Members Sound Off - If You Love Something, Let It Go?

[Royal Members]

Hi enotalone members! It's time once again to Sound Off on a selected topic. This topic is sure to spark some lively discussion...and don't forget to take a moment to vote in the poll, too. Now, on to the topic:

 

What do you think of the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

[butterflycloud]

I think that they left something out of that cliche when dveloping it- ot should have read: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you( without you having to plead and beg), its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.

 

If someone doesnt come back to you out of their own free will , with no external influence ,the yes they will be yours forever.

[PRSOV]

I don't agree, people make mistakes because of their own insecurities. Even when they think they finally know what they want from their partner... or ex

[XLiFeLeSs_GaZeX]

If you really love something or someone why would you let them go for? If you love them as much as you say then you would hold on... think about your material possesions, your house, your car etc... its the same with a partner.

 

I agree with PRSOV, people do make mistakes because of their own insecurities... we are only human and no one is perfect.

[RayKay]

I think sometimes people put this saying in the wrong context.

 

It does not mean that you should somehow just stop loving them, or caring. And, the saying does not apply just to romantic love relationships!

 

For me what it means is:

 

1) If you love someone, you care greatly about them and their happiness, not just your own. You want them to fulfill their goals and dreams as well, and if that means having to let them go to pursue those, then so be it. This relates more for me to either children, friends and yes...even romantic partners if they do not see you as part of their dreams and goals.

 

2) If you love someone, but they do not return the same level of love you yourself need, then maybe the first person you need to love is YOURSELF and realize that you deserve someone whom feels the same for you and would "not leave in the first place". You may love them, but the whole relationship itself is not balanced and equal, and so you "must let them go".

 

You cannot "force" someone to stay with you. Love is reciprocal - it must be nourished, but it cannot be manipulated. At least not if you want a healthy, long lasting love.

 

If it is true love, and they return and stay on their own free will, then there is something there. If you have to guilt them, or force them to stay through manipulation....that is not love. And it won't last.

 

3) If a relationship is terribly unhealthy for you both - not necessarily abusive (though of course this is a good reason to let them go!) but emotionally painful, full of drama, maybe dishonesty & pain, then I believe that though you may love them, you have to let them go. Because you must love yourself too, no matter what. True love does not mean you lose yourself.

 

I think so many people mistake dependency, fear of being on their own, addiction to drama (up & downs) and so forth for love. Sure, love does require compromise, but if you are always sacrificing, that is not love. Sure love will at times hurt, but if it is always hurting...that is not love. Sure sometimes love may involve doubts, but if one partner is showing you they don't love you as you deserve, that is not love.

 

When a partner leaves, the gut reaction is often "they are the only ones for me EVER, I will NEVER get over this!". Pretty normal...but, they aren't, and you will. Because the one for you would believe the same for you, and act as such, and you will heal, and move on...and love again if you allow yourself. There is no martyrdom in convincing yourself to never love again in my opinion! That only does a terrible disservice to yourself, and to the one whom might be the one (you'll never meet them if you believe you won't!).

 

I am not sure if any of you ever watch that show "Intervention" about well, basically interventions on drug abusers, addicts of all kind. I watched one this weekend that had this young man, whom was a great potential music producer, whom had turned to crack cocaine. He had this young girlfriend, whom truly believed her love could cure his addiction. She believed love was always pain, and sacrifice, at the loss of herself. She gave her life to take care of him. Others, her family and the counsellor, told her that love would not be so painful and hard, that she had to "let him go" so he could heal himself (to therapy). They even encouraged her to go to therapy as she was in a sense addicted to love, without a sense of what love was all about.

[Spawn]

i agree lettin go is the right thing to do....but if it happens again that doesn't mean its forever either.

 

Good relationships can end too...

