Come along for Losts online dating adventure!

[Batya33]

Sounds like a lovely first meet?  I'm shocked she'd invite you to her home -stranger danger and all that and I'm also glad you enjoyed.  Do you have a second date planned?

[lostandhurt]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sounds like a lovely first meet?  I'm shocked she'd invite you to her home -stranger danger and all that and I'm also glad you enjoyed.  Do you have a second date planned?

Thanks

We talked about a second date but she is taking some meds for a illness at the moment and they can make her feel weak so I told her lets see how you feel and plan accordingly. 

If I don't hear from her I will text her around 2 today and see how she is feeling.

 I know I am no danger to her but she didn't but she was very comfortable with me and I guess watching numerous of my videos gave her a sense of who I am. 

  I am not going to treat this like I don't care if I see her again but I will temper my expectations.  I made it clear to her that I do not meet women like her very often and would like to spend more time with her getting to know each other.  She knows where I stand for sure.

Lost

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

I am actually excited about this which is a good feeling.  I have zero idea what will happen or if I will hear from her but yesterday was a good day.

Yay! This is wonderful to hear, Lost. Fingers crossed for you.

Quote

So I type "Hi _______," then hit enter to type something clever.  Well it sends the message Just basically Hi.

Ahhh! I think you just solved the mystery for so many women who wonder what's up with all the guys who just say, "Hi." So glad to hear that it worked out for you anyway. When you met, did you tell her about this? It's a great story.

[Andrina]

Glad you had fun. What's her relationship history, in general?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I know I am no danger to her but she didn't but she was very comfortable with me and I guess watching numerous of my videos gave her a sense of who I am.  I am not going to treat this like I don't care if I see her again but I will temper my expectations.  

That's great news. Glad things went so well. She seems interested and you two seemed to have a lot of fun banter. Maybe she invited you over because you have that cleancut boy next door vibe lol. Either way sounds good, have fun. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I know I am no danger to her but she didn't but she was very comfortable with me and I guess watching numerous of my videos gave her a sense of who I am. 

I guess. The man I was sexually assaulted by on a second date at his apartment (really dumb of me to go) was very clean cut, highly educated, lived in a lovely apartment in a lovely neighborhood.  He then went on to harass a number of my friends he met over the years through dating sites -how I met him- I did get him removed from Eharmony for lying about his age (he contacted me again over the years and didn't recognize me when we ran into each other years later -I looked the same -obviously he didn't remember the episode since it was more typical of his behavior).  Anyway that is always why I'm surprised when women take that risk -NOT because of how you would have behaved.  Videos mean nothing as far as safety.

I'm not judging her as having poor character or anything of the sort -just very surprised.  I hope you see her again!

[BeaTlesFan77]

7 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Okay it has been a while so here is my update.

 Valentines woman that responded weeks after I sent the initial message never replied to my reply.  Not surprised really.

 So I get a notification from POF that someone likes me or something so I click and the page opens so hit search and there is a very attractive woman first in the list.  I go to her profile, like what I see and read so I send her a message.  The thing is on Match when you are composing a message you hit the enter button on your keyboard and it starts a new paragraph like usual but on POF if you hit enter is sends the message.  So I type "Hi _______," then hit enter to type something clever.  Well it sends the message Just basically Hi.  Since I am not a paid member I only get to send one message every 24 hours so I am sitting there thinking "well Lost you screwed up that chance"  I left the page open and went back to editing a video I was working on and to my surprise she responded.  She is into cars, fishing, my kind of pretty and a very attractive figure so of course I am thinking "this is some dude in Bangladesh trying to catfish me"  We chat back and forth with her asking a lot of questions and telling me twice I am definitely her type which of course makes me think this definitely a dude. She asks about my youtube channel so I send her a link so she could check me out which convinced her I was legit (her words) I tell her I am game to talk on the phone if she is.  She said yes, I sent my cell number and my phone rang seconds later.  We talked for about an hour and a half and it went very well.  Agreed we should meet for coffee and ended the call.  She texted me about 30 minutes later, a little back and forth and set a time the next day (yesterday) to meet.  This woman is not like any woman I had encountered in my life so far in a dating situation.  She asked a lot of question to weed out any incompatibilities I guess over text.  It did set me back a little not because it bothered me but because it was unusual. I gladly answered everything very honestly because that is who I am and she seemed to like what she read. 

  I arrive at Starbucks one minute early and she is not there.  I get a text from her and of course think here we go but no she was just arriving. She is just as her pictures showed but prettier with a nicer figure than I had hoped.  We talk over our drinks and it goes very well, she needs to pick something up at a store walking distance away so we walk and talk, it feels right so I put out my hand and she takes it.  About an hour in a half have gone by and she asks if I want to continue the meet/date and wants to know if I am hungry so we walk to a restaurant I know very close by.  We eat and talk and talk which it felt like I was talking WAY to much but she kept asking questions so...

