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Thread: Can't walk away from fwb

  1. #41
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    To loyal

    Im not sleeping with just anybody and im not giving my milk for free. It takes a lot for me to sleep with somebody. I think too much is why. Been sleeping with this fwb going 6 years this year and wanna end it.

  2. #42
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    To thatwasthen

    I do not accept money to service and be serviced. That just sounds so cheap. You made it sound dirty wos what hit my nerve. Its not like that. We hang out and do other stuff like normal friends do.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    To Batya

    I do know how to control myself. Just not very good at matters that pertains to the heart.
    Total contradiction. You don't know how to control yourself if that's your exception - because it's when it's hardest that it's put to the test. And this is not heart -you have feelings for your sex partner (is he really a friend of yours -would he come visit if sex wasn't on the table??) - this is you wanting what you can't have. Please don't indulge in the whole "I'm just a romantic -I'm all about love so of course I can't control myself." Matters of the heart is a feeling. You can improve at reacting to those feelings in healthier, non destructive ways.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    To thatwasthen

    I do not accept money to service and be serviced. That just sounds so cheap. You made it sound dirty wos what hit my nerve. Its not like that. We hang out and do other stuff like normal friends do.
    He's still paying you to escort him and you're paying him to be escorted. I'm sorry but a rose by any other name is still a rose. Once you learn boundaries and the tools you need to respect yourself as well as ways to calm your fears of commitment with the help of therapist, you will see the gist of just how you are settling for such an arrangement when clearly you are not happy in this dynamic. You hope for more, you suffer when your little tryst is over and done only to look forward to the relief of when he offers you another $150.00 to come and do it all over again wherein you THINK the sex is so amazing when in reality it just the intense hit of your drug of choice once again that just leads you to the same withdrawl pains when your drug is withdrawn (when you leave).

    If you don't accept money to service and be serviced then why are you accepting it? What spin on it do you tell yourself?

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    It takes a lot for me to sleep with somebody.
    Look closely at this sentence, and try to pick it apart. What has it generally "taken," with the exception of your long ago boyfriend, to sleep with someone? Best I can tell, aside from attraction, the key requirements have been a man who does not love you, does not want to commit to you, and is often committed to another woman. Does all that add up to "a lot" in your mind?

    I'm not saying that to shame you, as my attitude about sex is about as shame-free as it gets; I make no distinction in someone's character based on whether they've slept with one person or 100.

    But what I see is that you're using the language of romantic depth—language connected, perhaps, to ideas of sex and romance that were formed in your head before you'd experienced much of either—to rationalize a version of sex and romance that feels shallow to you and, with so much of it involving infidelity, is more a gesture of disrespect than anything else.

    There are very real dangers to all that.

    Picture me sitting in what one those inflatable backyard pools and telling you that I'm swimming in the ocean. "No," you'd maybe try to tell me, "that is just a little piece of plastic filled with a hose, but your brain wants so badly to be out there in the ocean that it is tricking you." And if I replied by telling you that it was the ocean—well, I think you would hope that I could get some help in seeing the truth, since the difference between a plastic bag and the Pacific Ocean is not subtle.

  7. #46
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    Ok i think im done with this thread. Thank you all for your input. You guys been great! Enjoy the rest of your day. 🙂

  8. #47
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    Ok i think im done with this thread. Thank you all for your input. You guys been great! Enjoy the rest of your day. 🙂
    Escaping yet again so you don't have to face your own truth. I DO hope that you stop fearing getting better and do what you need to do to find peace within.

    The first step is going zero contact with this man you are addicted to and start spending that money you have been to get another hit of him, on personal therapy. Maybe google Nurturing Your Inner Child and "Fear of Commitment and see if any of that resonates with you as well since I suspect you likely didn't have very nurturing parents when you were little and your fear of commitment is apparent.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by Nancy1971
    To loyal

    Im not sleeping with just anybody and im not giving my milk for free. It takes a lot for me to sleep with somebody. I think too much is why. Been sleeping with this fwb going 6 years this year and wanna end it.
    Then end it already!

    Please seek therapy. There are some serious trust issues going on, and you are making terrible choices.

  10. #49
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    But you are sleeping with men with no commitment and men who are committed to others. How is that "taking a lot for you?" Isn't it the opposite?

  11. #50
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But you are sleeping with men with no commitment and men who are committed to others. How is that "taking a lot for you?" Isn't it the opposite?
    No... It's the perfect scenerio for those that fear commitment. Subconsciously she knows they can't commit to her because they are committed to someone else so they appear safe... unfortunately it's her feelings of safety that allow her to become vulnerable to these guys and when you become vulnerable to someone, that is when you fall in love (or think you do) with them.

    Op is her own worst enemy.

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