Mortified!

[Username02]

I (single female) recently made what I thought was amazing progress with a man who has been checking me out at the gym for months!  We introduced ourselves to each other and had a couple of nice interactions- lots of eye contact lots of attraction.

He even suggested getting together but we didn’t make any specific arrangements.  I told him I would like to get to know him and was very receptive.  The next time I saw him I gave him my number- he was receptive.

I saw him after that and had a lot of nervous  energy and didn’t really put my best self forward which I’m afraid was a big turn off.

I haven’t heard from him and I’m almost to the point where I’m afraid to go back to the gym 🫠 On one hand, I’m proud of myself for taking the risk, but on the other I’m mortified and never want to see him again.

Do I find a new place to work out- or out it behind me and act like nothing ever happened?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Username02 said:

 I gave him my number- l haven’t heard from him 

Sorry this happened. You took the chance but unfortunately he doesn't seem interested in dating. That's ok, don't take it personally. Perhaps be more subtle next time and simply suggest going for a low-key coffee/drink after the gym. That way you can get a better read on things.

Is this the same man?:

 

[Username02]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You took the chance but unfortunately he doesn't seem interested in dating. That's ok, don't take it personally. Perhaps be more subtle next time and simply suggest going for a low-key coffee/drink after the gym. That way you can get a better read on things.

Is this the same man?:

 

Thanks for the insight. Yes, same man.

[Kwothe28]

21 minutes ago, Username02 said:

Do I find a new place to work out

Because you gave a number to a guy and he never called you? Probably half of your gym would be gone if they followed that rule lol

Ultimately its not that big of a deal. You just didnt get used to rejection. You tried your best but he is just not that into you. That is nothing, maybe just a bit ankward and that is it. Certanly not the reason for you to change gym if you like it there.

[shouldhavelearned]

Keep going to the gym

Don't think to much into it

 

[smackie9]

An interested man will ask you for your number. He didn't.

[Username02]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

An interested man will ask you for your number. He didn't.

I think you’re probably right.  But, he did ask me out so as a follow up I gave him my number.

[Batya33]

I don't think it was your nervous energy AND if  you think that made a bad impression it's worth working on that so that if you feel that way/feel triggered you have planned in advance what to do ranging from deep breathing/walking away quickly etc.  I agree with all the others.

[waffle]

Could be any number of reasons why he didn't follow up, and most of those have nothing to do with you as a person.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Username02 said:

, he did ask me out so as a follow up I gave him my number.

Did the date ever happen? 

[Username02]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did the date ever happen? 

Nope. He basically said we should get together some time- and I was so shocked that he said it - I became nervous and just said I would really like that.  This was on a Friday and I think he was trying to set something up for that weekend - I had a family event out of town that weekend. 

I think at one point he must have actually been into getting to know me because most interactions were positive with a lot of eye contact and smiles.

But overall I agree with everyone.  If he wanted to go out with me he would have   Set something up.

I am going to stay strong and stay at my gym.  I’m a confident, good person and look at this as one of those character building experiences.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Username02 said:

I am going to stay strong and stay at my gym. 

Good idea. It seems like a minor faux pas as far as communication and intention. Relax, you shot your shot and that's fine.

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Username02 said:

This was on a Friday and I think he was trying to set something up for that weekend - I had a family event out of town that weekend. 

Did you tell him when you were free?

[Capricorn3]

He could be married or in a long term relationship - hence he never called you.

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Or he could be keeping the number on standby and he didn't know when he would see you again. 

Or he lost it by accident 

[NighttimeNightmare]

How long ago was it that you gave him your number? 
 

depending on the answer to that, my vote is that he’s going to contact you to set up the getting together.  Some dudes are hesitant to text because they fear being over zealous. 
 

I think a lot of people here will disagree with me but I see it a lot. “Got girls number. When is too early to text?” 
 

makes no sense he brought up hanging out and then would not follow through. More likely he just hasn’t yet or your “nervous energy” came off as though you changed your mind.  People pick up on nonverbal communication 

[Cherylyn]

Just act natural and say "hello."  Then exercise.  If he wants to see you outside the gym,  he'll put forth the effort to make it happen.  If he doesn't,  his actions or lack thereof,  tells you all you need to know.  That would be his answer:  "Not interested."  I'm sorry.

[Lambert]

Ok. So sure it's a disappointment and all,  but try to keep it in check.

like you said, you tried.  It's ok. Now you know, you don't really like putting yourself out there and feeling rejected. So next time don't be so forthcoming.

