Going to a wedding with possible covid exposure

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Just don't go AND be bitter about it. That's not helpful for you nor the bride

This. 

Make a decision and own it. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 there is a difference between being upset and being a child.

 

 That's a mole hill compared to a mountain. I think some gratefulness needs to be there. 

She's still having a lovely wedding. She could postpone. 

I think this bride has a lot of frenemies and you're leading the pack. Just don't go.

But bow out gracefully instead of being like this about it . You have a point about Covid but your rant really seeps into the jealous and catty territory more so than simply declining and being classy about that.

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Alex, you do have options here:

1. Don't go. Be safe and forget about the wedding.

2. Go and and be there for your friend. But when you're there, put covid behind you and be happy for her. Respect her wishes as it's still her special day.

Just don't go AND be bitter about it. That's not helpful for you nor the bride.

Yes.  I had to do this when I started traveling by plane again during the pandemic. Either I was going on holiday with my family full throttle positive attitude or why bother. I chose the former. But we also decided against certain riskier holidays and my husband and I communicated about it very well. He was slightly less risk averse than me but knew I’d have the burden of finding and buying disinfecting wipes etc for any hotel room during the height of the pandemic.
Point being if you and bride - your good friend - cannot communicate reasonably about  this - back off and not go. 

[boltnrun]

I think there's a big difference between a possible exposure and knowing for a fact these people have active Covid infections.

You would have to be OK with knowingly spending hours with several people who are Covid positive.

If you're not, go ahead and bow out. 

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Just don't go AND be bitter about it. That's not helpful for you nor the bride.

Right. You're only picking apart the bride because you haven't made your own decision.

If you decide and own it, you won't feel compelled to nit-pick this friend who you supposedly love and care about. 

That's not a great look for you, Alex.

[greendots]

She and her fiance tested positive and now they are going to put the health of their guests at risk. Moreover, she admitted that she could postpone the wedding but won't. What on earth?! What if some of their guests are immunocompromised? Where did common sense go?

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I think there's a big difference between a possible exposure and knowing for a fact these people have active Covid infections.

Agree completely!

By the way, so what if your friend isn't happy with your decision of not attending her wedding. You have the right to not go if your health is at risk. What is more important to you - your health or pleasing your friend who's honestly being inconsiderate towards her guests?

A good friend will understand that you cannot be there due to them being infected with Covid.

 

[Alex39]

I told her that I will not be going. She downgraded any bridesmaids who don't want to walk down the aisle to sitting as guests only. I think that's very insulting. I was willing to walk up and stand to the side away from her. But no, we weren't going down the aisle like princess wanted. She claims the owner said we can't do this walking from the side thing. I don't believe or get that. 

What I don't like is the treatment that I've gotten and I find her behavior to be extremely immature. She, her fiance, and a few others have active covid. She told us that if we feel uncomfortable that we should wear masks around them. 

But they aren't going to be wearing masks. I find that extremely irresponsible.  I don't have covid and can't spread covid. Don't you think the people who have covid should be wearing masks and protecting others from the virus they carry?

I get this message today from a bridesmaid in our group chat saying that we can either sit as guests or walk down the aisle. And that the conversation ends here and if we have any questions that we should contact her. Not the bride. It was super rude. 

Then this bridesmaid  proceeds to call me on the phone. I did not answer. Then I proceed to get multiple messages on the group chat saying that I need to decide what I'm going to do asap. Multiple from this bridesmaid and then the bride. Claiming the bride needs to know so she can relax and enjoy her wedding night. 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you made the right decision.  When all is said and  done, I would not consider her a friend.

[Seraphim]

It is HER wedding. It doesn’t matter what you think about her wedding. Glad you are staying home . Don’t worry about it, the friendship is most likely finished anyway. 

[boltnrun]

I agree it's very irresponsible to have a group event when you know for a fact you have an infectious virus.

I don't care how much money they spent or if she's disappointed.  The first and primary concern needs to be everyone's health.  However, I understand not everyone would agree with that.  To me a wedding isn't a marriage, it's a ceremony followed by a party.  The ceremony is valid whether or not there are guests attending.  But again, I understand not everyone will see it that way.

