kofi2

Well i needed to share this woth the board. I am no sadist or condone pain but i need the board to feel me on this. I had posted a while on my ex who decided to leave me for this guy( link removed ). Anyway i am chatting with an old friend of mine from college who lives in the same town as my ex. Well things are not going good for her and has been trying to get tips from my friends about where i am and how i am doing. I wish people break up on good terms because most of the time u never know who u might meet later in life or how u will end up being.

Hey, i believe the best think is not to put yourself on the line for this girl. It is not a revenge thing but you got to look out for yourself first. karma has basically caught up with her. Dont put all your esteem and energy into been there as she basically is using you as a comfort zone till she get s back after which she will abscond without a thank you. Just be careful as i am talking from experience. I went through the same with my ex. she dumped me only to realize things werent going well fro her and decided she could contact me. I could write a whole book about what she did, but i found it extremely disrespectful of her trying to even contact me. I made her know i had moved on and she basically has to deal with her own problems as i dealt with mine.

This is a topic i was discussing with a friend and my niece. With relationships, no matter how bad, good or mutual it was when we all reach a certain stage in our lives, we can narrow or condense all our past partners into the most favorable one. There will be an ex lurking in our thoughts that we wished we hadnt broken up with or we wonder as to if it was possibe to hook up back with them or at least know how they are doing? We were discussing this and my niece was saying from a female perspective, when they have an ex and end up with someone who doesnt rise up to the standards of the ex they broke up with, they sort of have a reality check and try to contact that person even after some years. Is that true to some extent and what are your takes on reconnecting with your exex from your past.

I think so far as you know you treated your ex good, she will realize how good she had it and come running back when things dont go well fro her. My ex decided to leave me because she wanted some space. She begun dating some guy and i had to move out of state to go to graduate school. after almost a year of running around, she emails out of the blue trying to be nice. As hurt as i was by her actions and how good i treated her, i realize how selfish people can be. Because things are not working well you want to come back to me; No. I told her i thought she was right in her need for space because it enabled me meet someone who was more appreciative of me. since then, i havent heard from her since.

For someone who lived with my ex for 3 yrs, i know how you feel. Trust me, i went through the same heartache with my ex. She "deliberately" made some of our close friends know how much fun she was having even though it was very exaggerated to make me feel as if she did not need me. Later, when i decided to move into another state, i noticed a rather shaken and taken aback stature in her. I ultimately did ove to another state and she has tried to have contact with me but i have decided to ignore her. Your ex is doing the same to you just playing with your mind. Yes, he may be having fun but is just exaggerating it to make you feel jealous and what way to do it but through co-workers. It is hard but do you really want to be with someone like this. My ex's actions i considered immature and so are your ex's. I bet if you find someone else or get a new job somewhere his attitude will change. I believe people who enjoy watching others squirm in grief and taunt them indirectly are no different from sadists. You dont want to be with me, then let sleeping dogs lie. you deserve better. Take care. I can believe i am saying this to you as i was in your shoes about a year ago going through the same thing.

I would say it is an illusion to believe the grass is greener on the other side if you are in a relationship unless it is an abusive one. Sometimes, we as people should focus on the good qualities of our partners instead of dwelling on such petty and minor issues. If such reasons drive us into jumping fence things will seem good after a while but when the dust settles you will realize how much of an ass you made of yourself dumping your partner because of something minor. The way i see it is this, remember as a kid when you got a toy; you were so excited. You stop playing with your old toys and concentrate on this new toy alone. After playing with it a couple of times you get bored with it and revert back to the old toys realizing that new toy has the same value as your old toys. But the funny thing is when you had the old toy, for those few days, it was the best thing toy in thw world in your eyes. That is how i see relationships, if your partner has about 90% of the qualities you desire dont take a chance trying to upgrade even though we as human intutively want to because unlike the old toys if you get tired of the new toy, (for me personally), you are out of my life. OPPORTUNITY COMES BUT ONCE.

