Modern Dating: The Evolution of Courtship for Men and Women

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Seraphim this is also true in the UK - if you have been in the army and had the general run around on army vehicles, you no longer need a separate license for heavy goods vehicles and lorries like normal people would here! 
 

A lot of ex army guys sometimes come out the army and go straight into truck/lorry driving for a living, without having the take extra driving exams like you do here in the UK.

 

I am so off topic again 🫡🤣

 

x

The military has their own licensing, so my husband has a military license and a civilian license. but they never crossover and you’re not allowed to do the same things on the two different licenses .On his military license they have what vehicles he can drive, and he just has a general license civie side, which is typical for most people. 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Coily said:

Also, most men really don’t give a rip about a woman’s career. “Oh, you’re a world famous astrophysicist?  Are you cute, laugh at my dumb jokes, and are a kind soul?” That’s the basic man’s mindset. Where women still give the impression they want to check your budget.

 

 

I think this is true in most cases. For example I have a rich friend. He wanted his wife to be rich so he found a dentist who is also rich. But that is more because of the background then because of her career choice. Meaning that "rich" was the incentive(her father was also a dentist like his father so its more of a merger of businesses lol) and not her career choice. He could easily do without her career choice. Heck he even sometimes complaines that he wishes to get more "homecooked" meals for him and the kids from her, but she doesnt really cook that much(if you ask why he doesnt do that, well, he works almost all day sometimes, in state as well as private practice, she is the one that is more home). Which does make me want to explore this

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

As for "courting"...I remember being advised to showcase what a good cook I am to entice a man to want to marry me 😆. That was drilled in so much (along with how important it is to create nourishing meals for children) that I still have a knee-jerk negative reaction whenever someone says they "can't" cook. (Yes, you can. Anyone can. You just choose not to). I wonder if men find a woman who's a good cook enticing. 

First one "boomer joke" apropo cooking skills for Bolt

Two friends meet each other after one of them got married. First asks: Hey man, how does the marriage goes? Second answers: Horrible, I thought she would cook like my mother. And instead she just drinks like my father.

🤣

Anyway, we are more "traditional" here. So cooking is still regarded high. But even that becomes very easy to replace. Not only by restaurants(which are more expensive option) but with lots of "country kitchens" as we call them. For example there you can take freshly cooked beans(not that canned stuff) with bacon and lots of other "homecooked" stuff. For a bit more money than you would spend by making it at home. But today, it costs you time to do that. For example my grandmother was a tailor but worked from home. While grandfather worked at the linen factory(he brought her linen from factory to make dresses). But because she was at home, she could also have time to cook a meal. While I today couldnt do that for myself because I worked at the time of lunch. So I bought something. Tomorrow is a weekend so I would cook chicken with mushrooms. Anyway, times did change. Tomorrow I couldnt expect from my future wife(if I have one) to cook on working days of the week if she also works 8 hours a day, especially if she would do physical job. Hence why the need here for stuff like "country kitchen". People have the need for traditional homecooked meal(we dont do "McDonalds" and fast food at least not in the way Americans do) but have less and less time to do that. 

I also do think that roles did changed a bit and became too much mixed. So both genders do very differ from traditional gender roles. And think the question "do women even need courtship" is viable when, as mylolita pointed, its even frowned upon in some cases. 

[Seraphim]

17 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I think men are probably more lazy than some decades ago. They can just download a dating app and don't need to put much effort because they can find another girl on this app quickly.

I mean, some guys put very low effort even in the conversations - lots of spelling mistakes, some of them can't even type one meaningful sentence, it's just 'lol' and 'omg'.

Same can be said of women though . I have been messaged from women about their own KIDS and getting them to make sense and not end conversations in the middle of imparting important I formation or even hell don’t message people at 11 PM when conducting business . 

[boltnrun]

I find cooking relaxing 🤷‍♀️ After a long day I get to be creative in the kitchen.

I've lived alone for a thousand years and I still create home cooked meals for myself. 

