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Thread: Need advice! Is he fair?

  1. #11
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    I am so sorry about your loss.
    I think you starting job in capital would be best to stand on your feet like others suggested. Yes, you two would see each other less but that may be a good thing until you would feel better, as others also advised.
    Please don't forget your boyfriend helped you for the last two years. That's wonderful of him. Two years it's a very long time. Not every person would be so understanding. Believe me. I lost the most important person in the world for me- dad. It happened so quickly. During a month and a half he went from super healthy to completely disabled. I was horrible to be around for this time. My boyfriend didn't have to support me financially. Yet, he broke up with me as I was lashing out etc. Despite my apologies.
    I didn't write that to bore you only to make you see that your man was amazing.
    Yes, he has right to feel comfortable at his job. You have right to continue your treatment in a capital and maintain friendship and understanding management.
    However please don't give up before you even start again. 2 years out of job is very long time. I found it hard being back after festive break. No wonder you dragging it. But please give yourself more credit. Maybe going back to work will actually be helpful?
    Maybe it will distract you from daily dark thought?
    I find it helpful....believe me. Dad is gone only a month.....don't love my job but helps to be busy.
    It may work than you think....
    I would say, your man is wonderful ! He is a human...don't expect too much. Not every husband would be as supportive as he was. In fact, many would ran for the hills after some weeks of being with depressed, grieving partner who does not work ( sorry if I am harsh....no intentionally...)
    I think go back to your work in capital , give 6 months and evaluate the situation then.
    You are ONLY 30. Still time for a family.
    This is not a time now, as others rightly advised.
    Easier days will come ....I promise

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be best if you moved forward with your local life. He does not seem eager to get back together or move to your area.
    Originally Posted by Najwa
    We grew slowly a bit apart, too tired to commute every weekend after a while, we started seeing less of each other, then we were on a break according to me, which I initiated, but he understood it as a break up.
    He then told me he had started to see someone
    He made it very clear he won't budge.

  3. #13
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    Ooook so it appears your man was not entirely amazing ....I had no idea there was another woman involved. After reading more details ....even more I think you should go to capital and continue in your company. Some men don't like changes if they are comfortable....well, put yourself first. Be grateful for his support so far but look after yourself now and let things unfold naturally. Don't force it. If you are meant to be , you will be.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    OP there is still plenty of time for you to have a family. Cameron Diaz just had a baby and she is 47!
    Jury is still out whether this was an adoption or surrogate.
    Nothing to do with this thread. Just gossip about nothin'

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Back the posters dilemma.

    There is an endless list of things that are wrong with this relationship. So many I don't know where to begin.
    From where I sit I think the amount of obstacles created and you trying to breath life into something that seems to have run it's course has become very toxic for you.

    I can't imagine feeling as bad as you have for as long as you have. For a variety of different reasons.
    I understand you are not in a good place emotionally, but it seems you are trying to save this relationship because of the time invested and not because it's necessarily even viable. Let alone good for you. I think it's this very relationship that holds you back from getting better.

    You are currently getting zero return on your investment.
    Start here and now. .consider letting this go and making yourself and your health a priority. That's your job, no-one elses.

    It starts with you and when you are more centered and better balanced, that's when become relationship ready. Not before.

  7. #16
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    After reading the further details about your history together, OP, I think you two are at the end of your road as a couple.

  8. #17
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    Hi OP,

    Iím so sorry for your loss.

    I wouldnít revolve your life around your boyfriend. I understand you have been with him for eleven years but that doesnít mean anything when the relationship has run itís course. I was with my ex for the same amount of time and believe me I was ready to put up a fight to the near end to keep him and I together because we had made it over a decade!

    I soon realized after we broke up, I could have put that energy and time I invested into saving Ďusí into myself.

    You need to let go and focus on you. Your boyfriend doesnít sound like a stable environment.

    I suggest you listen to your therapist and do only what you can right now.

    Holding onto a toxic man so you can have a baby. Well you must know thereís hundreds of things wrong with that.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Najwa

    No. He made it very clear he won't budge.
    I literally get an even worse depression in his town. Feel out of place and so alone.

    He keeps telling me I had promised I could move, and all what happened since then which make it so much harder, doesn't make him budge.
    I would really appreciate some inputs from outside. Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable?

    TL;DR : had promised my long distance boyfriend Iíd move to his town, after a traumatic loss of my lbrother leaving me with PTSD, depression, anxiety , needing my supportive friends in my town, and mentally unable to work full time, which would be required if I am to work in his town, as well as finding out he was unfaithful with his ex in the worst year of my life and was cold and even rude with me, he always gets angry when I tell him itís easier if he moves to me and insists itís his way or no way. Am I, or him, unreasonable? Opinion/advice?

    Thanks
    You two had an agreement that you were going to move. In your own words, you `promised' to move. Things have changed, life events have contributed to that and not he's not willing to give up a good paying job and do the 180 degree turnaround that you are asking for.

    10 years and you can assume that if he loved you enough he would. But there are just some things that are bigger than that.

    As much as you are considering what's good for you, long term, He has the exact same right to do that same.
    That makes this an impasse, that's all.

    It's not about who's right or wrong sometimes. Your differences will divide you. Simple as that.

  10. #19

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    I just need to explain, I am approaching 40, not 30, and he never provided for me financially, I live in a country where you get public insurance for sick leave affirmed by a doctor, granted less than my salary but ok , he does usually treat me on lunches during weekends, but itís not much. I buy pretty much most of my food and pay my expenses by myself, always have, he does pay more than me sometimes on vacation trips but nothing huge.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    This relationship does not appear stable enough to bring a child into.

    His reluctance to move makes me wonder if he truly stopped seeing that other woman.

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