[Lily04]

I find that the answers depend on your perspective (I.E. ARE YOU THE ONE BEING DUMPED OR THE DUMPER?) I chose option #2 in any case, ALTHOUGH I think it really depends on the situation... i.e. I firmly believe that if one of the parties is ready to move on, and wants to, then the relationship is done... regardless of whether or not the other person still feels a strong love towards him/her. That is because love requires the commitment of 2 people in a relationship... if only one person feels love, then it won't work. If, however, someone really loves someone and just feels that the relationship is slightly becoming stale or something like that, then I think it's fine to spice it up and really try to hold on to it... because true love is something that shouldn't just be dismissed easily because it's so rare. If, in fact, it is lost, however... then acceptance may be the right way to go.

[Dako]

To me, you give someone you love what they need.

If they need to leave you, so be it.

[keefy1972]

Boo corny sayings about love. Hooray beer! Love is not a house, love is not a car, it is not a physical possession. You own possessions. If anything, you are love's possession because it owns you.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think that if you loved something or someone and you lose that love because of something you did or because that person lost interest in you, I would fight for it, esp if you were to blame. Sometimes fighting for the love that was lost, may show the other person that you really do care and love that person.

 

To me, love is worth fighting for. Otherwise, what is? a job, money, career? Those stuff are all physical and dont last long. If done right, love can last forever.

[Relationship Coach]

You simply cannot hold on to something that is no longer yours, you have to let go. Fighting for it, with "it" being your relationship seldom works. This is where the imbalance takes over and one person just pushes the other further away. If you want to make sure and lose someone for good, chase them!

 

RC

[nottoogreen]

I went through all permutations in practice and voted Still waiting to see if it's true.

[shes2smart]

I suspect that, often times, trying to hold on to love is similar to holding on to a bar of soap.

 

The harder you wrap your hands around it, the more likely it is to slip through your fingers.

[Balbina]

I think it really depends on the situation and circumstances in regards to "letting go"...

 

One may think that accepting a break up may mean letting go and thus sit around waiting for their SO to come back to them - even when they have been hurt in the process, they refuse to accept change and adopt the common mantra "If you love something, let it go..." and spend their time waiting for the other person. I see this particular example associated with that saying often, and I don't think it applies to what it really means.

 

If you love someone, but they are on a different path in life or the timing isn't right and your love could potentially hold them back from their dreams and goals, then "letting go" is more accurately played out. Letting go, to me, would be more of a self-sacrifice, as opposed to settling for being alone because you have no choice, or because you are jaded into it.

 

I am a believer in fate in terms of, things working out in the end if they are meant. thereforeeee, if you have to separate from someone now because of unforeseen circumstances (different dreams, goals, etc) you are not meant to be. Yes, any relationship requires hard work, but letting the person follow their dreams and having them eventually end up back to you is when it is really fate. That is when you know it was meant to be because you let them go, sacrificed love, for them to learn, change, grow and in the end you still end up together.

 

You think of people giving up so much of themselves for others and you think, Wow, it's love. But is it worth it?

 

To me, giving up my dreams to be with someone would only cause me to harbour resentment for them. Yes, it was my choice for love, but it was inevitably them who convinced me or influenced my decision. What if they showed me that they were willing to go through heartache and pain for my happiness? I would look back fondly at their total selflessness.

 

Yes, you should fight for love. Yes, you should try to make it work if it is really "true love"...but true love is about sacrificing yourself...even if that means letting go.

[chai714]

"Fighting" for their love is like fighting waves at the beach. It's much easier to go the direction the waves are going (which means if they're leaving you then you also need to walk away for the time being). Getting someone to love you should not be a battle. If someone walks away from you then the best thing for you to do is not to bargain but to also walk away (at least initially).

[friscodj]

This is where the imbalance takes over and one person just pushes the other further away. If you want to make sure and lose someone for good, chase them!

 

Oh so true, so true, yet I've found when your heart is wrapped up in the relationship, so hard to do.

 

What do I think? Yeah, if someone wants out, open the door for them, pat them on the back, and wish them luck.

