Balbina

I took a trip around the world With hunger in my heart Insatiable to old walls and castles, It grumbled from the start I took a trip around the world Where foreign flavours enticed me I sampled sights and sounds and towns It became rather pricey I took a trip around the world For a short walk through a square I sat upon the fountains edge A submerged coin would show you where I took a trip around the world In search of something more A treasure hunt of the unknown The stuff of legends and lore I took a trip back to my home Seasoned with knowledge and change My heart still grumbled, but I no longer crumbled, And I thought it rather strange I took a trip back to my home And familiarity I did find I found myself accross the globe I returned to peace of mind

Brilliant. "The more intense, the more I tense, and nothing comes out right!" You better copyright this!

I really like it. You've very talented with putting words together.

Love Takes over A first class seat towards the unknown Nothing matters, Not the risk, not the challenge There is no doubt Love Takes over Consumes your mind Invades your body Makes you weak With pleasure Pain. The greatest highs The lowest lows... The heart isn’t biased It spreads it to the furthest crevice in your body So your stomach knots Your soul aches Love Eating away at your insides Like the paranoid thoughts And scenarios playing on the internal screen Just a bad review? Confusion Chaotic unknowns Love Tender kisses Gentle caresses Stolen glances in secret code Exposed on every level United in pure pleasure Love I Revel in the taste I crave the touch It’s never enough. My equal Makes Us feel invincible the only one who can break me. The polarities are extreme in love... But I’m ready for the pull.

I think you should give it up. It sucks that she was so keen on showing she was into you before and then suddenly changed her mind but thats the risk you take when getting attached to someone before you have a chance to be together. Her actions are clear - she's no longer interested. Asking her to be truthful with you is like rubbing salt on the wound...do you really need her to spell it out for you?

Your problem lies in the last few words of your post...you desire that closeness with the person. It's perfectly normal to want to feel intimate and connected to someone, especially someone you've recently separated with but realizing your urges and acting on them are two different things. You say you know it's a bad idea yet you want to do it anyway - why? Can you not find other ways to bring yourself comfort without back-tracking and hurting yourself more?

So you don't want to be with her anymore? But you miss being with her on an intimate, friendly level?

It's all about the vibe you emit. The energy you surround yourself that attracts people to you. If you;re feeling low on yourself and don't bother to hide it, your body language, stance, expressions and even the way you interact gives it away. I think you focus too much on your happiness or self worth to be met by attention from people. Validation should come from within, aside the scrutiny of others. You need to learn to love yourself before anyone can love you right? And trust me, you're too good looking to be calling yourself ugly (but we ALL have our days, trust me) You're probably just in a low because of some guy but you know you don't rely on him for your happiness. When you begin to be totally self-sufficient in all areas in life (including LOVE...because you can love yourself, but having a guy around would be a nice little perk) you will begin to give out that message to others.

I think there is a huge difference between having GOOD friends and BEST friends, but people kind of blur the line between the two. I have a lot of good friends that I've met recently in my life that I've clicked and connected with and shared good times with...we get along great and we're close but to me that doesn't qualify for BEST friend material, no matter how tight we may be. Those friends you have from WAY back, those ones that have been through the worst with you, stood by through thick and thin and came OUT of those bad times still supporting you, are best friends. You need to earn the title of best friends, not just announce it. You need to prove that you can get through all of life obstacles and still stick by one another. Best friends are hard to find...I've lost all of my "best friends" but it only made me realize they weren't "best" at all. And while I have a lot of good friends now, a lot have the potential to be best friends because I do open up to them. I share my life with them and let them struggle with me...because that counts too. You don't have to necessarily know the person since you were toddlers to become best...you just have to trust each other and when the times comes to test that, come out alive.

