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Thread: I messed up

  1. #121
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Part of me feels this is time to be selfless. I was with him when he was making several phone calls to arrange the funeral etc it is almost cruel of me to not acknowledge this in some way.
    He doesn't care enough to view your silence as cruel.

  2. #122
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    To YOU it's cruel because you would want him to be in contact with you, so you're assigning your feelings to him.

    But remember, what YOU want and what HE wants are not the same thing.

    Same as when you thought if you weren't at the funeral his friends would be wondering where you were. When most likely that wouldn't even cross their minds because they'd be thinking about the person whose service it was. It wasn't, isn't and never was about you.

    Free yourself from thinking you're responsible for how he feels. He isn't assigning you that task. You don't have to worry about what he's feeling or thinking because he decided he didn't want that anymore. View it as a liberation of sorts; freedom from the constant anxiety and worrying over whether or not he feels the same way you do.

  3. #123
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    Many thanks for this wake up call, again.
    I needed to hear this. This must look ridiculous from where you are.
    Although I removed myself physically, mentally I was still in it. Time to check out and wish him well.

  4. #124
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The best defense is to plan things on weekends. Make sure you have stuff lined up. Classes, courses, clubs, groups, volunteering and hanging out with (better) friends.You can get outside yourself meet new people, learn things, indulge interests and/or develop new ones.

    Go out and get fit, get a new look, outfit hairstyle, etc. You need to get the ball rolling to enjoy being free and single again. Redo your social media. Get rid of dead weight. Post new pics and upbeat posts.

    Delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps, social media and devices. Do not sit around by your phone fretting or ruminating. exacerbates any heartache and loneliness. Do not leave yourself vulnerable. And stop doing the postmortems with any toxic friends.

  5.  

  6. #125
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    Wiseman, thank you so much.
    That's is the plan. As soon as I will get back, I am planning all the above.
    I will heal, work on myself and make myself look better inside and out !
    Thank you !

  7. #126
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Super! Make it an October happy new year.🥂
    Originally Posted by irka000
    That's is the plan. As soon as I will get back, I am planning all the above.
    I will heal, work on myself and make myself look better inside and out !
    Thank you !

  8. #127
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    Today I died a little inside....he sent me a package with all my stuff that were still in his house.
    So speechless...

  9. #128

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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Today I died a little inside....he sent me a package with all my stuff that were still in his house.
    So speechless...
    Yeah I got one of those 2 weeks ago. It's horrible eh?
    Feels really final, feels like a really clear message to 'get lost'.

    However, it's a good thing. It's a bit of closure and it's him making his feelings clear. He wants to move on. You have to too. Try not to stress about things totally out of your control.

    Honestly in the past 2 weeks, I have seen my ex relationship in a totally different light. I have spoken to people, they have given me their insights on it, the people here did same.
    It's really helped to get clarity on the whole thing and how I am now free to look forward to meeting a much more suitable person and that great times are ahead.

    You will too. Chin up and thoughts of striving forward. xxx

  10. #129
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. As much as it stings, it is also liberating in the sense that it is definitively over and there are no lingering doubts and hopes and what ifs. Now you are officially a free bird, go out and celebrate! 🎆🥂🍾
    Originally Posted by irka000
    Today I died a little inside....he sent me a package with all my stuff that were still in his house.
    So speechless...

  11. #130
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Always tough, those moments.

    But, like Murphy said, they are good moments. The brain can only spin so many stories about someone who is drawing hard lines in the sand. The sooner the brain can adapt to the actual story—that something that once worked, or kind of worked, not longer works—the closer you are to where you need to me: accepting what is and letting go of what wasn't or what could have been.

    A bad day, no doubt about it. But: head high.

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