Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women?

[annie24]

PS: As for turning off your brain, I envy that, I really can't. I take sleeping pills so I can get some sleep because even though I'm physically exhausted my mind is still buzzing along at its own insane pace. Without drugs I'd be awake for days.

 

CB - have you tried yoga for meditation at night to help calm your brain? learning yoga and learning how to focus your thoughts can really help you get a better night's sleep and calm the noises in your brain.

[CarnelianButterfly]

CB - have you tried yoga for meditation at night to help calm your brain? learning yoga and learning how to focus your thoughts can really help you get a better night's sleep and calm the noises in your brain.

I started yoga for my back and I can calm my thoughts a little while I do the stretches since I concentrate on breathing and being in the correct position, but even then there's always little stuff going on in the background.

[Scout]

The "I am too intelligent to get dates" excuse is no difference than hearing guys come on here and say "girls wont date me because I am too nice." Really its lack of confidence the the realm of dating. Confidence in other areas does not translate into confidence in dating.

 

Sorry girls, but I am completely with Tyler on this one! I have heard many, many women make this complaint, and I agree it must be as insulting for men to hear as it is for women to hear guys say women only like jerks.

 

Check out the personal ads from guys, scores of them say they're looking for a woman they can have a real conversation with, who can challenge their minds. My own boyfriend constantly tells me one of the main reasons he loves me is because of my mind, and almost all of my boyfriends have echoed that.

 

I really also agree that holding on to this generalization is another way to deny one's personal insecurity about the world of dating. Unfortunately, clinging to this belief is just going to make dating even more unpleasant for you, as you will clearly have a chip on your shoulder.

[Batya33]

I've never found the men I know (and I know many, mostly highly intelligent) to be intimidated by intelligent women. Rather, they are turned off/not interested in a woman who is intelligent and who is arrogant, pretentious or condescending about her intelligence - same reason that a man might not want to be friends with a woman or man who acts that way.

 

In addition, I think men who are insecure say they are intimidated by an intelligent woman but in reality they are simply insecure and blame it on the other person's qualities (and intelligence is an easy target of course).

[annie24]

I started yoga for my back and I can calm my thoughts a little while I do the stretches since I concentrate on breathing and being in the correct position, but even then there's always little stuff going on in the background.

 

I think you should keep practicing the yoga - and take a course more on meditation. or, rent some yoga meditation DVDs. It is very good and difficult to clear your mind totally! And very valuable. As much as it is important to challenge your mind with physics and stuff, it's also important to clear it out at the end of the day.

[CarnelianButterfly]

tylercdurden2004

 

Then what do you talk about?

[Scout]

tylercdurden2004

 

Then what do you talk about?

 

LOL, although I definitely agreed with that statement I quoted from Tyler, when I re-read his post I caught that part about not wanting to talk about so many subjects with his girl. Now I'm curious, what do you like to talk about with her?

[RayKay]

I agree largely with tyler's last couple posts about this.

 

Though, my partner and I DO talk about weightier issues from time to time, it's also very important to both of us it's not about boring one another to death, or showing one another up, or making one of us feel lost. We are both intelligent, we both KNOW one another is intelligent, and we don't feel the need to "prove it" either.

 

At the same time, we just like to be silly sometimes too. Sure, maybe talking about some pop culture issue is not "weighty" or intelligent, but it can be fun, and it is still an opportunity to get one anothers perspectives too, and sometimes, we just want to just BE together - be quiet, in one anothers presense and enjoy it. You don't have to be talking to be communicating.

 

My partner and I share a lot of passions - mostly outdoors and athletic pursuits, which we definitely enjoy doing together, but at the same time we respect we are not identical nor do we need to enjoy ALL the same things. We are not looking for an indentical twin to ourselves. He's an engineer, and I respect very much what he does, he is very smart, and often ask him about certain projects or theories, and so forth, for example, but I don't need to spend our evenings talking about them. I am pretty darned sure he does not want to do that either! On the flipside, I have an interest in politics and that is my background, and while he has some base knowledge, he also admits he is not that "schooled" on it. I am not going to sit there and talk about things he does not really have an interest in and second, that can make him feel a bit "inadequate". If he asks me, I am happy to talk, or we can make some light conversation, but I don't need to delve into the nitty gritty of it all either.

