Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women?

[melrich]

They may be smart, at least when it comes to their area of specialty, but that does not necessarily translate to them being intelligent or wise!

 

 

Yes I agree. In fact I'd go so far as to say, in my experience, people with extensive qualifications are often those with the least emotional intelligence.

 

I had dinner about 2 weeks ago wth a guy I know only as an acquaintance. He is a qualified architect, has a masters in structural engineering, a PHD in Artificial Intelligence, speaks 5 languages is a nominated genius and recenlty sold a software program he designed for about A$10,000,000.

 

Awesome mind but you'd swear you were dealing with a 15 year old emotionally.

[Budman]

Typical CB, flaunting her attributes.

I'm hitting the shower, too!

 

I've not left the shower since some of these women are so hot.

 

Looks and brains!!

 

Of course I go for the shy ones myself.

 

muhahahaha

[Cadence308]

I don't think it's that men are turned "off" by intelligent women, but more like men are turned off by physically unattractive women, regardless of intellect. If men and women are compared, it would be the men who go for looks more than women do when scouting out potential mates.

 

When I dated men I had more problems with them wanting me to look a certain way. Most didn't care what I had to say either way, but wanted to jump in the sack with me on the first or second date because they thought I was hot, or had a nice butt or whatever. I was SO over it!

[Budman]

I don't think it's that men are turned "off" by intelligent women, but more like men are turned off by physically unattractive women, regardless of intellect. If men and women are compared, it would be the men who go for looks more than women do when scouting out potential mates.

 

When I dated men I had more problems with them wanting me to look a certain way. Most didn't care what I had to say either way, but wanted to jump in the sack with me on the first or second date because they thought I was hot, or had a nice butt or whatever. I was SO over it!

 

Honestly, in my opinion you can't make a broad statement such as that because in my personal experiences (quite limited I know) there are just as many women that way too.

 

It's the person not the gender in my general opinion!

[CarnelianButterfly]

Honestly, in my opinion you can't make a broad statement such as that because in my personal experiences (quite limited I know) there are just as many women that way too.

 

It's the person not the gender in my general opinion!

I totally agree, each person should be evaluated for who they are and not what they are. There are definitely just as many shallow women out there as there are men.

[tmp0620]

I think intelligent women are hott as long as it doesn't make them boring. If you place to much importance on your intelligence it becomes unattractive just like it's unattractive for a beautiful woman to be too into the way that she looks. If you base your entire personality on your intelligence then you are boring.

 

I met a girl a long time ago who was very intelligent, but you wouldn't know it at all until you found out what classes she was in or you got into an intellectual discussion with her. It's not that she was playing dumb either, it was that she didn't care that she was intelligent (or beautiful in this case). That's attractive to me, and I'd like to think I'm the same way (except that I'm not good looking).

 

 

 

That all being said I think what you might find is that dumb guys are the ones that are intimidated by intelligent women. First of all the dumb ones are the ones that buy into societie's gender roles cause they haven't put any real thought into it. Secondly dumb people are afraid of what they don't understand and if too much of what you say goes over their heads they become frightened and don't want to be around you.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I've met a great deal of people that where by far more intelligent than myself. And there are times when they say something that I don't understand. I have learned that for all my knowledge I will never know it all, but with enough of us strung together we can help each other along. I usually ask direct questions about something I don't understand, I try not to assume too much until I'm more familiar with the information. My adviser has told me several times she really respects that I'm willing to show my mistakes and ask questions. She says that it opens the group to help each other.

[Stressed]

I think passive intelligence is attractive. I hate it, however, when a girl/guy does everything she/he can to sound smart. If you're smart, it'll show.

 

I lub smarties!

[Dako]

I do find the self-appointed mentors and their lectures a bit much, but that seldom happens with bright folks. That's more of a personality issue.

[Miss M]

Of the types of guys who are intimidated by an intelligent woman, she doesn't really have to flaunt it to make them feel inferior. Those guys that have those tendencies to feel intimidated can do that all by themselves.

 

Some feel intensely inferior and so they flatly reject her because they simply don't like feeling inferior. And some deal with that inferior feeling by overcompensating, or playing one-upmanship with her. They usually like the idea of seeing her tumble off her pedestal (even if they – not she – are the ones who put her there). Some guys specifically choose her because they like a challenge, and hope to "conquer" her because that means they can strut and beat their chests to feel better.

