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Thread: I Am Not Meant To Be In A Relationship

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's confusing because literally yesterday or the day before you were extolling your wonderful relationship. Did his "pulling back" just happen in the past couple of days?
    Yes last Friday, after I told him I had registered for the LSAT. I was alone all weekend, he wasn't speaking to me.

    Since then I have done a complete 180, as I am sure he has too.

    Yeah our relationship had its high and lows that's for sure. Perhaps that was the appeal for me.

    Not sure what happened but I think it's something I have been becoming aware of for a long time, hence all my anxiety which I have posted about on other threads. Reinvent touched on it, and I agree with her.

    I do love him still, but I am at a point where I am ready to let it go and have a very strong feeling he is too.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Just donít mislead anybody about who you are . If you are someone who loves massive amounts of change donít present yourself as someone who loves stability .
    Great point S, and yes I DO love change I actually thrive on it.

    My bf knows that too, which is why him withdrawing whenever I try to implement change confuses me.

    Doesn't matter, this thread wasn't really intended to be about him -- it's about me and how once again, I am not meant to be in a relationship.

    I accept it, I own it.

  3. #33
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Great point S, and yes I DO love change I actually thrive on it.

    My bf knows that too, which is why him withdrawing whenever I try to implement change confuses me.

    Doesn't matter, this thread wasn't really intended to be about him -- it's about me and how once again, I am not meant to be in a relationship.

    I accept it, I own it.
    Fact is obviously he does not like it . Thatís what his withdrawing is trying to tell you .

  4. #34
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    See my husband loved change to all the time in every capacity and after time for me it was just like blah blah blah blah in one ear and out the other . Because all he ever did was flap his gums. And then he did a massive change without even consulting me . Even now when he talks about changing some things I donít even look up or even discuss it anymore . Just becomes old news after a while .

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Fact is obviously he does not like it . Thatís what his withdrawing is trying to tell you .
    All the more reason why we are not compatible, and our RL needs to end.

    But again, not here to bash or criticize him. As I said in my initial post, he is who he is, he wants what he wants and he is entitled to have it.

    As I want what I want which I am entitled to have too, so I can't very well fault him.

    Anyway, I would really prefer to focus on the positive now; I am excited for this new endeavor in my life, and am going to put all my energy into that!

  7. #36
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    I agree that going your own way is a good idea. Particularly since it seems your go to reaction is to want to break up when there's conflict. The first time that I remember was when you found out he'd concealed his marriage, the second was when you wanted to go back to your ex after he took care of you when you were sick and now this time.

    Maybe a friends with benefits situation might work for you (not with him lol). Companionship, someone to hang out with and have some fun sex but who won't involve himself in your life or interfere in any way with your goals.

    What do you think?

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I agree that going your own way is a good idea. Particularly since it seems your go to reaction is to want to break up when there's conflict. The first time that I remember was when you found out he'd concealed his marriage, the second was when you wanted to go back to your ex after he took care of you when you were sick and now this time.

    Maybe a friends with benefits situation might work for you (not with him lol). Companionship, someone to hang out with and have some fun sex but who won't involve himself in your life or interfere in any way with your goals.

    What do you think?
    Yeah I do remember my posting about those things, seeking advice, as many of us do, even the majority of posters do when there is an issue/conflict in our relationships.

    But I don't recall ever saying I was actually wanting to break up. I may have though, I don't remember and if I did, it was an emotional reaction.

    But we patched it up, as many if not most relationships do after resolving a conflict. Is this a bad thing? I never thought it was, but maybe it is?

    Anyway, I agree with you bolt. I need to go my own way. Not sure about the friends with benefits thing, I do love sex, and am a very sexual girl, so it may be something to consider.

    But the dichotomy of my personality/nature is that I need to feel emotionally connected to even enjoy sex, so not sure how that will work being I have made the decision to be alone for now.

    But I may feel differently in time. :)

  9. #38
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    Have you seen making a murderer about Steven Avery? I havenít followed up with the case after the show ended on Netflix, but his lawyer Kathleen Zeller (I think that was her name) fascinated me!

    Good on you to have this goal and I wish you all the best pursuing it. Itís a bit inspiring to hear someone going back to school for such an intensive degree, as Iíve been thinking about getting a second degree myself. Iíll have to wait a bit until my daughter is older to be able to dedicate the time, but youíve pushed me a bit further towards wanting to achieve this. So thanks I guess ;)

    I know youíve mentioned youíre not looking for advice on your relationship and by the sounds of it youíve made up your mind pretty much to let this one go. I just want to throw out there that I donít find his behavior to be very surprising, especially if you had talked about potentially having children. That career change would sort of throw that out the window for the next few years and depending on how excited he was about starting a family at some point, Iím sure it put a big damper on him. Anyway, it seems beside the point as this is clearly not what you want so itís probably better to know this now than later.

    Good luck to you though in pursuing this goal! Iím still fairly sure that you are indeed fine to be in a relationship, but perhaps not the kind youíve been in. Never say never!

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    So perhaps I am growing out of this phase of being attracted to dominant men.
    Dominant men, or domineering men? I think you'll be giving up the domineering men, the ones that use various tactics to keep you under their thumbs. Good for you for moving on from that.

    Dominant, strong men don't resort to such silliness. They let us crazy ladies do what we need to do and remain secure in themselves.

    I think you'll find that your ambitions will not preclude you from being in a serious, committed relationship. Over the course of my own career change, some of my strongest supporters were boyfriends.

    Congrats on your decision and good luck with the LSATs.
    Last edited by Jibralta; 07-09-2019 at 12:07 AM.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Great point S, and yes I DO love change I actually thrive on it.

    My bf knows that too, which is why him withdrawing whenever I try to implement change confuses me.

    Doesn't matter, this thread wasn't really intended to be about him -- it's about me and how once again, I am not meant to be in a relationship.

    I accept it, I own it.
    I will hurt you before you hurt me.

    I will leave you before you leave me.

    I kinda get that sense, that you talk yourself up as a counter attack, to prepare yourself, any time thereís a major conflict, you both do typically work things out by while in the thick of it, your walls go up, to me, from what I see, and I donít know maybe heís doing it too, maybe thatís the disconnect?

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