Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women?

[CarnelianButterfly]

I am gifted, IQ~136, I'm an MS student in astronautical engineering. I have my ditsy moments, why, because I'm aphasic. Its not an act, I have and extensive vocab and highly educated in physics and mathematics, but there are times when my mind just can not communicate. Couple that with my generally pleasant personality and you get what most people would consider playing dumb. I hate it! and I hate the men it can attract, but if a guy hits on me at a bar and starts treating me like I'm an idiot, he's not got a chance, if they don't leave me alone I'll ask them their view of the Stable Manifold Theorem or Newtonian vs Eulerian approaches to dynamical problems. Yes, I know I have a chip on my shoulder, but its only evident when under provocation.

[nottoogreen]

I know both guys that are drawn to intelligent women and those that are repelled.

 

My own boyfriend loves the fact that I am intelligent, but at the same time he dislikes feeling stupid next to me in certain areas. For example, the English language, despite that not even being his first language (maybe not even his second) and having better spelling, grammar and punctuation skills than the majority of native Britons I have met. I don't understand why he is so sad about it when I don't feel too bothered by the fact he is a Mathematical genius whereas I am not so good in that area.

 

This is exactly what this thread is about.

 

There is no reason for his feelings, but he is like that. It is some kind of primitive ancient thing we can't get a handle on here they call it "face"

[RayKay]

I am sure there are some men whom are turned of by large intelligence, just as there are women turned off by men whom aren't as intelligent (at least not in the way they measure it). However, I would say that there is a large number of men whom are very attracted to an intelligent woman.

 

I can say I have never had a problem with the men I was interested in being turned off by my intelligence. I'm not a know-it-all, I have my strengths, and my weaknesses. I think of intelligence more as a thirst to learn, rather then knowing it all perhaps. Education is also not directly related to one's intelligence.

 

My boyfriend and I compliment each other well, he is far more scientific and technical minded (he's an engineer) while my strengths lie more in more "artsy" areas, like politics, language, psychology and so forth. We both can learn from each other, and DO learn from each other.

 

If a man was turned off by my intelligence, well, they are not the man for me anyway, so I really don't sweat it much.

[Sheyda]

I think of intelligence more as a thirst to learn, rather then knowing it all perhaps. Education is also not directly related to one's intelligence.

 

I concur: standardised tests and essay questions cannot measure a person's intelligence. Also, many people can pass these just through memorising and not really learning so that they know these things. Once they've passed the test they forget, whereas things they know will stay with them forever whether they have a test to pass, or not.

[Daddy Bear]

If you look at the global population over a long period of time, men do fit negative stereotypes more.

ok, here's the problem with that thinking: any time you categorize someone without knowing him/her individually, you are doing that person a disservice, as (s)he may or may in fact not fit your perception.

 

whether or not a generalization is 'mostly' true, even if it is a positive one such as "most Asians are smart" or "overweight people tend to be jolly", each human being deserves to be judged on his/her own merit rather than being herded into a group and given a chalk mark or a number tattooed on his/her arm.

 

this is merely one man's opinion, but... any intelligent person, such as those who frequent this forum, should realize that this premise is based on inescapable logic and they should thereforeeee refrain from stereotyping, regardless of the rationale for doing so. the mods have made this point over and over--poor DN must be gnashing his teeth somewhere up there in Ontario.

 

my thanks to my colorful friends for making this thousandth post seem like one of my very few truly worthwhile ones.

[nottoogreen]

This topic is not about stereotyping it is Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women

 

I was not stereotyping. I participate in the discussion of the topic.

 

And I closed my post with this.

[Daddy Bear]

This topic is not about stereotyping it is Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women

 

...which, by your own admission as quoted by me in my previous post, is stereotyping, something that the best among us must always struggle against, within ourselves and within others.

 

i enjoy your well-thought out posts immensely, but i must respectfully disagree with you in this instance.

[nottoogreen]

...which, by your own admission as quoted by me in my previous post, is stereotyping, something that the best among us must always struggle against, within ourselves and within others.

 

i enjoy your well-thought out posts immensely, but i must respectfully disagree with you in this instance.

 

OK, see your point. I shall work on phrasing future posts better without using this kind of terminology.

 

Thank you slightlybent

[Iceman26]

I think a guy out looking for a one night stand will seek a woman who is not so intelligent, and I think a guy looking for a long term relationship will seek someone he can relate to and have good conversation/shared interests with.

[Daddy Bear]

wow iceman, i think you hit the nail on the head there.