I had posted earlier about my ex who broke up with my to pursue her friends as well as an ex of hers. She had been hanging with her friends who manipulated her into thinking she was better off without me. My concern as well as her parents and our friends about her sudden change in decision and behavior fell on her deaf ears. Either way, she told me honestly what she felt about me all the years we dated and that her friends didnt like me that much. the funny thing is these friends were friends from her past that surfaced 3months before we broke up and didnt know me personally. She is a single mum with a son (Andruu) from a previous relationship. It was a hard breakup but i found strength and moved on. Almost 6 months later she send me an email after i moved to another state. After careful consideration, i think she took my kindness for weakness and was unappreciative of me. Anyway, her email reads: "Just wanted to say hello and to see if everything is going okay with you. I am very sorry that things didn't work out between us. I am okay now. After a cry out for help, I finally got it. It just seemed like nobody would listen to me but me. So I took the liberty of helping myself out of my own mess. I just needed a reality check. I don't know how I manage to do the things. Well email me back sometime." I had talked to the board about not replying but to avoid to make things clear to her about how i feel i decided to reply to have closure. I have moved on and now living my life close to what i supposed it will be. My reply goes: "Hi there. I did my best to help you out and be considerate. You never did capture my vision for us and it seemed regardless of what I did it was never enough for you. You really disappointed me and your actions were not fair to me, your parents and Andruu. You robbed yourself of being with a wonderful person. As I have always said what you say and what you do are always two different things. I have given you numerous chances to better yourself but in some way, you always tried to put me at fault. You really don't need to be sorry that things didn't work out as a relationship can't be a one sided affair with one person trying to hold things together all the time. I am doing great and feeling better than ever. I got admitted into pharmacy school and have started work on my doctrate in pharmacy. I am basically working hard as I always do and preparing myself for grad school. Send my regards to your parents, ok." What do you guys/girls feel about her response and what she wants and my reply?

I wonder if they carry such attitudes into their next relationships and just remain hurtful to others all their lives? But i do know for sure they always remember the good guys/girls they have been with they they took for granted.

Hello board. I find this site very helpful with members readily to give good relationship advice. This topic i find interesting is about exes. All of us have them and hate them too. What i find most amusing is of course it is inevitable that people will break up but if your partner goes about it to sabotage the relationship and play mind games with you and all, why is it that after maybe some years they try to initiate contact with you. What i find reoccurent is the fact that they believe the grass is greener onthe other side which is always not, then they try to hop back into your life with all sorts of excuses and rabbling. I brought this up as my ex who is a single mum with a child from another relationship decided to break it up with me. she went to her ex after we had been together for 3 yrs. It was really heartbreaking for me as her parents had talked to her about her decision and all and she kept on playing mind games with me and taunting me. Now, she claims she made a big mistake and sort of wants to get some way in with her very ming playing email she sent me to see if i still love her. I of course blew her off and find no excuses for her actions. It dont want to sound sadistic but sometimes if exex try to woo themselves into our lives after treating us terribly it is sort of the best feeling in the world but we shouldnt give them a chance. My motto is opportunity comes but once. How do you feel about this?

I honestly think your ex has nothing going on for her and is jealous you are getting married. I bet she hang to those pics all that time as she probbaly missed you after your absense hoping you will come back. C'mon who mails pics to someone especially if they are in a new relationship? She just hoped it will be the last straw to suck you into communicating with her. Deep down her heart she regrets letting you go but has too much pride to admit it. Just pay no attention to her and go on ahead with your marriage. Let her friend know that you burnt the pictures and will not like to receive anything again from your ex through her. Take care.

Thanks to all of you for the feedback. I am sooo grateful. I to some extent want to believe she is sincere but my ex is so sneaky and became such a compulsive liar that i dont know what to believe no more. She lied so much in the last days before i left to me, her parents as well as all our good friends she had. No one believed her though as they know the type of person i am. I guess things might not be looking up to her as she realized what she is missing. I dont need no one to speak on my behalf as to what she passed on but i dont want to seem negative but deep down her heart i know she will never ever meet anyone like me. I am just enjoying my 1st year in graduate school and hey life goes on right? I am loving this board though and i like the insightful feedback from its members. thanks