Someday when I'm ready to meet a nice man, maybe he'll appreciate my cooking. 

That old saying..."the way to a man's heart is through his stomach". My mother believed this although she was an average at best cook. And she was the daughter of a professional chef! (Grandpa, not Grandma).

[mylolita]

I think the cooking thing is the female stereotype that covers the “nurture” role! 
 

Same goes for keeping house, cleaning, washing clothes. They are forms of care and service that I think most men appreciate! I don’t find it degrading at all! 
 

And teaching your kids to cook is practical and adorable! 
 

x

[mylolita]

6 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Same can be said of women though . I have been messaged from women about their own KIDS and getting them to make sense and not end conversations in the middle of imparting important I formation or even hell don’t message people at 11 PM when conducting business . 

This is also true!

 

It’s getting very sloppy! I say this on my own behalf as well! (I’m 34 this is my generation and below, our transgressions LOL!)
 

x

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, mylolita said:

This is also true!

 

It’s getting very sloppy! I say this on my own behalf as well! (I’m 34 this is my generation and below, our transgressions LOL!)
 

x

It could drive me to drink, seriously . Make sense, close a conversation and do it before nightfall. 😂

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, Coily said:

Trying to figure out how anyone would consider his advice Misogynistic?

Tom Leykis was a popular radio personality labeled a "shock jock," however to some so-called "feminist groups," many of his views were considered misogynistic (at least on some level).  He was popular here in SoCal, I used to listen occasionally just for the shock value, I never took him all that seriously.

I do agree with @smackie9 that there certainly does seem to be a lot of whining going on.  I am experiencing it myself now that I am out there "multi-dating;" I hear an awful lot of men complaining about women and their various dating experiences.  And vice versa from women about men.

My sense from it is that no one trusts each other anymore - men don't trust women and women don't trust men.  Men believe women are entitled ******* who only value men for the looks, money, status and women believe men are averse to relationships and commitment and only want sex.  When I say "men" and "women" I am generalizing of course, there are always exceptions.  It's just something I have been noticing in our current dating culture.

Because of that distrust, there are **** tests and games galore being played on both sides and both genders are on constant guard against being played or "used."  

Me?  I DO trust men, until they give me reason not to, I have always felt that way.  I never subscribed to the "men have to earn trust," although I understand it.  It was just never my style.  And my attitude serves me quite well and men have noticed!

Right or wrong, my feeling is dating is a mutual endeavor, both people are in this together, they are equal participants and as such make effort and give equally, perhaps in different ways or maybe even in the same way at times.

I am getting away from the standard gender roles of "men chase/women respond," I just don't believe it works anymore.  I believe such roles are outdated and have become more multi-dimensional.  

I am on another forum and there is a very beautiful and intelligent female participant who believes all women need to do is "exist," and men should approach, initiate, pursue/chase.  She doesn't believe women should have to make ANY effort whatsoever and if a man is interested, he should have no anxiety, no fear and if he does then he's insecure and weak and no thank you.  I am pretty much quoting her verbatim!

She honestly and truly believes this!  And she said her friends and female acquaintances believe same!

I didn't want to start a war on the forum but I did respond saying that IMO that was the epitome of entitlement and she went into a sort of semi-rage, so I left it.  But wow!

Sorry this post is probably getting to long but in closing, I created a thread a few weeks ago about a man I had been chatting with who lives in Texas (I am in CA) so it's quite a distance away. 

He was coming on quite strong and I wasn't sure how I felt which combined with the distance, resulted in my stepping back a bit.  I stopped responding to his messages.

He took the hint and has left me alone, and something interesting happened, I started thinking about him more!  I still dislike messaging online so I responded telling him that.  But also if he's ever in my neck of the woods, to let me know!  That it would be nice to meet for a drink or something.

Now I am getting all sorts of **** from a couple of my friends basically accusing me of chasing him!!  

See how screwed up everything is?   It's ridiculous.

 

[boltnrun]

Do you miss him specifically or do you miss the attention?

