Come along for Losts online dating adventure!

[Batya33]

25 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My movie tastes run more toward "Insidious" and "The Cabin in the Woods" than "You've Got Mail" or "Sleepless in Seattle" so I haven't seen either of those. 

Normally a lie is a deal breaker for me, but I like that she fessed up pretty much immediately and gave a reason why.

Yes and as I wrote above the age issue was (is?) different for women who mislead/lie as in more "acceptable" for a woman to lie about her age.

Lost I hope you have a blast on the next date!

[lostandhurt]

On 3/19/2024 at 12:02 PM, Andrina said:

Glad you had fun. What's her relationship history, in general?

Divorced 16 years, moved here 5 months ago.  Has met several men from online dating (she is extremely attractive and gets a lot of attention) and was actively talking to two guys I think when I came along.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

On 3/20/2024 at 6:27 AM, Kwothe28 said:

Next time she maybe cancels the date with you in the same way. 

True.  I answer questions if asked but I don't volunteer information.  I am really secure and confident so I didn't feel like these other men were a threat.  If she chooses someone else it is her choice, I will be my genuine self throughout regardless.  It didn't feel like it was a test or trying to make me jealous or something plus I did happen to see his face and I am way better looking than he is if I do say so myself.

 Lost

[lostandhurt]

Update from the date:

 I picked her up and she asked if we could keep the date light as she wasn't feeling 100% which of course I offered to cancel or just go relax and talk but she insisted.  We explored an area of old town I know very well and then stopped in for an early dinner.  When we got back to her house she invited me in and we sat on the patio and talked for hours, then moved to the couch cuddled and talked more. The date was about 8 1/2 hours and went by quickly. 

When we were driving I told her straight out that if this date and our connections continues to grow I plan on hiding my profile on the site.  I made it clear that I was doing it for me as I see her as very special and I don't want any distractions why I get to know her and what she does or doesn't do in that regard is totally her choice.  She thanked me for being upfront about it and then I simply went on to a different subject. 

 She has mentioned several times she is very happy she met me and I reciprocated.

I can only control what I do and how I feel, be my true self getting to know her more and more.  If it all ends it wasn't for lack of trying on my part.

 She did ask if it was okay if we could not plan any dates for a few days while she rebuilds her strength and feels better so we shall see how things go in a few days.

 I will keep you posted

 Lost 

[Capricorn3]

Keeping fingers cross.  If it's meant to be, it will be. 🤞

[Batya33]

I find it so inspiring how genuine and simple and direct you were with her about who you are and your intentions.  Hope you two plan another date!

[lostandhurt]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

genuine and simple and direct you were with her about who you are and your intentions. 

Thanks.  I only know how to be who I am, I don't do fake or try to sweep someone off their feet where they think I am one type of person only to change later.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

I hid my profile yesterday afternoon.  I didn't mention it to her nor do I plan on mentioning it, this is solely for me.

It felt good hiding it for some reason...

Lost

[Starlight925]

As a female, I love this.

The guy bringing up that he wants to hide his profile, and then him actually doing it, is very attractive.  It makes my attraction to him grow fonder, especially if he's someone I like.

The worst that happens is that you'll later unhide it and go back to the drawing board.  The best?  That she feels the same way about you and we read about your happily-ever-after journey.

Have you spoken with her since your date?  I know she said she wasn't feeling well enough to schedule, but have you texted or called to see how she's feeling?  To say hello?  Again, if I like the guy, this would get major points.

[lostandhurt]

39 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Have you spoken with her since your date?  I know she said she wasn't feeling well enough to schedule, but have you texted or called to see how she's feeling?  To say hello?  Again, if I like the guy, this would get major points.

 Yes I checked on her to see how she slept, texted a little during the day.  Later when I got home I texted her to see how her day went how she was feeling....

 We talked on the phone a little over an hour in the evening as well.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

Update:

 I have to admit that this is going well but not like any dating situation I have ever been in before. She made it clear right up front she wants to go slow with no sex until we are a serious couple.  I told her I am totally fine with going slow and in fact it is helpful for me being a guy because when we see a woman naked and have sex our brains go all mushy and can easily ignore red flags hitting us in the face.

 The reason this is different is because I have been down this road plenty of times only to have the woman trying to get into my pants not long after we agree to go slow and I end up being the voice of reason.  I have even had women get mad at me for stopping things from going to far.  This woman seems to be very careful not to let things get anywhere close to that.  Kissing for example is still very non passionate which has me a little concerned, not a lot but a little.  I love kissing and we have kissed but I would not call it passionately.  I asked her if she likes kissing and she said yes, I also asked her if she enjoys sex and she said yes so I have to take her at her word.  I am not all about sex but it is an important part of a relationship.  I kind of feel like she is holding back because if she lets herself go farther it will go all the way.  I have no problem waiting and it is kind of fun this way and feels good.

