Why do men waste time? I do not understand!!

To cut a long story short i got bailed on a date by the same guy again

Now yesssssss i know i am going to hear i told u so

But

He sounded genuine said i hold it against him and he would take me out (we even started speaking on the phone) which we have NEVER done before! So i actually thought it was going to happen and low and behold it didnt

He is younger than me he is 26 and i am 29 he has always been in a realtionship since his teens and has a little girl whereas that is a completley different world from mine (single no children used to the dating scene etc) and i do not want to be horrible but he is overweight and bald and not generically good looking (but hey there was something about him) which is why i think im shocked at his behaviour as i wouldnt expect it from someone like him

I think he trys to be the bad boy he is known in my area however we do not really cross paths i kinda out out "relatuonship" down to a text buddie one as it never came around to meeting in person and i have even had to block and delete him from social media apps as he would CHASE and harrass me but ALWAYS flaked when it came to meeting

So anyways he messages me friday morning going so we meeting tonight to which i say yes, he goes what would you like to do? I say i dont mind and he said food so i said can do and he says well call me on your lunch....i call on lunch saying i do not feel well but i am still going to meet (still no plans made) he said i will speak to u later .... it comes to about 6 in the evening and i had heard nothing (annoyed at this point) so i messaged saying lets leave it as we have nothing planned....he messages TWO hours later saying he knew i would blow out (whatever) so i said what u doing instead and he said out for a meal with his friends ...and he even uploaded a video to his instagram to prove this!!! So i am now bascially thinking he couldnt of arranged that last minute he was always going out with his friends (so he tried to turn it around on me when he never had no intention) and i havent heard nothing since which is very unusual but i think its come to the point where we cannot message anymore because it was pure horrible what he done.....i just do not understand why message me? Why make out u like me? Why call me? Just leave me alone??

I feel like an idoit but i am a nice person who liked the guy and would of given him a chance and i do not know why this is bugging me so much

Why why why why do people waste time!!!!!??????

You wasted your own time by continuing to talk to him after he did this to you the first time.

Block the dude and get on with your life. Don't waste anymore of your own time.

Sorry to hear this. People are flaky and filtering out these types of time-wasters is important. At least you are sure you can delete/block his number and move on.

he is overweight and bald and not generically good looking (but hey there was something about him)

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Being nice doesn't mean you're still not responsible for making smart decisions. Look, I understand the whole wanting the guy to plan, and that's perfectly fine. But if he doesn't actually come up with a plan, either take it for what it is and treat any opportunity as tentative while carrying on with your day, throw your own time / plan in there, or call it off. There's nothing saying you have to sit there helplessly as you await a same-day confirmation.

He didn't waste your time. You did.

You now have all the information you need, therefore it's time to block him. The "whys" are not relevant, as the actions are clear cut.

He didnt waste my time, i did?? How does that work out? If someone has asked me to do something i agree and then hold onto those original plans....i did have a back up and went to my friends but i didnt want to do that.

I just dont understand his purpose like this guy baggers me to get my attention? Ive blocked him before but he has managed after months to get back in again only to do the same thing it baffles me....to me it appeared he was interested he had made a wrongdoing and wanted to go out again??? Like what the actual f uck!!!! He had always planned to go out with his friends so why not just leave me alone??????????

And then to post a video message of his and his friends meals was a JOKE he knew i would see that how cruel

To he honest, it sounds like you dodged a bullet and he's clueless.

And then to post a video message of his and his friends meals

And then to post a video message of his and his friends meals was a JOKE he knew i would see that how cruel

 

 

Ugh, yes definitely block and move on from this guy. He's already shown you who he is, which is a rude and inconsiderate. Move on from this guy!

To cut a long story short i got bailed on a date by the same guy again

 

Why why why why do people waste time!!!!!??????

I agree with TWT. You wasted your own time.

Stop doing that.

Sorry to hear this. People are flaky and filtering out these types of time-wasters is important. At least you are sure you can delete/block his number and move on.

 

 

 

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That was one funny SNL skit!

sake when do i learn? I trusted someone and they let me down

This is getting to me because and i do not want to come across as shallow because i certainly am not but i am much better looking than this guy and everyone has said this (which is why i felt to add this) as i thought he could be shy but no the video confirmed he isnt shy and speaking over the phone he wasnt and the type of pics he uploads where he trys to he a "badman" ugh just normally these flakes just vanish but he ALWAYS CAME BACK

"When do you learn?" Who knows? Perhaps when you learn to delete and block his number.

So you thought since this guy is overweight and not that attractive, that meant he would what, be grateful that someone like you would deign to date him?

Yikes.

I used to work with a man who briefly dated a very, very beautiful woman. He asked her why she was dating him and she told him that since he was overweight and unattractive, she didn't have to worry about him cheating on her or about other women trying to steal him away. Well isn't that special???

I think he's tied up with his little girl, and only wants to make time for the boys. Dating you required effort and he can't be bothered.

Cut your losses. There will be heaps of better guys to take you out!

I do not want to be horrible but he is overweight and bald and not generically good looking (but hey there was something about him) which is why i think im shocked at his behaviour as i wouldnt expect it from someone like him

"Someone like him" implies that you think because he's less attractive, he should be grateful at the chance to date you, correct?

It hurt your ego that someone you saw as less than you blew you off.

i have even had to block and delete him from social media apps as he would CHASE and harrass me but ALWAYS flaked when it came to meeting

And yet you continue to talk to him and agreed to meet, knowing that he had flaked before. Who's wasting time here?