 

And some guys purposely choose an intelligent woman and simultaneously require that she "prove" that she's not also uppidity. Those guys are like, "yeah, so you're intelligent... so give me some proof that it hasn't gone to your head." Kinda like guilty until proven innocent. And whenever they feel uncomfortably inferior they can just point an accusing finger at the intelligent woman as being the cause. How convenient.

 

And like Ballys wrote, if she's good-looking, for some guys the intelligence is irrelevant (or just plain annoying) because they only want her body anyway. After all what's intelligence got to do with it when you're just after a good lay with a hot chick? Some guys who accused me of flaunting it just weren't interested in any kind of conversation at all, intelligent or otherwise.

 

A few years ago a friend told me I didn't realize the affect I had on the guys. He told me I intimidated them and that's why they were giving me such a hard time. At first I was like "What the heck are you talking about???" but finally it started sinking in that he was right. I never knew it was a problem until he pointed it out... I just wish someone had clued me in earlier. I didn't know guys felt inferior, and I had never considered rejecting someone who was less intelligent. Then my doctor also told me I intimidated people, but that she knew I wasn't actually trying to do it. She said, "you have no idea how intelligent you are, do you?" And I was like, "huh???" So maybe I was intelligent, but I was REALLY DUMB when it came to understanding how people were perceiving and responding to me.

 

So even though it seems the OP was generalizing, I really do get why a woman would stop to ponder the question "why are men intimidated by intelligent women?" And I still don't reject those who are less intelligent, but I do routinely reject those who need to reject, challenge or conquer me just because they feel inferior.

[teacup]

they are intimidated because we are a dying breed. and just like any rare and endangered species, they don't know whether to release us into the wild or put us in a zoo.

 

tee hee. this is assuming that i actually have what u humans call intelligence.

[Genji05]

Once I dated an "intelligent woman." It was actually really annoying. She just kept analyzing everything and spouting off theories to explain everything I did and told her. She just wouldn't stop talking. It was like she felt she needed to validate herself by proving that she knew everything in the universe. How are you supposed to have an emotional connection with someone if they keeps blathering about the molecular makeup of the pasta you're eating?

 

Don't get me wrong. I love intelligent girls. But it's hard to feel an emotional connection with someone who is too busy reciting a list of boring facts to actually feel anything or share anything about themselves. I like intelligent girls that know they're smart and don't have to beat me over the head with it.

[Dako]

Being boring isn't limited to or primarily a matter of intelligence.

Discussing that last episode of Idol or Britney's cellulite can be painful enough.

[tylercdurden2004]

Once I dated an "intelligent woman." It was actually really annoying. She just kept analyzing everything and spouting off theories to explain everything I did and told her. She just wouldn't stop talking. It was like she felt she needed to validate herself by proving that she knew everything in the universe. How are you supposed to have an emotional connection with someone if they keeps blathering about the molecular makeup of the pasta you're eating?

 

Don't get me wrong. I love intelligent girls. But it's hard to feel an emotional connection with someone who is too busy reciting a list of boring facts to actually feel anything or share anything about themselves. I like intelligent girls that know they're smart and don't have to beat me over the head with it.

 

And how! Doesnt matter if it some TV show, what someone had for breakfast, or the theory of relativity. The point of dating is to get to know someone not listen to someone drone on about some BS. Again when I hear this excuse, and yes I am sure there are men out there intimidated and scared of intelligent women, I can only think that its an excuse for being boring. "Well he didnt like me because I am too smart and not because I am borig to be around."

[Daddy Bear]

yeah, what's really cool is when an intelligent girl opens up about her deepest feelings.

[Dako]

Good point SB. Then it's a thrill ride.

[Miss M]

It's also true that intelligent men can also be intimidated by intelligent women. I know a guy who is intelligent, but who is only comfortable with women who are distinctly less intelligent than he is. When a woman is equally or more intelligent, he feels threatened and is totally miserable. But when he can perceive himself as being in a superior position, he's happy. And yes, he's also a boring drone as he's only impressed with his own opinions.

[corvidae]

I think women have a problem with intelligent men too. Here in the UK the men that are most successful with women are the thick, low-life chavs. Smart guys tend to be single or...well, actually single pretty much covers it. Why is this? Mystery.

[charley]

I think smart is sexy in a woman. Especially if combined with good looks, but also regardless of looks. I'm smart myself so this adds to compatibility.