For these past couple of months I've been doing....not much. It's weird because I know what my problem is and how to go about solving it (aka, DO SOMETHING) but it's like I cannot bring myself to do anything to work towards some direction. I was depressed for about two years...really depressed. I couldn't socialize, I didn't go to school, I didn't care about anything or anyone. I was kind of lost in my own misery. About a year ago, that all changed with the break up of a boyfriend who was emotionally sucking me, to letting go of my past mistakes and regrets and accepting who I was and what has happened to me. I've had my ups and downs but the thing is - I'm HAPPY now. I feel happy...but sometimes when I think about it too hard, I get listless and tired and lost. I've had the year off to travel with my family before university, while I'm finishing up extra courses online... It turned out they miscalculated how many credits I needed and I have to wait atleast another 6 months, if not the full year, to go to university. Now, really, I don't mind. I know I'll get there eventually...but thats the thing. I'm not going anywhere now. Its like... I don't do anything. I can't focus or concentrate on my work. And I don't have a lot to do believe me. But when I sit down and try to do it, my mind wanders....and I never get much done. It's frustrating and I feel friggin' WEAK that I can't be in control of myself. Or rather that I can but I can't just grasp that control and reign it in the way I want to. I feel sort of helpless, but it's very "poor me" and I feel pathetic for even writing on here (because I know the advice I would give to myself - sUCK IT UP!) But...I don't know. Maybe I'm not as happy as I seem to be. I feel like sometimes I get so excited and make all these plans, these little schedules for myself to complete work, to work towards this, to accomplish this...I buy a calandar, a day planner, a new laptop.... But in the end, I do kind of want to get lost in something that doesn't force me to think about what I want... Because besides getting these courses done, the future scares me. I don't know what I'm suposed to work toward. I spend my days reading novels (I devour them) or watching movies that don't interest me just so my mind is occupied. But I'm left feeling kind of empty. I've had health problems lately too - I feel horrible physically. Tired, stuffy, irritated....weak. I was also in a car accident 4 years ago, lost my eye and broke most of the bones in my face. I've had 5 major reconstructive surgeries (which resulted in loss of time at school, apart from my depression) but more to come. I wear my shades all the time to hide my disfigurements. I guess I could say I feel that plays a major role but it's weird because I feel like I've accepted it. I go out all the time, I party, I socialize, I'll talk to strangers, I'm totally cool as oppose to in the past hiding out at home away from any social interaction. I date, I meet guys, I go clubbing...It's WEIRD. I feel totally comfortable, confident, self-assured. But when I come home and I'm suposed to do something, I would rather curl into a ball. I feel like a lazy bum....but I'm NOT lazy. I have yet to prove that though, right? I don't know. I just... there's something wrong with me. Why can't I do what I force myself to do? Why am I hindering my own progress? Why am I doing it KNOWINGLY? Or maybe I am a little messed up still. :S

Lol, I personally think you should put less about yourself and more humour as well. A girl will figure out who you are and what makes you tick when she meets you. Start off with something totally random. I have a serious addiction to ______ (food/music/whatever) The weirdest thing about me is _______ My passion in life is ________ The part about compatibility...how are they suposed to know they're compatible from a list of interests? Compatibility is something that is determined when you meet someone and get to know them. Tell them you're confident in your ability to intrique and amaze them.

lol that was encouraging. Walk on eggshells and he won't stray away! I don't agree entirely. He may use her to boost his ego every once in a while but that does not mean he would fool around with her if things got rough with his gf. Have a little faith in guys!

Why don't you try looking at her like you do at these beautiful/sexy girls? Some girls will never understand the horomone thing. I have girlfriends who freak out at their S/Os when they look at another woman. To them, they should be the one and only object of affection and attention and good enough so that their men won't have to look elsewhere. That is probably where the insecurity arises. I'm confident, but if my bf were to be always ogling other women, it would start to get to me too. Why not compromise...don't look when she's around you.

Well, if he knows she likes him then theres no harm right? He says you're the only one for him, give him the benefit of the doubt. However, does he hang out with her alone? Do they spend a lot of time together? If it's within a mutual group of friends, I wouldn't have anything to worry about. Tag along and see if she acts differently around him than anyone else, but don't give her a hard time either (unless she's all over him)

Exactly. It's also a little unfair to think she betrayed you when this happened when you were broken up. If it would ever escalate into something else, it would have then, but it didn't. You need to just stop freaking out because she is with you now and give her the benefit of the doubt. There's nothing you can do to change the fact that he'll be in her class.

