Should I divorce or stay?

Okay, so my husband and I got married about 8 months ago. We've been together for almost 7 years and everything seemed great for all those years. A week after the wedding a mutual friend (best man of the wedding) of ours came to me and told me that my now husband had cheated (sex, sleeping over, etc.) on me starting two months before the wedding and continued cheating with this women up until the wedding. This women actually attended our wedding and even gave me wedding gifts and tried to befriend me she since she was in our friend group. I left him for a few months to cool off and really have some space. After visiting with him a few times and talking to everyone I know about this, they all said I should try to make it work because we're married now. I went back because I was lonely and was listening to everyone but myself. We have good months and bad months, but I know deep down I don't forgive him. I try to tell him how I feel and that I can't trust him or believe anything he says. And I know for a fact if my friend and his ex-friend would of never came to me, my husband was never planning to admit anything. I want to leave but everyone tells me to stay and he is the only long term relationship I've ever been in so I'm terrified of being alone. I obviously would of never married him had a known that he was cheating. I'm a strong person usually, but lately I just feel drained and confused on what to do. I'm still in college so I can't afford to get my own place and I really don't want to move back to my parents house. My friend that gave me all that cheating information said I could live in his spare room since he lives alone. (I lived at his house when I left for those two months as well.) I guess I'm just looking for advice from people who are unbiased.

I would divorce.

He wasn't going to come clean and it was recent.

He did this heading into your wedding and even invited the woman.

That kind of disrespect would be unacceptable to me.

Fear of being alone is a pretty bad reason to stay in a crappy relationship.

Yikes I’m so sorry. Why are you still with him if you found out eight months ago?

Do not move into the home of the "informant". Some friend you have -- why didn't the friend tell you before the wedding - even if it was the day before?

I think he is questionable because he didn't fess up before the wedding. I mean -- he could have kept quiet all this time and said nothing out of choice since your husband stopped cheating once he was married to you or he could have told you when it mattered - before the wedding. Did he have a pact with your husband - he would keep quiet under certain conditions and is now telling because the conditions were not met? Does he have a thing for YOU?

You talk to an attorney.

You walk away with the savings and assets you brought into the marriage for sure.

What does your husband answer in this? does he deny it?

Well....fear of being alone is no reason to stay with a cheating lying man. Your friends are completely wrong to tell you to stick with him. Sorry. Sometimes friends mean well, but their advice is biased as they no doubt know your fears and are more trying to placate them than anything else.

I think you need to ask yourself some serious, hard questions. Such as can you ever trust him again or will you always be paranoid and looking over your shoulder. If you can't trust him again, don't sign up for a life of complete nightmare of sweating every evening he has to work late. It will drive you insane. Can you forgive him? So far, you can't. So right there, your marriage right now is a sham where you are pretending to be OK, but you are not.

Basically, you are married so you should work on things applies when you've been married for years, when you have children and so on. You've been married for months and really, your marriage was a sham from day one since he was cheating on you. This is a situation where it's probably best for you to send him packing.

As for the informant, no do not move in with him. You may not want to go back to living with your parents, but look at it as a temporary inconvenience while you get your feet back under you, finish school, get a job or find some other place to live. Don't move in with a guy, because that can lead to things and it can make it seem like maybe you are the cheater even if nothing is going on there. It can create a questionable situation - something you categorically don't want at this point.

Basically, either you divorce him and reclaim your self worth and self respect or you spend your life constantly looking over your shoulder wondering when he'll do it again.

All above aside, make sure you do an STD check up. She is the one that you know of, there may have been many others you don't know about. Cheaters cheat they also lie and lie and lie. Don't ever expect a tearful confession from a cheater, even if you get one in one case you have no idea how much more is hidden. He was cheating on you and looked you in the eyes and said "I do" and promised to cherish you forever - that's the kind of cold, brazen stuff he is capable of. You can't fix that and you can never trust that.

Fear of being alone is no reason to stay with a lying cheater like your husband. I'd be gone in a flash. Why are you putting up with this when you know it doesnt feel right and you know you cant trust him? What's wrong with living alone? It'd be so much more preferable than what you are doing. Moving back with your parents doesnt mean you failed, he's the one who failed you. You got conned and you need a lawyer.

I want to leave but everyone tells me to stay and he is the only long term relationship I've ever been in so I'm terrified of being alone. I obviously would of never married him had a known that he was cheating. I'm a strong person usually, but lately I just feel drained and confused on what to do. I'm still in college so I can't afford to get my own place and I really don't want to move back to my parents house. My friend that gave me all that cheating information said I could live in his spare room since he lives alone. .