[mylolita]

@rainbowsandroses I think you have to please yourself! You can’t win either way and someone is always gonna say you’re wrong or, they have the better way! 
 

I will say that, I can actually see where the woman on the other forum is coming from in a few ways. For me, the man approaching indicates a few vital traits! It shows confidence, being bold; a willingness to take a risk! And ambition! All very general attractive qualities! 
 

I think that’s the male test! To walk through the flames and “slay the dragon”, so to speak, and has been for so many centuries, they walk across the hot coals to get the damsel. Or, across the bar, and ask a gal out 🤣 Once the man passes this kind of, test of guts and will, so to speak, and the woman accepts him, you often find the ball is then in his court and now the woman has accepted. 
 

In psychology it is said that women hold the gate key to sex, but men hold the key to relationships. If you think about it, this is generally true. 
 

I would personally never ask a man out, or propose, but I don’t look down on women who have. 
 

You see now more women asking men out, splitting bills, and proposing. Women are also in less of a rush to get married, or so it seems, although I think deep down a lot of women still want that commitment, as do men. Four couples on our street have children together, own a house together, but aren’t married. Two just got engaged in the last 6 months. 
 

It all seems so complicated now? Or is that just me!? 

My Dad met my mum at a country club, asked her to dance, bought her a drink, set a date for the weekend - and the rest is ancient history! My Grandparents met at army dances held under air bunkers. Few dates and meeting the parents and again, the rest was ancient history! 
 

There’s too much in the way now? All this extra noise? And distraction? 
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Do you miss him specifically or do you miss the attention?

Good question, I actually modified my post because "miss him" was the wrong word.  I starting "thinking about him more."  

Do I miss the attention?  Not really, honestly I get enough attention.  I simply starting thinking about him now that he's given me some room to "breathe" and the pressure to respond and keep the online chat going is gone.

He hasn't logged in to even read the message yet, so we shall see how he responds.  I certainly DO NOT want to continue messaging ad nauseum that's for sure so if he's brushes my invite off, then I will just let it go.

 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, mylolita said:

@rainbowsandroses I think you have to please yourself! You can’t win either way and someone is always gonna say you’re wrong or, they have the better way! 
 

I will say that, I can actually see where the woman on the other forum is coming from in a few ways. For me, the man approaching indicates a few vital traits! It shows confidence, being bold; a willingness to take a risk! And ambition! All very general attractive qualities! 
 

I think that’s the male test! To walk through the flames and “slay the dragon”, so to speak, and has been for so many centuries, they walk across the hot coals to get the damsel. Or, across the bar, and ask a gal out 🤣 Once the man passes this kind of, test of guts and will, so to speak, and the woman accepts him, you often find the ball is then in his court and now the woman has accepted. 
 

In psychology it is said that women hold the gate key to sex, but men hold the key to relationships. If you think about it, this is generally true. 
 

I would personally never ask a man out, or propose, but I don’t look down on women who have. 
 

You see now more women asking men out, splitting bills, and proposing. Women are also in less of a rush to get married, or so it seems, although I think deep down a lot of women still want that commitment, as do men. Four couples on our street have children together, own a house together, but aren’t married. Two just got engaged in the last 6 months. 
 

It all seems so complicated now? Or is that just me!? 

My Dad met my mum at a country club, asked her to dance, bought her a drink, set a date for the weekend - and the rest is ancient history! My Grandparents met at army dances held under air bunkers. Few dates and meeting the parents and again, the rest was ancient history! 
 

There’s too much in the way now? All this extra noise? And distraction? 
 

x

I met my husband at university been together since our first date . No cellphones, no internet, no TV past 11 PM. Hell, we had only got bank machines and microwaves a few years before we met . 

[mylolita]

Apologies @yogacat! 
 

🤣🥂 

 

I am so wind bagging here it’s shameful but just another thought! 
 

I feel like, people these days are after “perfection!” They want it all. Where is it? That’s why they’re perpetually single. It doesn’t exist! 
 

