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Thread: What to do about a friend that keeps borrowing money from me?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What to do about a friend that keeps borrowing money from me?
    Stop loaning her money, and take her to small claims court for the amount she owes you.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You don't need lies, you need boundaries. No is very simple. keep in mind the more you give her without any paperwork or repayment the more courts may view these as "gifts". Don't be foolish or buy friendship, although this is no friend. You are being scammed.

    Stop listening to her pity stories and typical scam tales. Demand repayment in writing asap. Send it to her notarized with amounts, dates, details and a date that it must be repaid by and what action will be taken if repayment is not made by that date.
    Originally Posted by annie-47
    A stupid mistake I've done that may come back to bite me is that I've told her how much savings I have (which is like 90% student loan money) so I am afraid she'll call me out on it if I say I'm broke.

  3. #33
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    Hi annie. I'm really sorry for you finding yourself in this situation, this is so unpleasant especially with the Holidays comming soon, which is related to even more spending on gifts and restaurants.

    Perhaps there is still a way to turn things around and get your money back, but it will require determination and hardening of your heart. In defense to the hardening of the heart, I would say that you have full rights to pursue a reimboursement of the loan you gave your friend, by all norms-legal and human you are entitled to get your money back. Your friend has been taking you for a ride and abusing your kindness and generocity. This has to stop, you are not a fool. Just a side note, you are familiar with the saying that "If one is in need of a money loan there are 3 categories of people one could go to, all of them starting with F: Family, Friends and ...Fools." For the time your friend was paying you back, you were pertaining to the second F category, but I'm afraid that with the latest development you are sliding into the third F group...

    Do you have any document certifying the loan, signed by your "friend"?

    So, here is a plan. Certainly with the holidays around the corner, your "friend" will reach out for yet another loan. Agree with her request and ask to meet her to hand her the money. At the meeting you show up with a short document along these lines: "I, the undersigned [your friend's name] owe to my friend Ms. [your name] the amount of X$ that I am obligated to pay back in bi-weekly installements of X$ by [certain] date. Passed the due date, I agree that Ms. [your name] recover the amount due through the Small Claims court, or another leagal procedure. Signature. Date and Place."

    Then you make sure that your friend signed the document and then you leave without handing any more money. If she objects, then you reply that you have changed your mind and that you could only lent her more money once she paid back the amount due, as per the signed agreement. Like that you have covered your bases and I very much doubt that she would demand more money. You will also have a legal instrument to seek recovery of your 2,600$ which is a good amount to activate a small claims court or the appropriate procedure applicatble in your state.

    Keep in mind that people with BPD are manipulative and your friend will employ all tactics ("poor me", "you are a bad friend", "how could you even think to take me to court") and you have to remain firm. You will be doing her a favor to teach her respect for her friends and financial responsibility. I bet her mom is just fed up to give her daughter money that she squanders freely on luxury, instead of paying her bills and rent.

    Good luck and pleaseupdate us on what happened.
    Last edited by East4; 12-10-2018 at 09:47 AM. Reason: typos

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by East4
    Hi annie. I'm really sorry for you finding yourself in this situation, this is so unpleasant especially with the Holidays comming soon, which is related to even more spending on gifts and restaurants.

    Perhaps there is still a way to turn things around and get your money back, but it will require determination and hardening of your heart. In defense to the hardening of the heart, I would say that you have full rights to pursue a reimboursement of the loan you gave your friend, by all norms-legal and human you are entitled to get your money back. Your friend has been taking you for a ride and abusing your kindness and generocity. This has to stop, you are not a fool. Just a side note, you are familiar with the saying that "If one is in need of a money loan there are 3 categories of people one could go to, all of them starting with F: Family, Friends and ...Fools." For the time your friend was paying you back, you were pertaining to the second F category, but I'm afraid that with the latest development you are sliding into the third F group...

    Do you have any document certifying the loan, signed by your "friend"?

    So, here is a plan. Certainly with the holidays around the corner, your "friend" will reach out for yet another loan. Agree with her request and ask to meet her to hand her the money. At the meeting you show up with a short document along these lines: "I, the undersigned [your friend's name] owe to my friend Ms. [your name] the amount of X$ that I am obligated to pay back in bi-weekly installements of X$ by [certain] date. Passed the due date, I agree that Ms. [your name] recover the amount due through the Small Claims court, or another leagal procedure. Signature. Date and Place."

    Then you make sure that your friend signed the document and then you leave without handing any more money. If she objects, then you reply that you have changed your mind and that you could only lent her more money once she paid back the amount due, as per the signed agreement. Like that you have covered your bases and I very much doubt that she would demand more money. You will also have a legal instrument to seek recovery of your 2,600$ which is a good amount to activate a small claims court or the appropriate procedure applicatble in your state.

    Keep in mind that people with BPD are manipulative and your friend will employ all tactics ("poor me", "you are a bad friend", "how could you even think to take me to court") and you have to remain firm. You will be doing her a favor to teach her respect for her friends and financial responsibility. I bet her mom is just fed up to give her daughter money that she squanders freely on luxury, instead of paying her bills and rent.

    Good luck and pleaseupdate us on what happened.
    Great advice. Also, do not EVER give her money again! You need to stop trying to buy your friendships!

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    It's really really hard for me to imagine my best friend conning me
    Here is a good test of friendship: Stop lending her money and doing her favors for free. If she stops talking to you, you'll know she was never a friend.

    Also, if you continue to lend her money after she stopped paying you back, it will be almost impossible for you to successfully sue her for what she owes you. Lending her more money after she has not payed back what she owes can be construed as you forgiving the debt--because you are giving her money knowing that she doesn't repay.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Here is a good test of friendship: Stop lending her money and doing her favors for free. If she stops talking to you, you'll know she was never a friend.

    Also, if you continue to lend her money after she stopped paying you back, it will be almost impossible for you to successfully sue her for what she owes you. Lending her more money after she has not payed back what she owes can be construed as you forgiving the debt--because you are giving her money knowing that she doesn't repay.
    Great answer!

  8. #37
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Here is a good test of friendship: Stop lending her money and doing her favors for free. If she stops talking to you, you'll know she was never a friend.

    Also, if you continue to lend her money after she stopped paying you back, it will be almost impossible for you to successfully sue her for what she owes you. Lending her more money after she has not payed back what she owes can be construed as you forgiving the debt--because you are giving her money knowing that she doesn't repay.
    While this can be true, bringing the claim can induce a settlement before court. It's worth the try, since the alternative is to recover squat.

  9. #38
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    Stop worrying about 'sounding' horrible. For yourself, and your own emotional health, you need to establish better boundaries so that when you need to say 'No', for a perfectly legitimate reason, you don't then feel guilty about it.

    As everyone else on here has said, stop lending her money, stop treating this supposed adult as if she were a needy little girl and let her stand on her own two feet. Neither you nor her mother owe her a living - especially not as she spends so much of it on non-essentials - but she'll continue to behave like this for as long as you carry on bankrolling her.

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