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Thread: Why will my ex not give me peace even after blocking end ending it?

  1. #31
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    But I would be lying if I DIDNíT say at times my pride and ego get better the better * Typo as I missed out didnít.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    I do agree we could be similar in that sense. His ego is far greater than mine, but I would be lying if I said at times I let pride and my ego also get the better of me.

    I thought I was going in the right direction in terms of the social media thing, by blocking him. Obviously he reached out to my friend so I will have to keep a lower profile, though I also feel I shouldnít have to as we arenít together now and I have nobody to answer to
    You have you to answer to. How about making the decision that for you, given your pride and ego, social media -to the extent you use it and rely on it for attention - isn't worth the risks -not just for him. Like others said, no one needs to see all your vacation photos. Send them to the people who care. That is what I do. I post no photos at all, including of my adorable child. But I know who wants to see them -because they tell me -and I text or email them and -gasp -even send them to a drug store where my mom can get printed copies (I know, right?).

  3. #33
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    I mentioned in the first thread that I blocked him on every platform Katrina. He tried contacting me, so contacted my best friend of 11 years as that is now the only access he has to me in any way. His friends I still had on Instagram saw what I posted, which actually had NO guy included in the pictures, he just presumed. And then went off on my friend about me as he is blocked etc.
    Wait.... so now there was no guy in the pictures... didnít you say at first there was a guy and he was just a friend but you ex presumed you were dating?

    Chloe, come on, stop, youíre young, prideful, stubborn, most people in their early 20ís are.

    He is not interrupting your peace, you are. Whatís the point of having him blocked if you still rely on your friends to give you the scoop, this is drama girl and you can easily disengage, youíre making a mountain out of a molehill. Who cares what he says?

    You donít have to keep a lower profile, you have to stop living your life attached to his moods and reactions and the only way to do that is to focus on your healing, not what heís doing or saying.

    I think thatís going to be your best bet. Eyes straight ahead. Let everyone know he is blocked for a reason, thou shalt not bring up my ex, let them know.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123

    I mentioned in the first thread that I blocked him on every platform Katrina. He tried contacting me, so contacted my best friend of 11 years as that is now the only access he has to me in any way. His friends I still had on Instagram saw what I posted, which actually had NO guy included in the pictures,
    he just presumed. And then went off on my friend about me as he is blocked etc.
    Ok I apologize for misinterpreting, your original post read as if the pics included him, but just read it again, my bad.

    Frankly at this point I don't know what's going on between the two of you, only that it sounds extremely toxic and way WAY too much drama for my sensibilities. From both of you.

    Whatever, to each his/her own, good luck and hope things works out the way you (and I suppose him) hope, however toxic and dysfuntional.

    I don't say that as a snark, I promise, people are just drawn to different things, not judging, I get that.

    My only advice is always be honest with yourself and own your * which I can see you're trying to do.

    Still have a ways to go but at least you're trying so best of luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-22-2019 at 12:19 PM.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You donít have to keep a lower profile, you have to stop living your life attached to his moods and reactions and the only way to do that is to focus on your healing, not what heís doing or saying.
    I'd say it's as much about detaching from his moods as it is her phone. A perhaps more honest, or at least genuinely introspective, healing-oriented, and forward-moving, title to this thread would be: "Why Am I More Interested in Riling Up my Ex after Breaking Up than Finding Peace?" Or, more generally: "What Does it Say about Me that I Can't go Away for a Weekend Without Documenting It?"

    Explore those less flattering (and less him-focused) questions with clear eyes and intentions and, I suspect, you'd start finding the peace and power that you've been searching for.

    You've written about some very real personal issues in your posts on this site: anxiety, depression, insecurity. Does social media help you in treating those issues, or does it trigger them, exacerbate them? You've talked about how social media is "needed" in your work as a model, which I can understand, but it's also worth asking how being anxious, depressed, and insecure affects you professionally. It's worth asking if one week without Instagram would be better for you right nowópersonally and professionallyóthan a weekend spent storyboarding your life.

    Remove social media from all this and you'd probably be 80 percent less distressed than you've been, for weeks and weeks. Remove social media and this whole relationship, I think, wouldn't be nearly so "intense" or "confusing," but more #basic and #meh. A bummer, sure. But life. Remove his posts dancing with randoms, remove his watching your stories from his professional account, remove the dramatic, heat-generating back-and-forths about blocking and unblocking and what, really, is there?

    It sounds like your most emotional exchanges in this, your most emotional moments, and the moments that have brought you two back together in some from or another have surrounded posts, lack of posts, story follows, profile blocking, and interpretations of posts. That right there is worth thinking about. Sounds like the things you're most attracted to in himóand, yes, I see a thread like this as an extension of that attractionóare the same things you most despise.