They want someone with a great career. With a healthy lifestyle. Educated. Family orientated. But still has a life with friends! Has their own unique interesting hobbies, but also will spend plenty of time with them. Has the same goals, morals and opinions as them. Is in the same social circles or social class for here in England. They want someone masculine, but not too masculine. Feminine, but woah! Not too feminine! They want talents and intellectual conversation. A 6 pack maybe. Over 6 foot tall. No kids from a previous marriage. No talking of ex girlfriends but also no bad mouthing of ex girlfriends.

 

The lists go on.

 

And then when these people do finally settle down, they expect this perfect marriage as well, that doesn’t exist, and the towel is thrown in very fast. 
 

People don’t know what they want, basically, what really compliments them or what is truly good for them. We have a pandemic of not knowing ourselves, we’re kind of brainwashed into thinking there is this polite; good, lovely and wholesome thing we should all want and think. We’re all individuals who need very individual partners and we should be allowed to embrace that. 
 

No one is perfect. 
 

I think my generation need to get better with their time, the time of others, know thyself as they say, and go out and get what you want with purpose and laser focus. We are being told we have endless time to date and dine and career and all of this. Most of us only have about 85 years. My generation needs to put this into perspective that life is short, and this dallying for perfection is getting them the exact opposite! 
 

The grass isn’t always greener!

 

x

[mylolita]

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I met my husband at university been together since our first date . No cellphones, no internet, no TV past 11 PM. Hell, we had only got bank machines and microwaves a few years before we met . 

I really like that Serapim! 
 

Simpler times I am sure! Cuts out the bull! 
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, mylolita said:

@rainbowsandroses I think you have to please yourself! You can’t win either way and someone is always gonna say you’re wrong or, they have the better way! 
 

I will say that, I can actually see where the woman on the other forum is coming from in a few ways. For me, the man approaching indicates a few vital traits! It shows confidence, being bold; a willingness to take a risk! And ambition! All very general attractive qualities! 
 

I think that’s the make test! And has been for so many centuries, they walk across the hot coals to get the damsel. Once the man passes this kind of, test of guts and will, so to speak, and the woman accepts him, you often find the ball is then in his court and now the woman has accepted. 
 

In psychology it is said that women hold the gate key to sex, but men hold the key to relationships. If you think about it, this is generally true. 
 

I would personally never ask a man out, or propose, but I don’t look down on women who have. 
 

You see now more women asking men out, splitting bills, and proposing. Women are also in less of a rush to get married, or so it seems, although I think deep down a lot of women still want that commitment, as do men. Four couples on our street have children together, own a house together, but aren’t married. Two just got engaged in the last 6 months. 
 

It all just seems so complicated now? Or is that just me!? 
 

Thanks @mylolita, yeah I feel good about taking the initiative (in a light casual way), I am not second guessing that at all.  I didn't even have to think about it or ask friends or whatever, it came naturally to me, it's just my style.

I don't consider it chasing, again I was the one who backed off, which may have left him a little confused believing perhaps he got ghosted.  So I took the initiative in my own girly way; I dislike online chat and thought it would be nice to actually meet in person for a drink.

If he's interested, he'll come visit, if not, he won't and that will be that.  I am fine either way; I am currently dating a couple of different guys right now, it's not like I have some crazy crush on him or anything.

Anyway, like I said, I am getting away from the standard gender roles of "men chase/women respond," and don't believe for one second that if a man isn't "chasing" he's not interested. 

Personally, I don't even want a man chasing me!  Like the Texas guy was doing.  I don't find it flattering in the least (for various reasons that I won't get into here, it's not my thread).   

Maybe I'm weird but it was when he stopped chasing me that I became more interested!

The way I see it, when two people are interacting, if I am interested, he will know through how I respond to him, and if HE is interested, I will know through how he responds to me. 

When that is happening, it doesn't mean a hill of beans to me who makes the first move.  🙂

 

[yogacat]

19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Thanks @mylolita, yeah I feel good about taking the initiative (in a light casual way), I am not second guessing that at all.  I didn't even have to think about it or ask friends or whatever, it came naturally to me, it's just my style.

