These requirements make me tired like hell

[Vectorland]

İ feel like im tired like an old man about dating requirements

İ am 16 male who never had girlfriend,  in highschool, i focus on my studies and myself, i have friend group but not a romantic interest so it sometimes makes me wonder and whenever i look at dating forums etc....
İ always see something like, you need to be alpha man or u need to be bad boy, u have to be mean against girls (we could even make a list about this) i did not even know what is redpill or blupill (whatever they are) is or u have to lose ur virginity bc being inexperinced is a total turnoff for women(it makes me things that maybe i should lose it to somebody stranger or smthg) and those thing makes me feel like i am not worthy of love or anything if i have a crush on somebody in future and bc of that i am obsessed about it

Why being normal and seeing girls as a normal is not enough?

Do i really have to do these things to date if i have a crush on somebody?

How exatcly should i act if i have a crush on somebody?

[Batya33]

I would stop looking so much at online dating forums.  I'd approach getting to know girls the way you approach getting to know people in general -be a person who is thoughtful, a good listener, someone who wants to make others feel comfortable in their own skin when you interact, have a good senses of humor about life (life is hard enough so being able to laugh at stuff that is a first world issue is a good thing!),be a person who asks a girl if she would like to do an activity together and plan it, suggest a day- whether it's bowling or mini golf or ice skating or a walk in the park and then get ice cream.

Looking to have intercourse is not the same as looking to date.  At your age I'd be careful as you are not in a position I assume to be a dad, and it's harmful emotionally to assume that if you find someone to have sex with that would include any sort of emotional attachment much less love.  It depends. Someone might be open to having sex with you based mostly or all because it's fun/pleasurable.

I'd get to know girls as friends and preferably through shared interests.

[Seraphim]

Meet someone the organic way. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Vectorland said:

. I  always see something like, you need to be alpha man or u need to be bad boy, u have to be mean against girls

If you have a crush on someone, smile say hi introduce yourself be approachable and friendly engage in small talk and eventually ask her out.

Please get appropriate dating advice from trusted older adults.you don't attract girls by being a jerk. 

The manosphere sites you're on are hate groups for losers. 

[smackie9]

If you start believing all that stuff, you will be even more alone and be stuck in a deep dark pit of self pity. Confidence is what women/girls are attracted to so stop being a sorry sap on the sidelines blaming other guys for your lack of game. You change your attitude, you will change your world, and how the world perceives you.

[Vectorland]

32 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If you start believing all that stuff, you will be even more alone and be stuck in a deep dark pit of self pity. Confidence is what women/girls are attracted to so stop being a sorry sap on the sidelines blaming other guys for your lack of game. You change your attitude, you will change your world, and how the world perceives you.

What does having game mean exatcly?

[boltnrun]

16 minutes ago, Vectorland said:

What does having game mean exatcly?

It means pretending to be someone you're not. 

You're very young and it's normal to be trying to figure out who you are. 

Just so you know, I am a woman and I had no boyfriends in high school. Not one. It wasn't until I got out of HS that I started having guys like me. And I was a virgin until I was in college and so was my husband. 

Keep in mind, sexual activity puts you at risk of getting a girl pregnant and for STIs. No need to be in a rush to experience any of that. 

[Vectorland]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It means pretending to be someone you're not. 

You're very young and it's normal to be trying to figure out who you are. 

Just so you know, I am a woman and I had no boyfriends in high school. Not one. It wasn't until I got out of HS that I started having guys like me. And I was a virgin until I was in college and so was my husband. 

Keep in mind, sexual activity puts you at risk of getting a girl pregnant and for STIs. No need to be in a rush to experience any of that. 

İ get what u mean, i guess i should not try hard about that but is predenting to be someone i am not s good idea? Bc i think if i do that, the other side would understand that

[Batya33]

I had an amazing high school sweetheart. I was 15 and he was 16 when we met. We never had sex in the 3 years we were together. I wasn’t ready and he was fine with that. I was waiting for marriage at that point in my life. He certainly was handsome and a fun flirt. So was I. But we also became such close friends. I met him at a sweet 16 party. Then again a few months later at another party. And then we started dating. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Vectorland said:

İ get what u mean, i guess i should not try hard about that but is predenting to be someone i am not s good idea? Bc i think if i do that, the other side would understand that

There should be no sides. It’s two people interacting for the purpose of wanting to get to know each other as people. As humans. Then there’s no need to “understand “ anything. 

[yogacat]

Get into the real world and develop your own mindset about love.