Go to the gym. you do you.  if you see him, just smile and say hi or wave, but don't stop to talk. 

I went out with a guy from my neighborhood, and it was not a click. When I see him, I always smile and wave.  The first time, he looked like he was going to pretend he didn't see me. But when I smiled, he did too. And now we say hey! and we are nice but that's it. nothing more than a smile and a hi! 

I look at it this way- I do know him. Nothing bad happened. there's no reason to feel anyway about it. And it sounds to be the same for you.  You really have no way of knowing why he didn't call.  He could be doing you a  huge favor because he's not really available or reliable or straight. lol

I always try to remember: I am nice to people because of who I am, not because of who they are.  But you don't have to go out of your way or be told twice, you know?

Hang in there.  no biggie. Just roll with it. ❤️ 

[Guest]

On 8/19/2023 at 9:28 AM, Username02 said:

I (single female) recently made what I thought was amazing progress with a man who has been checking me out at the gym for months!  We introduced ourselves to each other and had a couple of nice interactions- lots of eye contact lots of attraction.

He even suggested getting together but we didn’t make any specific arrangements.  I told him I would like to get to know him and was very receptive.  The next time I saw him I gave him my number- he was receptive.

I saw him after that and had a lot of nervous  energy and didn’t really put my best self forward which I’m afraid was a big turn off.

I haven’t heard from him and I’m almost to the point where I’m afraid to go back to the gym 🫠 On one hand, I’m proud of myself for taking the risk, but on the other I’m mortified and never want to see him again.

Do I find a new place to work out- or out it behind me and act like nothing ever happened?

You shouldn't be embarrassed. And you shouldn't change gyms. 

You were bold and he respected it, and was likely atleast somewhat interested. 

But, if he's already not texting you, its likely he isn't actually interested at the moment.

But, I'd just go, act normal, do your thing. Whether or not you guys speak or see each other.

You did absolutely nothing weird or wrong. 

[jul-els]

That’s dating. Some times you meet people and it doesn’t go anywhere. Nothing to change your life over. That’s your ego talking. Let go of it. 

[Batya33]

On 8/20/2023 at 12:57 AM, NighttimeNightmare said:

How long ago was it that you gave him your number? 
 

depending on the answer to that, my vote is that he’s going to contact you to set up the getting together.  Some dudes are hesitant to text because they fear being over zealous. 
 

I think a lot of people here will disagree with me but I see it a lot. “Got girls number. When is too early to text?” 
 

makes no sense he brought up hanging out and then would not follow through. More likely he just hasn’t yet or your “nervous energy” came off as though you changed your mind.  People pick up on nonverbal communication 

Many people have taken my number over the years and not followed through.  There was one guy who during a first meet kept interrupting me and himself to say I'M GOING TO CALL YOU!!!! He did call -three weeks later -left a lame VM. Many people don't follow through for reasons or no reason at all.  Other men asked if I'd like to see a movie or do a specific activity the following weeked -and never followed through.  Happens all the time to me and many I know of.  Dating and date-like stuff doesn't always make sense.

I don't think I've ever taken someone's number and suggested a plan and not followed through.  I have taken numbers and not called for various reasons.

[SooSad33]

I suggest you remain going to the gym, but can you make it diff times? eg, not going when you know he'll be there?

That or yah, as mentioned, just go back like nothing happened.  he doesn't own the gym 😉 .

Carry on and see it as a learning experience.  Some are curious and may back off, for reasons.  We move on.

 

[Username02]

Thank you everyone.  I really appreciate all of the insights!  I feel much better and see things more clearly.

The most frustrating thing is that this man has been staring at me and checking me out for a loooong time, and seemed very receptive.  
 

Either way- I feel I may have dodged a bullet and the path is clear for a more meaningful connection with someone else.  
 

A tiny part of me is wondering if he moves VERY slowly and is anxious himself- but I’m not holding out hope.

Moving on!

 

 

[Jaunty]

Imagine what it is like to be a man trying to date, and expected to do all the asking.  

Just shake it off and go to your gym.  If you made "amazing progress" with this guy, there is no reason not to chat with him and enjoy it when you're both there.  I mean if you established a good rapport, it doesn't have to end just because he hasn't asked you out.  He could be a workout buddy.

[lovergal]

rejection is apart of life. look hot and go to the same gym.