Is it normal for boyfriend to talk about past sexual experiences and Exs?

[Rubyroe]

This is my first relationship so I don’t know boundaries that well, but is it wrong for my boyfriend to just bring stuff up in the past, e.g like he had a threesome, which I just didn’t want to know. He also was telling me a story of trying this position with a girl and it wasn’t working. I just feel like that’s something you don’t talk to your girlfriend about?? 

[Rose Mosse]

2 minutes ago, Rubyroe said:

This is my first relationship so I don’t know boundaries that well, but is it wrong for my boyfriend to just bring stuff up in the past, e.g like he had a threesome, which I just didn’t want to know. He also was telling me a story of trying this position with a girl and it wasn’t working. I just feel like that’s something you don’t talk to your girlfriend about?? 

You’re dating to see whether you get along so be observant. He sounds immature or may not be very confident sexually. Oversharing details like this is inappropriate.

How long have you been dating and how old are both of you? 

Tell him those details are not necessary. If he dismisses you or is arrogant/obtuse in any way, rethink your relationship.

[smackie9]

Have you told him to not talk about stuff like that to you? Tell him and see what he says/does. Then make judgment. Girl communication is key in a relationship. 

[melancholy123]

He shouldn't be telling you these things.  Tell him to stop and if he doesn't you should move on.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Rubyroe said:

 boyfriend to just bring stuff up in the past, e.g like he had a threesome, which I just didn’t want to know. He also was telling me a story of trying this position with a girl 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? He seems morbidly insecure, boasting as if he's this big stud. And trying to imply he's "adventurous".

View this as a Huge red flag that he sees women as notches in his bedpost, but worst of all that you have zero privacy because his next notch will hear all about You. Run. You have no intimacy, because there is no privacy.

[Andrina]

Why keep mum about what makes you cringe? If he can't change behavior when you make a reasonable request, then he's not for you.

However, he might not even be worth a discussion at all. That is if you decide someone who has had a threesome is a dealbreaker for you. I know it would be for me, as well as someone who has engaged in prostitution, or any other activities that aren't aligned with my own ethics.

When you are choosing that special someone to share the gift of your body, have some standards. He's not the only single man your age on the planet. Don't settle.

That said, if you do want to give him a chance, you can say something like: I really don't want you bringing up any more of your past sexual history. If you want to try this or that position with me, just say so. No need to bring up what you did with this or that other girl. It forms pictures in my head I don't care to see.

I hope you're using protection against STDs. Even so, condoms can break. I'd arrange for the both of you to get tested and show each other the results. Good luck.

[SooSad33]

Yes, stuff like this can be mentioned.. to extent. ( not sure how long you've been dating him?)

As mentioned, if he's bragging then not nice.  But, sometimes couples do talk about sexual preferences or things they enjoy. ( what do you dont need to know is if it's all about some ex you know etc.).

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Rubyroe said:

I just feel like that’s something you don’t talk to your girlfriend about?? 

It depends. Lots of couples talk about what they like or dont like in bed. Some people are more opened to stuff like that, others are not. You are not, so I would suggest to just tell him that. There is no need for him to tell you stuff you arent comfortable about. Also, it kinda shows incompatibility. That he is so opened about stuff like that and you are not. So I would think about that. 

Also, also, threesome just sounds like bragging. More for "guy locker room" and not for girlfriend talk.

[DancingFool]

3 hours ago, Rubyroe said:

This is my first relationship so I don’t know boundaries that well, but is it wrong for my boyfriend to just bring stuff up in the past, e.g like he had a threesome, which I just didn’t want to know. He also was telling me a story of trying this position with a girl and it wasn’t working. I just feel like that’s something you don’t talk to your girlfriend about?? 

To answer your question, yes and no. This is your time to get to know him and judge whether or not you are compatible/share the same values. So, while you might not want to know if he has had a threesome, it's valuable information that tells you a lot about him and what he is into. Is this something you are into? If not, then this might not be the right guy for you.

As for talking about details of some position with an ex, that's just a big no. Just like Wiseman said, he is talking to you about her and some day, he will be talking about you to someone else. Huge no and also tells you about his character, lack of maturity, etc. Does this work for you? If not, probably best to step away from this dude.

It's normal for couples to discuss sex, sexual preferences and even positions in general terms, but not to talk about it as "I did this with this ex and here is how that went." Imagine you then run into that ex at some point and now you know all these intimate details that should be private. Now imagine that at some point, you'll be in her shoes and some other woman may be looking at you a little too knowingly. Yuck.

In short, trust your gut. If it's not right, it's because it isn't and you shouldn't tolerate it. You can tell him not to talk like that, buuuuut......more importantly evaluate his character and values and whether they match to yours and who you are as a person. If you have to teach him how to be decent, take a big pass on that and next him.

[smackie9]

It's possible his last GF didn't mind this kind of thing. For you tho obviously such talk make you uncomfortable. This is all new to you and of course you are going to be a little sensitive. I'm sure if you explain your feelings about it to him, he will stop it. Sometimes guys are just a little thick headed/duh stupid. You need to note, they are not mind readers or easily pickup on clues/hints. 

[HeartGoesOn]

I'd proceed with caution.  With his lack of maturity, be prepared for anything you say/do, to be repeated.

He may or may not change his tune after discussing this with him, although I have my doubts.

 

[Cherylyn]

Yes, it's wrong because your boyfriend doesn't have integrity.  It's classless to remind you or anyone about his past intimate experiences with other women.

You need to dump him!  You need a new boyfriend who is a very moral man.  All other men don't qualify to be in your life.

[catfeeder]

On 6/30/2022 at 11:18 AM, Andrina said:

... I really don't want you bringing up any more of your past sexual history. If you want to try this or that position with me, just say so. No need to bring up what you did with this or that other girl. It forms pictures in my head I don't care to see.

Yep, notice how speaking about how you feel or what you want is far easier--and likely more effective--than spouting some generalized dictate about what is 'appropriate'.

You get to decide whether to view this guy as just insecure and clumsy, or whether he's a show-off who plows right over people's feelings like a bully in order to brag. The latter is still insecure and clumsy, but there's a negligence or a maliciousness there that most thinking women would consider a deal breaker.

You know him better than we do, so we don't get a vote. Decide whether you like him enough to give him the boundary above and learn whether he respects it, or whether you just want to write him off now as too cruel to come back from.

I hope you'll let us know what you think.

[Tinydance]

Well, I think it depends on the actual context and why the person brought it up and how often they brought it up. Some couples might be talking about sex in general or sexual experiences together and they might mention these kinds of things. I don't think ex's and previous sex partners should be mentioned much though because they're in the past so why talk about them? Also if someone brings it up too much and not in relation to a relevant conversation, I'd say that's too much.

Personally I don't mind if my partner talks about it a little but not in too much detail. Like, not telling me too much about that person or the relationship they had with them. If they just mention sexual things they've done sometimes, it doesn't bother me. 

I think it's OK not to feel comfortable about it though because that's just how you feel. I think it's fine to say you don't like it. Everyone is different so that's your choice.