Because you are legally bound to someone and afraid to be alone is not good enough reasons to stay with him.

It's just a piece of paper and with some time you will stand strong on your own two feet without him.

I get you don't want to do to your parents and but you do have two options for places to go. It won't be easy but necessary.

Well, it was a rotten thing for the mutual friend to tell you. He should have kept his mouth shut. Have you talked with your husband about this? Has he been apologetic? Has he been trying to regain your trust? Has he given you a reason for sleeping with this woman? Is he doing anything to hold up his end of the relationship? Has he been faithful since the wedding?

In the old days, some guys use to have sex with a prostitute at their bachelor party as a tradition ending their bachelorhood. Technically, an engagement is a promise to marry. It's the wedding contract where people promise to be faithful.

Anyways, you're sounding very hurt and emotionally dependent, complaining that you don't want to be alone, but you're letting the thought of his cheating eat you up. If you can't function in this relationship, you have to leave. Go back to your parent's house (not the "informant's" house). Get an annulment or a no-fault divorce. You can rebuild your life and you won't be alone for long.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately what the friend told you may only be the tip of the iceberg. Sadly these two situations will keep you with a chronic cheater. It doesn't matter what friends tell you, what matters is you're unhappy, can't trust him and will be looking over your shoulder. Is that how you want to live?

1)he is the only long term relationship I've ever been in so I'm terrified of being alone.

2)I'm still in college so I can't afford to get my own place and I really don't want to move back to my parents house.

Just to clarify, did your husband in fact admit to having cheated? I may have missed it. I ask particularly due to your supposed friend seeming shady AF, where I can only assume either he's lying (if your husband hasn't 'fessed up) or knowingly withheld the information to make as big a play as he could with it. The only real conscionable options would have been to either tell to spare you from exchanging vows with a man who'd betrayed you or, albiet the much lesser option, to keep it to himself for good. Regardless of the path you take, be very careful not to let this supposed friend swoop in. Needless to say, moving in with him should not be an option.

But, to echo the opinion of most the others, if your husband has admitted to cheating, there isn't going to be a better time than now to cut your losses. If there were kids in the picture, I might encourage you to at least give it a stab and see if, through extensive marital counseling, trust can be reestablished. But, as it stands, I simply can't see the effort and risk being worth it.

Is the friend who you stayed at also the friend who told you this information?

I'm an extremely upfront and blatant person. If I had thought you would want to know your husband cheated on you and I knew he had, I would inform you immediately.

So from the prospective of a brutally honest guy, I can see telling you this.

But waiting like that reeks of manipulation. It is so freaking sketchy I would thank the person who told me yet remove them from my life, in addition to your husband.

Stay with your parents. I would hope they are much more concerned about your well being because it sounds like the guy who told you has other things in mind.

Well, it was a rotten thing for the mutual friend to tell you. He should have kept his mouth shut.

You should leave. If he realizes his mistakes and has regret, he would end things with the other person and make things right with you. If he lets you go, then you are better off setting yourself free from the cheater that he is. I eventually left me ex-husband because he wouldn't stop cheating. I stayed for 2&1/2 years for multiple reasons... We have 2 children and a house. First I stayed for the kids... For myself... For the home we created together... Until I realized I didn't want to live that way anymore and so I left. I am a stay-at-home mom so I still depended on him financially. As much of a cheater he was, I'll give him credit for financially providing for us. But that's about it! I do not have any regrets filing for divorce because till now he is cheating on his pregnant girlfriend!

I would not pursue a divorce. But rather, an annulment. Your husband is a fraud and did not enter into the marriage honestly.

Please get a lawyer and move out.

Your life will improve without him, not with him.

"I'd love my girlfriend or (maybe) future wife to death and I am faithfully loyal, but at the same time, I like that excitement of something or someone new. I like new energy. I know, in the eyes of some people this makes me a horrible person. But I am who I am." - Anonymous Redditor

You want to be with a guy like this? sounds like your husband.

Would I end it? Yes. Your whole marriage has been a lie.

It's not just a one time thing is it? He slept with this person several times, lied to you, had this person lie to you, put you in danger of contracting an STD and kept up the lies for months.

Good lord, this is more than over.

If your friend gave you all the right information...thank them. They saved you from a whole lot of misery down the road.