 

Right now I know a very good looking woman who's not very bright, but she is nice and likes me, or a least likes to flirt with me. I'm physically attracted to her, but repelled by her stupidity. I drove her home from work once, and I've had long conversations with her. She's no rocket scientist. I can only tolerate about 30 minutes of continuous contact with her before I get a headache or fall asleep. She's built like a baywatch babe, but after 30 minutes of listening to her, I can't stand her. If this same woman were smart and interesting, I'd be sold.

 

Personally, I need a certain level of physical attractiveness in a woman, but also really like that combined with brains. I have to say that if you show me a hot librarian, school teacher, or professional woman, I'm wanting her more because she's smart and sexy. Cooincidentally, these smart women are often the ones I attract, but then I'm intelligent and intellectual myself.

 

The 3 qualities I look for in a woman in order of importance: kindness, intelligence, and looks. Looks is dead last on my list.

 

I'm not a normal guy, but that's good. Who'd want to be a normal guy? Shouldn't we strive to be better?

 

And yes, I do know a lot of guys who prefer dumb women, but that's because they're dumb or average intelligence men. Are you looking for a man like that? If not, then who cares what they think? Why not try a smarter guy?

 

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There are times when my intelligence repells women. Other times it attracts them. Much of that has to do with their smarts, but also how I present myself. i.e. - if you lord your intelligence over others it makes them feel either bad, insecure, or bored. I try to never "lord" over anyone. i.e. - don't show off. For example, some of the ladies at work are very smart, most average, some aren't to bright. However, I adapt myself to each of them and talk about things they are interested in. I try to never outsmart them, unless they're brainy and enjoy competition, in which case, let the games begin.

 

I could tell you my I.Q. or what percentile I was in academically to impress you, but I won't. Why? Because that is exactly the sort of inappropriate behavior that some smart people use to make themselves feel good. This alienates other people. When I was in high school, I was jumped a year ahead for my age. My dad told me to never tell anyone my I.Q. or test scores because this is socially poor etiquette, bragging, and will alienate people. This was true in high school and it's still true as an adult.

 

Sometimes I intentionally act ditzy at work around the ladies just because it makes them laugh. It entertains them, but also makes them comfortable with me and vice-versa. Do I feel like I've sold out? No. I'm a computer network administrator and a programmer. I even started my own software company and later sold it. They know I'm smart and I know it. I don't have to prove anything. My humble, self depricating humor endears me to them. I don't talk about algebra, business law, accounting, programming, networks or things they don't understand or care about because that would bore and alienate them, except for the few smart gals who are interested. I'm also a history buff, but I don't talk history with someone, unless they are interested in history. Intelligence IQ is nice, but EQ (emotional quotient) is nicer. i.e. - try to deal with each person on their level and you'll have scads of friends, which I do. No girlfriend at this time, but lots of friends.

 

As far as love and marriage go, I think a smart person is best with another smart person, or at least someone near their level. However, there are no rules for love.

 

My sister is smarter than her husband. They both know it. However, she makes it a point to never humiliate him in public or talk over his head in public. She might do it in private, but not intentionally. I think she was attracted to him partly because he's a tough guy and very protective of her. Also they both like each other's looks, which helps.

 

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Both intelligent men and women can have a tough time finding a partner because there's not that many highly intelligent people around. We're a minority. I'd prefer my woman to be as smart or smarter than me, but I don't require it. Just anywhere near my level is good enough.

 

As explained above, some of the problems intelligent people have getting a mate are our own faults. Some are not.

 

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Disclaimer: The above is based on my personal experiences and opinons. You're experiences may differ. I don't claim to know it all. I only claim to know myself and some of those around me. Also, there are always exceptions to any generality.

[charley]

To RedQueen:

 

You don't need to answer this if you don't want to, but I'll ask. What is your age? What age men are you referring to not liking smart women?

 

Age makes a difference because younger men are usually more into womens' looks and not brains. By younger I mean under 25 and to some extent under 30. Some young men are highly intelligent and socially developed at earlier ages (below 25), but most don't seem to grow a brain until they're somewhere between 25 and 35. This is especially true about EQ (emotional intelligence).

 

I think a guy over 25, and especially over 30 is more likely to care less about looks and will either have developed an appreciation for brains in a woman, or at least not have an avertion.

 

I'm 38, but I look 30 (according to women I know). I seem to do best with women who are 24 to 32. When I say best, I mean that's the age group that is most often attracted to me. I like them too. I really dig the smart ones especially. Now if I think how I used to be when I was in my early twenties, I don't think brains in a women mattered to me back then. In my early twenties my small head did all my thinking.

