Come along for Losts online dating adventure!

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

For a time I was volunteering about 8 to 20 hours a month for a few organizations and even sat on the board of one.  I did spread myself too thin but covid shut them down for a while and it also gave me a break to recharge so I do need to get involved again.  Problem is not that I am retired I have less time than when I was working 40 hours a week for some reason.  I need to start looking around for a new one to help out.

 Lost

I also had to stop during covid except for a couple of months I was on a list where about once a week we were given a local senior citizen to call to check up on them during lockdown. They of course had agreed to be called.  I'd do a 20-30 minute convo.  Obviously not social at all as far as meeting people in person but it felt good! I'm so glad you've been able to volunteer over the years and sitting on a board is a big deal!

[boltnrun]

37 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

That wasn't me, I don't think I have ever said the word aficionado while chatting up a woman.

 There are some single women at shows but most are ex's of some car guy...

Lost

How do you know this?  Not challenging, just curious.

This one time when I volunteered at a car event a woman arrived with a brand new Corvette with all the bells and whistles.  And, I kid you not, EVERY SINGLE PERSON who spoke to her led with "Is that your husband's car?"  She was getting exceptionally annoyed AND tired of repeating "NO, this is MY car."

(No, I'm not accusing you of making assumptions or of being sexist.  Not at all.)

[lostandhurt]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

How do you know this?

I know their old boyfriends either personally or friends of friends.  One is my brother in laws sister who was/is married to a car guy I know but they haven't been together in over 7 years I think.  Still not divorced...

 Others someone usually says "hey see the blonde over there?  That is ___________ ex. 

  The very last local show last year the promoter (he is a friend) drives by with 3 women in his cart, stops and yells at me "Hey Lost you are single right?"  I was not interested so I told him to keep driving.

 They are there and you are right you have to go where the fish are and there are a ton of men in their natural environment at a car show. Unfortunately there really isn't the equivalent for women that I know of.

Lost

[poorlittlefish]

@lostandhurt If you search in Match, are you still getting a 'grid' of profiles that you can scroll through? In the UK that seems to have changed (unless I've pressed something inadvertently) and now all you can do is select filters. It presents you with each profile in turn and you have to press the cross or tick individually. For this reason alone, I won't be renewing my subscription. It's all but pointless being on there.

[Starlight925]

At least in the U.S., you can still get a "grid" of profiles, after putting in your filters.

But, if you've swiped left on someone, their profile is lost forever to you, even if you swiped left by accident.  The site tries to use algorithms to present daily profiles to you, and "smart" technology (hate that word, as it's really stupid acronym, 'nother story) to give you who it thinks you want to look at.

So the result is, little to no action at all.  It's created its own paralysis by analysis.

I originally signed up for 3 months with an automatic cancellation, which I'll keep in place, so I'll be done soon.

 

[lostandhurt]

18 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

If you search in Match, are you still getting a 'grid' of profiles that you can scroll through

Yes as Startlight mentioned we still get the grid in search. Then there is "Discover" and "Highlights"

 The biggest problem is that you pay to see everyone signed up but they do not show you everyone that is signed up.  They parcel them out to you over time which I imagine is to keep you from spending a few hours scrolling through profiles, picking a few and sending out messages and if you don't get a reply cancel and try another site.  If I search for women within 75 miles ages 50 to 60 that don't smoke I should see every last one of them.  That isn't the game they are playing though. 

Seems crazy that they would do what you described.  The help section sucks on Match so don't count on that and the bot that offers to help is worse...

 Lost

[Wiseman2]

On 2/18/2024 at 10:49 PM, lostandhurt said:

  If I search for women within 75 miles ages 50 to 60 that don't smoke I should see every last one of them.  That isn't the game they are playing though. 

That does seem weird that they mete out these "matches", even through they have a searchable database. Perhaps they only produce "matches" in dribs and drabs in order to keep people on the site clicking and looking? 

[boltnrun]

It's a business so of course their goal is to make money. If people find their person they will cancel their membership. And that means no more money for the dating site. It actually benefits them if people DON'T find someone. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It's a business so of course their goal is to make money. If people find their person they will cancel their membership. And that means no more money for the dating site. It actually benefits them if people DON'T find someone. 

I think it benefits their advertising etc if they can advertise about successful matches/statistics, etc.