 So she asked me out on a date and then asked me to spend the night and made it clear NO SEX which I accepted.  It was a new one for me but we had a great time, slept in the same bed with her cuddled up against me most of the night. She has made it clear she is not seeing nor talking to anyone else and sees us as a couple, very new couple but a couple. 

 I did something thoughtful for her and she asked me if I was real.  I brought her flowers on our third date and she told me she has 3 things she looks for.  A man that is good to his mom, a good father and the first guy that brings her flowers is the one.  She knows how much I love my adoptive mom and the love, struggles and work my son and I have shared and the flowers were icing on the cake.

 Just being me for once seems to have paid off.  Dating very attractive women has pitted me against flashy shallow guys with serious game and I often lose out to them but not this time for now. Funny thing is she has mentioned all the guys she met then passed on were those same type...

 Lost

[Batya33]

It seems like it's going well! I also waited months but was totally into the passionate kisses and related - is she concerned one or both of you won't be able to control yourselves (no I do NOT mean you would force yourself on her - just get carried away).

Flowers were such a lovely gesture!

[LootieTootie]

Yay! This sounds like an awesome update and she sounds like a keeper already. Rooting for you!

 

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

is she concerned one or both of you won't be able to control yourselves (no I do NOT mean you would force yourself on her - just get carried away)

I am not sure and a little confused.  She did mention once when we were kissing "I see what you are doing there" and said "There will be plenty of time for that later once we know each other better"

 Time will tell

Lost

[lostandhurt]

37 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

Yay! This sounds like an awesome update and she sounds like a keeper already. Rooting for you!

 

Thanks I really appreciate that.

 I do really like her and we seem to be a pretty good match on most things.  Of course time will tell but I am enjoying her company and how all this is making me feel.

Lost

[Sindy_0311]

18 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Kissing for example is still very non passionate which has me a little concerned, not a lot but a little. 

Do you feel like there is a lack of chemistry in the kisses you exchange? When waiting to have sex, I think it's a good thing to gauge compatibility with kissing and cuddling.  What do you mean exactly by "not passionate"? Its is in the duration? Or the lack of "tongue contact", or is just that she doesn't seem to melt when you kiss? 

18 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

made it clear NO SEX

Why is she asking you to spend the night then? Why put herself in a "dangerous" situation if she wants to ovoid sex early stage?
I don't know but I feel like she is trying to feign control instead of letting the anticipation and the beauty of the unknown let this relationship progress at its own peace... Its ok to say that you are willing to wait until you both feel comfortable getting more intimate, but making it CLEAR NO SEX, sounds a bit hostile. 

I think she is a good woman, but the things she says are typical of people who got played or token advantage of in the past. I hope her insecurities won't bring any issues later on. Wish you the best!

[Batya33]

58 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Why is she asking you to spend the night then? Why put herself in a "dangerous" situation if she wants to ovoid sex early stage?

I loved doing sleepovers and being romantic and sexual and passionate after we'd gone out a number of times.  And we waited to have intercourse often for months.  No teasing or leading on either -it was great and worth the wait so that it was once we were in love, committed and with strong potential for marriage.  The one time I made an exception I regretted it and still do.

[Sindy_0311]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I loved doing sleepovers and being romantic and sexual and passionate after we'd gone out a number of times.  And we waited to have intercourse often for months.

So you got sexual without having intercourse early stage? After how many dates? And what exactly were you doing? 

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

So you got sexual without having intercourse early stage? After how many dates? And what exactly were you doing? 

LOL some is personal. It depended -usually I don't know 5 or 6 -really depended on the individual person.  We did not have intercourse for a number of reasons -sometimes it was everything but especially when I was still a virgin - I waited till age 24- what is "sexual " varies among people. I got serious with men who had similar values to me including that sex is part of being in love and committed only.  And separately when I was around 20 the AIDS epidemic started spreading past the gay community so many were far more careful because of that. Plus I knew early on abortion likely wouldn't be for me so abstaining was a good way to avoid that potentially horrible choice.  My personal values.  When I was 42 and got married I'd had very few partners relatively speaking and for sure I made out with/hooked up with -many more than that -I started dating in 1979 or so. 

I don't judge when single consenting adults have intercourse as strangers, first date, 10th date, committed, not committed -whatever!