 Now I know this is long but it worth noting how so much different people are.  When we were talking on the phone she asked me "So if invited you over to my house would you assume it was for sex?  Could we just sit on couch without you making a move?" I am not 17 yrs old so I can be a gentleman and read a situation and answered "of course, but I will probably be pushing you off not the other way around"   She laughed and it was all good.

 After dinner she asks if I would like to see her house so I follow her to her house we sit and talk on patio and then move to the couch.  After a while she laid down close to me as we talked. I didn't make a move and she eventually laid her head on my lap as we talked.  It seemed like it was going very well but maybe a little fast which I am fine with as I am a guy and have no fear of strangers which I really was at this point.

 The first meet lasted 7 1/2 hours and it felt like maybe 2 hours.  

While we were talking she got a few texts from a guy she had met previous to me and she was supposed to go on a proper date with this evening.  She openly told me this to which I replied "You do you, I am not some guy that is going to try and dissuade you, I really like how this if going so far but you get to choose who you spend your time with just like I do"  She was leaning towards cancelling the date with him or possibly did.

 We texted a little once I got home and she is supposed to text me today.

 Wow that was long.  It seems like as far as online dating goes the less I care or try the better results I get.  I was living my life with that in the background which feels right to me so I think I will keep it this way.

 She seemed to be really into me, watched a lot of my videos and seemed very interested in who I am.  I am actually excited about this which is a good feeling.  I have zero idea what will happen or if I will hear from her but yesterday was a good day.

Lost

Well done Lost!  I was beginning to wonder what happened to you.  Great to see that you have made significant progress.  Crossing everything I have it continues.  

[lostandhurt]

8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

When you met, did you tell her about this? It's a great story.

Yes I did, she thought it was funny.  Who knows my planned clever message may have not worked but Hi did.

 Guys that just send Hi or Hows it going or all those other lame messages are lazy.  I always include something from their profile except this one time and it worked so go figure.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's great news. Glad things went so well. She seems interested and you two seemed to have a lot of fun banter. Maybe she invited you over because you have that cleancut boy next door vibe lol. Either way sounds good, have fun. 

Thanks,  She asked me if I was really 60 because she thought I was much younger.  Not sure why someone would add to their age on a profile.  She did add that I was the oldest guy she has met so far but I looked younger than they looked.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, BeaTlesFan77 said:

Well done Lost!  I was beginning to wonder what happened to you.  Great to see that you have made significant progress.  Crossing everything I have it continues.  

Thanks, been busy with life and not making it a big deal meeting someone.  They are out there and patience seems to have paid off for now.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

This woman from POF is 55 years old but her profile said 50.  Very early on when we were texting after the phone call she came clean that she is 55, not 50.  Not a huge deal but I did ask her if her pictures were current which she immediately sent me a picture from days earlier. I thanked her for being honest as it is very important to me.

 She texted me about 10:30 this morning, I replied and her next text she told me she cancelled the date with that other guy.  We talked on the phone a bit later and set up a date for tomorrow.  She is new to the area so I will show her around a bit, visit some shops and play it by ear I think ending with some dinner.

 It is looking promising.  Thanks for all the support

Lost

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This woman from POF is 55 years old but her profile said 50.  Very early on when we were texting after the phone call she came clean that she is 55, not 50.  Not a huge deal but I did ask her if her pictures were current which she immediately sent me a picture from days earlier. I thanked her for being honest as it is very important to me.

 She texted me about 10:30 this morning, I replied and her next text she told me she cancelled the date with that other guy.  We talked on the phone a bit later and set up a date for tomorrow.  She is new to the area so I will show her around a bit, visit some shops and play it by ear I think ending with some dinner.

 It is looking promising.  Thanks for all the support

Lost

Great and it sounds like you're good with her lie about her age.  My friend in her 60s has been lying for years on dating sites -got weird when a friend of mine messaged me that he was in touch with her to see if they should meet and I know her real age would be a dealbreaker for him.  So I simply told him I didn't want to be involved in whether they met or not.  They didn't meet I'm sure because he figured out she lied.  I never met men who lied on their profile or to me about age and certain of my friends were good with it -one married the guy I declined to meet! You seem to be very aware of what is ok with you and what is not -really good.

[Kwothe28]

I think you did fine. Only thing I would be wary about is her being opened about other prospects. Its kind of a TMI. You maybe feel flattered at the moment, but its not really something you tell dates. Its maybe implied that you have other prospects but its not said out loud. She could just canceled the date without informing you about it. This way it looks like she just wants to empathize the importance of it. You know “I had a date but I canceled it for you” kind of thing. Again, its maybe flattering but would be wary about statements like that. Next time she maybe cancels the date with you in the same way. 

