colly

great advice, i'll give it a shot its wonderful to be feeling like this again

I'm back! Situation: broke up with ex of four years in Jan 04 Now, had my eyes on this new girl for about 2 years at my work and last night we kissed - very out of the blue but suffice to say I'm pretty happy. So what's the next move? We have exchanged a few texts and she had only just split up with her BF last week so yes, I'm probably the rebound! Anyways, I casually suggested we go out sometime and this seems to have killed the conversation. I don't want to rush in all guns blazing but i have waited so long for this you can't believe. I'm not sure what the next step to take is - the ball really is in her court but....I don't know....any suggestions!!!???

I was thinking around these lines yesterday when i was looking at where i was 6 months after my breakup. It seemed to me that i was still here lonely and depressed while she could still have the pick of the bunch and was surrounded by people (LADS). I dont think alot of people realise this to be honest, and it probably explains why my ex is able to carry on like nothing has ever happened as she cannot see it from the other side of the fence, she must think theres lots of great people out there whenever she wants. Oh well, and to think we put up with their moaning so much (watch me get flamed now )

I think you should if you really feel for that person. I also worry that they may reject, but i guess that if they do it is some form of closure for yourself and may help you to begin to move on I am in thi situation, the odd thing was it was a dream that we got back together - i know i cant continue with this and now know i have to ask the question of her

Wow - this will take some guts....! I hadnt even thought about going this far! OK, one more question - do i ask if its ok to call first? Or do i just go for it...? I know i keep reeling questions off but its making me nervous just thinking about doing this thankyou colly

The problem there is that we have no real mutual friends and those that are may find it VERY awkward to be at such a thing. ITs sort of impractical to do... I thought perhaps an email to her ???

Hello again! Well, one and a half months on i am doing ok but of course there are still bad days...! However, by some of my other posts yo may know i am faced with perhaps one of the last hurdles in all this after my 4 year realtionship ended because of me saying it was over to get some response and her accepting it just like that. My history, well, i admit, i am one of the dreaded and few "dumpers" on this board. And yes i realised my mistake, but no, she did not want me back. Anyway, after the pleading thing, no contact was put into place and she had contacted me several times but only to arrange the return of items and what not - no real or clear interest in coming back Now, i am faced with her moving to university soon (an issue in our realtionship which SHE thought we could work through) I am also now faced with her family moving away about the same time, so ALL contact pretty much goes. A good thing perhaps - but i am now faced with a dilemma - a do or die situation. I am no goody in all this, and i now realise all my mistakes and indeed hers, but i i am still very much in love and she said she loved me before we split up (like 1 day before) So, here is the question. Despite the complications with her now not living my me and not much chance of coming back now and then due to her family moving, and despite no OBVIOUS interest in sorting us out (it sort of just, ended...) i wonder if not to make one last attempt. I keep reading that its worth fighting for all the time. I am scared that if i dont atleast ask the question i will regret it and question it for all my life. I also HAVE to know why she said she loved me one day and cut out everything the next = lying to me surely? We have been split before for one year and got back together to be informed that, had i asked after we broke up the first time, we would have sorted it - she is very stubborn. THis is the nasty complicatiton to all this that suposedly had i done it last time, it would have worked out. I do not want to set myself up for a fall, but i have about 1 month before they go and feel i have to do something of i will regret it. Whilst ont he other hand, i sort of feel i am worth figting for by her. So, i appreciate your opinions and suggestions! Thankyou colly

Youe ex sounds like me in my last relationship. Seriously, talk about it - do not go quiet. Alot of the time i wanted some responmse which is why i acted as i did thinking that you they would ask what was up and we waould talk about it but she always just went quiet - it broke down due to a lack of communication. Dont make our mistake - talk about it

If that be the case then i think the answer to your question (though you may not see it for some time) is yes you did do the right thing You sound alot like me, and are currently feeling you did the wrong thing simply because your now alone and it seems worse. As to why he said he loved you and did those things i am not sure. I was a very evil person to my gf but i still loved her to bits and i guess she ultimately coulnt take it anymore even though she too said she loved me often. I am not sure why i was like that - i think it was silly trivial things that annoyed me and i think now i could or should have ignored them, but they just used to wind me up so much I think , for respect for yourself and them, and for love for both of you, if you are hurting, apart may be the best thing.