 

I agree with the others that there is a difference between intelligence and arrogance, and that a woman will rarely be rejected for the former but I would suspect may often find difficulties due to the latter.

 

P.S. Yes, keep up with the yoga! I have a brain that is ALWAYS "on" and yoga helps tremendously. The mind may never be 100% clear, but it's about striving towards that "peace" that makes the big difference. It takes monks years to get to that "enlightenment"!

[CarnelianButterfly]

At the same time, we just like to be silly sometimes too. Sure, maybe talking about some pop culture issue is not "weighty" or intelligent, but it can be fun, and it is still an opportunity to get one anothers perspectives too, and sometimes, we just want to just BE together - be quiet, in one anothers presense and enjoy it. You don't have to be talking to be communicating.

I love being silly, my group of friends has an on going conversation about who would win if a hippo and a polar bear had a fight. We started it when we were slightly drunk one night and every time we have a few beers we start laughing about it again. We also have a lot of pretty serious discussions that are very stimulating, but we tend to run more towards the silly side and lots of laughing.

I very much agree with the spending time being quiet together is also very important. I like the idea of just sitting in a hammock with my guy watching the sky and sucking up the sun. Being peaceful and together would to me show the strength of the relationship, like you said communication without talking

I agree with the others that there is a difference between intelligence and arrogance, and that a woman will rarely be rejected for the former but I would suspect may often find difficulties due to the latter.

Do I come off as arrogant? I'm not this confrontational with people in real life, I sadly get a false bravado from the whole "facelessness" sense with the internet. Until college, being intelligent was never really rewarded at the schools I went to, most of the attention was put on sports. I've spent a lot of time being called names like nerd and geek because I could get A's in physics and math. In my experiences intelligence has been a stigma. I have been gifted with mathematics and I never gloat or bode it over anyone, I love teaching and helping others learn, if someone doesn't understand something my immediate urge is to help them. I'm also very curious, I have a tendency to ask questions about everything, I don't always have a good sense of propriety because my desire to learn and gain knowledge is so intense.

[RayKay]

I love being silly, my group of friends has an on going conversation about who would win if a hippo and a polar bear had a fight. We started it when we were slightly drunk one night and every time we have a few beers we start laughing about it again. We also have a lot of pretty serious discussions that are very stimulating, but we tend to run more towards the silly side and lots of laughing.

I very much agree with the spending time being quiet together is also very important. I like the idea of just sitting in a hammock with my guy watching the sky and sucking up the sun. Being peaceful and together would to me show the strength of the relationship, like you said communication without talking

 

Hmm, both hippos and polar bears have some serious 'weaponry' behind them. Hippos kill a lot of people, then again so would polar bears given the chance, up here in Northern Manitoba during the "season" people have to have curfews, trick or treating is done with parents holding rifles & guns....I'll have to think about that one

 

You got it....there is that difference between uncomfortable silence, and just that lovely beauty of just BEING together that does not need noise pollution

 

 

Do I come off as arrogant? I'm not this confrontational with people in real life, I sadly get a false bravado from the whole "facelessness" sense with the internet. Until college, being intelligent was never really rewarded at the schools I went to, most of the attention was put on sports. I've spent a lot of time being called names like nerd and geek because I could get A's in physics and math. In my experiences intelligence has been a stigma. I have been gifted with mathematics and I never gloat or bode it over anyone, I love teaching and helping others learn, if someone doesn't understand something my immediate urge is to help them. I'm also very curious, I have a tendency to ask questions about everything, I don't always have a good sense of propriety because my desire to learn and gain knowledge is so intense.