[rainbowsandroses]

12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Yes I did, she thought it was funny.  Who knows my planned clever message may have not worked but Hi did.

 Guys that just send Hi or Hows it going or all those other lame messages are lazy.  I always include something from their profile except this one time and it worked so go figure.

Lost

"Clever" messages sometimes come off as contrived.  You "plan" what you're gonna write based on her profile or whatever, they can appear stiff sometimes and well, forced and unnatural.

I've never liked them myself.  The messages where the men weren't trying so hard, weren't planned and more spontaneously even if it was just "hi _____" (like you did by accident) or my favorite "whattup"!! LOL without all the standard "fake" questions (that sound like I'm being interviewed) like every other guy, did not move me one bit.

If we decide to meet, we can get to know each other and ask questions in person, naturally and organically.

On line is basically an introduction.  When you meet someone spontaneously in real life, do you start off by asking a ton of questions?  No, you don't know them, there was no "profile," you get to know then naturally and organically.  

That is how I view on line - as an introduction.

IMO, from your picture she liked your look, your style.  So she responded.

Just my take and yeah I'm projecting a bit based on my own experiences and what I respond to.  

So it's possible it's the same for her, but who knows. 

Anyway, good luck Lost! 

[lostandhurt]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You seem to be very aware of what is ok with you and what is not -really good.

I asked her specifically why she didn't put her actual age on her profile (she looks 45) and she said because she didn't want to deal with a bunch of old guys messaging her.  I just laughed and told her that will not stop them, she smiled and said you are right.   I told her you will have 24 yr olds to 74 yr old messaging you and she looked at me like how do you know that.  I am a guy, I know how we think.

The funny thing is I was  relieved when she was closer to my age for some reason.  You do enough online dating and you understand it can be very difficult for people to portray themselves factually.  For women and men they have to put down their body type.  I don't know how many profiles I have seen where it says "Athletic" and they are not even close to athletic and are 20+ pounds over weight.  You can kid yourself day to day but when you have to own it on a dating profile it is not so easy.

She copted to it really fast so I gave her a pass.

Lost

[lostandhurt]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

"Clever" messages sometimes come off as contrived. 

I mention something I read in their profile and then follow it with a question which gives them an easy response and gets the ball rolling.  I do have a pretty high response rate so it works for me.  I am messaging women 45 to 65 not 24 yr olds so I couldn't imagine sending a message "whats up" "Sup" or just "Hi"  I keep them short, genuine and fun.

 I do agree when someone really likes your look and profile they will respond unless your message makes you seem like a total D-Bag.

Lost

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I mention something I read in their profile and then follow it with a question which gives them an easy response and gets the ball rolling.  I do have a pretty high response rate so it works for me.  I am messaging women 45 to 65 not 24 yr olds so I couldn't imagine sending a message "whats up" "Sup" or just "Hi"  I keep them short, genuine and fun.

 I do agree when someone really likes your look and profile they will respond unless your message makes you seem like a total D-Bag.

Lost

Awesome, I'm glad it works well for you! 😀

I edited my post with more context re on line being an introduction and compared it to meeting spontaneously in real life (which is what I personally prefer).

Also worthy of note (based on your posts) is that with the other women you were talking to and asking questions, those women eventually faded out with no meet.

With this woman where you simply said:

"Hi _____," she's still around!  

Again jmo and experience but with the men who asked me questions based on my profile, I did chat with them a bit, but found the interaction forced, contrived, and eventually stopped responding.

I'm not suggesting "sup" or even "whattup" you're right, at your ages, doubtful that would go over well!  Or maybe it would!  Lol.  Maybe they would laugh and think it's hilarious!  Like I did. 

Age is just a number after all.  It's your spirit, your attitude. Again, my opinion.  

I dunno I really dislike on line for this reason.  Out of all the many men who messaged me or I ever chatted with, I literally only wanted to meet three, and the conversation was very very natural, similar to meeting for the first time spontaneously in real life. 

The interaction was light, made me smile and laugh, very little personal information was disclosed.  We saved that for when (and if) we began dating. 

Anyway, you do YOU, just giving my take as to why things seem to be progressing with this woman and not the others. 

Again good luck and fingers crossed it all works out!! 

 

 

[Starlight925]

Men lie about their age too.  Happens all the time. 
A friend met a great guy online, and about 9 months into it, she wanted to know what he wanted to do for his “Big 50th Birthday”.  He fessed up that 50 had been several years ago.  
   She just laughed, and he said well you would never have responded if you knew my real age.   

  I think you’re doing fine here.  Enjoy your time with her and keep us updated!

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

he funny thing is I was  relieved when she was closer to my age for some reason.  You do enough online dating and you understand it can be very difficult for people to portray themselves factually. 

