Did I blow it?

[Username02]

I posted a few weeks ago about a guy at my gym who stares at me.  
I’m really attracted to him- It’s pretty clear that he’s attracted to me.

Last week as I was leaving he walked out and slowed down in the lobby and stopped and looked at me- but didn’t say anything.  Why would he NOT say something?  I was paralyzed by fear but wanted to let him know I open to talking to him so I waived and made eye contact.

I should have the courage to talk to this person- but have been too afraid.

Is it time to move on? In my mind I know it’s time to move on, but my heart wants this connection to be something special.

[Jibralta]

Maybe he was paralyzed by fear!

[Username02]

1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

Maybe he was paralyzed by fear!

Seems pretty likely, that he too has some fear issues.

[Batya33]

I don't blame you -it's off putting to be stared at silently! Next time get over your fear enough to wave AND say "hi! how are you?" just like you would to someone in passing -breaks the ice at least a little. 

[Coily]

Being this is a gym environment it’s upon you to give him the initial green lights. Most men these days actively avoid women out of fear that a scene will be caused and they get kicked from the gym.

So if you are interested in this guy, you will have to take the risk. So strike up the conversation and see where things go. The only risk you have is never knowing.

[lostandhurt]

Exactly what were you so afraid of?  In your worst case scenario what is the absolutely worst thing that could happen if you went up to him and said "Hi I see you in here a lot, I am __________"

Lost

PS You didn't blow it.  If a guy thinks you are pretty you could puke on his shoes and he would probably let it go.

[boltnrun]

Can you please confirm your gender? Some people are presuming you're female but of course it's possible you're not 

[lostandhurt]

This was asked by Trojan on the last thread by the OP:    Are you a man or a woman?

No reply

[boltnrun]

For the record, we don't care. We are not opposed to or offended by same gender dating. It just helps us understand the situation better if we have more information. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Username02 said:

  Why would he NOT say something?  I was paralyzed by fear but wanted to let him know I open to talking to him so I waived and made eye contact.

You didn't blow anything because there's nothing to blow. You have a crush on someone and that's ok. 

It's possible he's in a relationship, not available, doesn't want to pick up people at a gym or isn't interested. 

 You broke the ice a bit by at least smiling and waving rather than just glancing back and forth.Just continue to be friendly, smile, say hi etc. Next time perhaps make some small talk.

 

 

[Kwothe28]

I think he is shy as well. So why dont you at least try to strike up a conversation? That way you will at least know whats up.

[MissCanuck]

Maybe he's not single, but just a creeper. 

[Username02]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Can you please confirm your gender? Some people are presuming you're female but of course it's possible you're not 

I am a woman

[MrMan1983]

To be fair I’ve bottled it with women I’m attracted to at the gym and just had mutual eye contact on various occasions 😂 He might just be feeling shy himself but who knows, regardless of his situation sure he’ll be fine with some small talk to get the ball rolling. Granted us guys should be more confident sometimes. Also we sometimes think ‘ah women don’t like being hit on in the gym’. 

[smackie9]

The trick is, is to get in his space. You don't have to look at him too much or talk to him...just hover around him. Do the lady things like flipping your hair back, walk by, smile, hair behind the ear, etc. Use body language to lure him.

[Coily]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

The trick is, is to get in his space. You don't have to look at him too much or talk to him...just hover around him. Do the lady things like flipping your hair back, walk by, smile, hair behind the ear, etc. Use body language to lure him.

Or just be frank and talk to the man, some of us guys don't have the "subtle lady things" hand book programmed in. Haha

[boltnrun]

I don't know why a smile and a simple "hello" is considered to be so out there. 

[Cherylyn]

The next time you see him,  offer him a bottle of water and engage in a brief introduction and nice chat.  That should be a good ice breaker.   You need to start somewhere and if you don't receive a good impression, in the future,  say "hello" or wave and after that ignore him. 

[Username02]

Thank you for sharing your insights.  I think my crush stopped in lobby and wanted ME to approach - because he’s black / maybe Puerto Rican??
Does race matter?  I can see how it might be possible for him.  
I managed  to create an entire drama - because fear.  

I haven’t seen him lately….

I’m 53, cisgender apparently emotionally and socially stunted woman🫠 I’m ashamed of how I responded to his attempt to talk to me. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, Username02 said:

I think my crush stopped in lobby and wanted ME to approach - because he’s black / maybe Puerto Rican??

I'm confused as to why this would matter.

I'm also confused as to why you can't just smile and say "hello".

[Username02]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm confused as to why this would matter.

I'm also confused as to why you can't just smile and say "hello".

Some black men are more cautious because of the history of violence against black men who were falsely accused of rape.  I could be reading entirely too much into it- but my intuition tells me it possibly contributed to his fears.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Username02 said:

Some black men are more cautious because of the history of violence against black men who were falsely accused of rape.  I could be reading entirely too much into it- but my intuition tells me it possibly contributed to his fears.

Oh goodness.  This is a gym, during the day in a public part of the gym. He didn't even get near your personal space, right?  Race and gender have nothing to do with it.  Or fears of being accused of a crime based on waving at a fellow gym goer.  There are cameras at your gym I'm sure.

[boltnrun]

59 minutes ago, Username02 said:

Some black men are more cautious because of the history of violence against black men who were falsely accused of rape.  I could be reading entirely too much into it- but my intuition tells me it possibly contributed to his fears.

How does this relate to you saying hello and smiling?  You think he thinks you'll accuse him of rape if you say hello and smile at him?

[Username02]

No- It’s a distraction from doing some soul searching and facing fears about why I can’t even hello to someone…

Thank you for asking.

[lostandhurt]

14 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Also we sometimes think ‘ah women don’t like being hit on in the gym’. 

This is what I was thinking too.  Maybe he doesn't want to be That Guy at the gym.

  Facing fears can be tough but when we do most of the time we sit back and think "what the heck was I so afraid of"

   Since you didn't blow it with him what is the most you think you could muster the next time you see him?   Hi hows it going?  or Would you mind spotting me?  or Hi I'm Username02, what is your name?

  Guys are not mind readers and good guys will be reluctant to hit on women at the gym while jerks go there just to hit on women so you will need to help the guy out and make it easy for him to get that you are receptive to talking.

Lost