 

 

 

Aww, I did not meant to insinuate you were being arrogant, sorry hon! I think you are very intelligent, and I have no doubt you are also compassionate as well. And I certainly don't think your intention would be to come accross as being "smarter than everyone else". I think it's just a balance of figuring out how to communicate on weightier topics and sharing your knowledge, versus basically "teaching" people whom may not want to be taught about them. Just look for that glaze in the eyes...

 

That being said, I guarantee there are men out there whom also would love to engage in "weightier" discussions time to time too. I think it sounds to me like you also appreciate the other aspects to a relationship, that it is not just a sounding board for scientific discussions, so I think you will be fine. Just remember to keep your heart open is all, don't get sucked into thinking men would not appreciate or admire your intelligence. They certainly will, as long as you also can appreciate and admire their contributions as well.

[Batya33]

I think it's entirely consistent to be both intelligent and talk about silly/trivial things - the best thing about intelligence is when it translates into an intelligent sense of humor.

[annie24]

yuck.

 

while maybe the article has some truth to it, what does the author propose I do? drop out of high school? tell men that I am working as a cashier at a fashion store when I am really off to work each day at a research laboratory?

[brando]

Sorry Annie...

[annie24]

it's ok We are here to discuss.

[brando]

We are in the 21st century..by now i would think men and women would have evolved enough as people to look past something like this. I GUESS NOT.

 

I ask myself if i am intimidated by intelligent people, i can be.

 

My point, it isnt just about a persons gender. Some people are able to articulate their thoughts rather well, with an expansive vocabulary,so perhpas it isnt so much intimidation,, but a fear of sounding foolish and not being able to engage this persons interest.

[TheRedQueen]

We are in the 21st century..by now i would think men and women would have evolved enough as people to look past something like this. I GUESS NOT.

 

I ask myself if i am intimidated by intelligent people, i can be.

 

My point, it isnt just about a persons gender. Some people are able to articulate their thoughts rather well, with an expansive vocabulary,so perhpas it isnt so much intimidation,, but a fear of sounding foolish and not being able to engage this persons interest.

 

WOW BRANDO,

 

THIS IS PERHAPS THE MOST HONEST POST I'VE YET TO READ ON THIS SITE.

 

It reminds me of the way I felt when writing essays for one of my English Professors. Because I regarded him as such an intelligent guy, whenever I was composing an essay, I'd spend most of my time editing and re-editing my words, in a state of quasi-fear of potentially coming accross like an idiot.

 

thanks Brando,

 

you just got me looking at this issue from an entirely different perspective.

[CarnelianButterfly]

We are in the 21st century..by now i would think men and women would have evolved enough as people to look past something like this. I GUESS NOT.

 

I ask myself if i am intimidated by intelligent people, i can be.

 

My point, it isnt just about a persons gender. Some people are able to articulate their thoughts rather well, with an expansive vocabulary,so perhpas it isnt so much intimidation,, but a fear of sounding foolish and not being able to engage this persons interest.

 

So true! My advisor is a woman and I am vastly intimidated by her intelligence, even for as personable and friendly as she is. As a teacher she is wonderful beyond words and as a researcher she has accomplished so much, I feel like a pipsqueak by comparison. I doubt her effect on me as a academic would be any different had she been male, but she as a person is what I think I like most about her which I have seen in very few male profs.

[Dako]

Brando's on to something.

It's not hard to feel intimidated by someone with a knack for expression, since it can reveal intelligence. I'm often awed by those people.

[brando]

 

 

It reminds me of the way I felt when writing essays for one of my English Professors. Because I regarded him as such an intelligent guy, whenever I was composing an essay, I'd spend most of my time editing and re-editing my words, in a state of quasi-fear of potentially coming accross like an idiot.

 

 

TRQ,

I can understand the essay writing experience you encountered. Back when i was in college, i enrolled in a poetry writing class. Now i had already had quite a few years writing poetry, and had some works in very minor publications..anyway i wanted to enhance my knowledge on the craft.

