Come along for Losts online dating adventure!

[lostandhurt]

3 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

then they sent me what appeared to be inactive matches just to keep my membership.

Match has a thing where the sender (me) can pay for each message sent to a non subscriber so they can read it.  I will not be taking part in that cash grab...

Lost

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

I do have a Match meet-date tomorrow actually, with a seemingly normal guy.  

I was just reading up on the "MEET" tab.  Is that what you used to set this date up?

Lost

PS Best of luck on the date!

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Match has a thing where the sender (me) can pay for each message sent to a non subscriber so they can read it.  I will not be taking part in that cash grab...

Lost

Yeah, I wouldn't bother with that. If they're not a paying member it defeats the purpose of all the screening. Hopefully you'll find someone nearby soon.  When you broaden your distance radius it doesn't necessarily bring more viable matches. Maybe tweak some of the other screening, filtering and matching criteria? 

[Starlight925]

29 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I was just reading up on the "MEET" tab.  Is that what you used to set this date up?

Lost

PS Best of luck on the date!

No, I called it a "meet-date" because that's what a first meet really is.  Not really a date, just an in-person meet.

So I'll give you my female perspective:

61 year-old female, all recent pictures (all within 6 months).  Not in amazing shape, need to lose 10 lbs., but full body pics are accurate.  

I've gotten all the "likes" in the world, which to me, don't mean a thing.  I've "liked" a few back, but then...nada.

I haven't sent any messages out first.

About 25 messages so far, 95% are ones I'm not interested in.  A few "hey baby's", "hey darlin's", a few just "hi".

Two "conversations" so far, one wrote to me first, but one-word responses to my questions, so I keep leaving the conversation, then he writes "Hi" again.  3 times of this, I'm done.  BTW, highly educated, professional guy with a lot to say in his profile, yet all he can say is "yes", "no".  

One guy messaged me last weekend, I wasn't attracted.  His profile looks nice, everything I'm looking for, but I'm just not that attracted.  So I didn't respond.

A few hours later, I figured, what the heck, and we had a nice, normal, back & forth conversation.  He asked if I had a preference with respect to the site, and gave me 3 options:  Phone call, glass of wine, coffee.  I said "Something casual in the neighborhood (we live close), and here are the days I'm available".  He chose a glass of wine at this really cool place (a museum with a cafe).  So, that's tomorrow....

 

[boltnrun]

I look awful in photos. I am not photogenic. For some reason I always look angry or constipated even when I try to smile. Probably because I hate having my picture taken. I can't tell you how many times I've been told I look much better in person than in my photos. So maybe he's just not photogenic. 

[Batya33]

39 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I look awful in photos. I am not photogenic. For some reason I always look angry or constipated even when I try to smile. Probably because I hate having my picture taken. I can't tell you how many times I've been told I look much better in person than in my photos. So maybe he's just not photogenic. 

Same so when I had a profile I often used slightly older photos and they were totally accurate.  I chose the ones where I photographed the best. This was before I had a cell phone. I declined to meet anyone who asked for more photos. 

[lostandhurt]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yeah, I wouldn't bother with that. If they're not a paying member it defeats the purpose of all the screening. Hopefully you'll find someone nearby soon.  When you broaden your distance radius it doesn't necessarily bring more viable matches. Maybe tweak some of the other screening, filtering and matching criteria? 

Thanks but I have been down that path before where I tweaked things just to get more meets and they all failed.  I know what I am looking for and what attracts me and stick with that.  I am not apposed to taking a chance and have many times with half me being pleasantly surprised.  For instance there is a woman I really want to message (attractive, smart, fun, close by) but reading her profile I can see her identity is wrapped up in politics.  This has happened to some of my dearest friends and changed them into a very negative judgemental person that seem to be upset about something everyday.  That is the opposite if what I want in my life.  I could care less who someone voted for but when it becomes who they are in a negative way it isn't for me.

  Lost

[lostandhurt]

16 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

61 year-old female, all recent pictures (all within 6 months).  Not in amazing shape, need to lose 10 lbs., but full body pics are accurate.  

I've gotten all the "likes" in the world, which to me, don't mean a thing.  I've "liked" a few back, but then...nada.

I haven't sent any messages out first.

I do not do likes, if I like the profile I send a message.  That simple.

It is good you have full body pics and don't hide anything about who you are or what you really look like.  If you are getting attention it is working!

  The not sending out messages first is something I just don't get.  You are a smart woman that knows what she wants so why leave it up to some guy to decide, take control and swing for the fences.  You never know and after all it is a few key strokes with zero to lose. 

 The one word answers and stupid 3 word messages are a waste of time and do more harm than good in my opinion.  I read their profile a few times and find something interesting to message them about and I always end my message with a question to make it easy for them to reply and break the ice.  Being lazy with "Hi" or Hey gorgeous" must work on some women or they wouldn't keep using it I guess.

  Is there a man or two you would wish would message you but haven't?