Forget about all those lists and requirements because they are just surface-level descriptions of a person. You need to develop a critical mind that's able to see deeper than the superficial stuff. 

When you have a crush on somebody, let your normal self take charge. What do you like about this person? How do you want to get to know them better?

Please keep in mind that you're only 16 and being a late bloomer in terms of relationships is totally normal. I say this because at 16, a lot of people are still figuring themselves out.

So take your time, don't rush into anything just because society or dating forums tell you to.

I know at your age you want to fit in but take it from someone who has been there, fitting in is never what it's all cracked up to be. I didn't feel like I fit in until I reached 16 but before that it was tough. I was a loner, an introvert and was insecure because society was telling me that I needed to be this and that and it made me feel worthless.

Sounds fun, right?!...

I thought so too until I just started doing my own thing. You like certain hobbies and passions? Then chase it. You like to create? Create. Because it's in those moments that you feel a true state of contentment that self confidence comes into place. 🫡

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Vectorland said:

I am 16 male who never had girlfriend,  in highschool, i focus on my studies and myself,Why being normal and seeing girls as a normal is not enough?Do i really have to do these things to date if i have a crush on somebody?

What "requirements" are you worried about? If you mean the manosphere rhetoric, please forget that.  Do you have a good relationship with your dad or uncles or other adult males who could give you appropriate dating tips? 

Unfortunately manosphere hate groups tend to attract lonely naive men who feel isolated and get sucked into this crazy world of upside down hogwash. .

Just be yourself, focus on your grades, sports, clubs groups and social events at school to stay well-rounded and connected to people. 

[Vectorland]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What "requirements" are you worried about? If you mean the manosphere rhetoric, please forget that.  Do you have a good relationship with your dad or uncles or other adult males who could give you appropriate dating tips? 

Unfortunately manosphere hate groups tend to attract lonely naive men who feel isolated and get sucked into this crazy world of upside down hogwash. .

Just be yourself, focus on your grades, sports, clubs groups and social events at school to stay well-rounded and connected to people. 

To be honest about my parents and uncles etc.., i feel like i am really lucky to have them i want to keep focusing myself and have fun with my friend in hg but this thing i mentioned makes me wondered bc i have never had a gf before or a romantic interest, that is why i thought like are these things really true( i dont wanna be sound incel here😅) but thanks for answering me, i will keep continue what i do

[catfeeder]

Sounds as though you've been reading or hearing a lot of disinformation.

[ShySoul]

Vectorman, I felt the same way about dating when I was your age and that was before the rise of social media and the internet. I was 22 before there was even a chance at anything with a girl. And I've been fighing on forums against a lot of the same absurd advice you've heard for nearly two decades. There is a lot of bad advice thrown out there, so the best thing I can tell you is to follow your own path and listen to what your heart tells you is right. 

19 hours ago, Vectorland said:

İ always see something like, you need to be alpha man or u need to be bad boy, u have to be mean against girls

The interesting thing about the guys who talk about being an alpha is how they tend to just repeat the same lines someone else has said. If they were an alpha, they wouldn't need to follow someone else. They wouldn't need to form a pack and regurgitate the same nonsense. And while some girls will go for the bad boy thing, they tend to tire of it quickly as it only ends up hurting them. They eventually settle down with the nice guy who treats them with respect. So be nice from the start. That will actually set you apart from a lot of guys. And I've always said I don't want to be an alpha, I want to be the omega - as in the last guy she will ever be with, the one she picks for life. At least, that's the hope.

19 hours ago, Vectorland said:

u have to lose ur virginity bc being inexperinced is a total turnoff for women(it makes me things that maybe i should lose it to somebody stranger or smthg)

I have been told by multiple women that they don't care, that what counts is the connection you feel with each other. There are some women who may even like the idea of being the more experienced one, of being the one to teach him things and give him these experiences. I knew women who were virgins in their mid and late 20's who were waiting for the right person and who loved the thought of finding a man who felt the same, being able to share the experience together, possibly being the only ones who they would ever be with.

Sex is a personal matter. What anyone else thinks of it doesn't matter. What counts is what you want. Do you really want to lose it to someone you don't know or don't care for? Personally, I think it is a special thing that should be with someone you love. It's an emotional, even spiritual act. I can't imagine just sharing that with anyone. I have a feeling you might feel similarly.

19 hours ago, Vectorland said:

Why being normal and seeing girls as a normal is not enough?

Do i really have to do these things to date if i have a crush on somebody?

How exatcly should i act if i have a crush on somebody?