I don't consider it chasing, again I was the one who backed off, which may have left him a little confused believing perhaps he got ghosted.  So I took the initiative in my own girly way; I dislike online chat and thought it would be nice to actually meet in person for a drink.

If he's interested, he'll come visit, if not, he won't and that will be that.  I am fine either way; I am currently dating a couple of different guys right now, it's not like I have some crazy crush on him or anything.

Anyway, like I said, I am getting away from the standard gender roles of "men chase/women respond," and don't believe for one second that if a man isn't "chasing" he's not interested. 

Personally, I don't even want a man chasing me!  I don't find it flattering in the least (for various reasons that I won't get into here, it's not my thread).  But the way I see it, if I am interested, he will know through how I respond to him, and if HE is interested, I will know through how he responds to me.

When that is happening, it doesn't mean a hill of beans to me who makes the first move. 

I had a man offer to visit, someone that I had never met or interacted with before. I felt a bit put off by it because I guess, for me, I am used to interacting a bit before the "let's meet" phase...I can see where it threw me off.

I actually preferred suggesting that if I was in his town, that I would be happy to meet for drinks or a putt putt game in his town (equal ground between both of us) and he could pick the time. It never quite materialized, but it felt more natural and it gave an end to the chatting, i.e., I made it a date and put an end point to the chatting online. I prefer that, but I am a bit more of a traditionalist in the sense I prefer that "if we are going to meet, then there is intention before we meet" but I am all for meeting, just on equal ground 50/50, that's important to me. I think why I brought up this thread is because I am wildly annoyed with how much disconnect there seems to be nowadays and how illogical some of it is.

It's like the hardest thing in the world to have a "let's get together date" offline, and the sheer amount of time and effort that goes into getting to know a person over chat then the whole thing poof disappears...I shake my head...It's kind of like being on a sweeping cobweb "cleaning party", or it's craziness that I find it hard to accept that THIS is what dating is? 

[mylolita]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Thanks @mylolita, yeah I feel good about taking the initiative (in a light casual way), I am not second guessing that at all.  I didn't even have to think about it or ask friends or whatever, it came naturally to me, it's just my style.

I don't consider it chasing, again I was the one who backed off, which may have left him a little confused believing perhaps he got ghosted.  So I took the initiative in my own girly way; I dislike online chat and thought it would be nice to actually meet in person for a drink.

If he's interested, he'll come visit, if not, he won't and that will be that.  I am fine either way; I am currently dating a couple of different guys right now, it's not like I have some crazy crush on him or anything.

Anyway, like I said, I am getting away from the standard gender roles of "men chase/women respond," and don't believe for one second that if a man isn't "chasing" he's not interested. 

Personally, I don't even want a man chasing me!  I don't find it flattering in the least (for various reasons that I won't get into here, it's not my thread).  But the way I see it, if I am interested, he will know through how I respond to him, and if HE is interested, I will know through how he responds to me.

When that is happening, it doesn't mean a hill of beans to me who makes the first move.  🙂

 

I’m glad you are confident and happy in your approach rainbows and this can only be a good thing! 
 

I have a question for the courtship - if it’s either of the genders role to do the asking; or initiating, where does this leave men? 
 

If you were a man dating, would you maybe now with everything changing wait for signs from the woman? Or for her to ask you out? Or maybe take a step back and play it cool until you are really sure? 
 

What I’m getting at is, I think sometimes for men in modern dating, it’s confusing? Do you think the lack of obvious roles is maybe adding to this stale mate sometimes? Or even a lack of respect or dating etiquette? There used to be clear cut etiquette; now; what is it? The men no longer are expected to pay. Women didn’t normally (or openly) have sex before marriage or especially on a first date. Men would have dressed up for a first date, including women. What are the dating rules now? 
 