Lost

[Starlight925]

1 minute ago, lostandhurt said:

  The not sending out messages first is something I just don't get. 

  Is there a man or two you would wish would message you but haven't?

Not to derail your thread, but with respect to helping you figure out the mind of the women....

It's really silly that many of us don't send messages first, hence the reason Bumble is so popular.  Women have to send the first message.

A good friend met her husband by messaging him first.  She chose to stay completely hidden for professional reasons, so it was incumbent upon her to message first.  

The reason I don't do it honestly is because it's never worked for me.  Anyone I've ever messaged has, at most, given me a lukewarm response.  I think it's the "something better over there" syndrome.

I agree with you re:  tweaking your profile to get more hits.  You know what you want, and you shouldn't tweak to get a higher quantity; what you want is that one woman who strikes you right.  I also like that you don't send out likes, as it's so.....juvenile.

Have you looked at other sites?  I do know people who have met via Hinge.

[lostandhurt]

10 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

The reason I don't do it honestly is because it's never worked for me.  Anyone I've ever messaged has, at most, given me a lukewarm response.  I think it's the "something better over there" syndrome.

Welcome to the mans world of online dating. I do pretty well with a response rate of over 30% right now which is pretty good I think because I only message women I am interested in.  I do receive a fair amount of messages from women for what ever reason.  So far none have interested me enough to reply except for 2 or 3 but they lived way to far away.  I don't think being passive for a man or woman is helpful.

 For example when I was last doing OLD a woman sent me a message first so I checked out her profile and read the message which was well written.  I was convinced it was a scam or bot or something because she was way out of my league in my mind. She looked like Heather Locklear in her prime with a fitness model body.  We chatted and she was real.  We went out a while but I found out she was separated not divorced and there was still some stuff between them.  The lesson here is I probably wouldn't have messaged her but since she made the first move we met.  People are all different and have different likes and looks they are attracted too. Don't sell yourself short.

 I did POF in the past and actually did pretty well.  Interestingly some women I saw on Match that were not subscribers were on POF since it is free so I messaged them there.  I need to make a new profile over there too I guess.

 I don't know anything about Hinge.

Lost

[Starlight925]

Hinge is marketed as a “more professional” group in general.  I do know two women who married from Hinge, and a 3rd in a serious relationship.  All 3 women are very attractive, professional, etc.  So it’s worth a try. 
  As for your Heather Locklear woman….lol just look at all the stuff she’s gone through.  Even Heather Locklear doesn’t look like Heather Locklear anymore. 

[lostandhurt]

11 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

 As for your Heather Locklear woman….lol just look at all the stuff she’s gone through.  Even Heather Locklear doesn’t look like Heather Locklear anymore. 

That is why I made sure to mention "in her prime"  I saw a pic of her recently and she has had hard life as of late.  Sad.

Don't worry about hijacking or derailing this thread, the more the merrier.

 I will take a look at hinge and check it out.  Thanks

 Lost

[Batya33]

I very often messaged men first and suggested a first meet after the first phone call as I didn’t want a chat buddy. 99% of the time I let the man ask for the first date. 

[lostandhurt]

Day 50

 I spent a solid hour looking through profiles and came up empty.  I even kicked the distance up to 100 miles with no luck.  I guess the new year rush in my area didn't materialize after all. 

 I will give it a few days and try again.  I am thinking of trying POF again as well and look into some other sites. 

 My online adventure wasn't very much of an adventure after all...

Lost

[poorlittlefish]

On 1/11/2024 at 1:29 AM, lostandhurt said:

Match has a thing where the sender (me) can pay for each message sent to a non subscriber so they can read it.  I will not be taking part in that cash grab...

Lost

That's nuts.  If you're paying for a subscription you should be able to message anyone.  I'm not sure if this is a new thing, because when I was on Match a couple of years ago, I received a message but couldn't read it unless I paid to subscribe (which I did).  That would be fairer than hammering those who've already paid their money.

[Sindy_0311]

I recently made a profile on happn. But didn't want to pay the subscription to see the likes and messages. I did it just to browse profiles and see whether I would like a guy. To avoid paying, I put my instagram link in the description, explained that I wasn't able to see the likes and messages. (For the note, my instagram profile is neutral, just one selfie and random "art" photographies, my full name doesn't appear on it, neither does my location) 

In 3 days I got about 40 new subscribers on my instagram. Some of them even sending DMs. I started engaging with a few men, and frankly it was great. Its way more interesting to be able to see these men's social media page, more selfies, more interests, hobbies etc... and at least, they didn't just had to swipe right to get a message from me. Somehow it felt more authentic than starting a conversation on a dating app. I highly suggest you try this... I also like it when a guy puts a link of one of his social media, it helps me figure out the profile better.

Since last summer, no guy really catched my intention on the dating apps. But through instagram, I finally started dating one and really enjoy him so far. Maybe you could also try this...

