My house-maid is pregnant - Ooh my God..

[mo]

Dear Friends,

 

I don't know how to start this topic, It's just a big problem and I don't know how to solve it - please help.

 

I'm married man for 7 years with lovely wife who care for me and our 4 kids - we are lovely family. Recently, I employed a beautiful house maid from foreign country to help my wife on her daily work, but then I fallen in love with her - she love me so much and indeed I love her.

 

The worse thing now she is pregnant 4 months - I sent her home to do the best to terminate or abortion, Doctor in her place gave her medications to remove pregnancy but refuse to do abortion, the medication did nothing and she came back home - Now both of us don't know what to do.

 

Still my wife doesn't know if her house-maid is pregnant, me and my gal keeping secret, but I'm sure my wife will come to know soon and I'm worried of our marriage.

 

Dear friends, I know I made mistake and I have cheated to my lovely wife, but I need your advise/help what can I and my gal do?

 

Appreciate your advise.

[itsallgrand]

What exactly are you asking advice on?

 

What would be the ideal outcome for you, what are you hoping to accomplish and solve?

[mo]

Yes, terribly though and you message made me terribly worried.

I met some doctors for advise, no good advise either and no doctor

willing to do the job/abortion - I'm gonna die for stress.

[mo]

What exactly are you asking advice on?

 

What would be the ideal outcome for you, what are you hoping to accomplish and solve?

 

 

reality i don't know what 'am asking for - i'm just confused.

i don't know how i will face my wife if the house-maid will say the truth.

i don't know what will be the consequences and how to face this.

i thought someone here happened to him so that i can have some ideas.

[OmegaMan]

Woah man...

Wow, that's a really tough spot you put yourself into.

I guess the next step if facing the facts. That's gonna be the really painful part, but there's no running away from it is there?

The truth shall set you free.

[scarew]

The doctors won't do the abortion because she is too far along in the pregnancy. Once you hit five months, the baby would be able to survive on its own outside the womb and most places do not allow abortion this late.

 

First and foremost you need to find a new housemaid. And you should probably look for an ugly one so you don't get yourself into the same situation. Then you have a few options:

1) You support her secretly through her pregnancy and secretly support the child after it is born

2) You support her secretly through the pregnancy then give the child up for adoption when it is born

3)You fess up to your wife and and discuss how she would like the situation to be handled, whether it be adoption or continual child support.

 

You made your bed, you must lie in it. There is no easy way out of this Mo, sorry.

[Tigris]

I agree with everything that scarew says.

[mo]

Thanks scarew - no. 1 & 2 already on my mind, I will support her and our child - the third point is hard to tell/discuss with my wife. I told the girl to go home until she deliver, also she is worring about her family (mum & dad).

 

But at-the-end, I'll have to tell the truth.

 

Thanks again.

[JadedStar]

Still my wife doesn't know if her house-maid is pregnant, me and my gal keeping secret, but I'm sure my wife will come to know soon and I'm worried of our marriage.

 

 

you and "your gal" have a lot of explaining to do to your wife. Yes, this is truly one of those you made your bed you must lie in it deals. If there were no really harsh consequences to cheating, more people than not might do it.

 

You are not going to die from the stress. You are not the first man who screwed his maid and I am sure won't be the last.

[mo]

I agree with everything that scarew says.

 

Yes, is the best advise - I thank her a lot.

[itsallgrand]

reality i don't know what 'am asking for - i'm just confused.

i don't know how i will face my wife if the house-maid will say the truth.

i don't know what will be the consequences and how to face this.

i thought someone here happened to him so that i can have some ideas.

 

That says it all.

 

You are still focused on yourself, and only yourself.

 

What do you do?

 

Start thinking of the others - your wife, your 4 kids, your unborn child, your lover/hired help.

 

What do you want for them?

 

Selfishness got you in this mess, selfishness won't get you out.

 

You need to be accountable and honest.

 

You 'told the girl to go home'? Excuse me? She is carrying your child and you laid in her bed and told her you loved her : you are bound to her, and you have a responsibility to her and that child.

 

Sending her off - disposing of her and the child - (yes, that is ugly, but that is what you are doing) - that is counter to Telling the Truth and Being a Man.

 

You should go see a therapist. This is a delicate situation with children's lives and futures at stake.

Get help.

 

I'm not saying that to degrade you: Your happiness is not purely in your control or dependent on what you do, it takes other people. You are connected to them and them to you.

 

You need someone to help you consider through the eyes of the others you have put into this mess.

You need help looking outside yourself for answers.

 

There is no peace looking out just for Number 1. That's the lesson. Learn it, and get on with allowing for some healing in this family. However that form may take - you now have the responsibility of 2 families.

 

Sad.

[mo]

Still my wife doesn't know if her house-maid is pregnant, me and my gal keeping secret, but I'm sure my wife will come to know soon and I'm worried of our marriage.

 

 

 

you and "your gal" have a lot of explaining to do to your wife. Yes, this is truly one of those you made your bed you must lie in it deals. If there were no really harsh consequences to cheating, more people than not might do it.

 

You are not going to die from the stress. You are not the first man who screwed his maid and I am sure won't be the last.

 

Agree! my life with my family is superb - now there will be a black dot if she (wife) will not say bye-bye.

 

And to be honest I also love this girl.

 

Thanks you - JadedStar

[JadedStar]

Agree! my life with my family is superb - now there will be a black dot if she (wife) will not say bye-bye.

 

And to be honest I also love this girl.

 

Thanks you - JadedStar

 

AM i reading this right? You think you have a "black spot" on your family? Dear this is more akin to an ugly cancer all over your family that is wrought with deceit and betrayal.