So anyways he messages me friday morning going so we meeting tonight to which i say yes, he goes what would you like to do? I say i dont mind and he said food so i said can do and he says well call me on your lunch....i call on lunch saying i do not feel well but i am still going to meet (still no plans made) he said i will speak to u later .... it comes to about 6 in the evening and i had heard nothing (annoyed at this point) so i messaged saying lets leave it as we have nothing planned....he messages TWO hours later saying he knew i would blow out (whatever) so i said what u doing instead and he said out for a meal with his friends ...and he even uploaded a video to his instagram to prove this!!! So i am now bascially thinking he couldnt of arranged that last minute he was always going out with his friends (so he tried to turn it around on me when he never had no intention) and i havent heard nothing since which is very unusual but i think its come to the point where we cannot message anymore because it was pure horrible what he done.....i just do not understand why message me? Why make out u like me? Why call me? Just leave me alone??

The why doesn't matter. From my point of view, it's none of my business why they do what they do, I only care about whether it's working for me or not.

Next time you make a date with someone, make it a concrete date, time, place. No "let's talk later" or "I'll let you know" or whatever. Until there's a date, time, place, there's no date.

If someone is wishy washy, stop talking to them. If someone cancels and doesn't reschedule, stop talking to them. If someone cancels and reschedules and cancels again, stop talking to them. It shouldn't be this hard to arrange a simple FIRST MEET.

You choose how to allocate your time, so if it was wasted, you chose to waste it. This may seem harsh, but it's not. Because it means you have full control and have a choice of how you spend your time, what you accept and don't accept. No one can waste your time if you chose not to let them.

Ok i suppose so but then i grew to "like" him because of our messages etc i know it sounds so silly!

The why is important to me though because why honestly do all of this with NO intention to meet me? It blows my mind and like i say they usually vanish but he never did

i just do not understand why message me? Why make out u like me? Why call me? Just leave me alone??

 

I feel like an idoit but i am a nice person who liked the guy and would of given him a chance and i do not know why this is bugging me so much

 

Why why why why do people waste time!!!!!??????

He didnt waste my time, i did?? How does that work out? If someone has asked me to do something i agree and then hold onto those original plans....i did have a back up and went to my friends but i didnt want to do that.

 

I just dont understand his purpose like this guy baggers me to get my attention? Ive blocked him before but he has managed after months to get back in again only to do the same thing it baffles me....to me it appeared he was interested he had made a wrongdoing and wanted to go out again??? Like what the actual f uck!!!! He had always planned to go out with his friends so why not just leave me alone??????????

Ok i suppose so but then i grew to "like" him because of our messages etc i know it sounds so silly!

The why is important to me though because why honestly do all of this with NO intention to meet me? It blows my mind and like i say they usually vanish but he never did

From the first post to your most recent all you ask is "why did he do this or that?" Sarah, it seems like you are not learning and in fact regressing.

i just do not understand why message me? Why make out u like me? Why call me? Just leave me alone??

I've never found it beneficial to focus on someone else's behavior when they've participated with me in my own lousy choices. I learn by looking at my own stuff instead. So the better question here would be, why would I spend my time in messages and phone convo's with anyone who hasn't earned a place in my life?

Skip that fantasy building nonsense, and just use dating apps to go straight for the quick meet. Not a date, just a 15 minute cup of coffee to check one another out. Rules are that neither can ask the other for a real date on the spot, but if either wants to message an invite afterward, the other can respond if the answer is yes. If the answer is no, then no response is necessary--that takes the squirmy rejection stuff off the table.

Anyone who doesn't want to meet right off the bat isn't worth your time--he's a screen hider. He's only interested in building fantasies and living in his head, and unless that's all you want, too, you'll cut that out.

Head high.

Thank you for your responses it does help me reach some clarity it appears he might be living in fantasy land

He didnt waste my time, i did?? How does that work out?

This is how.

Ive blocked him before but he has managed after months to get back

You let him back in, ergo, you wasted your time, not him.

He didnt waste my time, i did?? How does that work out? If someone has asked me to do something i agree and then hold onto those original plans....i did have a back up and went to my friends but i didnt want to do that.

 

I just dont understand his purpose like this guy baggers me to get my attention? Ive blocked him before but he has managed after months to get back in again only to do the same thing it baffles me....to me it appeared he was interested he had made a wrongdoing and wanted to go out again??? Like what the actual f uck!!!! He had always planned to go out with his friends so why not just leave me alone??????????

The first time he pulled this on you, you were a victim. The second time he did this to you, you were a volunteer. You wasted your time giving him chances that he did not earn. Your "kind" nature is getting the better of you so try being a tad more assertive and when someone shows you who they are, believe them and get yourself away from them instead of giving someone who is basically a stranger to you a second or third chance to be decent to you.

If I walked into a Math classroom by accident the first time to find them teaching math.. Okay, my bad, I was looking for P.E. .. if I walk into the same math classroom AGAIN months later, it should NOT baffle my mind that they are still teaching Math instead of P.E.

Nothing about this guy should "baffle" your mind. First time shame on him.. Second time shame on you. Nothing new, nothing surprising, he's still the same guy. You take the facts at face value and MOVE ON. He's a repeated flake. No use debating his logic or reasoning. Move on. Trying to understand "why" when the why is right in your face... a waste of your time. Move on.

You shouldn't feel obligated or forced to spend another second on this guy/situation... All in all. Move on.

Agree with Ms. Darcy. Also don't make the mistake that just because someone is not conventionally attractive they are more likely to be reliable/easier to get.

Yes u are all right, fool me once shame on you and then fool me twice shame on me. I am very assertive tovhim sometimes i think thats what he likes but i think it is just him looking for attention when hes maybe lonely and bored and i probably give it to him. I just really really fancy him and i have never come across behaviour where they are so persistant for my attention to just bail all the time but hey ho what an u do....he is definatley a weirdo in my eyes just a shame coz i felt like we got on and we spoke on the phone etc....he is local to me too which makes this whole thing alot weirder too