Come along for Losts online dating adventure!

[lostandhurt]

1 minute ago, Sally .C. said:

In regard to the woman who seemed interested in chatting online, but not very interested in chatting over the phone...maybe it would be best, after a day or two of online chatting, to ask for a date/coffee. 

I'm not very good on the phone, but am a better conversationalist in person. At least, that's how I would feel. 

Best of luck to you.

  Yeah I am having a tough time getting a read on her for sure.  She seems to be more responsive and I will take your suggestion to heart.  So far she has skipped answering what she does for a living which I will revisit for sure. I haven't dealt with many women like this online before so it is kind of new to me.  Most offer their number before I ask for it or simply ask to meet me in person after a few messages.  Hey everyone is different and I am a total strange to her so I can be patient.

Thanks

 Lost

[Kwothe28]

On 11/30/2023 at 5:47 AM, lostandhurt said:

Most offer their number before I ask for it or simply ask to meet me in person after a few messages. 

That is how it should be. Sadly, there are lots of time-wasters. For example, I used to suggest meeting them after a few messages even if I didnt plan it in advance to meet them. It "weeds out" time-wasters a lot as you can see by the answers what they want. If they say its OK then you can maybe count on meeting them up. If they start with excuses like "Oh but we dont know each other, its too soon etc", then you will know they just waste your time. Lots of them just wants "chat buddy" and somebody to say them nice things so their ego will grow. And doesnt really wants to date.

Also, yes, about the age thing: Lots of them outright lies about it. Some put the age in 30s and its obvious from the profile pictures that they are close to 50s. 

[lostandhurt]

Day 9

Skipped a few days sorry.

 The 45 year old I was chatting with seemed to open up and I have asked a lot of questions and she replies pretty quickly but shows little interest in asking about me.  She has but not on a level of someone wanting to get to know me better.  She is a paid subscriber so if she is just killing time there has to be a better and cheaper way than this.  I prompted her again if she wanted to know anything else about me and she did ask a question which I answered but this time I did not end my message with a question which always gives her a reason to reply.  Been about a day and a half so I sent her a message with an offer to meet in person for a drink or coffee.  I am not holding my breath...

 Received a few more messages over the last few days but I am not interested.  I don't do likes but have received a handful also over the last few days as well.  I get why a woman would like my profile to let me know they are interested without actually sending a message but if I am interested I send a message.  Some likes are coming from women hundreds of miles away or other states, not sure what the purpose is of that though.

 I did run across a nice profile of a 61 year old that I think I will message this evening.  So far I have a 30% reply rate to my messages so not terrible.

  Lost

[lostandhurt]

Day 10

 Haven't sent anymore new messages out but did receive two more.  One woman double messaged me, first in the morning with "Hello Lost" and then in the afternoon "R u interested or not, I am not a pen pal type"   I was busy all day and not on Match and even if I was interested I wouldn't be now.  Got 5 more likes most way far away from me though.

 The 45 year old I have been chatting with for almost a week now replied and to my surprise would like to meet for a drink the upcoming weekend.  I don't have her number but I will offer mine up to firm up the plans.  Going with the flow on this one, kinda new to me.

 Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

20 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Day 10

 Haven't sent anymore new messages out but did receive two more.  One woman double messaged me, first in the morning with "Hello Lost" and then in the afternoon "R u interested or not, I am not a pen pal type"   I was busy all day and not on Match and even if I was interested I wouldn't be now.  

You definitely dodged a bullet with that one. Sounds like she doesn’t have a life and would be clingy. Hope something great happens this weekend for you with the 45-year-old.  

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

The 45 year old I have been chatting with for almost a week now replied and to my surprise would like to meet for a drink the upcoming weekend. 

That's great 👍. Enjoy the date. Unfortunately I don't think anyone is immune to the type of nonsense, desperados and yuck factor on any type of dating apps.  Good you're ignoring it and focusing on the possibilities. 

