Going to a wedding with possible covid exposure

[Alex39]

I am in a wedding this Sunday.

It's currently Friday.

The bride had mentioned the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner being Saturday.

I message the bride asking for details for tomorrow and she tells me that she and her fiance have been sick since Wednesday. And that they were exposed to other members of the wedding party whom have covid. So she and her fiance test today, friday, and they both come up positive. 

She claims that Sunday,  the wedding day, will be day 5 for all those positive so the wedding is still going to go on. Since they have been sick since Wednesday. 

I feel like that's cutting it really close. 

Then she says how we should still attend the events on Saturday, the rehearsal and dinner. That's only day 4 for the covid positive people.

She and her fiance just tested positive today, but want to get together within 24 hours for a dinner? 

I feel like they are still contagious. 

I'm very uncomfortable with this. I feel like I'm in a tough spot. I'm a bridesmaid, so I feel obligated to go. I already had covid over a month ago, but this event seems like a real virus spreader. There is no hard evidence that you cant get it again after a month. Should I still go?

I wish she would postpone. 

I would never expose my family and friends like this. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Personally I would not go.

Having Covid and/or being vaccinated (which, BTW, are you vaccinated?) doesn't immunize you against getting it or getting it again. You can absolutely get it or get it again. Having it doesn't make you immune, it just means you have antibodies. Which, indeed, do help in fighting off exposure as does being vaccinated and boosted.

And yes, they COULD still be contagious. My friend's husband didn't get it until a full week after she tested positive. 

For me it would have to be a calculated risk. Is this important enough to me to risk being exposed? Am I willing to chance getting Covid again for this event?  How can I protect myself if I do attend? Will the wedding party object if I choose to wear a mask? Do I feel comfortable removing my mask for photos where I'd have to stand very close to the bride and wedding party? Can I afford to miss work if I get sick again? And are they willing to test themselves and share the test results before the events?

I can't tell you what to do but I would not attend an event where I knew for a fact someone there is Covid positive. I didn't have it that bad when I got it and I am vaccinated and triple boosted, but still.

I am attending a large event tomorrow where I presume at some point I'll come into contact with a Covid positive person. But the event is outdoors and is important to me. But an intimate event like a wedding? Probably not, especially since you know for a fact they have Covid.

I'm sorry they're sick, BTW. It's awful timing, isn't it?

[Cherylyn]

If you're very uncomfortable with this,  say exactly this to the bride-to-be.  You're under no obligation to participate if your health is at risk.  I agree, it's cutting it close.  I wouldn't attend if I were you unless I could wear an airtight mask as a guest with 6 ft social distancing.  If you really don't want to risk it, respectfully decline attendance,  give the nuptials a generous wedding gift or money (securely, that is), congratulate them and be done with it.  Your health takes top priority.  If the bride fails to comprehend,  it's her problem,  not yours.

[Alex39]

The bride says that all those positive currently are going to test that morning. If they are positive, they will wear masks. If they are negative, they won't wear masks. But the CDC says that you should wear a mask until day 10, not day 5. 

[Alex39]

At first the bride said she was going to tell all the guests so they could decide whether to attend or not. 

I talked to a few friends whom are invited and they said she hasn't told them a thing. So now she isn't telling the guests. I think that's really wrong. 

My one friend was grateful I told her as she lives with her ill mother. 

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

The bride says that all those positive currently are going to test that morning. If they are positive, they will wear masks. If they are negative, they won't wear masks. But the CDC says that you should wear a mask until day 10, not day 5. 

Well, if they're negative they're not infectious. But waiting until the morning of is problematic for those who have made travel plans or who have long drives to make the day of. Wouldn't it be too late for those folks to cancel?

A mask is a good tool but it's not foolproof. And does that mean they'll keep them on the entire time including the ceremony,  photos, toasts, dancing, etc? They'd have to remove them to eat and drink. 

So what have you decided? Is it worth the risk to you?

[Coily]

With anything other than a case of the sniffles, it seems incredibly bad to continue the wedding or any event while ill. Covid, flu, cholera, or chicken pox isn’t at issue; it exposing others to illness. 
I would hope they had better judgment, but you have the choice to not attend. If it is of concern to you, don’t let thier reaction dictate your actions.

[Seraphim]

Then don’t go. I don’t think with all the threads about this wedding you wanted to go anyway. 
 

I had Covid 3 weeks ago while not very pleasant was totally survivable. Where I am there is really no longer enforced quarantine. You can go about your business after 5 days .

It is not your money thrown down the toilet if they wedding doesn’t go ahead. 
 

Just don’t go. 

[boltnrun]

Also, it isn't whether not they're worried about getting severely sick. It's the possibility that someone else could, or that someone else could expose a vulnerable person.

My ex husband has had two bouts with cancer. My MIL is in her mid 80s. My cousin is diabetic. My other cousin is a breast cancer survivor. I would feel absolutely awful if I got through it just fine but got someone else sick who ended up in the ICU or worse.

You can't control what they choose to do, but you can decide for yourself if you want to take a chance. 

ETA, for me it's not what the regulations say but rather my own degree of infection or when my symptoms resolve themselves. Just because the CDC or whatever says you don't have to quarantine after a certain amount of time doesn't mean you can't possibly be infectious. It's very individual.

I continued to test positive for ten days after I initially got my positive test. Sure, I could have paraded around after five days but I didn't because I knew I was still potentially infectious. I was trying to be considerate of others.

[Wiseman2]

[Seraphim]

I did quarantine for 5 days even though I tested negative on day 4. I told everyone I came into contact with and I closed down my business for 7 days. 

I would be sure tested though to throw my wedding in the trash and throw away thousands and thousands of dollars and wait months on end to rebook. I would inform all involved in the wedding though . 

