My partner impregnated 3 women while we were on a break!!

[Asma]

My partner and I are on a break for a few months, and we agreed to see others during this time. We have been making progress on mending our relationship and were hoping to reconcile soon. Last week, he called me to announce that he accidentally got a woman pregnant. While the prospect of having a stepchild isn't something I am looking forward to, I understand that life can be messy, so I decided to support him while he's dealing with the issue. A few days afterward, he announced he accidentally got two other women pregnant. He admitted that he had unprotected sex with five women in 10 days. He's still hoping we can reconcile, but I wonder if I should end my relationship with him. I feel uneasy about this situation because he had unprotected sex with five women in 10 days. He risked getting/transmitting STIs.

For his defense:
- He was tested recently and had a clean bill of health before having sex with woman #1.

- He used his "foolproof pulling out technique," which never got anyone pregnant despite having lots of unprotected sex with his girlfriends over four decades. 

- He was dumbfounded that after never having gotten anyone pregnant, he got 3 women pregnant in 10 days even though he didn't cum inside them.

- He was kind to the three women, offered to accompany them to doctors' appointments, cover abortion costs if they decided to go that way and support the child if they chose to keep it.

- He is usually a serial monogamist. But when he's not in a committed relationship, he can be a polyamorous man who practices safe sex.

- He has never cheated in any of his long-term, serious, monogamous relationships.

- He has consistently practiced full disclosure in his communications with me, even when it behooves him to omit the truth. For instance, since two of the women aborted their pregnancies, I would have never known about them, but he revealed their existence.

- Since we were on a break, he had obligation to be sexually faithful to me.

- He apologized for his behavior and said he learned from his mistake and never plans to repeat it.

I consider myself a sex-positive person, but I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, and every instinct is telling me to run away and not look back. He claims that this behavior doesn't reflect who he is, that he made a once-in-a-lifetime mistake, and that I am being too harsh to judge him based on that data point only.

[Coily]

Why did the break happen? And how old are you two?

On the surface this isn't a good look for him. He's potent at least. But you are not being too harsh in judging him for his actions. Depending on the break, and what was going on in his life, he can probably reason himself in circles; but is this the kind of life you want to have?

Are you ready for a life where 3 kids will/should take precedence over your relationship with this guy?

You can be pro what ever you like, but don't allow yourself to be pushed into a corner that you cannot live with in the long term.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Asma said:

I consider myself a sex-positive person, but I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, , that he made a once-in-a-lifetime mistake, 

Please trust your instincts. He made a "once-in-a-lifetime mistake" 3 times recently. This isn't about sex positive, it's about how him having all these kids and women will affect you.  Reflect on why you broke up in the first place, however that doesn't excuse his reckless behavior. 

[Asma]

33 minutes ago, Coily said:

Why did the break happen? And how old are you two?

We went on a break 7 months ago. He was separated from his now soon to be ex-wife. The situation put too much stress on our relationship, and we decided to go on a break while he's working on his divorce.

33 minutes ago, Coily said:

On the surface this isn't a good look for him. He's potent at least. But you are not being too harsh in judging him for his actions. Depending on the break, and what was going on in his life, he can probably reason himself in circles; but is this the kind of life you want to have?

Are you ready for a life where 3 kids will/should take precedence over your relationship with this guy?

I need to clarify that 2 of the women decided to abort. The third one is still undecided, and he has made it clear that while he will be supporting them financially, his involvement will be minimal. The women are in another country.

33 minutes ago, Coily said:

You can be pro what ever you like, but don't allow yourself to be pushed into a corner that you cannot live with in the long term.

 

[Asma]

37 minutes ago, Coily said:

Why did the break happen? And how old are you two?

We went on a break 7 months ago. He was separated from his now soon to be ex-wife. The situation put too much stress on our relationship, and we decided to go on a break while he's working on his divorce.

I am 32, he is 54.

37 minutes ago, Coily said:

On the surface this isn't a good look for him. He's potent at least. But you are not being too harsh in judging him for his actions. Depending on the break, and what was going on in his life, he can probably reason himself in circles; but is this the kind of life you want to have?

Are you ready for a life where 3 kids will/should take precedence over your relationship with this guy?

You can be pro what ever you like, but don't allow yourself to be pushed into a corner that you cannot live with in the long term.

 

[Batya33]

Obviously he is a person with very poor judgment and has nothing to do with being "sex positive" -also he overshares.  I'd avoid being around him.  Nothing to do, either with "being on a break"

[smackie9]

dealbreaker...send him to the curb. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Asma said:

. He was separated from his now soon to be ex-wife. The situation put too much stress on our relationship,  I am 32, he is 54.

 

Please trust your instincts. He has now added even more stress to the situation of not divorcing.  Think about your own future and well-being rather than what his irresponsible behaviors are doing to your life. Please get out while you can. 

[boltnrun]

A "mistake"? So his clothes accidentally fell off and so did theirs and he tripped and fell and his penis accidentally landed inside all these women's vaginas?