You don't have to see someone a particular way. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to act a certain way. You just have to be you. Dating/love/relationships don't have rules you have to follow. Every person is different. What works for you will be different then works for me or for anyone else. So do what makes you happy. The goal is to find someone who fits with you, so wouldn't you want to be yourself? As long as you aren't harming yourself or others, do what comes naturally and things will work out for the best.

[ShySoul]

9 hours ago, Vectorland said:

What does having game mean exatcly?

9 hours ago, Vectorland said:

İ get what u mean, i guess i should not try hard about that but is predenting to be someone i am not s good idea? Bc i think if i do that, the other side would understand that

Pretending to be someone you are not doesn't tend to work out anyway. At the end of the day, we are who we are. The real you will show through. The constant effort it takes to put on the facade will just drain on you and drive you crazy. You can't keep it up forever. And odds are you won't know how to do it well. You'll just be more nervous, risk saying or doing the wrong thing, and possibly create more problems then you started with. So why bother? Be honest with them, be honest with yourself. Just be you.

Again, those who talk about having game are usually the ones with the least game. They make everything into a contest, a battle for control in the relationship. They have to act a certain way, insist on doing things that often amount to emotional manipulation. Really, it's just a way to protect fragile egos. 

The advice I've always given is to not worry about having game. Instead, be the game. Be a new game where none of the silly rules or expectations of how you are supposed to behave matter. The only rules are to be honest, respectful, and to believe in yourself. 

[poorlittlefish]

If you want to be a kind and decent boyfriend, then being an "alpha male" or mean to girls shouldn't even be on your radar.  Girls whose heads are screwed on right will be attracted to the complete opposite.  This applies to sex too, so don't believe that girls want what you see in porn.  Treating them like that will result in physical/mental harm and maybe a sexual assault charge.

[TeeDee]

On 4/13/2024 at 3:47 AM, Vectorland said:

Why being normal and seeing girls as a normal is not enough?

Do i really have to do these things to date if i have a crush on somebody?

How exatcly should i act if i have a crush on somebody?

Stop reading those websites.  All that alpha male, red pill, PUA stuff is all BS.   The only valid take away from any of that is that self confidence / self assurance are attractive.  The rest of it is nonsense.  Stop trying to emulate it. 

Being normal is fine.  In fact it's preferred.  You do not have to any of the things those sites suggest.  It would be better if you did none of them.  Be genuine.  

You are 16.  Virginity at your age is to be expected.  It's the norm, not the exception.  It's more than OK & probably better to keep your virginity until after you graduate from HS & even then wait until you are truly in love.  Moreover with access to abortion being so restricted these days & access to birth control being curtailed, you would do well to abstain until you are ready to handle fatherhood if your GF accidently became pregnant. 

If you find that you have a crush on a girl, you need to find the courage to talk to her. Say hi.  Ask her to study with you.  Give her a sincere compliment; tell her something that you genuinely like about her.  Do not announce that you love her.  Simply spend some time together.  Get to know her.  After a few weeks, ask her on a date.  

[smackie9]

17 hours ago, Vectorland said:

What does having game mean exatcly?

The term "having game" is open to interpretation. Commonly people know it as a way to manipulate women. But you can also look at it as understanding the women psyche well and being able to present yourself in a way that attracts them. It's not manipulation, it's just understanding attraction. And BTW women do it too knowing that men are visual creatures, they will attract with their body language, with dressing up, putting on nice heels, certain perfumes, etc. Just that men do it differently because women are stimulated emotionally which is more difficult to navigate.

[smackie9]

I found this on reddit: You can see there are different shades of "having game" negative to positive

Quote

To me it means able to read a situation, catching onto rejection and moving on and realizing when you have a good give and take which is positive and connecting and maintaining that bond until it grows and is nurtured without feeling forced or awkward. Being able to stay relevant in conversation and to connect with various types and personalities.

Having a managed attitude that doesn’t cut through water like an awkward silence. Knowing how to say, whatever it is your saying. You got a snake lying charmer, you got the gentleman charmer, you’ve got the oblivious can’t read a room or start conversation but becomes super relatable and the typical nice guy who don’t know how to make moves because respect and passion is a tricky balance that some manage and majority don’t.

Its about being relatable, relevant, and average.

 

[ShySoul]

If you want to have game, stick to video games and board games. 

Forget what any website, article, book, or person will tell you. You know who you are and you know the person you want to be. Be that person. The right person will understand who you are and appreciate you for it. 

[jul-els]

Know yourself, accept yourself, know what you want and listen to that and don’t listen to anybody else. You steer the ship that is your destiny. Stop letting other people take the wheel.