I’d argue there are hardly any, which, seems freeing, but to play devils advocate here and apologies, I don’t mean to bust your balls, this is a question for all - where does it leave people? What’s expected? What’s the norm?! 
 

x

[kim42]

31 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Tom Leykis was a popular radio personality labeled a "shock jock," however to some so-called "feminist groups," many of his views were considered misogynistic (at least on some level).  He was popular here in SoCal, I used to listen occasionally just for the shock value, I never took him all that seriously.

I do agree with @smackie9 that there certainly does seem to be a lot of whining going on.  I am experiencing it myself now that I am out there "multi-dating;" I hear an awful lot of men complaining about women and their various dating experiences.  And vice versa from women about men.

My sense from it is that no one trusts each other anymore - men don't trust women and women don't trust men.  Men believe women are entitled ******* who only value men for the looks, money, status and women believe men are averse to relationships and commitment and only want sex.  When I say "men" and "women" I am generalizing of course, there are always exceptions.  It's just something I have been noticing in our current dating culture.

Because of that distrust, there are **** tests and games galore being played on both sides and both genders are on constant guard against being played or "used."  

Me?  I DO trust men, until they give me reason not to, I have always felt that way.  I never subscribed to the "men have to earn trust," although I understand it.  It was just never my style.  And my attitude serves me quite well and men have noticed!

Right or wrong, my feeling is dating is a mutual endeavor, both people are in this together, they are equal participants and as such make effort and give equally, perhaps in different ways or maybe even in the same way at times.

I am getting away from the standard gender roles of "men chase/women respond," I just don't believe it works anymore.  I believe such roles are outdated and have become more multi-dimensional.  

I am on another forum and there is a very beautiful and intelligent female participant who believes all women need to do is "exist," and men should approach, initiate, pursue/chase.  She doesn't believe women should have to make ANY effort whatsoever and if a man is interested, he should have no anxiety, no fear and if he does then he's insecure and weak and no thank you.  I am pretty much quoting her verbatim!

She honestly and truly believes this!  And she said her friends and female acquaintances believe same!

I didn't want to start a war on the forum but I did respond saying that IMO that was the epitome of entitlement and she went into a sort of semi-rage, so I left it.  But wow!

Sorry this post is probably getting to long but in closing, I created a thread a few weeks ago about a man I had been chatting with who lives in Texas (I am in CA) so it's quite a distance away. 

He was coming on quite strong and I wasn't sure how I felt which combined with the distance, resulted in my stepping back a bit.  I stopped responding to his messages.

He took the hint and has left me alone, and something interesting happened, I started thinking about him more!  I still dislike messaging online so I responded telling him that.  But also if he's ever in my neck of the woods, to let me know!  That it would be nice to meet for a drink or something.

Now I am getting all sorts of **** from a couple of my friends basically accusing me of chasing him!!  

See how screwed up everything is?   It's ridiculous.

 

I don't think this is chasing at all. For me, chasing is when one person, regardless of the gender, keeps asking out someone who clearly told them they're not interested. That's just how I see things of course.

If a man or a woman expresses interest in someone, asks them out or makes a move, that's totally fine and not chasing in my opinion. I actually don't like the word 'chasing' at all.

[rainbowsandroses]

12 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I had a man offer to visit, someone that I had never met or interacted with before. I felt a bit put off by it because I guess, for me, I am used to interacting a bit before the "let's meet" phase...I can see where it threw me off.

^^yoga, we had been interacting/chatting for about 6-7 weeks so it wasn't a new thing.  In fact, I just now looked at our message exchanges and there are about 5 pages worth of messages between us in my inbox, mostly from him.

At one point, HE asked me to come visit (attend a rodeo with him) which I declined.

Anyway like I said, I backed off from messaging, he took the hint and stopped messaging/chasing, I started thinking about him more as the pressure was off, and casually suggested if he's ever in my neck of the woods to let me know, it would be nice to meet for a drink.