[DN]

The problem with a generalised statement such as this is that is really insults both men and women.

 

Men because it seems to say that all men are intimidated by intelligent women.

 

And women because it seems to say that if men are not intimidated by an individual woman then, by definition, she must not be intelligent.

 

There are men who are not intimidated by intelligent women - me for instance. I am not intimidated by my wife, my daughters or by my female friends. I am not at all intimidated by RayKay and Annie who have posted on this thread. I know them to be intelligent.

 

Another point to take into consideration is that sometimes people mistake the reaction of other people. Someone is obviously not attracted to you and you think "Ah, he is intimidated by my intelligence' or "She doesn't like nice guys - she only wants jerks.' But in fact they just don't like your personality for an entirely different reason that has nothing to do with intelligence.

 

It may also be that it someone isn't as intelligent or as nice as they think they are.

 

Sometimes I have found intelligent people so determined to prove their intelligence that they are almost incapable of conversing with people in a social way without turning everything into a debate or a lecture. That in itself is a turn-off. Who needs to be constantly engaging in a Mensa quiz?

[Daddy Bear]

Who needs to be constantly engaging in a Mensa quiz?

Who needs Mensa, period? just a bunch of pretentious snots trying to lord it over us common folk is how i sees it.

 

bah.

[RayKay]

Who needs Mensa, period? just a bunch of pretentious snots trying to lord it over us common folk is how i sees it.

 

bah.

 

Who said that Mensa members are precluded from having common sense?

 

My mum was a Mensa qualifier, she seems to be pretty humble and full of common sense!

 

I myself have not even tried, but I should think even if I were to qualify, I would not suddenly lose all common sense!

[Budman]

I am gifted, IQ~136, I'm an MS student in astronautical engineering. I have my ditsy moments, why, because I'm aphasic. Its not an act, I have and extensive vocab and highly educated in physics and mathematics, but there are times when my mind just can not communicate. Couple that with my generally pleasant personality and you get what most people would consider playing dumb. I hate it! and I hate the men it can attract, but if a guy hits on me at a bar and starts treating me like I'm an idiot, he's not got a chance, if they don't leave me alone I'll ask them their view of the Stable Manifold Theorem or Newtonian vs Eulerian approaches to dynamical problems. Yes, I know I have a chip on my shoulder, but its only evident when under provocation.

 

I have no idea what you just said, but tell me.

 

 

 

Quantum physics is like Romeo and Juliet to me. I don't understand a word but oh man, it's just so beautiful.

 

Protons, Photons, and more!

 

Scuse me for a sec.

 

Edit: Actually, I have one statement I just thought of, No offense but have you ever thought maybe you present your intelligence in a negative sense? I mean, I'm no dummy (maybe in grammar), but I do get turned off by people who are "know it alls" so to speak.

 

Maybe you're a tad too assertive?

[nottoogreen]

... Maybe you're a tad too assertive?

 

You are much more assertive in your reply.

 

Why escalate?

 

Why not diffuse and keep the energy to understand?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you're a tad too assertive?

Part of the problem is that I get frustrated being treated like I'm stupid or slow because I can't express my thoughts because of my aphasia. Like right now I'm taking forever to type this message because I can't find the words to express whats in my mind, but at the same time I'm also working on my research programming just fine.

 

Its not so much quantum physics as orbital mechanics and astrodynamics .

[nottoogreen]

Part of the problem is that I get frustrated being treated like I'm stupid or slow because I can't express my thoughts because of my aphasia. Like right now I'm taking forever to type this message because I can't find the words to express whats in my mind, but at the same time I'm also working on my research programming just fine.

 

Its not so much quantum physics as orbital mechanics and astrodynamics .

 

Hey, you are doing fine. Aphasia is not an issue in this conversation and definitely did not let you down.

 

You could work on your self confidence!

[DN]

Part of the problem is that I get frustrated being treated like I'm stupid or slow because I can't express my thoughts because of my aphasia. Like right now I'm taking forever to type this message because I can't find the words to express whats in my mind, but at the same time I'm also working on my research programming just fine.

 

Its not so much quantum physics as orbital mechanics and astrodynamics .

 

I have never got an impression of you being stupid or slow. I might not agree with everything you say but when I disagree it doesn't mean I think you are stupid - it just means I think you are mistaken.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Hey, you are doing fine. Aphasia is not an issue in this conversation and definitely did not let you down.

 

You could work on your self confidence!

Sorry I derailed the thread .

