May have gotten myself in bad situation with BF unsure what to do

[MissCanuck]

Get out now. 

Your boyfriend is a dangerous person. This will happen again, and probably worse. I would bet the farm that your boyfriend has a history of violence. People don't go from non-violent to beating their partner without anything in between - it's just the first time you're experiencing it. 

For your safety and the safety of your baby, get out immediately. 

[Jane8365]

Sister and I are going to go to lunch Monday when he is at work and I’m sure she will help me figure it out and get my stuff. Thanks everyone. Yeah I don’t want to live like this and don’t want anything to happen with the pregnancy especially.

[DarkCh0c0]

Honey, I'm so so so sorry you're going through this.

Please reach out to a family member confidentially and start planning your exit. Leave when he's NOT at home and make sure to never have to go back to that house.

Any chance you can still abort the baby? If he's not giving you a safe space, he's not going to give it to the baby. The baby is the #1 reason for you to leave ASAP.

And please, take care of your yourself. Have as much self-compassion as you can and do seek help from trusted friends and family. Contact a women support line if you need to and seek a consultation from the lawyer to start checking your options. Your mission is to have a beautiful life with this baby and you'll find in the future the right man who will make you consistently feel safe, secure and loved 💚

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, Jane8365 said:

I have never been pregnant before but I’m guessing I could work 2-3 more months? I didn’t want to tell anyone until I figured out what to do. I’m sure I can go back home. I’m scared of everyone freaking out and making the situation worse. I can try to talk to my sister first before everyone else and go from there.

I know this is really scary for you. It's stressful to have to report someone you thought was going to be your lifetime partner, and have authorities asking you to fill out report and to have them take photographs, but please think of how much worse things will be if you don't.

I lived my teen years in a neighborhood with a guy who showed anger issues. Later, I found out that when he married, he beat his pregnant wife so badly, she lost the baby and he got charged with manslaughter and was put in jail for many years. I hate to bring up such things, but you really need to not pooh-pooh his abuse as a one time thing. You owe it to yourself and your unborn child to assume the worst. And as at least one poster said, you have to document what has happened as he should never be alone with your child, as there is a high risk of abuse.

If you stick around for many more months with him, and try to get rights removed from him with custody issues much later when the relationship sours, your story will be more subject to scrutiny as possibly sour grapes versus him being a real threat, as sometimes happens when certain women tell false stories about an ex. If you immediately report this and leave for fear of your life and your child's, things will happen far more smoothly with legal issues.

I'd call the authorities and then call your sister for support. She won't be intruding if you've assured her you've already taken the needed steps.

Take care and let us know how it goes.

[Jane8365]

Definitely don’t want to abort especially at this stage. So yeah I’ll talk to sister Monday, make a plan to go back home. I’m sure her husband will help. And will take pictures.

[itsallgrand]

Oh my God just get an abortion. Ridiculous.

[Jane8365]

5 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Oh my God just get an abortion. Ridiculous.

What? Why? It’s not that easy

[DarkCh0c0]

15 minutes ago, Jane8365 said:

Definitely don’t want to abort especially at this stage

Yes, I'm sorry. I may have misunderstood the timeline. It's totally understandable.

I'm happy to hear you're getting help. You deserve it. You're very brave for doing it!

[itsallgrand]

24 minutes ago, Jane8365 said:

What? Why? It’s not that easy

Yes, it is.

You are going to have a child to start them at a disadvantage in life because ...why?? Get over yourself. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 minute ago, itsallgrand said:

You are going to have a child to start them at a disadvantage in life because ...why?? Get over yourself.

I think there's time limit for when you can get an abortion.

OP what @itsallgrandmeans is that because of the baby you'll have to interact with this person for years to go. But who know... He might not want to take part of this.

Take care of yourself and check your options with lawyers once you're safe.

 

[moodindigo91]

59 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

God just get an abortion. Ridiculous.

IDK if you live in the U.S. but getting abortions is not as easy as it seems anymore in many places. Notwithstanding the fact that she said she is at least a couple of months along in her pregnancy. I've had an abortion but I got mine at like 6 or 9 weeks. It wasn't difficult to obtain because I live in a state where they are legal, but I did have to pay out of pocket for it, which many people may not be able to afford. I think you're being pretty insensitive here, especially given the fact that she had her head bashed into a wall by her partner.

[Tinydance]

47 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Yes, it is.

You are going to have a child to start them at a disadvantage in life because ...why?? Get over yourself. 

What the actual??!! Why should she get an abortion? She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. That's her choice. Also she is already some months along and it's only now the boyfriend has hit her. Maybe it's even too late to get an abortion. In any case that's not your place to say that. You are extremely rude.