[lostandhurt]

On 12/1/2023 at 8:21 AM, Kwothe28 said:

Also, yes, about the age thing: Lots of them outright lies about it. Some put the age in 30s and its obvious from the profile pictures that they are close to 50s. 

Been down that road a few times.  When I met one of them I called her out after dinner and she tried to continue the lie but I wouldn't have it and she finally told me her real age. The thing is she looked great for her actual age.  Pretty much changed my excitement down a few notches.  She turned out to be a little 🤪

Lost

[lostandhurt]

Day 12

So Match sent me a status on how I have been doing but it doesn't look right.  It says I have received 38 messages, 10 likes and 12 views this week.  I have received some messages but not 38 in a week.  I wonder how much they work at manipulating subscribers to keep them signed up?

 Anyways I haven't been on Match today but I can see in my email I got a couple of likes from two women I might be interested in and 1 message. I will check them out tomorrow if I have time.

Nothing to report from the 45 year old after I sent her a message the other day to let me know if she has a favorite place in her area she would like to meet at.  The weekend is days off still so I will worry about that later, not worry but contemplate 🤔

 Lost

[Batya33]

My favorite ever OLD phone call.

Me: So, yes, it's been hard for me when men lie about their age on their profile. [yes I said  this because I had my suspicions already]

Him [pause] Um, what age did I put?

 

[lostandhurt]

11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My favorite ever OLD phone call.

Me: So, yes, it's been hard for me when men lie about their age on their profile. [yes I said  this because I had my suspicions already]

Him [pause] Um, what age did I put?

 

Classic

  I could not imagine waiting to meet someone I had deceived online, it would be like standing there with a sign around my neck that says "Liar"

Lost

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Classic

  I could not imagine waiting to meet someone I had deceived online, it would be like standing there with a sign around my neck that says "Liar"

Lost

Or the guy who messaged me on the site one night "why are  you still single?" -I realized we'd meet -he was a jerk to me and other women and was lying about his age so I replied "why are you still lying about your age?" 

[Andrina]

Though I had some men lying about their age and posting older photos only on OLD, I will share one very sweet memory I have of OLD. I always made it clear I only dated locally, but decided it'd be fun to have one phone call with a Hawaiian man who chatted me up, since the phone call would be free and I'd never met someone of that culture before. He put it on speaker phone, played his ukelele, and sang a song called The Happy Song. It was so beautiful.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Hopefully your date is still on for this weekend.  If so, hope it's a great one. 

[lostandhurt]

Day 19

   Well haven't reported anything lately as there wasn't much to report. 

The 45 year old I was chatting with and supposed to set up a meet with this last weekend went silent on me which wasn't a big deal to me as my life does not revolve around OLD.  My last message to her was on Thursday to check in and see what her weekend was looking like to meet and I included my cell number if she wanted to reach out.  Yesterday morning she replied that she had been very sick, apologized for not getting back to me sooner and inquired how my Monday was going.  I just replied as I was super busy yesterday letting her know I am glad she is feeling better and then went on to let her know some of how my Monday went and left it at that.  Feels like a time waster to me but a few key strokes on my part when I feel like it is no big deal just in case.

 Received some more likes and messages but no one I am interested in once again.  Spent over an hour looking through  profiles with not much luck which  got me thinking signing up for 3 months on Match may have been overly optimistic on my part but I will ride the ride I have tickets for until it stops.

 Two women that had messaged me previously sent me another message, not sure why unless they forgot they had messaged me before.

 I did receive a like from a woman I was excited to read her profile but when I did I quickly realized we definitely were not a match.  and so it goes...

 Lost

 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Yesterday morning she replied that she had been very sick, apologized for not getting back to me sooner and inquired how my Monday was going. 

So sick she couldn't get on messaging, etc -I bet she was posting on FB about her various ailments.... maybe side effect of meds was inability to reach out AND suggest a plan.

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 12/12/2023 at 9:53 AM, lostandhurt said:

Day 19

   Well haven't reported anything lately as there wasn't much to report. 