 

Okay guy, I gotta say, I am really feeling some selfish, slightly narcissitic behavior in your posts. Your life is superb wtih your family? DUDE IF it was you would not be in love with your maid. Are you just in denial? Your family life is NOT superb you need serious counseling. Do you realize that what you have done could devastate your wife? Are you able to think about what your fling has dnoe to others? That there is an unborn child and you are depressed because it can't be aborted? Now I am pro choice, however, the details of this is sickening. You are devastated because the maid cannot abort and you will have to come face to face with your wrongdoings. Hard to feel lots of sympathy here. Now I am not trying to be mean but I am just trying to give you some reality as I don't think the seriousness of this has set in. it is not noble at all to screw your maid and after you confess to love her you just send her away to get an abortion. You can't really claim to have a wonderful family whilst lying to your wife....I feel very sorry for your wife here. She gets my sympathy. And the maid because you probably have sold her a bill of goods as well.

 

There are other people here, and dude you have far more than a little BLACK SPOT on your family to worry aobut. You might lose EVERYTHING, you might want to see a therapist to help you make the RIGHT DECISIONS. Your wife could sue you for divorce/adultery and wipe you clean. And honestly if you do not change this non chalant stance you have, as in thinking this is just a dirty spot on the carpet that you are trying to steamclean, then this may very well happen to you.

 

Your family as you know it will likely never be the same. Cheating is the stain right now in your life and it is a hard clean up. If it were not such a terrible thing to do to another person, more people would do it.

[Cimmie]

Agree! my life with my family is superb - now there will be a black dot if she (wife) will not say bye-bye.

 

And to be honest I also love this girl.

 

[/b]

 

?????

Sorry, I know it's bad to be judgmental and all...but I am finding it very hard to have any sympathy for the OP.

Seems to me you're not really the one with the problem. I feel very, very sorry for your wife.

 

Why don't people like you come with a health warning?

[BetterKarma]

Mo, I went back and read some of your previous posts.

 

You wrote in 2005 that you were having an emotional affair with a married woman and was still wondering about that relationship earlier on this year. And now you're saying that your having an affair with your house-maid and she's pregnant.

 

Your wife might be a lovely wife but it doesn't seem like you love her or respect her based off of all of your "extra-cirricular activities." I think your wife deserves to know the truth about everything and then for her to decide whether or not to live in the world you have created for yourself.

 

I know if I was in her position I would want to know the truth rather than being lied to and treated like a fool right from under her nose.

[Siriana]

but then I fallen in love with her - she love me so much and indeed I love her.

 

The worse thing now she is pregnant 4 months - I sent her home to do the best to terminate or abortion

 

 

Hm...are you serious?

 

O.k. in case you are serious (I so hope you are not) how can you claim you love your mistress if you wanted her to abort a child so you can stay with your wife?

 

The fact is you don't love your mistress, you were just being selfish.

 

Pay for child support.

Thats the only thing important.

 

Your wife is going to find about this one sooner or later, don't try to kid yourself you are going to be able to hide it!

I think you should tell her, she will divorce you and ...what than?

[annie24]

yikes! I agree with syrix, there is a lot of contradiction in your post. You love the maid, but want her to get an abortion. You love the maid, but are afraid of your marriage falling apart?

 

I think the first thing to do is to get into therapy and figure out what the right thing is to do. I don't think at this point, you get to spend hours in therapy figuring out what "you" want, because honestly, I think that is selfish. You have 4 kids, one on the way, with two different women. you created a mess here, and now you will have to sort it out.

 

I do think you should come clean to your wife, she deserves to know the truth.

[Mythical_Suicide]

All I have to say about this post is..

Poor kids!

[Miss Firecracker]

I don't think you are going to find an answer on this forum. You certainly won't get sympathy either. Just be a man and take care of your problem. That's what you have to do. You have two families to take care of now.

 

Hope you have a good job.

[southerngirl]

Tell the truth to your wife. Get a divorce if thats what she wants and then concentrate on supporting your soon to be five kids.

 

You created the new baby. You now need to be a man and admit what you have done.

 

When you cheat on your wife you are also cheating on your four children who look to you to teach them love and how to be a good friend, husband, father and man.

[rocio]

maybe I've missed the answer to this somewhere, but..

 

Which woman do you want to be with? Follow that..

[JadedStar]

maybe I've missed the answer to this somewhere, but..

 

Which woman do you want to be with? Follow that..

 

 

Oh he has answered that alright. He wants his cozy family and wife, but he also wants a torrid affair with the maid on the side, but can't unless she successfully aborts his child. His FIFTH child. He is depressed because she is too far along to be able to abort it. But he loves her you know.

 

Classic case of wanting your cake and eating it too. Yeah that is a cornball analogy, but it just fit in this case.

 

Sorry, I know I am being sarcastic, but sometimes sarcasm is the only way to really share the insight on how a situation looks...

[mo]

Thanks all for your contribution on this post, some of you criticized me, some who feel sorry for my family - some who encourage me to be a man and face reality - this already happened I see myself just like devil in front of my wife and I'm sure there will be no cure unless my wife forgive me.

 

I'm not forcing my maid to abort a poor baby, she is the one said she need abortion. Last night she asked me again and she put much difficulty to me. She said "send me to hospital for abortion or we marry" - There is no doctor accept to abort 4 month baby.

 

Hard situation.

[Miss Firecracker]

So she thinks she can make you marry her?

[mo]

So she thinks she can make you marry her?

 

It is possible but not easy - there are procedures to be followed involving government responsible sector, there will be a lot of questions however!

she will also needed to bring her father's letter of acceptance. To get a letter from her family is also not easy. ](*,)