him after you found all of that. He has been cheating all along. At the very least, he has been emotionally cheating, just as bad. I would bet money he has physically cheated.

    He will never change, as he has shown you.

    Your child will be a lot more devastated If they are exposed to a toxic environment and a father who cheats He has no respect for his family. This is much more damaging for a child.

    Iím sorry you are going through this, but this is a terrible environment for you and your child. Do you work ?

    Please get tested for STDs.

  10. #19
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    Madj

    Iím so sorry youíre going through this! You know you need to leave Iím sure but itís not easy, which I get. Just think of your child and think of yourself. You both deserve a better family unit then this man who is nothing more then a cheat!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MadJ
    Thank you. Yes my child will be devastated so I keep praying for him to be someone he keeps showing me he is not. I know you are right I just donít know if I am strong enough. I am ashamed to admit that.
    You have nothing to be ashamed of.

    You are stronger than you realize.

    He's got you wrapped up in his web of lies. You will never, ever change him. Give up on that.

    Visualize yourself out of this relationship. Then take steps to get there. One step at a time. Slow and steady.

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