Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: Iíve made a huge mistake

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    12

    Iíve made a huge mistake

    I met my current boyfriend on a dating app a few months ago and it was a bit of a whirl wind romance. At the time I believed I had finally found ďthe oneĒ as we had so much in common and he felt the same. We were inseparable for the first month and he suggested that he moved in to my flat as we lived around the corner from each other and he was at mine every night and we were paying loads each month on our individual flats. I agreed as he convinced me if it didnít work out at least we had both saved some money..

    Fast forward two months, he has moved in and the country goes into lockdown. We are now both working from home in my tiny one bed flat. He has taken my dining room table as his desk ďas he needs the spaceĒ and Iíve been forced to buy a pop up camping table as make shift desk. He has persuaded me to get rid of some of my furniture (mattress, tv, tv stand) and kitchen stuff to make room for his. Heís bought us a new washing machine on finance and I paying him half of the monthly payments. The whole of my attic is full of his belongings and we have bought all new bedding.

    He has now started to change... he loses his temper over the smallest things. He hasnít laid a finger on me but he has screamed in my face several times. I feel like I am treading on egg shells constantly as he is so particular about everything. I canít even open a cereal box without him complaining I have done it wrong. Every time I get upset he shouts at me and calls me pathetic. I try to talk about it with him and he says itís all my fault. I try to warn him that I wonít have him living here if he treats me like that and he sneers and says itís half my flat now. When I pull away more he then blows me up with apologies. Heís showing all the traits of a narcissist.

    He has an 8 year old son who stays every other weekend and he has been jumping all over my furniture and scratching my walls. I own the flat, I bought it out of the inheritance I received from my dad dying and Iíve spent two years painting it and doing it up. Not only has his son caused damage but he has too, heís broken my lamp, two dining room chairs from swaying on them whole working, blinds in the bedroom. He just laughs at me when I get upset about it and says ďthey were cheapĒ in the first place.

    Our rows have got really bad to the point that I threatened to call the police. He then demanded that I pay him £5000 compensation if I want him to move out as he gave away his sofa when he moved in and has paid for a holiday for us next month (£1400). He has also paid for half the washing machine and half the bedding. I more than happy to reimburse him for the bedding and washing machine but Iíve also paid him £600 for another holiday we have booked in July (he has insurance so he will get money back if we canít go due to covid otherwise I am happy to take the hit) and a couple of concert tickets which have been postponed.

    Basically where I am at is that I want my life back and I want him out but Iím frightened of how he will react and I know he wonít be able to find somewhere easily during lockdown. He has a small lorries worth of belongings in my loft so I canít just say toss his stuff out, not that I would do that.

    He keeps holding the holiday next month over my head as heís paid for it so I am trying to wait it out until then as it will likely be cancelled which means he will get a full refund. Iím also hoping that the economy will have picked up a bit by then and he will be able to find somewhere to move into quickly. I canít bare the thought of him living here after I break the news, I donít trust him not to damage my belongings but I know he wonít lay a finger on me as he wonít risk losing custody of his son.

    Any advice would be helpful.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Posts
    54
    This is an easy fix...you need to contact your brother, father some of your male friends or d.i.y ladies and check your lock details and type. As soon as you know what it is purchase a new barrel lock if it's a UPVC door, or a standard dead latch on a wooden door. Wait till he's out with his son for an hour or two and swap the locks. Also get a couple of frame jammers. This can all be fitted very quickly & easily.
    It's your property and this relationship sounds over. When he returns he can ring you and make arrangements to collect his stuff after he's calmed down and accepted that his key to longer fits YOUR front door.
    My daughters ex husband was being a knob when they split up so I swapped all the locks in 40 minutes and fitted frame jammers. He came back after a few hours stamping his feet like a petulant child...same thing l told him to make a list of the essential things he needed and to contact a solicitor.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,722
    Oh dear.

    I would speak to a lawyer, OP. You want to be sure you're crystal clear on your rights before making your next move. This guy sounds like the sort of unhinged person who is going to make this very difficult for you so you want to make sure you're first armed with information.

    He likely has zero rights given that he's not officially a tenant, but you want to make damn sure of it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,054
    I don't think he changed at all. I think you just didn't know him long enough. He was always this way just hiding it. Yes I agree with Miss Canuck and I wish you all the best. I'm sorry you're enduring this.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,713
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Oh dear.

    I would speak to a lawyer, OP. You want to be sure you're crystal clear on your rights before making your next move. This guy sounds like the sort of unhinged person who is going to make this very difficult for you so you want to make sure you're first armed with information.

    He likely has zero rights given that he's not officially a tenant, but you want to make damn sure of it.
    Yes, do. It's a gift to folks being taken advantage of and a curse to people in your situation that people attain certain rights simply for residing in the same place for 30+ days, lease or no lease. While I'm US and you're UK, it's a common law staple, so be incredibly sure before you invest in all kinds of locks and scheme your way into kicking him out without notice only for him to come back with the police to assert his lawful access. If he's willing to jump through hoops to crunch together this £5000 you "owe" him, I'd bank on him doing a quick Google of his options for legal recourse should you change the locks on him. You're definitely not wrong for looking into how to get him out, but this is a full grown man you hardly know sharing a living space with you. I absolutely would not encourage you risk escalating tensions.

    I'd get in touch with your local police and women's services to inquire on what options you have and how peacefully you can accomplish them. I wouldn't drop any hints on him. And yeah, get back in touch with any able-bodied male family you've got. If it does come down to kicking him out, I'd be ready to either ask one to stay with you or for you to stay with family during that time. Yeah the guy might trash your place, but only having known him a month before moving him in along with the screaming in your face and the manipulative threats around money, I'd put your physical safety first.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,159
    Gender
    Male
    Evict him.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    997
    Gender
    Female
    You definitely need an attorney to advise you. You want to make sure that his eviction is airtight and legal.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Posts
    54
    Send him to Tesco's and change the locks, I'd do it for you if you were local. Hd sounds like a complete

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,159
    Gender
    Male
    If you get a restraining order you don't have to go through the eviction process.
    Originally Posted by HarrietB
    Our rows have got really bad to the point that I threatened to call the police.

  11. #10
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    997
    Gender
    Female
    I don't think changing the locks is a good idea. It could provoke a violent reaction in him to be thrown out of his dwelling and not have access to his belongings. Please do this through a legal route. It may cost you some money, but just consider it a 'stupid tax.' :)

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •