Hello everyone, read a few of the topics here and you all seem like a
nice level headed bunch so... well, here's a few things that have been
running around in my life.
I'm very. Confused and it feels like I am in pain but, well I don't know
what to do or where to go to get advice, which is why I've turned here!
No I don't expect a complete answer to everything! But I am looking for
pointers/experience/thoughts from you lovely people.
First of all let me tell you about me, I'm pretty easy going, eager to please
and I try to work hard at things, however I do have a lot of 'unemotional'
moments where I really don't care what goes on around me. I have been
going out with my Fiancee for about a year and a half, I proposed about
8 months into the relationship at a time where I was convinced we were
going to spend the rest of our lives together.
But since then it seems like things have gone downhill. She says I am all
she wants and I believe her, we live together and things were great, but
suddenly I am feeling very very smothered and trapped in this relationship
that I don't want to be in, I think I am depressed by everything going on
around me as well as what's happening TO me if that makes any sense.
I'm not someone who easily communicates their emotions, well the love and hugs part I've got down to a T, but talking about problems, I just have a block when it comes to it and I shut down. At the end of the day I
want an easy life rather than a lot of conflict.
My previous relationships have been a nightmare, the ones that were good
always seemed to end with the girl letting me know I was "too nice" or that
she'd found someone else, or in a few other cases they just stopped talking to me completely. Maybe it's because of this.
She has also had a few tough relationships, and I guess we both thought this would be the end of it, but recently things have been strained between us. My Fiancee is VERY clingy, she has few interests outside of our relationship, I have quite a few but whenever I spend time on one of them it feels as if I am doing something wrong, she'll go quiet on me or get all huffy, so sometimes I find myself not doing things I want to or would like too because it will upset her. Which is fine in a few cases but when it is EVERYTHING I do outside the relationship it weighs on me.
The times she comes with me, well, a quick example, I do a little work in sports related industry, she came along with me to the event where I was speaking to folks I hadn't seen for a few months and some of my friends were there, I had to be away from her during the event but instead of trying to mix in she sat in a corner with a long face, because I was focused on trying to cheer her up and worrying about her I made a lot of mistakes and had a very bad time myself.
This is just one example, it happens all the time, whenever I am with other people she wants to leave or get's huffy and quiet, however if one of her few friends are there it's fine to leave me alone while she's with them....
Becuase she has little interest in anything else I agreed to having a puppy, we alredy have 4 cats but it seems that wasn't enough she wanted a puppy, i thought it would cheer her up but.... and in some respects it has but she wants the fluffy side of the puppy, and it seems as if it's me who does most of taking out, walking etc.
Another example, I take the puppy out without complaint, she takes the puppy out and it's such a polava, I didn't even want the puppy (I'm not a dog person) and although I like the puppy I really don't have the patience to focus all my attention on it.
She has been getting more and more tired in the past months so she went to the doctor who thought she had an underproductive thyroid so now she has some drug to help her with that I was hoping things would improve but they haven't.
Every evening starts the same. I pick her up from the station full of hope for a nice relaxing evening, she gets in the car, lets out a puff of air, says she's knackered, then on the short drive home she finds some way of making me go quiet (I don't really argue whens someone says something I don't like I go quiet) and then the evening is pretty much ruined as it's spent with me on the defensive and her in a huff.
I kind of realise after writing this small novel (sorry!) that the relationship is almost dead, but I don't want to just let it go if it can be saved, but I don't know what to do, I can't speak to my friends as she now speaks to my closest friends more than I do. I feel like I have nothing in the world now, I live in flat with her dog (I think she loves the dog more than me)
I know that if I do break up with her it will be really bad for her and me, we're not financially stable at all, making rent on another place will be a challenge but not impossible as I could move back into my old houseshare...
I just don't know how/not brave enough to take the next step alone.
Well, is there anything else about myself I can reveal to you lot???