[lostandhurt]

Day.... Near the end

 My subscription is up in a couple of days so I will be cancelling Match.  To sign up was 60 bucks for 3 months but if it auto renews it is 120 or 150 I think. 

 Received a message from an attractive woman but once again she was 3 hrs away by car.  Several likes and 3 -4 messages in the last few days but no one I am interested in.

 POF I get a few likes a day which they blur out their pic until you pony up 20 bucks a month but they don't blur them enough so you can't figure it out by going to recently online and scrolling until you find a match.  Unfortunately none of the blurry likes I am interested in either.

  3 more days and my adventure on Match comes to an end.

 Lost

[LootieTootie]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

 My subscription is up in a couple of days so I will be cancelling Match.  To sign up was 60 bucks for 3 months but if it auto renews it is 120 or 150 I think. 

Is that $120 or $150 a month???

Read that and was just thinking how inflation got OLD too now.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

My subscription is up in a couple of days so I will be cancelling Match.  

Good call. Hopefully if you are not completely disillusioned, you could research some apps Not owned by Match Group. I'm sorry but my opinion of all the apps they own is not good. They are just iterations of the same click bait garbage at different price points. 

[Starlight925]

I just checked my renewal rate on Match.  $120 for 3 months.  

Since I did a cancellation at the same time I signed up, I'd have to Opt In, which I will not.

$40/month, $480/year, for a whole lot of nothing.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

I just checked my renewal rate on Match.  $120 for 3 months.  

Since I did a cancellation at the same time I signed up, I'd have to Opt In, which I will not.

$40/month, $480/year, for a whole lot of nothing.

Just watch tomorrow they will throw a bunch more "matches" my way I have never seen before to try and keep me signed up.

 The last time I was on Match and cancelled a few months later they started emailing me all kinds of discounts so we shall see.

 Couldn't imagine staying on a whole year as it only takes a few months to go through all the people you may be interested in.

 Lost

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good call. Hopefully if you are not completely disillusioned, you could research some apps Not owned by Match Group. I'm sorry but my opinion of all the apps they own is not good. They are just iterations of the same click bait garbage at different price points. 

I don't get discouraged by this stuff as I keep my expectations pretty even.  Like I said I am all good right now but it would be nice to share my life with someone.  I might try out some free trial memberships on some other sites just to look around a little and see what I see.  I do know some sites do well in one part of the country while it sucks in others. 

 Lost

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Is that $120 or $150 a month???

Read that and was just thinking how inflation got OLD too now.

3 months, sorry should have been more clear.  Still introductory price is 20 bucks a month then it doubles when the first 3 months run out. 

 It really isn't even about the dollar amount as I can afford the price, it is the principal of it and all the games the sites play to try and keep you hanging around.

 Lost

[Capricorn3]

Man, my head spins when I read about all this online dating stuff, lol.  And then even worse, people have got to PAY for it too! Yikes. 😵‍💫  I think you guys should try the free way, meet people in real life like it was before there was such a thing as OLD, lol. Somehow it worked really well for millions of people, lol. 😉

Lost, you need to be found now.  This is taking way too long, lol.

[BeaTlesFan77]

40 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

It really isn't even about the dollar amount as I can afford the price, it is the principal of it and all the games the sites play to try and keep you hanging around.

 Lost

I agree it's all a big joke nowadays with everything.  Whenever I see commercials for Match or EHarmony, I just can't help but look at them with disgust.  My feeling is that if I am going to be ghosted or turned down, I would rather do that stuff out and about for free instead of paying for it.  Paying for it just adds insult to injury.  I'm glad you are doing well and not letting this get to you. 

[lostandhurt]

On 2/20/2024 at 8:21 PM, Capricorn3 said:

I think you guys should try the free way, meet people in real life like it was before there was such a thing as OLD, lol. Somehow it worked really well for millions of people, lol. 😉

Lost, you need to be found now.  This is taking way too long, lol.

I am very social but not over the top and I haven't gotten back to pre covid days so I do need to step it up for sure.  In real life is not like it used to be as I have done both back in the day.  Just watch people while you are out and about and you will see what I mean.  Very busy, face buried in their phones and worst of all if they are single and have or are on a dating site you get compared to all the profiles they have seen, even if they haven't had any contact with them they see them as potential dates.  It is almost like they have shut down in real life because they are online.

 Yes I would love to be found but it takes as long as it takes...