For the OP it sounds like she's a healthy sexual person who prefers to wait.  You sound fine with that. She sounds like a good and thoughtful and fun person!!

[Kwothe28]

Reminds me of an old movie I watched as a kid. Guy has to decide between blond girlfriend and brunette girlfriend. Anyway, brunette asks him to sleep with her but just sleep in the same bed, no sex. Think bolnde one just has sex with him. He did go for brunette at the end though. 😁

Will try to find the movie when I get back at home. 

Anyway, I think it goes fine for now.

[lostandhurt]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Do you feel like there is a lack of chemistry in the kisses you exchange? When waiting to have sex, I think it's a good thing to gauge compatibility with kissing and cuddling.  What do you mean exactly by "not passionate"? Its is in the duration? Or the lack of "tongue contact", or is just that she doesn't seem to melt when you kiss? 

Why is she asking you to spend the night then? Why put herself in a "dangerous" situation if she wants to ovoid sex early stage?
I don't know but I feel like she is trying to feign control instead of letting the anticipation and the beauty of the unknown let this relationship progress at its own peace... Its ok to say that you are willing to wait until you both feel comfortable getting more intimate, but making it CLEAR NO SEX, sounds a bit hostile. 

I think she is a good woman, but the things she says are typical of people who got played or token advantage of in the past. I hope her insecurities won't bring any issues later on. Wish you the best!

Good questions.

Kissing the lack of tongue or very little is the unusual part for me.  I have no problem talking to her about this stuff so I am in a wait and see how things progress mindset right now.

The no sex was a reiteration of what we had already talked about but since she asked me to stay the night she didn't want to send mixed signals.  I made a joke about it "Okay but you better keep your hands to yourself"  That was a non issue for me and I appreciated that she didn't want any misunderstandings in that regard.

  I agree she is making sure and I have asked her if she trusts me which she does.  I truly feel from what she has said that she wants to wait until she feels love.  To be frank I do have some concerns about libido compatibility but time will answer all those.  If she is someone like we have seen on the forum here where they spring the real person they are on their partner after they have fallen in love thinking they will stay around I will be disappointed.  I hope that isn't the case but I will deal with it if it comes to that.  It does no good pondering all the what ifs so I am going to enjoy getting to know her and take her on face value until she shows me reason not to.

 Lost   

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Guy has to decide between blond girlfriend and brunette girlfriend

Interesting enough I am drawn to brunettes like crazy but end up dating more blondes.  Where I live there are A LOT of blondes so I guess it is just a percentage thing.

 This woman is a brunette 😁

Lost

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Interesting enough I am drawn to brunettes like crazy but end up dating more blondes.  Where I live there are A LOT of blondes so I guess it is just a percentage thing.

 This woman is a brunette 😁

Lost

I find blond or sandy haired men attractive but the last three relationships I had were with dark haired men. They all had really pretty eyes though. 

[rainbowsandroses]

15 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

She did mention once when we were kissing "I see what you are doing there" and said "There will be plenty of time for that later once we know each other better"

What?!!  How did you respond to this^^.  What did she "see" (i.e assume) what you were doing 'there'?  Manipulating her into having gasp, sex with her? 

That's what it sounds like to me. 

If I were a man, I'd be insulted by that comment.  I mean you can't even kiss the woman without her assuming you're some overly "thirsty" seduction lothario who's only intention is to get her (women) into bed?

Clearly, she doesn't trust you and no matter what she's experienced in the past with other men, that was a presumptuous and shytty thing to assume and say to you, imo..

I realize since she's beautiful and you really like her, it's easy to overlook it but imo you shouldn't. 

Pay attention!  To everything she says and does, I think it's so important.  During these very early stages especially. 

Don't brush things off.  And don't assume you know what she meant. 

Be direct, ask, communicate.  Learn what she's about, and in this case why she made that comment.

I am learning this myself!! Which may be why her comment triggered me. 

Again. I''m curious how you responded.  I hope you didn't just brush it off.

Imo, it indicates there are some trust and other "issues" she's struggling with about men and sex. She may possibly even be averse to sexual intimacy in general with any man.

I suppose you can continue forward and hope someday she's able to let go of her overly cautious, distrustful and presumptuous attitudes about men and sex, and if you choose that route, I do wish you luck. 

And I apologize for sounding negative but that comment, wow.   NOT a lot of words but nevertheless it says SO much.

I don't think it should be ignored, jmo. 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I think she is a good woman, but the things she says are typical of people who got played or taken advantage of in the past. I hope her insecurities won't bring any issues later on.

I echo this^ for reasons stated in my previous.

Good luck Lost.