[HeartGoesOn]

Not only would I'd never take that risk, she should have enough common sense to cancel the wedding. That would appear to be the lesser of two evils, (imo).

Your call...

[Kwothe28]

I can somewhat understand her because canceling or postponing would be a mess by itself. But to take the risk of potentially expossing your guests because you would be in a mess if you dont, is not really a wise decision.

There was a former celebrity singer(was very famous here in 90s) getting married in my town. He married a rich widow from here. My sister was one of the guests because widow is her neighbour. Anyway, because of Covid(we had high number of cases then) they had hired  private lab to do the testing on site. You did the testing and if in Saturday test is negative you would go to the wedding on Sunday. If you are positive, you couldnt go. Still risky but at least they took some precaution. Just wearing masks wouldnt help. Especially with customs like congratulating the bride and the groom that would pressumably involve physical touch. And the bride and groom are both positive.

I wouldnt go. Say that you are sorry, congratulate and send present. This is way too risky business. 

 

[Batya33]

I wouldn’t go and those tests can be wrong. It’s too soon after IMO.  And I got the newest booster two weeks ago and I wouldn’t go. Yes if it was further outside quarantine period plus no symptoms and me being boosted I might. I’m really surprised they’re being this thoughtless and risky. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I would never expose my family and friends like this. 

Just don't go. Is this the wedding where the guy didn't respond to your invite and the dress didn't fit? It seems like a fiasco from start to beginning. Now this. Send a gift and bow out.

[Alex39]

It's just drama. The ceremony is outside and reception inside. A bunch of my friebds arent going at all.

The bride is acting super petty because now 4 out of the 6 bridesmaids arent going to the reception, but we all said we'd do the outdoor ceremony at a distance. 

We said we'd rather not walk down the aisle, because we'd be surrounded by people, walking up to the groom who has covid and his groomsmen who also have covid. 

So we suggested that we walk in from the brides side, like the groomsmen do, and we stand distanced waiting for the bride, like the groomsmen do at the front distanced from each other. 

The bride is super mad we don't want to walk down the aisle. Thinks us 4 are being crazy. The other two bridesmaids are siding with the bride and telling us how "its what the bride wants"

And it's like a stupid standoff. One of us 4 said how we just aren't comfortable so why should we have to and if that's the case then we will just attend as guests. 

The bride freaked out claimed she had to run off and do her nails and how she hasn't eaten in days. I'm like, she sounds sick if you haven't eaten in days. It's a drama filled mess. 

[Seraphim]

DONT GO. No drama no mess. The end. 

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

The bride freaked out claimed she had to run off and do her nails

She's going to a nail salon while Covid positive??

Wow, she sounds really responsible.

Oh wait, I bet she's going to wear a mask!  Which will be of scant protection for the poor salon worker.

[Alex39]

She literally complained to me that now no one will do a toast for them. Like really? That's so immature and stupid. 

[Alex39]

51 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

She's going to a nail salon while Covid positive??

Wow, she sounds really responsible.

Oh wait, I bet she's going to wear a mask!  Which will be of scant protection for the poor salon worker.

She claims she's doing them herself now. 

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

She literally complained to me that now no one will do a toast for them. Like really? That's so immature and stupid. 

Well I don’t think having a fit because your whole wedding is falling to pieces is immature and stupid. And you won’t think so when it’s your wedding either. 
 

Stop having the discussion and just don’t go. you are winding yourself into a tizzy for no reason just don’t go. 

[Alex39]

14 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Well I don’t think having a fit because your whole wedding is falling to pieces is immature and stupid. And you won’t think so when it’s your wedding either. 
 

Stop having the discussion and just don’t go. you are winding yourself into a tizzy for no reason just don’t go. 

I think it's perfectly adequate to be upset. But there is a difference between being upset and being a child.

I had friends who couldn't have weddings, had to reschedule,  etc. So the fact that she is still getting to walk down the aisle, all her family and his family will be there. Photographer will be there, she has a dress, she has a hair stylist. 

We offered to be at the outdoor ceremony and stand by her side as bridesmaids. Will less people be there? Yes. But a decent amount of people will be there and everything is still happening as it should. So what if we don't want to walk down the aisle? That's a mole hill compared to a mountain. I think some gratefulness needs to be there. 

She's still having a lovely wedding. She could postpone. She admitted she could. She is choosing not to. So we are doing what we can. I think flexibility needs to be here. Things have to change. People are sick. More than two people have covid. 

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

She claims she's doing them herself now. 

Well, that's something at least.

[Seraphim]

28 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I think it's perfectly adequate to be upset. But there is a difference between being upset and being a child.

I had friends who couldn't have weddings, had to reschedule,  etc. So the fact that she is still getting to walk down the aisle, all her family and his family will be there. Photographer will be there, she has a dress, she has a hair stylist. 

We offered to be at the outdoor ceremony and stand by her side as bridesmaids. Will less people be there? Yes. But a decent amount of people will be there and everything is still happening as it should. So what if we don't want to walk down the aisle? That's a mole hill compared to a mountain. I think some gratefulness needs to be there. 

She's still having a lovely wedding. She could postpone. She admitted she could. She is choosing not to. So we are doing what we can. I think flexibility needs to be here. Things have to change. People are sick. More than two people have covid. 

Ok, but still not your wedding, you don’t get to make the decisions. If you are this miffed about it I wouldn’t go and make the day worse for her. Just stay home . 

[DarkCh0c0]

Alex, you do have options here:

1. Don't go. Be safe and forget about the wedding.

2. Go and and be there for your friend. But when you're there, put covid behind you and be happy for her. Respect her wishes as it's still her special day.

Just don't go AND be bitter about it. That's not helpful for you nor the bride.