The 45 year old I was chatting with and supposed to set up a meet with this last weekend went silent on me which wasn't a big deal to me as my life does not revolve around OLD.  My last message to her was on Thursday to check in and see what her weekend was looking like to meet and I included my cell number if she wanted to reach out.  Yesterday morning she replied that she had been very sick, apologized for not getting back to me sooner and inquired how my Monday was going.  I just replied as I was super busy yesterday letting her know I am glad she is feeling better and then went on to let her know some of how my Monday went and left it at that.  Feels like a time waster to me but a few key strokes on my part when I feel like it is no big deal just in case.

 Received some more likes and messages but no one I am interested in once again.  Spent over an hour looking through  profiles with not much luck which  got me thinking signing up for 3 months on Match may have been overly optimistic on my part but I will ride the ride I have tickets for until it stops.

 Two women that had messaged me previously sent me another message, not sure why unless they forgot they had messaged me before.

 I did receive a like from a woman I was excited to read her profile but when I did I quickly realized we definitely were not a match.  and so it goes...

 Lost

 

Sorry to hear what happened with the 45-year-old.  I like your attitude where you say your life doesn't revolve around OLD and that you're busy doing other things in life.  Have you heard anything back from her this week?  If not, you most likely dodged another bullet.  Unless she was REALLY sick, I could understand her not messaging over the weekend. 

Another thing that came to mind that I'm dealing with with regards to the IRL mixers.  Does your age affect your confidence to approach at all or are the people at the events you've been to in the same age range?  For example, the one I went to last Thursday, a lot of the women looked like they were in their 20's.  Being in my 40's, I was afraid of hitting on someone that young. 

[lostandhurt]

55 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Sorry to hear what happened with the 45-year-old.  I like your attitude where you say your life doesn't revolve around OLD and that you're busy doing other things in life.  Have you heard anything back from her this week?  If not, you most likely dodged another bullet.  Unless she was REALLY sick, I could understand her not messaging over the weekend. 

Another thing that came to mind that I'm dealing with with regards to the IRL mixers.  Does your age affect your confidence to approach at all or are the people at the events you've been to in the same age range?  For example, the one I went to last Thursday, a lot of the women looked like they were in their 20's.  Being in my 40's, I was afraid of hitting on someone that young. 

Yes she sent me a messaged this morning but nothing of real substance.  I responded in kind and asked when she thought she would be well enough to meet for that drink we discussed.  Whether she was sick or not is not my concern as I treat people with honesty and respect when they earn it so if she is jerking me around it is her problem not mine.

 The age thing is tough when you are out and about. I have been told I look much younger than I am so in IRL I tended to attract younger women because I wasn't walking around with a sign with my age on it like you do with OLD.  As far as my confidence when approaching a woman I think my age gives me a lot more than I had when I was younger simply because I don't make it such a do or die situation and the importance to me is so much less thus I view it as a nothing to lose situation.

 In a room full of twenty somethings at your age I would scan the room making eye contact and see what I see.  If they look at you like the creepy old dude at the gym that stares at them then it is time to call it a night but if you catch one or two looking your way when you look up then it might be worth positioning yourself in such a way to talk to them even if you time your visit to the bar or hors d'oeuvres  at the same time to make a funny comment or say hi.  Learning how to read signals is important.

  For example I was at a fundraiser and there was a young woman there that was exactly my kind of pretty that was helping out with the event.  We made eye contact several times and I caught her looking at me a few times.  She ended up behind the bar so I put my drink down and went to the bar so I could interact with her.  I could tell she thought I was attractive but I didn't get the signals that she was interested for what ever reason, most likely my age but I put myself in a position to find out.  I am not a jerk that just throws lines out there, instead I talk to them and pay close attention how they respond.

  Definitely going to events with a varied age group is best or something close to your age makes all this a lot easier. 

 You are doing great so don't give up.

 Lost

[lostandhurt]

Day 23

  A woman liked my profile so I sent her a message.  She is really too far away for anything but I thought it wouldn't hurt to send something.  Quick messages back and forth and she acknowledged the distance is too great.