 

My point is that men change and mature with age and are more likely to appreciate brains in a women as the man himself matures. Yes, older men do like hot young women, but I think it's the smart, hot young women they most often like. I couldn't tolerate a ditzy woman no matter her age or looks. In my early 20s, I wouldn't have cared about her brain, if her T&A was good. I've changed.

 

I was always intelligent, but I wasn't emotionally mature until around age 30.

 

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Does the above make sense?

 

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Disclaimer: The above is based on my personal experiences and opinons. You're experiences may differ. I don't claim to know it all. I only claim to know myself and some of those around me. Also, there are exceptions to everything: some young guys are great, some middle age men are jerks. However, overall, I think you'll find that men get kinder and more emotionally improved with age.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I have to agree with Charley, that I don't think men really mature until their late 20's, then they start to look for women that will make mates and not just nice arm ornaments.

 

 

There are some men that will never grow up and will always feel the need to compensate for whatever short comings they have by having a beautiful woman that won't challenge his authority or dominance. I think it comes down to the issue of men being insecure if they are not the dominant or superior individual in the relationship. I've seen several posts on this site alone, where guys who are obviously very insecure, spouting the need to be dominate in the relationship. Intelligence is often a factor in how well you can dominate another person. Intelligent women are very often not submissive or willing to tolerate treatment that does not show full respect for them as an individual.

 

I'm a minority in my major, there are less than 20% women in engineering at my school as undergrads, there are even less graduate students that are female. The men I spend most of my time with have girlfriends that are no where near their intelligence. But then you also have to look at what the difference is between intelligent women and intelligent men. Studies have shown that intelligent women are more likely to have a broad range of interests and skills, while comparably intelligent men have much narrower areas beyond their immediate field. One of the sayings that engineering females have about dating within the school "The odds are good, but the goods are odd". Yes, it over simplifies the idea, but I've been in this setting for 7 years and not found any swoon worthy guys.

[charley]

Where are you going to find that? It's not a question of whether you are attractive looking or have attractive personality. You're attractive to someone. The trick is to find them. What type of person is likely to be attracted to you and where can you likely find them without to much competiton?

 

In this case, where can a smart woman find guys likely to appreciate that? Vice-versa, where can a smart man likely find a women likely to appreciate that?

 

A bar? Of course not. Well not usually. I did once find a smart babe at a bar, but that was a one time fluke. Technically, she found me, but that was still a fluke. Bars are not likely places to meet nice or smart people. Some exceptions occur.

 

College campus? Many intelligent people are there and many do find their mates there. However, it's very tough because there's so much competiton and it's a meat market. Not the best place for smart men or women, IME. An absolute disaster for a shy person, IME.

 

The beach or the gym? Great places to look for hot babes, but not smart ones. Yes, some smart, hot babes are there, but how to figure out which are smart? Besides, with all the T&A showing, I can't think straight and I'm going to be to nervous and to shy to talk to them to find out what's in their head. Also, women at beach in their bikinis are likely to be defensive. I think the beach is a great place for me to look the ladies over (discreetly) and practice saying "Hi" to learn to be less shy. But try to ask them out? No way. I'm shy around fully dressed hot women. Bikinis make me more shy. The women are often already defensive at beach because of typical male behavior (not mine). I can't tell which babes are smart. Yes, I do specifically want a smart woman. So forget the beach. Good for an eyeful, but no good for getting a smart mate.

 

Library? Bingo! It's been classic knowledge for over 150 years that one of the best places to meet a nice girl or guy is the public library (not school library). My grandma told me that 20 years ago. It also happens to be the best place to meet a smart gal, which is another reason I love the library. Yes, the Internet makes the library nearly obsolete for knowledge, but not for meeting the opposite sex.

 

In effect, if you were fishing, you'd go to the water. If you were hunting deer you'd go to the woods (at least in my area). For surfing you'd go to the ocean.

 

If you want to meet smart people then go where they are most likely to be found and the competition is not to fierce. I've met some really smart, nice women at the library and some were very hot too. Best of all, these women like intellectual guys like me and either didn't care that I was shy, or they liked it.

 

For a smart gal, you need a smart guy. Go find him at the public library. He might already there looking for you. Of course some people are there for serious research and shouldn't be bothered. However, when I'm doing serious research I always want to be bothered by a compatible lady. i.e. - bother me anytime.