Also happened to me fairly recently. I fell apart with two of my best friends about two years ago. One friend I was involved in a serious accident with - she walked away practically unharmed and I've been in and out of the hospital with surgeries for the past three years. Initially, we were very close because obviously she was there through it all...she stuck up for me a lot when people gave me a hard time as well throughout highschool. Eventually we started drifting apart...I was coming to terms with my situation and I felt years ahead of everyone else. I started to realize how much more there was to life and to people...Dealing with ignorance from strangers really affected me and after falling into a bad depression, I made my way out of it stronger and wiser. She, on the other hand, changed in another way. She became so consumed with image and appearance. I like to look good too and I think I have a little vainity as well, but she was very superficial. Dealing with my injuries and having to hear her judge other people based on their imperfections and treat them worse accordingly, I saw just how shallow she really was. We drifted apart and barely spoke. Recently I saw her at a family get together (we're family friends) and she seemed normal. I started talking to her and we began to remember all the fun times we had together. We started hanging out but again, days later when we were at a party and she got drunk, she began acting out as if she were all high and mighty. She had the ugliest attitude and I was embarrassed to be seen with her. I don't regret losing that friendship because now that I've spent time with her again it verifies why I chose not to, despite our extensive history. My other friend and I (same group of girlfriends) also drifted apart. She was very into her money and her looks as well, but also very much into making very bad decisions and making things difficult for herself for attention. After I found out she did some things, we really drifted apart because I realized we were in different places. We got back together a few months ago and things were fine for a few months. She sounded really put together and mature as her life was really downhill and she was so upbeat. Her positive attitude impressed me and I wanted to have her around... Then I realized her positivity and rants about changes were just talk. She continued to make bad choices and act out for attention. She hadn't changed much, except for having a better vocabulary and expressing herself better. I still see her sometimes but I ask not to hear about her life because people who say one thing and do another aggrivate me. In both cases it sucks...I find I keep changing my circle of friends continually. I wish I had that one stable group of girlfriends (which these two girls were for 6 years) but its hard when you all change so much, so differently.

You're not with someone to have a walking ego-boost walking by your side. While all of that is nice, does he try as hard to make you feel good? If he is unemotional and unattached, he'll have to come around on his own. Overdoing it can make him feel obliged to open up and compliment you back, which is not what you want. You want it flow naturally. You can try the dreaded "talk" about where you stand (I recommend doing it on neutral territory...go out for drinks and bring it up casually) or wait for him to come around. Show him you appreciate it him but don't go out of your way to show him how awesome and supportive you are. He should know that by now.

I don't think you're necessarily over-reacting but I think the way you're approaching the situation makes him feel like you are "forbiding" him the contact (which ofcourse, makes it seem like control, which he might resent) because you don't seem to trust him. It does seem like an issue that has been pretty prevalent throughout your relationship and I think you should approach it neutrally. Of course you feel insecure - he was asking her out. Talk to him about it calmy. Tell him it has nothing to do with trust. You trust him now, but the fact that he was running after her when you and he were still starting off makes you wonder why he is continuing contact now. You would never, out of respect retain contact with an ex-bf or almost-bf because you would realize it might make him feel uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with friendship - he can be friends with whomever he wishes but you would just wish he would respect the fact that YOU are uncomfortable when he talks to her, and you won't stop being uncomfortable anytime soon. You don't want to fight about some random girl or have to wonder about the reasoning of a boyfriend that doesn't want to break contact with her to make you feel better. Even worse that he feels he shouldn't tell you because he "knows how you'll react". This isn't about control or power or him rebelling out because you're "forbidding" him. Tell him he can do what he wants but he know how you feel about it - and if it progresses you don't know if you'll be able to handle it.

Congratulations I've realized something myself these past few days that you can probably relate to: Only you can hold back yourself...the only person you can let down is yourself. I've also vowed to not let my bad (emotional) habits bring me down... good luck to us both!