And in that vein I'm glad you're not going.  However, I do recommend you just leave it at that.  She isn't going to agree with you on this topic, so no reason to try to get her to or to be angry because she doesn't see it your way.

[Alex39]

I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I find that she's acting like everyone else is frustrating, but she's the one with covid. They unfortunately ruined their own wedding. They could have postponed, they did not. That was their choice, and I respect it. I don't find that sitting with the guests was safe, walking down the aisle towards the covid positive groom not safe. And today, while they are only on day 4, one day after they tested positive,they had the rehearsal and dinner. I did not go. But all their family did. So they potentially now they all have covid. And then could give it to me at the event or the indoor reception, which doesnt seem safe. Just seems a lot of people are exposed. Just seems irresponsible.  

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I find that she's acting like everyone else is frustrating, but she's the one with covid. They unfortunately ruined their own wedding. 

It's likely she won't see it that way.  But nothing you say or do will change her outlook.

It's better you're not going.  It's a shame it all turned out that way but unfortunately with a pandemic going on these things will happen.

[Alex39]

I feel bad, but I know it's best for me. I don't like how I've been treated. That's half of it. Do not have some bridesmaid speak as your mouth piece and be calling me demanding to know if I will attend. And being bossy to us, saying that the conversation is over and if we have questions to call her. That's just rude. I'm not her friend. The bride is my friend and I will speak to her. 

The bride should be telling us and controlling the situation. 

The bride said to me- well you can still wear your dress and sit as a guest with a mask on. 

She truly sees that as trying to keep us safe and happy. I don't see it that way. 

 

 

 

[Seraphim]

Again, not your wedding. Organize yours the way you want when it comes. 

[DarkCh0c0]

6 hours ago, Alex39 said:

Do not have some bridesmaid speak as your mouth piece and be calling me demanding to know if I will attend.

She's delegating to her bridesmaid. This is very common as planning a wedding takes a lot of effort. It's not always the best thing, but it's common.

Ultimately, the bride can and will do however she pleases. It's HER own wedding. If she wants less guests on her wedding day, so be it.

It's not your problem anymore.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Alex39 said:

The bride said to me- well you can still wear your dress and sit as a guest with a mask on. 

It's good you bowed out. You really resent her and that on top of the Covid thing makes your absence better for everyone. Everyone will have their peace doing whatever is best for them.

[jul-els]

It’s your health and you’re the only one responsible for it. You have to do what’s best for you. 

[MissCanuck]

You've made your decision, and it's smart not to go. 

However, you should also really re-evaluate the friendship here. You and your bride-friend sound like you've come to a point where you are very different people with totally different expectations of each other. You will likely find more peace in your life if you allow this friendship to meet its natural end rather than letting the resentment build up. 

 

 

[RKO]

I was in a similar boat in the summer having had a pretty tough bout of covid 2 months prior to a wedding despite being fully vaccinated and in good health

As expected covid spread through the wedding  like wildfire, I and a few others who had it 2 months prior were fine and didn’t catch it again, must have been same variant in the party as we caught and our immune system doing it’s job.

from a covid standpoint I think you’d be fine to attend

[moodindigo91]

I think you're being dramatic about this. I agree that it is HER wedding. She asked you to be a bridesmaid. She can also downgrade you from being a bridesmaid if you don't want to participate in the way she originally intended. I also agree that it is perfectly reasonable for you to decide not to attend the wedding because of fear of Covid. It could have just been left at that. 

But instead, you've turned it into an entire thing, pitting you against your friend, the bride, whose wedding she didn't have to invite you to, let alone ask you to participate in, and her other bridesmaids, etc. All because you have a fear of catching Covid. Personally, I have never had Covid, I have gotten vaccinated with the most unpopular vaccine, and never had a booster. I don't wear masks. I am a young and healthy adult with no pre-existing conditions. I assess my own risk level and take actions in my own life based on that. 

You can do the same, but you have no right to demand that others take the same precautions or actions or that they postpone their wedding so you can attend or that they cancel the wedding or do it differently when the simplest solution would be for you to just stay home. The others who would choose to attend are factoring in their own risk levels in making that decision, just as you are. If they get Covid, that is a risk they were apparently willing to take. 