It's all good.  🙂

 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Several men have posted on here that they will not ask a woman out unless she gives them clear, obvious and blatant signals she wants him to. They're so afraid of being turned down ("rejected", as they term it) they just won't do it. And then they wonder why they've reached the age of 28/34/whatever and have never been out on a date.

I'm not afraid, so I have suggested to men before that we go out. I've been turned down but guess what? We all survived. And every single one of them said they liked my approach and if they hadn't already been dating someone else they would have said "yes". 

I guess I don't understand this fear of "rejection". I have been told "no" in many situations, so I just tried again.

I saw a quote somewhere..."A winner is a loser who tried one more time." I love it. 

Oh, and I also find it amusing when men assert that women are constantly being approached by men and they get all kinds of attention and therefore they can afford to be super nitpicky. Where were all these men when I was younger? Now, I did get a lot of attention in my 30s but that was because I participated in an activity where it was literally 90% men. Scarcity inflates value. 

[rainbowsandroses]

@boltnrunyeah I think women initiating in whatever way is comfortable for them, is perfectly fine, it's all good in my world.  For me, my way was non-aggressive and casual, and also remember HE had asked me to visit to attend the rodeo, which I declined.

I also had backed off from messaging, so in my particular case, I think it was perfectly appropriate.

I think what helps is having good intuition and a good read on people.  Timing is also important.

And yes like you have experienced, men including the men I am currently dating, have all told me they find my style refreshing and it actually caused them to want to get to know me better and get closer to me.

None of those typical **** testing games (i.e. man must chase me or no thanks) and other BS, lord I cannot stand that and most men I meet don't either.

[yogacat]

6 hours ago, Coily said:

Unpopular opinion, I think a lot of men when they learn that there is no opportunity for them to be fathers, there is a fire that dies. I know for me, when I start dating a woman the option to have a child of my own is a high priority. It's not, I must have a child; but more along the lines of; "I'm not going to die on that hill after crawling through lava, when I could just do my own thing for me."

I think that's more of a factor than general health, I know quite a few Gym Bros who are just done with dating. They just have no desire to get piles of risk and little reward.

I do agree with the preponderance of seeing bad behavior rewarded. Probably why some guys get hung up on body count?

The only men that were hung up on body count, from observation (not saying this is 100% across the board), were typically men who themselves couldn't get the boom boom or were insecure. And that's a very toxic vibe to be around.

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, yogacat said:

It's like the hardest thing in the world to have a "let's get together date" offline, and the sheer amount of time and effort that goes into getting to know a person over chat then the whole thing poof disappears

This seems to be the nature of OLD. Exchanging a few messages, then arranging to meet. It's better to meet sooner rather than later.  

[rainbowsandroses]

41 minutes ago, kim42 said:

If a man or a woman expresses interest in someone, asks them out or makes a move, that's totally fine and not chasing in my opinion. I actually don't like the word 'chasing' at all.

Thank you, obviously I feel the same!   I get flack from some of my more "traditional"  friends, but I don't believe anyone should be "chasing" anyone.  We are all in this together, it's a mutual endeavor or it should be imo.

We give, we make effort equally albeit in different ways.  Like if we're dating, I might invite him over for dinner or purchase tickets to a sporting event I know he likes.  I see nothing wrong with this, I cannot even imagine it any other way.  

The man doing all the calling/messaging, all the initiating, all the planning, etc. would bore me to death.  Not judging other women for preferring it that way, it's just not for me and frankly never has been.  YAWN.

Again maybe I'm weird, but I kind of like initiating from time to time, doing my share.  It makes me feel good! 

That I am contributing somehow.  It makes the men I have dated feel good too!  

Win-win!

 

[boltnrun]

I mean, I am on this forum a lot (mainly today because I'm trying to avoid a big work project... don't worry, I will get it done on time 😆) and I don't feel like I'm in some sort of relationship with anyone else who posts on here. And honestly, I don't feel any emotional attachment to anyone on here either other than hoping everyone is doing well or is doing better than they were when they first posted their issue. I can't get emotionally attached to anyone over an electronic device.

🤷‍♀️