I'm actually extremely logical in my decisions, especially in matters of the heart. Yes, emotions can alter my mindset but I think if a man was involved with someone seriously, his feelings could also alter his logic. There was a study I saw in one of the recent Cosmopolitan's where it said the sight of a pretty woman can alter a man's decision making skills. More accurately then, Men are not victims of logic but horomones? These are all generalizations. I know men who are overly emotional and irrational and women who are complete opposites. I think if a man feels comfortable in a relationship and truly in love he will want to share some of his issues with his S/O, but no one ever wants to drop everything on someone else. As for being unattached and unemotional...if you want the same things out of a relationship and are at the same level emotionally, there shouldn't be any conflict. If it bothers you, maybe you're not getting what you NEED out of the relationship. There are plently of guys who argue about having a life and a relationship, but fewer guys would realize the two CAN co-exist. Maybe you should show him the same effort towards the relationship that he is giving to it?

Why don't you do sometime spontaneous to rekindle the initial flirtiness of dating? Or even just flirt with her more on a regular basis? Or even distance yourself a little bit and see if you miss her/crave her as much? As for performance...you need to figure out where your insecurity stems from and what particular situations make you feel that way. Assess yourself and figure out what makes you tick and what doesn't.

I think it really depends on the situation and circumstances in regards to "letting go"... One may think that accepting a break up may mean letting go and thus sit around waiting for their SO to come back to them - even when they have been hurt in the process, they refuse to accept change and adopt the common mantra "If you love something, let it go..." and spend their time waiting for the other person. I see this particular example associated with that saying often, and I don't think it applies to what it really means. If you love someone, but they are on a different path in life or the timing isn't right and your love could potentially hold them back from their dreams and goals, then "letting go" is more accurately played out. Letting go, to me, would be more of a self-sacrifice, as opposed to settling for being alone because you have no choice, or because you are jaded into it. I am a believer in fate in terms of, things working out in the end if they are meant. thereforeeee, if you have to separate from someone now because of unforeseen circumstances (different dreams, goals, etc) you are not meant to be. Yes, any relationship requires hard work, but letting the person follow their dreams and having them eventually end up back to you is when it is really fate. That is when you know it was meant to be because you let them go, sacrificed love, for them to learn, change, grow and in the end you still end up together. You think of people giving up so much of themselves for others and you think, Wow, it's love. But is it worth it? To me, giving up my dreams to be with someone would only cause me to harbour resentment for them. Yes, it was my choice for love, but it was inevitably them who convinced me or influenced my decision. What if they showed me that they were willing to go through heartache and pain for my happiness? I would look back fondly at their total selflessness. Yes, you should fight for love. Yes, you should try to make it work if it is really "true love"...but true love is about sacrificing yourself...even if that means letting go.

If he's with someone else right now for almost 5 months, I wouldn't suggest trying to jeopardize his relationship by announcing your feelings again. If he were single, you could go for it, but you should respect the fact that he's with someone else. How would you feel being his gf and having his ex contact him or try to win him back? You've been doing so well lately and try not to let it get you down. Getting involved with a friend-for-benefits was a bad idea and is probalbly what exacerbated your feelings back to your ex because you were having sex without the benefits of a relationship, making you miss what you had before even more. Focus more on yourself and tell the other friend to take a hike. You'll meet another guy but not until you've healed yourself. To want someone to understand you, you need to understand yourself.

It's your phone. While you may be a bit out of line demanding your boyfriend to drop any contact with her and he doesn't have to comply, you don't have to hear about it either. It's your phone and especially if the messages aren't intended to you, let her know. If she wants to get a hold of him, she will. Don't torture yourself by trying not to be harsh - its your phone, let her know to stop calling because he's not there.

Kitchen countertop, bathroom sink, shower, stairs, car, on a bench in a park (at night!), against a tree/forest, on the hood of a hotrod, office chair/floor/desk... I would like to swimming in an ocean/(clean)lake... change room restaurant bathroom randomly pulled over on a highway (not too busy!) against the front door (from the inside, ofcourse) in the rain in a field under the stars (camping)