 

That said, if you're a hot, smart woman, be prepared for a shy response from him. I don't know why, but shyness is common among smart men. We are not intimidated by smart women. We are often intimidated by hot women. We're attracted to hot women as much as the next guy, but they freak us out and make us nervous and shy. I myself am a good looking guy, at least that's what women tell me. Yet good looking women scare me and make me shy. I can get over that, if they're patient, kind, and persistent.

 

It might actually help the smart, hot gals to not dress or look to sexy or you'll scare the shy guys off. I know women who either like smart guys, or shy guys, or a combination of the two. Heck I've dated some of them. These gals are experts at knowing to look just sexy enough to add to his interest without looking so good that she scares him off. I said "add" to his interest because for this type of guy looks add to his interest, but don't create it. His main interest is your personality and intelligence. Looks are just icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Ideally, try dressing for church while stilling trying to be attractive for men. That's the look these women use and very successfully. Sometimes no makeup is best for initial contact. i.e. - as odd as it sounds, you don't want to look to good.

 

Also, smart ladies, realize that a shy man is much like a shy cat. Subtle friendliness, kindness, patience, and persistance and you'll tame him just like a shy cat. You'll get him purring. Then he'll likely love you forever and treat you like gold. Cooincidentally, family legend is that my grandma was a very smart bombshell with a Baywatch figure and my grandpa was smart, shy guy. She got him in this way. She was actually smarter than him, but he was brainy too. Both school teachers.

 

For those smart ladies who aren't so good looking, good news! That might actually be in your favor since you won't scare him as bad or make him as shy. His first concern is probably your personality, then your brains, then looks come third. This is one case where a less good looking woman might actually have an advantage.

 

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Disclaimer: I base the above on my experiences and those I've known. There are no guarantees things will go like this for you. There are exceptions to everything. The most important skill in dating or anything else is persistance. If you have the courage to try and keep trying regardless of rejections or failures, you will eventually succeed. That was told to be by one of my college roomates years ago. The guy was a real babe-hound. Although I didn't approve of his exploitative use of women for his gratification, I did observe that he was correct about perseverance in keeping on trying being most important factor to success. Don't give up!

[TheRedQueen]

I could use some good odds, and am always more than interested in some odd goods

[CarnelianButterfly]

I could use some good odds, and am always more than interested in some odd goods

Not some of these... Its not just being shy or socially inept (that I can handle), some of them are just not made for life outside the lab.

[charley]

A lady sent me a PM asking about shy guy behavior because she likes a guy she thinks might be shy. So I'm going to post my thoughts on that below for everyone to see.

 

Not all smart men are shy. Not all shy men are smart. However, the two qualities do seem to go together quite often.

 

I think smart men are likely to appreciate and respect a smart woman.

 

I think a shy man is likely to treasure his woman (whether she's smart or not). FYI - I've never known of any shy man who cheated on his woman. It's the extrovert men who do that.

 

I'm going to use myself below as an example of shy guy behavior:

 

(I'm a combination of smart and shy)

 

I'd never cheat on a woman. I mean never. You could bet your last dollar in the world on that. Why?

 

Well first of all, it's not my nature. Think of a shy man as a shy cat. A shy cat only let's it's owner pet it and only rubs up against it's owner. It avoids other people. That's it's nature. That's my nature.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually very outgoing with men, women I'm

not

attracted to, and women that are safely unavailable, but show me an available woman who I'm attacted to and I'll show you my imitation of a shy cat.

I'm referring here to face to face contact.

I'm new to this online stuff, but it seems my shyness is less online (even when attracted).

 

So imagine if I were married and along comes another woman that I think is hot looking (I'm shy, not blind). I could be friendly and outgoing to her only because I know I'm unavailable. However, if she tried to touch me or stand to close, I'd flee the area and go running to my wife.

 

As difficult as it is for a shy guy to become intimate with his mate, there is no way he's going to cheat with someone else. I'm sure of this.

 

Another reason I'd never cheat is that loyalty is part of my nature. I just wouldn't betray my woman. I think that's typical for shy guys.

 

I would never abuse a woman. I can't imagine any shy type guy doing that.

 

I also would not tolerate receiving abuse. However, I personally know three shy men who are abused by their women. With two of them, it's verbal and psych abuse. With one it's also physical. Personally, I wouldn't put up with it. I'm shy, but capable of being assertive when needed. I said assertive, not aggressive.