 Lost

[lostandhurt]

So the adventure comes to an end, at least on Match.

 My last day was yesterday so before I lost access I went on and hid my profile so they couldn't leave it up to fill their profile quota.  I saw a lot of women that were not subscribers and I know many of them were old profiles.

 Match did give me a questionnaire to answer on why I was cancelling.  I checked "To hard to search for people I am interested in"  It was the closest thing I could find to what they are doing there.  Interestingly enough I got two messages and 3 likes my last day and with each one I crossed my fingers as I opened them. Like all the others no match...

 I am still on POF and get a lot of likes but I have received zero messages.  On Match I get a message every few days so not sure what is going on there.  I will leave it up for now and see if I can find anyone there.

 So using my last day(s) on Match I did some research.  I did a lot of filters, no filters, expanded my search area and looked at every profile available to me. I was also curious if it was my age range so I lowered the age search to 22 to 65 and there really were not many women under 35 on Match in my area.  Not that I would message them or date them but it did show that other sites have eaten into Match's ranks.  This is something I should have done right away because it showed me that there were actually a very small number of women I was interested in.  Now I am selective but I am not a picky jerk as I am far from perfect and there still were very few.  Now if I could have I would have liked to filter showing only subscribers but they do not have that option. The list would have shrunk a lot if I could have filtered out the non subscribers.  I will remember this if/when I check out any other sites.  I am sure many have trial memberships so I can be more scientific right from the start.

 So in conclusion the adventure wasn't much of one in the end.  I think my reply rate to messages sent was around 30%, I received around 25 to 30 messages and triple that in likes I guess. I only spoke to one woman on the phone and never met anyone in person. 

I don't regret trying, spending the time or money or even feel down I didn't meet anyone. I am glad I tried and it has gotten me back into that mode so if I do get flirted with out and about it doesn't go over my head like has happened a few times in the past as I go about my day.  I just realized I am one of those people!  Yikes, what has become of us???

Lost and single 😀

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Just watch people while you are out and about and you will see what I mean.  Very busy, face buried in their phones and worst of all if they are single and have or are on a dating site you get compared to all the profiles they have seen, even if they haven't had any contact with them they see them as potential dates.  It is almost like they have shut down in real life because they are online.

^ This is absolutely true and unfortunately a negative sign of the times we live in.  It's really sad (imo). And living with your face in your phone 24/7 eventually leads to social anxiety because people don't know how, or can't communicate with people face-to-face anymore.

That said, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you Lost! 🤞

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

 Just watch people while you are out and about and you will see what I mean.  Very busy, face buried in their phones 

If you are retired, why not join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. This way you can meet like-minded people having fun and talk to women regularly. 

Being "out and about", yes everyone's face is buried in their phones, but what about at a dance or cooking class or hiking groups or golf lessons?

Perhaps try to find more phone free types of things? Agree that the days of just chatting up women at the supermarket,etc are long gone. 

[lostandhurt]

5 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

That said, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you Lost!

Thanks, I appreciate that.

 

Lost

[lostandhurt]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are retired, why not join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. This way you can meet like-minded people having fun and talk to women regularly. 

Being "out and about", yes everyone's face is buried in their phones, but what about at a dance or cooking class or hiking groups or golf lessons?

Perhaps try to find more phone free types of things? Agree that the days of just chatting up women at the supermarket,etc are long gone. 

You would think since I am retired I would have all kinds of time on my hands but I seem to be more busy than when I was working 40 hours a week.  I often joke that if there was 3 of me I would still be busy.

  I do agree I need to get busy outside my normal orbit.  I have done tons and tons of volunteering but stopped during covid.  One organization has made it clear I have a paid job there anytime I want it helping with mountain adventures for the disabled but I don't want a job.  I will reach out and offer to volunteer this summer though.

 Lost

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

You would think since I am retired I would have all kinds of time on my hands but I seem to be more busy than when I was working 40 hours a week.  I often joke that if there was 3 of me I would still be busy.

  I do agree I need to get busy outside my normal orbit.  I have done tons and tons of volunteering but stopped during covid.  One organization has made it clear I have a paid job there anytime I want it helping with mountain adventures for the disabled but I don't want a job.  I will reach out and offer to volunteer this summer though.

 Lost

Any interest in pickleball - I don't play -several of my friends in our/your age group do,