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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That is heavy duty flirting, so is staring at him and trying to get physically close.

It seems all you want to hear is "yes, he finds you attractive". That's why you want feedback on "signs".

Maybe he does. That's ok. You also claim you don't want to ruin the friendship or create awkwardness when people from the gym go for coffee.

This has zero to do with age gap dating. It has to do with fantasies.

I guess, perhaps I posted here because he is younger than me and don’t know how behave or how they behave at that age. Guys these days are a lot different to when I was 18. I clearly find him very attractive, and I do understand that it will become nothing in the future, but better to have had something than nothing at all? Is that so bad? I don’t want to use him either hence trying to ask for advice on how to read the signs? 

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20 hours ago, Batya33 said:

To me what's a bit sad in this situation is that she says she wants to be friends with this person, but also not ask him out and risk him declining, but also have NSA sex with him -so she values him as a person and doesn't see any potential for a serious relationship.  Sounds kind of confusing -and likely to confuse him even more.

Sorry if it confusing. I clearly am very attracted to him and if he felt the same I would like to have something however long it is going to last. I dont want to use him nor loose his company which I also clearly enjoy. I value him as a person and someone I would like to be in a relationship with , however I am not silly and I know it could perhaps not be a very long relationship because of his age. But it does not mean I don’t want a relationship, however long it lasts. 
does it make sense. And yes, I am scared of being rejected not only because I like him but because I don’t want him stop being a “friend”

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I’m not sure what this is about. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s a young man who seems flirty and likes the attention. You’re very young yourself but I’m not certain why you’re spending this much time wondering whether an 18 year old is interested. Of course he’s interested. He’d probably be interested in anything that shows interest in him right now. 

I get hit on by young men (and older gentlemen). It doesn’t mean anything and friendly acknowledgement. Do choose your partner based on compatibilities. Your age may or may not get in the way. 

Stay on track with other things going on with your life: work, family, meet other men as well. If you both want to date you’ll sort it out together. 

 

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3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Of course he’s interested. He’d probably be interested in anything that shows interest in him right now.

Yeah, an 18 year old will be excited at the prospect of sex with an older woman. He'll enthusiastically participate and then tell everyone at the gym. But you say you're OK with that.

So, invite him out for coffee or if you want to just get right to it, invite him over for "Netflix and chill", which he'll know is code for sex.

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37 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

I clearly find him very attractive, and I do understand that it will become nothing in the future, but better to have had something than nothing at all? Is that so bad? I don’t want to use him either hence trying to ask for advice on how to read the signs? 

It doesn't matter if he's 18, 28, 38, 48. You're coming on to him and hope he's attracted to you. "Signs" means you have a crush.

You want everyone to tell you he wants you. Does he? Who knows. If you want something with him, you'll have to ask it's that simple.

Even at 18 he may be too smart to mess around with anyone he goes to the same gym as does.

 Why haven't you gotten a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and started messaging and meeting men? You can date anyone over 18 on there.

This is Not an age-gap thing. This is a 'He's Just Not That Into You' thing. 

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For any male at 18, unless you have a hairy double-headed sized growth coming out of your forehead, he will have sex with you, flirting or not. Women can never know the amount of sexual energy dominating the male body and brain at that time that will release us to pursue anything humanely female for a roll. (Yes, it does continue for most men after that age range, but not as intensely). The thing that isn't ringing true for me is your stance that it's all for casual fun. Your multiple posts about this guy is more than someone looking to be casual. You need to be real with yourself that if you're trying to maneuver into something long term while talking a good game about it being causal, another characteristic of being 18 is moving on quickly. So he will move on in the middle your weighing out how much your would like this to be more. That said, if you truly are okay for some sex without feelings and then a goodbye, it's very simple - you can invite him anywhere, take a walk in the park, and it will be yah-yah time fairly soon after that.

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Thank you all so much for your comments and thoughts and for helping me organise mine. Yes, I do like him a lot, yes, he will move on, yes I probably  want more. So I am going to do nothing and concentrate on other parts of my life. If something is meant to happen, it will. 

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This all sounds too dangerous and unstable, that could lead to more problems than you're ready for.

Is he your first younger guy; dating, rel'ship, or casual?

Have you had casual sex w/a guy before?

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Just now, Rox22 said:

This all sounds too dangerous and unstable, that could lead to more problems than you're ready for.

Is he your first younger guy; dating, rel'ship, or casual?

Have you had casual sex w/a guy before?

I have had sex and relationships before but I have never been attracted by a younger man before. I probably would not have paid him any attention to be honest if it wasn’t because I noticed a sort of cheeky behaviour from him towards me. But as I have said before not sure if it is just being friendly or actually flirting. 

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Just now, willowfairy1 said:

I have had sex and relationships before but I have never been attracted by a younger man before. I probably would not have paid him any attention to be honest if it wasn’t because I noticed a sort of cheeky behaviour from him towards me. But as I have said before not sure if it is just being friendly or actually flirting. 

No casual sex before, just relationships that did not work. Some longer that others. Not many relationships though. I do take my time when it comes to guys getting to know them a bit better.

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5 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

Thank you all so much for your comments and thoughts and for helping me organise mine. Yes, I do like him a lot, yes, he will move on, yes I probably  want more. So I am going to do nothing and concentrate on other parts of my life. If something is meant to happen, it will. 

