How do I get him to listen to me and stop hating me?

[Anniej86]

I was seeing this guy for a short period of time and I did develop feelings for him. I ended it due to not knowing how to deal with it as been treated so badly in the past. He moved on straightaway and I went through some personal issues that I never told him about. 

A few months later I got in contact to tell him and we were chatting on and off. Just friendly stuff and then ended up sleeping together one night where he told me he loved me and wanted to stop playing games. The next morning he was like a different person and said he didn’t want to give me mixed feelings. 

I admit I’ve sent the odd text here and there by accident and deleted it rather than leave it. He always replies to me and answers. 

Recently he’s been really horrible towards me and accusing me of all sorts. Saying I’m harassing him and cold calling him. I’m not and have told him it’s not me. I’m now getting abusive texts which he denies is him and I don’t know if I believe him or not. 

I just don’t know how to get past it and have him see it’s not me. I think I may still have feelings for him and am struggling to let go. 

[Seraphim]

You never never never never “ get abusive people to listen to you” recipe for disaster . Move onto someone who isn’t abusive . 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Anniej86 said:

I was seeing this guy for a short period of time and I did develop feelings for him. 

 I’m harassing him and cold calling him. I’m not and have told him it’s not me. 

Sorry this is happening. It seems like he only wants casual. It's unclear why he's accusing you of spamming him, but the best recourse is to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media, messaging apps, devices and contact lists.  Whether he's making it up or not is unclear but either way it's best to step far away from him and this situation.

[reinventmyself]

1 hour ago, Anniej86 said:

 

I admit I’ve sent the odd text here and there by accident and deleted it rather than leave it. He always replies to me and answers. 

 

 

Let's be real.  You are not sending texts by' accident here than there'.  If you deny it then you are playing games.

Things that don't start well typically don't end well.  Block this guy and move forward.  There's nothingn here for either of you other than drama.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Anniej86 said:

A few months later I got in contact to tell him and we were chatting on and off. Just friendly stuff and then ended up sleeping together one night where he told me he loved me and wanted to stop playing games. The next morning he was like a different person and said he didn’t want to give me mixed feelings. 

 

Have you heard of the strange phenomenon of men saying anything so they can get women to sleep with them?

You are both very "unhinged" with your behavior and texting. If it ended because he treated you badly, and if he treats you badly now, your "go to" shouldnt be "How do I get to good side of him" but "How do I get to therapy so I never date a man like him ever again". 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Anniej86 said:

I just don’t know how to get past it and have him see it’s not me.

Don't waste your time doing this. Assuming it's him sending you abusive messages, you need to cut him off completely and leave it that way. 

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Anniej86 said:

I ended it due to not knowing how to deal with it as been treated so badly in the past.

You need to keep reminding yourself of stuff like this .

 

2 hours ago, Anniej86 said:

Recently he’s been really horrible towards me and accusing me of all sorts. Saying I’m harassing him and cold calling him. I’m not and have told him it’s not me. I’m now getting abusive texts which he denies is him and I don’t know if I believe him or not. 

I just don’t know how to get past it and have him see it’s not me. I think I may still have feelings for him and am struggling to let go. 

If it hasn't been you, then you IGNORE his abusive crap.  he sounds quite unstable 😕 . Those are the one's you need to stay away from!  He's rude and used you.

This is how you let go.  Remind yourself over & over how toxic he is.

Do NOT play his head games. Just ignore from now on.

 

[Siofra123]

I’d simply ignore every single thing now. Ignore the texts, just block the number. Set your phone to where it doesn’t allow private or withheld numbers. Don’t text him , delete his number even. It can be hard to move on but this seems to be getting very toxic and borderline dangerous, it’s clear this man wants something casual and even at that, he probably no longer wants that. If he’s being horrible to you, do NOT hang around and waste your time being abused 😑

[Cherylyn]

He just used you for sex and then went cold on you.  Dump him and eliminate him from your life.  Go no contact (NC),  block and delete him everywhere.  Good riddance!

[Jaunty]

Block, delete and forget.  The guy has no place in your mind or life, ever again.  Move on.  If you see yourself repeating something like this, be aware and shut it down before it starts.  In this situation that would have been leaving him behind the first time you cut him off, rather than getting back in contact to "tell him" of your personal issues.  

Even though you'd developed feelings, 1) you only knew him for a short time and your personal issues were not his business and 2) you stopped seeing him for a reason.

[boltnrun]

I'm going to guess his girlfriend saw your texts so now he has to pretend you're a psycho stalker who won't leave him alone.

I had a casual thing with a guy who neglected to tell me he had a new girlfriend.  We had arranged to meet up but it fell through.  Then his new girlfriend went through his phone account (healthy relationship there!)  She saw he had deleted texts to and from me, so he texted me telling me he needed me to forward our texts back to him so he could show them to her.  I refused and said I would not participate in his drama, and furthermore he should have told me he had a girlfriend.

So that would be my theory.  He wanted some "side sex" and now he got caught.

Block his number, delete it and forget about having "feelings" for a guy who treats you this badly.  And no more "accidental" texts to him.

[Andrina]

People with decent self-worth want a partner who eases their troubles, like a soft pillow to land on with the normal stresses of daily life. People who lack self-love accept toxicity, because subconsciously, it's what they think they deserve.

Be alone and work on your self-worth. If you can do that, you will likely have better relationship success in the future.

[catfeeder]

You ended it with this guy for a reason. You didn’t clarify that reason in your post, but maybe you’ll want to clarify it with yourself.

From there you’ll understand whether you want to try to go back on that, or not.

If not, there’s nothing else you need to do but block him (so that you can stop butt-texting him, if that’s even a thing…)

If you come to recognize instead that you didn’t really want to end it with him, then you’ll need to explain to him clearly why you pretended to want that.

Either way, self honesty is your only solution.