 

We've all known men who abused their women. That is trajically common in the world. In each case that I personally know of, the abusive guy is an aggressive, controlling type guy. I don't ever recall hearing of a shy man abusing his woman. Has anyone ever known a shy man who abused his wife? I never heard of such a thing.

 

That's me. I suspect other shy guys are much the same (but I don't guarantee anything regarding people).

 

Where did my shyness come from? My dad was a real Casanova-Romeo when he was young.

 

Oh ya, the shyness isn't a permanent part of the relationship. It's only there until I get comfortable. Then I become my normal outgoing self with my gal. However, it could take weeks or months to get fully comfortable. I think one reason some women actually prefer shy men (aside from our inherant loyalty) is that it gives those women satisfaction to bring him out of his shell a layer at a time. For her it's a big accomplishment to get him comfortable. Imagine her satisfaction when he (eventually) grabs her and gives her a passionate kiss and hug. I won't go into any details of sex, except to say that a shy guy has to be the ultimate sexual conquest for a woman and among the ultimate intimate accomplishments. After all, he wouldn't do that with another woman no matter how hot she was because you're the only one he's comfortable with. Only you. Isn't that the ultimate intimacy? Knowing that you're lover would rather be with you than any other woman in the world because you're the only one he's comfortable with?

 

Each time I've had a serious girlfriend (I confess I've only had 3), I eventually get comfortable enough to hug and kiss her without asking permission and without hesitation. I love to cuddle. In fact, I'm extra passionate once I finally get that far in the relationship. However, that can take months of spending time together before I'm ready. Initially it's a struggle just to get me to hold hands with you.

 

I suspect I'm fairly typical of shy guys, but that's only a guess.

 

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Disclaimers

 

Ladies, it's very difficult to tell the difference between a shy guy who's attracted to you vs. a guy who's just not interested.

 

My best thought on this is that a shy guy who's interested will likely give you mixed signals. Much like a shy cat who wants to be petted, but is a bit to bashful and then backs away. Apparent interest, but then backs away. Apparent interest, but then backs off. At some point, you might have to gently take control. Try asking him to lunch, or something like that AFTER you've already spent time with him on a few occasions. At some point AFTER that, you might just have to ask him questions (do you like me? are you attracted to me? etc) to find out. But don't start out with questions.

 

I send mixed signals a lot and I know it drives women crazy (sorry). They've complained about it to other women who they didn't realize where my friends. Then I hear about it. It drives me crazy too. The lady's patience, kindness, and persistance over comes this, if she sticks with it. You won't be able to tame him in one day either. It will take time. If you don't have the patience for it, then don't even start the process. Spending time together is the best cure for shyness. Going for walks and talks in park is one of my favorites. The first time without touching. Next time (hopefully next day) holding hands. The speed at which you can increase the emotional and physical intimacy varies (I think) depending on just how shy the guy is. Also, the better looking you are, the more shy he'll be.

Don't try to dress to sexy. It only makes things more difficult.

Don't push him, but encourage him. Instead of grabbing his hand, sweetly ask him if you can hold it. Do this

while walking

because the distraction makes it easier for both of you. Another favorite of mine is a porch swing for two. That's romantic and the swinging is a bit of a distraction from being nervous.

 

I once had a woman jump on me (literally) on a third date and want to get down to screwing right then. Way to soon! She scared the !@#$%^* out of me and the date was OVER. Her feelings were hurt. I was freaked out. We hugged and made up a week later. She'd worked me up to passionate hugs and I was loving that. Also nice backrubs (clothes on) and I loved that. We had not kissed yet. How did she think I was ready to screw? She knew I was shy. I guess she lost patience. That incident set us back, but we carried on and things worked out very well. Unfortunately, I later had to move far out of the area. I have very fond memories of her.

 

On the other hand, the guy who seems consistently not interested probably is not interested.

 

One last caviat, there is one kind of guy who is a real bastard, IMO. He is one who is not actually shy, but does a good imitation. This is a guy who is keeping you around as a backup in case the woman who is his first choice doesn't work out for him. This guy is a jerk masquerading as a nice, shy guy. How can you tell the difference between this guy and a real nice, shy guy? I'm not sure. Sorry, but that's my honest answer. My best advice is time will tell and what's the worst that could happen? You maybe waste a little time. If you know someone who knows the guy, you might ask them about him. Spend some time with him and over time, you'll probably figure out if he's really shy, or just has you on standby as a backup chick.