Somehow, you've made this woman's wedding all about you because you have a low risk tolerance. I agree with others, you can make the decision to not attend, but you can't then be bitter about it and attempt to force the bride to change her entire wedding to accommodate your low risk tolerance. 

[Alex39]

On 10/12/2022 at 4:43 PM, moodindigo91 said:

I think you're being dramatic about this. I agree that it is HER wedding. She asked you to be a bridesmaid. She can also downgrade you from being a bridesmaid if you don't want to participate in the way she originally intended. I also agree that it is perfectly reasonable for you to decide not to attend the wedding because of fear of Covid. It could have just been left at that. 

But instead, you've turned it into an entire thing, pitting you against your friend, the bride, whose wedding she didn't have to invite you to, let alone ask you to participate in, and her other bridesmaids, etc. All because you have a fear of catching Covid. Personally, I have never had Covid, I have gotten vaccinated with the most unpopular vaccine, and never had a booster. I don't wear masks. I am a young and healthy adult with no pre-existing conditions. I assess my own risk level and take actions in my own life based on that. 

You can do the same, but you have no right to demand that others take the same precautions or actions or that they postpone their wedding so you can attend or that they cancel the wedding or do it differently when the simplest solution would be for you to just stay home. The others who would choose to attend are factoring in their own risk levels in making that decision, just as you are. If they get Covid, that is a risk they were apparently willing to take. 

Somehow, you've made this woman's wedding all about you because you have a low risk tolerance. I agree with others, you can make the decision to not attend, but you can't then be bitter about it and attempt to force the bride to change her entire wedding to accommodate your low risk tolerance. 

I disagree. I didn't create anything. My friend and her fiance socialized before their wedding and THEY got covid. I felt that this is their problem, but she was acting like it's our issue with them. Yes, my issue with them is that they had an event while they were contagious with covid and werent protecting others. I chose not to go. I don't regret it. 

I feel like the person with covid who insists on us being at an event, should be more flexible for those that don't have covid. I wasn't a risk at the wedding. I feel like the contagious people should be trying to protect the healthy guests. The CDC doesn't tell healthy people to wear masks around covid positive people. The CDC tells sick people to wear masks around healthy people for 10 days. I felt my friend was being reckless by not abiding by medical advice. My doctor even called it reckless when I called and asked his advice to me. My friend ignored medical protocol but acted like I was the crazy one and should just slap on a mask. 

 

[boltnrun]

I think what people are getting at is you can't control how your friend chose to deal with her Covid infection. Yes, you certainly can have an opinion about it, but she wasn't going to change anything. All you can do is control your own actions.

I too think it's irresponsible to deliberately have a social event when you know for a fact you're Covid positive, but all I can do is choose not to attend.

My workplace had a mandatory in person group assignment last week. Over one hundred of us were gathered in close quarters for about ten hours one day and about three the next day. This was work so I couldn't get out of it. I'm sick now, not sure if it's Covid (taking a home test as I write this). Do I think it was irresponsible of them to hold this assignment? Yes, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I hope the wedding didn't turn out to be a super spreader event.

[Seraphim]

You didn’t go . Over, done, dusted, nothing to complain about . 

[Jaunty]

You've been complaining about this wedding since I started reading this board.  Thank goodness it's over and done with, right?

[Alex39]

It's over. I don't regret my decision . I found out the Maid of Honor didn't go either and now I see that the bride and her Maid of Honor are no longer friends on social media, so they must have had it out over the wedding. 

I can tell the bride isn't happy with me. I'm trying to be her friend. Text her ask how she is and she gives me the most fake sickly sweet answers. Like life is in the clouds with rainbows and puppies. I hate fake. If you are mad, then say you are mad at me, but then don't take my monetary gift if you don't like me anymore. She happily took my gift. That irritates me. I've also noticed that now she's been very clingy and sucking up to my girl friends whom I introduced her to. They are my long time friends. She's sending them again overly nice fake messages trying to kiss their butts. 

I'm struggling now because we have all mutual friends so I can't just cut her off. She's going to be around everything I do with my friends.