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Thread: FairFight

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You had a disagreement on a practical issue. You made a practical argument, and she pulled in a practical example to argue her case. So if your argument was practical, why view hers as an attack designed to hurt your feelings?

    That's the switchie mistake that harms YOU--and for zero payoff--unless you can think of something you get from deciding that wife is your adversary who is out to hurt you just because she raises a defense instead of acquiescing to your demand.

    Try another approach. Instead of 'telling' wife what to do or not do, try framing it as a request instead. When you ask instead of tell, you're giving her a choice in the matter. That empowers her rather than making her feel 'parented', and you may find she'll step up to being treated as an adult with a more adult response.

    If you remove assumptions that a lack of compliance 'must' equal 'enemy,' then you'll see disagreements for what they are instead of projecting hurtful intentions onto them. That's a place to start. From there, practice negotiation. If wife won't honor a request, ask her what would sweeten the deal and make it worth her while to give you both a 'win'?

    Successful couples don't try to boss one another around, they barter and bribe one another instead of locking horns on 'demands'.

    My heart goes out to you for your health issues, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
    Catfeeder, Thank you. I was following you right up to where you said her bringing up something from 10 years ago was practical. NO, it isn't. You make a relationship sound like a war. I'm pretty sure we are not adversaries, nor do either one of us do a lot of acquiescing. I'm not sure I have ever used that word in a sentence,,, thanks Catfeeder :-). Another one off the bucket list,, lol. I'll have to pin this text up beside my cave diving photographs from Mexico and the gravity survey plots I did down at Chichen Itza last year. I'll tell you what though,,,,, I empower her every chance I get, even if she doesn't know I'm doing it,,,, I know,,, sneaky. I am fairly certain that I do make her feel very adult. I do not parent my wife,,, jeez,, tryin' to get me hurt,, lol. And I'll have you know, my best friend is the most compliant woman I have ever known ;-). I don't know where you keep pulling these Zen like tid-bits from,,,, but just so you know,,,, my wife and I boss each other around all the time. It's a sort of give and take,,, sort of ,,, err,,, ebb and flow of the relationship. Sometimes I'm driving,,, sometimes she is driving. I appreciate your opinion,, really I do. I don't agree with it, but it does give perspective. See, you'll probably meet a guy that all that hockey would fly with,, so good luck to ya :-).

    To everyone else who took the time to respond, and then come back and see that I screwed up how the replies are supposed to work,, sorry about that,,, it was a hassle when I read through it too, lol. I really never expected to meet 20people (?) who would spend time and actually give me good info and ask good questions. I expected to get hassled and probably not get an answer. Ha! Was I ever wrong. Not only am I a better man because of it,,, but ya'll restored a little bit of my faith in humanity( I'm in Baltimore, remember ;-)). Again,, thank you all. Please consider this done. I won't be back,,,,,, till the next time I guess, lol

  2. #52
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Originally Posted by CatsMeow2
    Catfeeder, Thank you.
    You are most welcome, Meow. I'm so glad we were able to help with your magical transformation, and I'm more encouraged than ever now.

  3. 12-03-2018, 03:16 AM

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