I wasn't ok with lies about age/marital status/kid status or education level in the 5 years or so I was on and off dating sites  For whatever reason including "too hard".  I heard the excuse she gave many times.   But that's just me! As mentioned I knew of people who didn't care and often men are accustomed to women lying about their age.I was honest about all of it plus my height and weight.  And I risked turning off many men who wanted a younger women including for biological clock reasons.  I looked much younger. Couldn't stand the "come clean" approach either -not a fan of false /misleading advertising.

I was lied to once with misleading photos -he had a severe facial disfigurement.  I totally understood why he lied.  And it was very difficult for me meeting him and being surprised in that way.  

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

The funny thing is I was  relieved when she was closer to my age for some reason.  You do enough online dating and you understand it can be very difficult for people to portray themselves factually. 

I agree with you Lost about the age.  Not a huge deal IMO, it's on line. 

Not sure why they even list age, when you meet someone for the first time spontaneously in real life, do you immediately ask their age?  I certainly don't!   How awkward.  And have never had a man ask me. 

I don't think it's difficult for people to be factual but it's certainly common, and as such I've learned to take most everything on line with a grain of salt.  

Meet in person asap!  Get to know each other then. Ask questions then.  If they lie to you IRL after meeting in person?  Well then that is an entirely different story.  

I dunno again on line can be so contrived, there's no mystery to it, you can know things about someone from their profile before ever even meeting!   Like an employer reading a resume before scheduling an interview.  Ugh. 

I always kept my profile to the bare minimum, there's nothing much there. 

You like what you see? Same as if we met spontaneously in real? Then message me, introduce yourself and suggest an in person meet. 

In the meantime, keep messages casual, light and fun. 

JMO!!  😀

But again, I agree with you Lost about the age factor.

Keep us posted! 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not sure why they even list age, when you meet someone for the first time spontaneously in real life, do you immediately ask their age?  I certainly don't!   How awkward.  And have never had a man ask me. 

I didn't ask age in person and I typically wasn't asked. But  if they chose to make a profile and supply facts like age I expected honesty.  It's a fact.  Not like "are you successful" which is subjective.  Age mattered to me in dating because I was looking for marriage so it mattered for a number of reasons.  My age mattered a lot because I only met men who wanted kids. So did honesty about facts like age/marital status/education  -they didn't have to have a profile in the first place if they were uncomfortable with what was asked. I had my time wasted numerous times because of lies about marital status, men who checked off "marriage" as a goal but "confessed" that wasn't true on the first phone call, lied about where they lived to seem closer to or in the city (well I work in the city, so....) etc.  For me all dealbreakers and I totally respect if not for others

[Sindy_0311]

51 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But  if they chose to make a profile and supply facts like age I expected honesty.

Agree. Another lie on OLD apps:  I had many guys lying about the fact that they were smokers. In the profile it’s been said that they occasionally smoke, when for real they are addicted. For me lying about age, having children or not, being single, being unemployed, or their location are all red flags. I next those guys. 
if you are looking for a woman who is still able to have children, and find out, several month in that she can’t because she is older than she pretended, how would you react? 

[rainbowsandroses]

18 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

The woman from POF is 55 years old but her profile said 50.  Very early on when we were texting after the phone call she came clean that she is 55, not 50. 

Fwiw @lostandhurt, I think this^^ is a positive. That she came clean so soon re her little age fib.

I think my opinion about it stems from me mostly meeting men in real life, where we don't discuss age, education, children, etc until once we begin dating. 

My recent ex (Elevator Guy) didn't ask me my age until I think it was the third date!   I don't recall him asking about my education level but I did once mention during a conversation that I traveled for a year through Europe "after graduation."  So he knew then I was a college graduate.

We discovered things about each other organically through conversation and getting to know each other.  Which I personally prefer, the mystery of it and learning things gradually.

I can see the other side too though, that if you're going to list your age, why not be honest? 

But people have their reasons I suppose, but if after meeting in person or phone call as in your case Lost, they continue with the lie or tell other lies, that's a dealbreaker.

She didn't continue with the lie, she was honest and again I think that's a positive.

 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

To add to my last post, what did y'all think about the movie 'You've Got Mail"?

And the lies Tom Hanks (Joe Fox) told Meg Ryan (Kathleen Kelly) about who he was? 

He deceived her for months!  Once they met for an actual date and she then knew who he truly was she told him "I was hoping it was you."

Course it was a movie but this happens all the time on line.  Which is why I've learned to take with a grain of salt until if/when we meet in person.

JMO

 

 

[boltnrun]

My movie tastes run more toward "Insidious" and "The Cabin in the Woods" than "You've Got Mail" or "Sleepless in Seattle" so I haven't seen either of those. 

Normally a lie is a deal breaker for me, but I like that she fessed up pretty much immediately and gave a reason why.