    Toxic relationships, romantic or otherwise, are basically relationships in which surfaces are mistaken for the depths, where the touching of raw nerves and open wounds is mistaken for touching, and cherishing, real hearts. Social media begins and ends with surfaces: that's all it is. Give it too much weight and you run the risk of closing yourself off to depthsóin yourself, with others. Cultivate yourself on the surface level and you will draw in people who do the same.

    You strike me as someone with a warm spirit, eager to understand yourself, and be seen and understood by others. With a few adjustments to your phone habits, and a slightly greater awareness of them, I think you'll find yourself exploring some new depths that will make surface nonsense like all this so irrelevant that when now feels like a dramatic tsunami will instead be processed more like a mosquito bite: momentarily annoying, but too fake and artificial to care about for more than a minute.

  7. #36
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    There was no guy in any images I posted on my Instagram story. Just the location and some of myself and some for a brand I was representing while out there. My exís friends decided to stir the pot and say to him I have to be away with a guy etc etc. Basically gossiping.

    I have now remover those friends of his from my socials.

    I do agree. I have requested my friends donít tell me anything else, no matter what he says to them. Itís so toxic.

  8. #37
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    Thatís ok. Yes, so the pics I posted did not include him, just me and the location. It was my exís male best friends I forgot I still had on there, who went on to tell him Iím away with a guy.

    Honestly Katrina, I really donít want him back and we never will get back. I just donít understand when this crazy toxic hamster wheel will stop. I feel like I did everything I was supposed to but heís still renting the smallest space in my head and making his presence still known through friends.

    Yes I know I have the power to cut this off also, but I have these weird unresolved feelings of anger towards him that he has made out in the bad person for doing right by myself and trying to move on

  9. #38
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    Wow thank you this was actually very accurate. I think social media probably even CAUSED many of the underlying issues. Or was at least a factor in some of them.

    I honestly just feel like Iím struggling to see a definitive end to this drama. Iíve done everything I should have in terms of blocking etc, but itís like we both canít fully let each other be. And, if I have to be completely honest, if I found out he was dating somebody else now I would hit the ROOF. And I donít even know why as I donít want him anymore!

    I genuinely feel like this has made me lose my mind a bit!

  10. #39
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    Chloe, oh so what, let him have his tantrums.

    My advice? Stop caring what others think and live for yourself, you will have a much happier and more peaceful life, I promise you!

    As for him, who cares, it's all just pride and ego.

    Even though he essentially blew you off after your trip, he is bugged you are not chasing his arse, it's all EGO.

    Just like it would be your ego if you discovered he was dating someone new.

    I mean you just admitted you don't want him and moving on, so what else could it be but ego?

    Well it's the same for him.

    Let it go, release it. And be happy this egomaniac is out of your life!

  11. #40
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    Wow thank you this was actually very accurate. I think social media probably even CAUSED many of the underlying issues. Or was at least a factor in some of them.

    I honestly just feel like Iím struggling to see a definitive end to this drama. Iíve done everything I should have in terms of blocking etc, but itís like we both canít fully let each other be. And, if I have to be completely honest, if I found out he was dating somebody else now I would hit the ROOF. And I donít even know why as I donít want him anymore!

    I genuinely feel like this has made me lose my mind a bit!
    The drama ends when you decide to not make it dramatic. And, yeah, that's kind of part of the process of breaking up, especially when you're unraveling from a relationship that was more about drama than anything else.

    I mean, he's a single man right now. He can do whatever and whomever he wants, be it complaining about you or dating someone who is not you. That you already know you'd "hit the roof" if you found out means you are more into drama than reality. That's basically you saying you're exactly like him, incapable of feeling a slight pinch to the ego without screaming.

    This is all much more connected to what social media does to our brains than what connections, and failed connections, do. Everything is about you, and how you're perceived by others, and you both seem to suffer from seeing life through that funhouse mirror.

    I dated someone last year who viewed the world like this, and who was very, very invested in social media. I'm not a big "blocker" because I have reptile-thick skin when it comes to all this. After we broke up she poked me here and there, with absurd things that sound right in line with the world you're in right now. I'd post a photo of a milkshake, say, and she'd ask me who I was drinking it with.

    Thing is, that didn't seem remotely meaningful or dramatic to me. It was noise because it is noise, or at least a language that I'm not fluent in or interested in becoming fluent in. So I just ignored her and lived my life because I had no interest in that drama. I stopped posting for a good while because her pokes negated the shred of genuine fun I can have with social media. And without my interest in the drama, the drama evaporated. I didn't mention those pokes to friends, or write posts about them here, because I literally did not care. My interest was to minimize all that, not to maximize it, and that is an interest that predated her.

    You are caring about things right now that are not worth your care. It's a bitóto keep beating the drumólike caring more about what a post of dinner looks like than how it tastes. That post may generate a lot of likes, and even a dash of drama, but it's actually eating the food that brings you pleasure, not to mention that literally allows you to stay alive.

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