[Starlight925]

I think Match and some of the larger sites will delete links to social media sites, email addresses, etc.  When you update your profile, even to correct a simple grammatical error, it has to go through "profile review" before it's updated.  Some people try to get around it by saying "contact me at happyguy at the g place", or something like that, but even those aren't going through.  Interesting that happn (with which I'm not familiar) allows it.

Re:  Match money grab.  Yes, they constantly give you little "pay for extra Boost time", etc.  A "Boost" is where they highlight your profile, giving it more views.  I haven't paid for this, but I got one free "Boost's", which garnered very little.

Match seems to be very....for lack of a better word.....sleepy these days.  I rarely get any views, let alone messages.  When I first got on, I received a ton of messages (none from anyone of interest), then after that initial first few days, literally only a couple.  

I did go out with the one guy this week that I mentioned earlier.  Very old picture, at least 10 years old.  He was so much less attractive that I couldn't even bear to think of him in any romantic way, but a very nice guy.  We actually have so much in common, but there was just unfortunately no way.  He messaged me a day later, asking me out for next week, and I sent him a very kind response, and he responded in kind.  Why don't people get their teeth fixed, take care of facial skin tags, lose weight?  I know, I know, all superficial....

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

I think Match and some of the larger sites will delete links to social media sites, email addresses, etc.  When you update your profile, even to correct a simple grammatical error, it has to go through "profile review" before it's updated.  Some people try to get around it by saying "contact me at happyguy at the g place", or something like that, but even those aren't going through.  

That's true. Also  links to social media is often perceived as scammers, escorts, cam girls and other proprietary solicitation.  Sorry this date didn't work out. Hopefully you and Lost have some better luck soon. 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

.  If you're paying for a subscription you should be able to message anyone.  

You can message anyone. The non paying members just can't read it. Which seems fair enough especially since there are now indicators who are paying members and who are just browsing. 

[reinventmyself]

I have a couple friends who have used the Facebook dating feature.  One met someone right away and has been in a great relationship for over a year now.  My other friend who had been anti online dating as long as it's existed is now taking to and dating a few nice men.  From the sounds of it, it's pretty lively.

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

7 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

I have a couple friends who have used the Facebook dating feature.  One met someone right away and has been in a great relationship for over a year now.  My other friend who had been anti online dating as long as it's existed is now taking to and dating a few nice men.  From the sounds of it, it's pretty lively.

 

That's funny.  I was thinking of giving that platform another try.  I've been trying to meet people the organic way out and about recently.  However, it hasn't been fruitful at all.  It's great to hear that some are finding success there. 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

That's funny.  I was thinking of giving that platform another try.  I've been trying to meet people the organic way out and about recently.  However, it hasn't been fruitful at all.  It's great to hear that some are finding success there. 

Where are you out and about when you're trying to meet people? 

[BeaTlesFan77]

17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Where are you out and about when you're trying to meet people? 

Places like coffee shops, meetups, singles events, bars, and restaurants.  Even at the grocery store, I'm checking out the surroundings.  Overall, it's been challenging with my age as I'm sure others in their 40s can attest.  In addition to working from home. 

The most recent was a singles event held by this group called Thursday Dating (https://www.getthursday.com).  Right now they are not doing anything as they are revamping how they organize the events.  It used to be where they were partnered with a social experiment called the pear ring.  I discovered this on meetup.  On Thursday nights, the phone app had a bar selected where people with pear rings could meet in person starting at seven.  If you found someone else wearing one, they were available to talk to.  Then they also invited those who didn't have a pear ring to attend as well.  There was no organization as far as where in the bar everyone was meeting.  Then to cause more confusion, everyone was mixed in along with the other patrons who knew nothing about the event.  So it was difficult to determine who was there for the event and who wasn't.  It looks like they are revamping it so that on a particular Thursday night, either the whole venue or a certain section of the venue will be reserved for everyone to meet.  The mission of the group is to get people away from swiping apps and OLD in general.  Get back to the organic in-person meetings.  I went to a few of those with the old format.  It will be interesting to see how things go next month with the new format. 

[Batya33]

Good for you for being so proactive! I suggest outdoor groups -hiking or pickleball and also volunteer work.  My 50 something year old friend just competed in a pickleball tournament (she is married and was single for around 15 years starting in her 30s).  

[lostandhurt]

On 1/13/2024 at 6:10 AM, Starlight925 said:

 Why don't people get their teeth fixed, take care of facial skin tags, lose weight?  I know, I know, all superficial....

Not at all.  He has made his choices in life as you have.  If you are not attracted it is not superficial, it is human.  Forcing yourself or talking yourself into seeing someone is never a good idea.  I have been told I am to picky which is not true.  I have a lot of grace and understanding in me but I know what I like and don't like and what attracts me so I stay true to myself.  The last thing I want is to be with a woman that thinks she settled or sits there looking at me thinking to herself "I can do way better than this guy"  Mutual attraction is a must and not just physically.

 Lost