 

I found i was writing poems to try and impress the teacher, and not focusing on the joy of writing. I don't think i impressed her quite the way i wanted to but my point is that when i am faced with people i may be in awe of, or intimidated by, i lose sight of my gifts, my talents. I think it is an easy thing to get caught up in. And it may explain to little degree the confontation between a man meeting an intelligent woman and why it is standoffish, or unnerving.

[Miss M]

So true! My advisor is a woman and I am vastly intimidated by her intelligence, even for as personable and friendly as she is. As a teacher she is wonderful beyond words and as a researcher she has accomplished so much, I feel like a pipsqueak by comparison. I doubt her effect on me as a academic would be any different had she been male, but she as a person is what I think I like most about her which I have seen in very few male profs.

This is why I mentioned (#92) that an intelligent man can also be intimidated by an intelligent woman. It's not just the "dummies" who are intimidated. And feeling intimidated is not necessarily a character flaw that deserves disdain, (although the way he responds to his feelings of intimation just might evoke a disdainful response).

 

And what CB described is also why I mentioned (#85) that a woman doesn't have to be rudely flaunting her intelligence for the guy to feel intimidated by her. She could be innocent and without blame, and he could feel intimidated all of his own doing. And all the guys who are intimidated by intelligent women are simply not self-aware enough to take appropriate responsibility for it the way CB did in regard to her professor. Those types of guys will insist the woman is flaunting it, even when she isn't.

 

And for some "intelligent" guys who get a special satisfaction from using that intelligence to feel superior to women, even an equally intelligent woman can make him feel intimidated. Some intelligent guys are only comfortable around women when the women are distinctly less intelligent than the guy.

[Dako]

I've always been attracted to smart ladies, and also feel somewhat intimidated by them. It might seem a very unmasculine trait, but so is vanity. I often wonder if intimidation is a component of attraction.

 

Whatever... I like smart women.

[ElektraHere]

I've always been attracted to smart ladies, and also feel somewhat intimidated by them. It might seem a very unmasculine trait, but so is vanity. I often wonder if intimidation is a component of attraction.

 

Whatever... I like smart women.

 

I agree with you Dako I have always been attracted to smart men. Someone who throws in "dude" every other word is not attractive. As for intimidating I remember that I was going on a date and I met the guy at his house. His roommate and I were watching Jeopardy and I was smoking hot that evening. I even got the final question correct. Needless to say I think my date was intimidated by that. Plus the kidding he got from his roommate didnt help either. He was joking with him saying that I was a smart one and to watch out. I know he wasn't liking that.

 

Anyhoo yes I think men and women can be intimidated by knowledge. I find it very attractive and enlightening that you can carry on a conversation with someone and not have to explain what words mean and what the current events are.

 

Just my 2 cents

[Miss M]

Likewise, Dako and Elektra, I'm thoroughly turned on by thoughtfully intelligent men. But I don't find many who feel the same way about me. (I guess the guys who are intimidated just aren't posting on this thread?) And I only figured out the "problem" just a couple of years ago, when a guy who DID like my intelligence told me that other guys didn't, and also told me why they didn't.

[Daddy Bear]

I often wonder if intimidation is a component of attraction.

 

[/qUOTE]an intelligent woman requires intellectual stimulation at some time or another, and that could leave a guy struggling to keep up. some may find that daunting; i don't. if i don't have a challenge like that to keep my mind at its sharpest, my brain will eventually turn to head cheese.

 

to a girl with 30-40 IQ points on me, my communication skills are disordered, my conclusions come from nowhere and my self-awareness is questionable. ¿y que? i have no trouble getting along with people like that; why would she?

[need2bme]

I was intimidated by how happy my GF was, all the time. Most of the time she is engaging and funny. Talk about intimidating. She can always just BE in the moment. How do you do that, without feeling intimidated?