Well hi there board. I had made posts earleir about my ex-wife who decided we needed some space apart and started dating her ex-boyfriend. Her parents as well as i tried talked to her that it was a terrible decision based on the fact that her single friends were giving her deadly advice. We later got to know her friends hooked her up with her long time ex who was involved in speed (meth). They all got hooked and she later ended up stealing from me, her family as well as the good friends we had. I filed for divorce and now happily living my life. Its a year since we got married and she sends me another email to say hi. I really dont see or understand her motives after all her venting that she didnt want to be with me during the time of the separation. We havent had contact in a yr and all of a sudden this awkward email trying to express remorse and knowledge of how things are going for me. She is a single mum with a kid from a previous relationship and i was helping her raise her son. I am on good terms with her parents but dont want to communicate with them. I heard from a friend that things are going downhill for her since my absense. Why sometimes i dont understand why when people have good things for them they tend to see the grass greener on the other side of the fence and think they can hop back when things are not what they seem to be. Reply with feedback as to what action i should take. I am several states from her and dont plan ever geting back with her but need advice from this experienced board as to what her motives are.

Thanks a lot. I was heartbroken after i left but now after almost a year have had a deep appreciation for leaving as i realized that she was not the best thing for me by been ungrateful and dishonest to me. I am doing great being single and have had numerous offers to go out which has really made me feel really good. Added by my acceptance into pharmacy school, i feel uplifted. As much as i was helpful and caring for my ex, i think i am doing what is in my best interest now and that is taking care of myself. I cant wait to meet my true love and settle down.

Thanks guys. I really can count on the board for support anytime. When i think of my ex what pops in my mind is the proverbial " you dont know what you have till its gone".

Hello board, i have a problem that i believe has changed the view and life of my ex-wife and i. It will be more so for my ex than me. My ex and i had been dating for 3 yrs and gotten married in Sept last year. I deeply and truly loved her and her son who was 5 yrs. Her parents adored me as i was very caring for her and i am a very respectable and responsible person. In our relationship, i was the voice of reason and solid rock she could rely on. She truly admired me for that and appreciated my concern and attention to her. We lived together with one of our best friends and had the best of times as roommates. I graduated last year with a Bachelors in Chemistry and got married to her a month later. My ex had always struggled with school and work as a result of having a son at an early age with an ex of her hers who left the responsibility to her and her parents. My exs' parents were appreciative of the fact that that i was a good person and the fact that there are not many men who will step up to plate as i did. I helped her out with her son, school as well as a loving partner. My ex two months into the marriage started hanging out with friends of hers she met at a new job. I was weary of them as i noticed a change in her behavior. The friends were from her past. She began talking about them all day and i made her aware it seemed our relationship had taken a backseat to her friends. She brushed it off saying it wasn't. I met her gal pals and the after knowing them, had a gut instinct that they were out to influence my ex and were jealous of our loving relationship. My ex after some weeks started to told me she wasnt ready for marriage and that her friends were saying there was more out there for her. To cut a long story short she moved to her parents who persuaded her as to why she moved in and she lied to them that she wanted to be closer to her college which was 5 mins from her parents and 20 mins from where we stayed. Her parents bought into it and lied to them that she was going to see me and rather ended up at her friends. She begun to neglect her son and that was then that her parents called me as to what was happening. We found out that she was lying to us. Her friends had got her as i found out from one of her close friends that her friends i questioned her about had got her involved in speed (methamphetamine) and was dating their dealer who happened to be one of her ex-boyfriends. She ended up forging checks in my roommates, parents as well as my name which she lied about till the bank provided us with the cashed checks. I was truly hurt by her actions and she became verbally abusive to me, her parents and all our friends when we questioned her activities. I lost my trust for her and filed for divorce. I moved to another state and a almost a year later she emails me to check how i am doing and sorry things didnt work out and i should email her back sometime. I honestly dont want to ever get back with her or yet see her and honestly know she will never find someone like me in her life. She lost all the good friends she had and most importantly me. I been a very compassionate person cannot think of the complications her actions will cause to her future relationships. I honestly need your perspective as to why she is contacting me and why she has the nerve to after these months. She didnt want to sit down and discuss with me how to solve things even when i stood up for her when she was in trouble with the bank and now wants to "communicate" and know how things are going with me? I cant trust her and still feel angry by her actions. and dont want to get back with her. I just dont know if i should reply or not but i need feedback as to how to handle things. Thanks.