 

Its just that some women act disty, some women are, and some can't help it. Some men are attracted to women who will defer to their opinion and not challenge their thoughts. I've done the college scene bars enough to know how a nice girl is an easier score than an intellegent girl. I've spent most of my time alone because most guys stop talking to me after they've asked what I do (don't even get to the science questions). I've been tempted on many occansions to lie, but don't because I don't want the attentions of guy who isn't interested in what I do.

[melrich]

get them to discuss The Federalist Papers or the Kantian Dialectic

 

ask them their view of the Stable Manifold Theorem or Newtonian vs Eulerian approaches to dynamical problems.

 

Knowledge is not intelligence.

 

If you reduce this discussion to a person's knowledge of wildly esoteric subject matter....well put it this way, if a woman (or man) were to raise such with me I'd probably walk away too.

 

Intelligence is not what you know, it's how you process your thoughts.

[nottoogreen]

Sorry I derailed the thread .

 

Its just that some women act disty, some women are, and some can't help it. Some men are attracted to women who will defer to their opinion and not challenge their thoughts. I've done the college scene bars enough to know how a nice girl is an easier score than an intellegent girl. I've spent most of my time alone because most guys stop talking to me after they've asked what I do (don't even get to the science questions). I've been tempted on many occansions to lie, but don't because I don't want the attentions of guy who isn't interested in what I do.

 

My youngest sister is an aerospace design engineer (39), she has gf.

 

I would have liked to meet someone like you around 1994, at that time it just was just another of those nice girls and a few more therafter. Really derailed me. Too bad.

 

There are guys out there, you have to fight on and fight on.

 

Or look for a bright girl!

 

Loving and be loved is what's important.

 

You are smart enough to redesign the system, please do it for your life.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Knowledge is not intelligence.

 

If you reduce this discussion to a person's knowledge of wildly esoteric subject matter....well put it this way, if a woman (or man) were to raise such with me I'd probably walk away too.

 

Intelligence is not what you know, it's how you process your thoughts.

But asking their opinions and view on those subjects is what the point of interest would be. Starting a debate and adressing a topic that is important to you. Like I said in my post I would ask their view because such things can be taken to mean different things by the method of your logic. If you would walk a way because I asked you about something you didn't understand, how is that not being intimidated, instead you should say "I don't know what that is, why not talk about this..." or "Why don't you explain that to me".

[melrich]

If you would walk a way because I asked you about something you didn't understand, how is that not being intimidated, instead you should say "I don't know what that is, why not talk about this..." or "Why don't you explain that to me".

 

I have absolutely no knowledge of Stable Manifold Theorum and anyone asking me to have a discussion about it is really saying to me "I'm going to tell you about it" because it's not a discussion I can partake in through lack of knowledge.

 

So at that point it's do I have any interest in listening to someone tell me about. In truth, and I'm just being honest, I don't. So I'm not intimidated...I'm just not interested. It would be an interesting thing to discuss (given that I'm guessing 99% of the population would have no idea what it means) only in a room full of Stable Manifold Theorum experts.

 

It would be somewhat akin to me asking someone to discuss cost behaviours in a public utility. It is something I have a lot of knowledge in, it could be very interesting to 1% of the population but to 99% of people all I'd be doing is telling them about it and watching their eyes glaze over.

 

Look, for all I know, Stable Manifold Theorum may be the most interesting subject in the world. My only point is that knowledge does not equal intelligence. It's what you do with the knowledge that makes a person intelligent.

 

Quoting esoteric subject matter to me just means that you have some knowledge that most people don't. And, if this makes sense, most people have that.

 

I don't mean to pick on Stable Manifold Theorum by the way. I would say the same about any such obscure subject. But to me that has nothing to do with demonstrating that intelligence is intimidating because knowledge of such does not necessarily mean intelligence.

[melrich]

Now having looked it up, i have no further understanding of it but my hunch was right...little or no interest. So I am sure you are using the right tool as a "shoo away"

[CarnelianButterfly]

Now having looked it up, i have no further understanding of it but my hunch was right...little or no interest. So I am sure you are using the right tool as a "shoo away"

But thats also what I use everyday, all day long and I love my work. Manifolds are the basis for all my research and happen to be an important part of most of the work of people I know. Did I mention I'm at an engineering school and most men I run accross should have a idea what I'm talking about.

Its not so much a interesting topic in and of itself, but the use of it; however, is by far what is most important to me. Its a great tool for finding interplanetary transits. It can be used for much more beyond that and granted mathy and engineering people are more inclined to know what it is, the environment I'm in its not so much a "shoo away".