But that said i dont think it is always so simple. My opinion is that there should be some compromise. You are, if experiences have occurred in your life, "weary" about what could happen. So you both need to build some trust up. A it of give and take never hurt i dont think. After all, its supposed to be ateam effort right! Now, how you approach this i am not so sure. I dont think its as simple as saying to your new partner "hey my last partner cheated so i have problems trusting you" Or words to that effect. Moreso that if there is some form of problem, it should be approached by both and worked at. One knowing the other has an issue i think is very important. Coming from personal experience yes, i had problems trusting. But i was never helped by my partner to regain that trust. Should she have had to? well, in my opinion yes, but she never gave further grouds to trust. It was always a wait to see when a let down would happen again. Now, i dont think, once trust is broken, it will ever always get "back to normal" Anyway, something to chew on there. take care

Hey i feel for you and if i had answers to how to make it all better i would but for now all i can say is that your statement Is completely understansable to me. I posted a popular topic some time ago asking why poeple break up and i think it seemed to come down to one agreeable factor - that is a lack of communication from one party. Why one felt they could not communicate problems with the other is still not clear to me however. All i can say is trust me, i know how it feels to be the one that is putting their all into the relationship and sitting here now i can not honestly say how i will ever put "myself" into a relationhip as much as i didn mine again. But, i did an interesting thing and dug up some pictures of me with an old girlfirend looking happy and smiling and frankly, it cheered me up a bit since it reminded me i had been here before and was still alive! Oh and on a final note, i too was made to feel foolish about thinking she was "uninterested" in me even though i began to feel neglected. My posts tend to drift to me talking about myself alot i know, so maybe another member can offer you more and better advice as to where to go now, but i myself feel comfored knowing that i am not the only one going through this sort of thing. take care

bleh, i had all that "i dont like you to hold doors open for me" followed by a stupid " i dont like to be the first one to walk into a room"excuse seems ure damned if u do and ure damned if u dont and i too have had the "your too nice" one. Ok, ill treat you like **** and well stay together...

Wow. You are bang on with you understanding of my situation! i cannot believe you figured all that . Are you phsychic? Yes, stuff was missing from our relationship, or atleast i felt it was. She had become comfortable - too comfortable. So my breakup was to get some response. Daft huh.... Ironically, about 1 hour after posting this she did contact me (spooky given one month on) She said i have my stuff back soon. I asked why she seemed to avoid talking about us and i have heard nothing since that so thats probably another error on my part since i suspect she still wants to do this" friends thing" How you say stuff like she said and propose to make commitments one day and forget everything the next is beyond me - but still such is life i can only carry on and see what the next day brings me i suppose. thankyou collyx

Hello everyone, its been about a months since my posts on here and I am on and off at the moment. For whatever reasons I shall never understand I broke off my relationship only to find it could not be reconciled and whilst I still have hopes I am beginning to think they will not amount to much and am more hurt that it appears to have meant nothing to her as she appears to be getting on just fine. Still, this is not entirely the point of my posting Some history, quick and simple. – Some trust issues for me (despite constant reassurance) regarding an incident between my best "mate" and her are involved. Hence I was insecure and over protective. So, with her moving away to university, this was clearly an issue for me. This of course no longer matters as we are separated before her moving. So for me the fact she is going away is I suppose good (despite the fact I am jealous that she now has more opportunity to move on than I do due to the environment she will be surrounded in) However, as you do, not letting go, I sort of figured that she would always have ties with her family living around here and would be about now and then. Anyway, now it seems they are moving too – so that's it, over and done with. No more reason to ever see them all again Its like fate that, had we been together with her at uni, she wouldn't have been back much as no longer has family here? But hearing this news, the situation as it is well, this should be a good thing for me right? So why do I feel so sick to the stomach over it? I feel like its all happened so suddenly and one day soon when i drive past it will all be gone. I have no real questions in this topic, but perhaps some observations might be interesting from people. Thankyou, as ever. Ps I really need some stuff back and since I have had no contact (for reasons I did actually expect some) I need to contact to get it back or find out when its coming. Not wanting to contact for "no contact" reasons, plus that it will knock me back several steps how do I go about this? ^^^I guess I do have questions!^^^

You all make interesting points. Deviously, i asked this question as it sort of relates to myself. For this, i apologise At the age of 21 i have had 2 serious girlfriends and several short relationships Now, in not one of these have i ever called it off, thus i have no experience of reaching a point when i personally want it ti be over, so i cannot identify a reason why, if you will excuse the bravado of myself, anyone would not want to continue to be with me. Its just something that set me thinking. Somewhat feeling bad that i must had made someone feel such a away that they wanted to no longer be with me. (gf of 4 years) Further opinions are welcomed - i guess this is just something to do with me...