[Tinydance]

I would just like to add that you also wrote that you've been together 1.5 years but every few months your boyfriend starts a fight. Then he doesn't talk to you for 2 - 4 days. I don't think that's normal at all. To have a fight every few months when the actual relationship is 1.5 years is actually having a fight quite often. Also when your partner doesn't talk to you for a few days at a time, that already seems like emotional abuse.

[boltnrun]

The child would be at a disadvantage if the OP stayed with her abusive boyfriend. But she's leaving him. Yes, this man is dangerous and she will need to be cautious. But that doesn't mean she and her child can't have a fulfilling life. She has loving family support which is more than a lot of people have.

I'm sorry, Jane. I hope some of these insensitive comments haven't upset you more than you already are.

[Jane8365]

I’m 17 weeks live in GA. Heard the heartbeat, saw his face so that’s just not something I’m going to do especially at this stage.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Jane8365 said:

Sister and I are going to go to lunch Monday

Why would you risk spending the weekend with him?

I'd get to sister's tonight, or a friend or anywhere else.

 

[Jane8365]

35 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I would just like to add that you also wrote that you've been together 1.5 years but every few months your boyfriend starts a fight. Then he doesn't talk to you for 2 - 4 days. I don't think that's normal at all. To have a fight every few months when the actual relationship is 1.5 years is actually having a fight quite often. Also when your partner doesn't talk to you for a few days at a time, that already seems like emotional abuse.

Yeah it is terrible. Really stressful. Doesn’t want to talk to me at all but doesn’t want/doesn’t let me leave either. I don’t get it. Really confusing.

[Jane8365]

2 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Why would you risk spending the weekend with him?

I'd get to sister's tonight, or a friend or anywhere else.

 

I’m not going to be able to leave if he is here.

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Jane8365 said:

I’m not going to be able to leave if he is here.

Just do your best to lay low, especially if he's been drinking. He may look for excuses to abuse you again, just be aware. If possible,see if you can get out for a while to be around family as that will be comforting.

[catfeeder]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If possible,see if you can get out for a while to be around family as that will be comforting.

If you can get that far, don't go back.

Get safe as first priority.

From there, enlist the help of your local hospital or women's shelter for a counselor to help create the safest and best plan for both short and long range safety.

They can help with resources to keep you safe, including teams that are not known by the public, a restraining order against the guy from stalking you or harming you, and a police escort to collect the rest of your belongings.

Don't stay there with him any longer--just get safe first, and everything else can be dealt with later.

[1a1a]

You might feel like you couldn’t raise a child by yourself, I feel the same. But ohhhhhhhhhh it’ll be far safer and less stressful than trying to raise a child with someone who has savagely attacking you as just something that they do sometimes when they feel like it.

 

The woman on baggage reclaim likes to say that people unfold, the more we get to know them. I’m so sorry you’re seeing parts of him now that make him fully unsafe to be around. This is part of who he is. A guy who expresses his displeasure with the silent treatment and viciously attacking you. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, 1a1a said:

You might feel like you couldn’t raise a child by yourself, I feel the same. But ohhhhhhhhhh it’ll be far safer and less stressful than trying to raise a child with someone who has savagely attacking you as just something that they do sometimes when they feel like it.

I agree and explore all your options including adoption -there are free or low cost clinics for pregnant women in most areas and they can help you explore those options, decrease the anxiety/overwhelming feelings.  Good luck and all the best.  I am so sorry your (soon to be ex) boyfriend was so horrible to you.

[mylolita]

18 hours ago, Jane8365 said:

Do people actually do this?

Of course and he probably did.

 

Think of your vulnerable baby. If he will do this to you after only a year and a half, also, while you are pregnant to make things even worse, imagine what he will do the next time he flips, or your baby won’t stop crying all night, or your toddler has a tantrum. It’ll be them that gets thrown or choked. You are playing with your life and the life of your baby.

 

No matter what he says, no matter how he acts, no matter what he promises, you must leave. You can do this, don’t let him trick you into thinking you need him, the absolute opposite. You and your baby need him like you need a hole in your head.

 

As others have suggested, pack the basics and leave when he is gone, don’t let him know you are going to leave. Don’t go back to him. Stay at your parents or friends.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this but it will be a million times worse if you stay.

 

x

[mylolita]

I also second reporting him instantly to authorities once you are out and living away from him - make sure you have pictures and evidence.

 

x

[itsallgrand]

I'm sorry for what I wrote. It was wrong of me to do that, especially in that way and in your circumstances .

I've very sorry and I hope you get the support you need from others. I won't be responding again in this thread. I just wanted to acknowledge my wrong right now and let you know OP it has nothing to do with you personally.