No, he did it on purpose. The pregnancies may have been unintentional but surely he knows how babies are made.

Has he been fully STI tested since he got back from this wild "break"? Have you had sex with him? If so, have you been tested?

Since this relationship began as an extramarital one, it's not surprising he thinks he's free to bang whoever he wants. The real question is, are YOU feeling good about this? I presume you aren't.

There are so many millions of men out there. Why shackle yourself to this one?

[Seraphim]

Deal breaker for me.

[TeeDee]

3 hours ago, Asma said:

 I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, and every instinct is telling me to run away and not look back. 

Listen to yourself.  You have good instincts.  

If he got 3 women pregnant & relies on the pull out method, he is not having safe sex.   

His plate is full with 3 brand new kids to deal with.  

[itsallgrand]

Jerry!! Jerry!! Jerry!!

It's like an episode of Springer. Not good. 

[Starlight925]

OK, I have to say this first:  I think the term "Sex Positive" is about the stupidest thing I hear these days.  What does that even mean???

So your married boyfriend impregnated 3 women in the span of a few weeks, and you want to know what we think.

He's monogamous until he's polyamorous.  This doesn't even make sense.  He's married.  Right now.

Feel better about yourself, and learn that you deserve more.

Instead, you give us a list of 25 justifications for his actions.  

There's only 1 thing you need on the list:  Your own self esteem.

[catfeeder]

Nobody here can say what you 'should' do. I can suggest, however, a focus on the future you envision for yourself. Does it include being bound to a partner who can't share his resources with you because he's too indebted to paying child support. He also can't share his free time with you, because he's trying to catch up with each of his children.

If you want this, then here you are. If not, consider why your relationship with this guy was already problematic, and that might help you to walk away.

[Capricorn3]

 All I see is poor character and poor judgement - you'd think at age 54 he should know better. Ugh. He would be my permanent EX so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

[boltnrun]

BTW, do you know what they call men who use the pull out method?

"Dad".

[arjumand]

MINIMUM INVOLVEMENT with HIS own child? That is not something I could abide in a partner. Then, of course, there is all the unprotected sex and other stupidity. Also what is the point of a seven month break? That is a break up. This relationship is just a complete waste of time. Dump his ass and raise your standards. Seriously.

[Jaunty]

I admit I had to chuckle when I read that you were on a 7 month "break" because his being married was too stressful for your relationship.

Now he's been on a sperm spreading spree and is going to have a new child.  He's STILL married.  So why are you even considering getting back together with him?   Is this situation somehow "better" than the one you left 7 months ago?  

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

OK, I have to say this first:  I think the term "Sex Positive" is about the stupidest thing I hear these days.  What does that even mean???

Means that you are fine with people around you having sex. Even if they are sex workers. Or else you are a prude and bigot or whatever “ist” and “ism” word they have for that. 

Also “foolproof pulling out method”? Did that guy, um, had a biology as a class in his school? Or he failed it just as he failed life? He just likes to have sex bareback and tells you whatever you would want to hear. Get rid of that one before he ruins your life.

Also, “still married” but “serial monogamist” that cheats his wife with you and apparently sows kids all around the town? Yeah, that guy has never been faithful in his life and just wants more unprotected sex from you. Which you are happy to provide from some reason. He is rich, isnt he? 😂

[Starlight925]

Sorry, I still think the term is stupid. 
 As is “I feel some type of way” and “I’m in my head”.

 Overused silliness.  Rant about that over. 
  And I think the OP in this case is using “Sex Positive” to indicate how “cool” she is with this jerk’s escapades, trying to make excuses for it. 
  Hey man, it’s all cool.  2 will be aborted, and he’ll have minimal involvement in the one born.  I’m all Sex Positive, cool bro. 

[Batya33]

41 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Sorry, I still think the term is stupid. 
 As is “I feel some type of way” and “I’m in my head”.

 Overused silliness.  Rant about that over. 
  And I think the OP in this case is using “Sex Positive” to indicate how “cool” she is with this jerk’s escapades, trying to make excuses for it. 
  Hey man, it’s all cool.  2 will be aborted, and he’ll have minimal involvement in the one born.  I’m all Sex Positive, cool bro. 

Could not agree more.  Very well put. I was positive the sex of my baby was male - when I was about 8 weeks pregnant -and I was right -that was the last time I was sex positive. Separately, I've always had a healthy sex drive and I've never been comfortable, personally, with casual sex.

[waffle]

11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

BTW, do you know what they call men who use the pull out method?

"Dad".

That's how I got my third kid.

[Batya33]

21 minutes ago, waffle said:

That's how I got my third kid.

People who use the pull out method are called "Parents"

[waffle]

This man is in his 50s though?  Is he stupid?  Going around sleeping with everything that moves, knocking up women, come on now (of course I question the judgment of the women too).

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Asma said:

 we decided to go on a break while he's working on his divorce.

How is running around having reckless unprotected sex "working on his divorce"?