Good! As the adult it's not whether it's meant to happen -it's all about your choices.  I think you are making a good choice FWIW.

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Anecdote, a friend of mine decided she would respond to a younger guy flirting with her. She was 22 and he was I think 18. She did ultimately decide to sleep with him because she interpreted his flirting as genuine interest. Well, one day afterward she was walking past him and a group of his friends and she heard him say "Yeah, I hit that." She was angry, embarrassed and disappointed.

Eighteen year olds gonna 18 year old, ya know!

If you suspect you'd get emotionally attached then you're making the right decision not to pursue this. You can enjoy the flirting and even flirt back but it's not necessary to take it beyond that.

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5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Anecdote, a friend of mine decided she would respond to a younger guy flirting with her. She was 22 and he was I think 18. She did ultimately decide to sleep with him because she interpreted his flirting as genuine interest. Well, one day afterward she was walking past him and a group of his friends and she heard him say "Yeah, I hit that." She was angry, embarrassed and disappointed.

 

And that's where you say, "damn right you did and I wore you out.  If you think you can keep up you can hit this again."

Why are men the only ones allowed to be/talk sexual?

OP, you want to teach this young pup a thing or two, I say go for it.

Edited by waffle
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4 minutes ago, waffle said:

Why are men the only ones allowed to be/talk sexual?

That's an interesting conclusion. That wasn't what bothered her. She didn't care to be the subject of an immature guy's bragging to his buddies in such a disrespectful way.

I mean, she told me she slept with him. But to her it was in the context of thinking a relationship had started since he'd been pursuing her. Unfortunately she didn't know him well enough to understand he was looking for something to brag about, not a girlfriend.

At the time I had a casual thing going with a guy. She and I talked about it. I mentioned how much fun and enjoyment I was getting out of the situation. So yes, women are "allowed" to talk/be sexual. But I didn't run around pointing to the guy and saying "Yeah, I hit that!!" to a group of friends because I'm not immature like that. Of course I was also not 18 years old.

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8 hours ago, willowfairy1 said:

I guess, perhaps I posted here because he is younger than me and don’t know how behave or how they behave at that age

That has often stopped me from dating younger guys, especially when I was in my early- to mid-20s. In my early 30s, I did date younger, but never more than five years younger. I definitely see how an age gap of 18 and 28 could be problematic.

But then again, what the hell do I know? My friend's little brother fell in love with a 27-yo when he was 19. I remember thinking that was crazy. But last I heard, they were still married. That's at least two decades under the belt for them.

I think you have to get to know him a little better while asking yourself what you really want out of this. It could end up that you just really enjoy the flirting.

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You've already held his hand ... that's a pretty bold move.   And he did not let go.  So there is really not much mystery left here at all.  

I mean, people who are not flirting (or more) are not holding each other's hands.

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He is 18 and is a walking talking boner.  He wants to bang you and that is all.

If you are okay with that then make it easy for him.  Ask him to your place to help you move something heavy or other excuse and when he is there ask him if he has ever been with an older woman.  Should not be to difficult to figure things out from there.

  Lost 

 

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5 hours ago, Jaunty said:

You've already held his hand ... that's a pretty bold move.   And he did not let go.  So there is really not much mystery left here at all.  

I mean, people who are not flirting (or more) are not holding each other's hands.

When I told a friend that we held hands (interlocking fingers which for me is quite intimate) and he did not let go, she told me he probably felt he did not know what to do next and that’s why he held my hand but not because he was enjoying it necessarily. ??

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26 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

 he held my hand but not because he was enjoying it necessarily. ?

Listen to your friends. You're coming on very strong with the handholding, Valentine's day gestures etc. Even if he's a horny teen, you're overdoing it.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who are interested in your advances.

For all you know, he has a date lined up for his senior prom and you're almost middle aged woman.

Just step back from this. You're making things awkward with your fantasies.

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2 hours ago, willowfairy1 said:

When I told a friend that we held hands (interlocking fingers which for me is quite intimate) and he did not let go, she told me he probably felt he did not know what to do next and that’s why he held my hand but not because he was enjoying it necessarily. ??

I know when I was kissed on the cheek without my consent by a coworker (he came behind my desk chair to do it) I froze -very unusual for me - I just -my body didn't know what to do, I didn't say no despite not consenting -and I was in my 30s when this happened and a very assertive, direct person -not fearful typically.  But the next time I was prepared and I spoke up. 

So it's hard to say - he's only 18 and might not be used to someone older than him like you making such an aggressive move so he might have "frozen" to and it was not kissing but holding hands so not as intimate.  

I would do what Lost suggested. This is straightforward.  If you decide again you want to have sex with him for fun that's what I would do and stop trying to make it so complicated (yes, make it complicated as far as birth control plus getting tested for STDs after, etc).

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

. . . you're almost middle aged woman.

😲

If 28 is "almost middle-aged" then I guess several of us here better head down to the local nursing home and check ourselves in.

OP, you are a young and single woman and as such you can do anything you want.  I think your original question was how to tell if he's interested (interested in what, exactly, remains to be seen) without essentially making a fool of yourself.  I don't know that there's a surefire way to do that so I'll just tell you that life itself is a series of learning experiences (often including making a fool of yourself) and when that happens you shake it off and move along.  The world won't end.  Life is for living, not sitting on the sidelines.

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