 

But for me anyway, in order to get to the point of comfort and acceptance with this notion, I need to suffer a bit with a chase for my own well being if nothing else, to be able to walk away and say I had no regrets and did my best. I find I move on faster and more completely after chasing to no avail...

[SaraJane]

Well, there was a time when I wouldnt have agreed with "Absolutely" but I've had a change of heart recently.

 

My first post here was about another man that I had fallen in love with, and the whole situation with my divorce, etc... and after my first post here and the responses and realizing how foolish we were to think that we were doing the right thing.

 

We came to realize that it was just not the right idea, no matter how much we both wanted it and we agreed that no matter how much it hurt, we loved and respected eachother enough to let go and work out our lives separately so that we dont hurt eachother.

 

As much as it hurt, I dont regret the decision, and neither does he. Though neither of us have closed out the option of a potential future together, we've stepped back and are allowing one another to focus on what needs to be done and allowing other opportunities to present themselves without hurting one another in the process.

 

What that allowed me to see is that in healthy relationships people sometimes make choices that are not what they want... but in the best interest of the people they care about. Its not easy, and though sacrifice can have its ups and downs loving something enough can mean putting your needs aside and seeing what's most important.

[Oldboy]

Sorry: don't understand the original question. If you love yourself set them free. Accept and stop waiting for them to come back otherwise you do yourself an injustice. As for setting them free: they're gone anyway if you are even having this discussion. The time you wait for them to come back is directly proportionate to the love for them you will lose before they come back.

And why would they come back after they left? Sounds a bit erratic.

If someone decides to come back after they have left is this not a bit contemptous?

[Day_Walker]

I agree with the letting go part because you cant keep a person that does not want to stay but as far as saying that if they come back then it is meant to be then I think that is idealistic. Just because a person comes back is not an indication that it they are going to be yours forever instead it has more to do with maybe they needed to work things out or maybe there was a conflict but them coming back is no indication of the future. Instead it just means that they came back and hopefully what was once there may be repaired but sometimes it is lost.

When a person leaves or you let them go, I think it is best to move on and not to dwell on it. There are too many people out there that you havent yet experience to say that this was meant to be. People get locked down into that kind of thinking when they have run out of options and hope for anything else.

[Beec]

"Fighting" for their love is like fighting waves at the beach. It's much easier to go the direction the waves are going (which means if they're leaving you then you also need to walk away for the time being). Getting someone to love you should not be a battle. If someone walks away from you then the best thing for you to do is not to bargain but to also walk away (at least initially).

 

Good analogy. You cannot fight them to keep them there. However, you can, at some point, try to make them WANT to come back. Will it work? I've only seen it work in a few cases.

 

What that allowed me to see is that in healthy relationships people sometimes make choices that are not what they want... but in the best interest of the people they care about. Its not easy, and though sacrifice can have its ups and downs loving something enough can mean putting your needs aside and seeing what's most important.

 

Yes, that is what love is. "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."

 

C.S. Lewis -- Answers to Questions on Christianity

[Daddy Bear]

i've been around long enough to know

real love sometimes means letting go

[Aurian]

I guess I am looking at it in terms of an active relationship, not a dying one.

 

If you love someone, you give them the freedom to go. You don't control them or trap them to keep them close. Not only do you give them the choice of being with you, but you work to make sure they choose to be with you each day. Doesn't matter if you are dating or married, treat the other person well so they won't want to go.

 

If they love you, they will return each day.

[Stambler]

Put into the context of adults who don't need to be supervised, it's simple: DON'T BE CLINGY!!!!

 

• Let your partner be themselves, don't expect anything else of them
  
• Let your partner have some private time, private thoughts
  
• Let you partner do what they want, when they want, and how they want – if they love you, they won't take advantage of this freedom, and it will be reciprocated
  

 

If you cling, when they get the chance they will run like hell!

[nottoogreen]

Put into the context of adults who don't need to be supervised, it's simple: DON'T BE CLINGY!!!!

I fully concur with you Camber.

[vesper]

letting go is a state of mind... you can physically be with someone and already have let them go....