Sent a message to a woman I really had no business messaging as she was out of my league but I sent it anyways.  I figure it isn't my place to decide for anyone what they like or don't like. She viewed my profile but did not respond.  No surprise there.

 Just sent out a message to 56 year old woman who is very athletic and active near me so lets see what happens.

 Crickets from the 45 year old of course.

 I have expanded my search distance in hopes of running across a profile I am interested in but not much luck.

 Checked out POF as well the other night.  I have my profile hidden but I can search and read profiles.  No one I was interested in that I hadn't already met or talked to years ago.  Interesting enough they are still on the site using the same pics. 

 Lost

[Jibralta]

On 11/26/2023 at 10:28 AM, lostandhurt said:

Granted I feel like I am swinging for the fences on this one but we shall see.

Why not always swing for the fences?

On 11/26/2023 at 1:55 PM, JoyfulCompany said:

Even if it doesn't happen right away, I found that, at least for myself, joining OLD felt like making a small step forward.

I agree for everything, not just OLD. Sometimes simply making the gesture is extremely powerful.

[catfeeder]

Glad you're getting back into dating, Lost. I would love to have a date with you! We could meet in Denver for a quick coffee. I'll ride my bike from the east coast. It would be a blast. 

Best of luck, and I'm in your corner!

[reinventmyself]

Hi Lost!  So happy to hear you are ready to consider dating again.   A couple friends of mine have tried the Facebook dating site and have had really good luck.  I am not familiar with its format and why it seemed to work for them.   

I am excited to read about your adventures! 

On a side note.  It's said that the holidays may not be the best time to do this. Sites report the membership numbers are the lowest at this time of year.  People have so many other commitments and for some it just isn't the best time to consider adding another person to their already busy life.  A close friend of mine didn't renew for this reason and will reconsider after the first of year.

But at the same time, it doesn't seem like you are in any hurry, so warming up to the idea and shaking the dust of little can't be a bad thing ☺️

Rooting for you.  You deserve the best!

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, reinventmyself said:

On a side note.  It's said that the holidays may not be the best time to do this. Sites report the membership numbers are the lowest at this time of year.  People have so many other commitments and for some it just isn't the best time to consider adding another person to their already busy life.  A close friend of mine didn't renew for this reason and will reconsider after the first of year.

I've read and heard that holidays are the best time for IRL situations.  As everyone is going to parties or out and about shopping. 

[boltnrun]

18 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I've read and heard that holidays are the best time for IRL situations.  As everyone is going to parties or out and about shopping. 

It can also be discouraging as most of the people I see shopping or attending events are part of a couple or family.

I enjoy going to bars alone but one time I made the mistake of going to a restaurant/bar alone on a Saturday night. I didn't feel BAD but it was awkward being the only one there who was alone. There was no one to interact with other than the bartender. Apparently Saturday night is "date night". However, I did go to a small bar alone on New Year's Eve one time and had a great time. So it's a crapshoot essentially, at least in my experience.

[BeaTlesFan77]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It can also be discouraging as most of the people I see shopping or attending events are part of a couple or family.

I enjoy going to bars alone but one time I made the mistake of going to a restaurant/bar alone on a Saturday night. I didn't feel BAD but it was awkward being the only one there who was alone. There was no one to interact with other than the bartender. Apparently Saturday night is "date night". However, I did go to a small bar alone on New Year's Eve one time and had a great time. So it's a crapshoot essentially, at least in my experience.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean with Saturday being more of a 'date night', and everywhere you go is mostly couples or groups.  Been there and done that many times.  I agree it is a crapshoot depending on where you live, what's happening that night, etc. 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/16/2023 at 11:56 AM, lostandhurt said:

Checked out POF as well the other night.  No one I was interested in that I hadn't already met or talked to years ago.  Interesting enough they are still on the site using the same pics. 

That's kind of pathetic that they're on there for Years with the same stale profile.  Hopefully you're enjoying your journey and have some luck soon.