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I am an older woman with a huge crush on an 18-year-old guy. I have never looked at anyone that young before like this. It all started when he started to tease me playfully. Nothing much but enough to see he was being cheeky and felt comfortable with me. I then started to see he was always looking at me when people said things about me. I thought perhaps he wants to see my reaction. If we are out and about he likes to tease me by getting close to me, to close in fact as in getting into my personal space without a problem. If I stare at him he will hold the stare and smile. I held his hand once and he did not let go. He also likes to share the music he likes with me. I gave him a flower on valentines day and he kept it and put it in water. so sweet.

I know this will never be a proper relationship and I am ok with that. But before i` make a full of myself I want to know if he is, in fact, flirting with me or not? How can I read his body language? Is he interested or is he being nice? 

Please do not judge. we are both old enough.

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I think older and old enough to be his mom is something different. 18 is a legal adult but think back to being 18 were you really “ grown up?” The human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25 and a lot of growing up happens between 18 and 25. So , I would decide if you are genuinely interested in him or just flattered as an older woman old enough to be his parent . Being 30’s and late 40’s -50’s is a shift in power balance and knowledge of life. 

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33 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I think older and old enough to be his mom is something different. 18 is a legal adult but think back to being 18 were you really “ grown up?” The human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25 and a lot of growing up happens between 18 and 25. So , I would decide if you are genuinely interested in him or just flattered as an older woman old enough to be his parent . Being 30’s and late 40’s -50’s is a shift in power balance and knowledge of life. 

I am 10 years older. I do remember when I was that age and I also remember being attracted to older men. Although he is very mature for his age, I am aware he is still developing and that he will move on. I am not looking for anything serious myself. I fancy and enjoy his company and I think he may feel the same? IS it so bad? I just want to see if someone can help me understand if he is flirting without asking directly and possibly risk his friendship.

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you work together? how do you know him? 

Are you recently divorced/broken up with someone?

 

I am single, and we go to the same gym so there is a few of us that go for a coffee after a session

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I used to work with a few young men (I was 25 at the time). They told me it would be a big boost to their ego to "do" an older woman, especially if she was married (bonus ego points).

So if you want to have some fun, casual sex with a young guy who likely has little to no experience, just realize he'll probably tell his friends. You may end up being the subject of gossip at the gym. Would that bother you?

 

Edited by boltnrun
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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He seems flattered by your heavy-duty flirting and coming on to him. 

So he is just flattered but not interested? how do I read his smiles and stares and teasing? just as being nice. In the past when dating, men have been closer to my age or older so at least to me flirting and body language seems to be different coming from a younger guy, hence not sure what he wants. A friend of mine says he acts like a peacock around me.

My flirting is not heavy-duty at all, I have only innocently offered him a flower on valentines day. Once accidentally our hands touched and we held hands for a bit.....I have not obviously flirted with him as I need to understand first if he is flirting with me as I don't want to spoil the friendship we have now. Yes, I would like a bit more than friendship but...

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25 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

I am 10 years older. I do remember when I was that age and I also remember being attracted to older men. Although he is very mature for his age, I am aware he is still developing and that he will move on. I am not looking for anything serious myself. I fancy and enjoy his company and I think he may feel the same? IS it so bad? I just want to see if someone can help me understand if he is flirting without asking directly and possibly risk his friendship.

28 isn’t that bad. If you were 50 I would have questions. 

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An 18 year old boy I worked with was sleeping with a 32 year old married woman client. Interestingly this was also a gym. EVERYONE knew about it. It was the talk of the gym. The woman didn't respond well to being pointed and giggled at. The not so muffled whispers when she arrived at the gym to "work out". I won't go into the details of how she responded to being the subject of gossip but it wasn't good.

Do you have thick skin? Would it bother you to be the subject of gossip at the gym? He probably won't be able to resist telling his gym buddies, are you comfortable with everyone knowing?

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52 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Why not ask him out ? 

Because I don’t know if he is just being nice or he is flirting and wants more. I don’t want to misread the signs and make a fool of myself and spoil the friendship. Hence I am asking if when a young guy teases you, holds your stare and is not afraid to hug or his hands….is this flirting or just being nice? Perhaps he feels intimidated by an older woman? 

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42 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

An 18 year old boy I worked with was sleeping with a 32 year old married woman client. Interestingly this was also a gym. EVERYONE knew about it. It was the talk of the gym. The woman didn't respond well to being pointed and giggled at. The not so muffled whispers when she arrived at the gym to "work out". I won't go into the details of how she responded to being the subject of gossip but it wasn't good.

Do you have thick skin? Would it bother you to be the subject of gossip at the gym? He probably won't be able to resist telling his gym buddies, are you comfortable with everyone knowing?

I would not have a problem as I am not hiding anything and do not think us having fun is a bad thing if it is what we both want? 

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5 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

I would not have a problem as I am not hiding anything and do not think us having fun is a bad thing if it is what we both want? 

I think it's fine to have casual sex with someone who is single and able to consent. But I'm not sure what you mean by friendship -you're not friends with him.  You're attracted to him sexually.  Friends chat about who they are dating - and if you're his friend you'd be good with him pursuing someone else at the gym or chatting with you about some woman he is pursuing outside the gym? What would be ruined exactly? 

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55 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

An 18 year old boy I worked with was sleeping with a 32 year old married woman client. Interestingly this was also a gym. EVERYONE knew about it. It was the talk of the gym. The woman didn't respond well to being pointed and giggled at. The not so muffled whispers when she arrived at the gym to "work out". I won't go into the details of how she responded to being the subject of gossip but it wasn't good.

Do you have thick skin? Would it bother you to be the subject of gossip at the gym? He probably won't be able to resist telling his gym buddies, are you comfortable with everyone knowing?

That's really sad because if this situation were reversed and a 32-year-old man was sleeping with an 18-year-old woman, he'd be getting high-fives.

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2 minutes ago, waffle said:

That's really sad because if this situation were reversed and a 32-year-old man was sleeping with an 18-year-old woman, he'd be getting high-fives.

To me what's a bit sad in this situation is that she says she wants to be friends with this person, but also not ask him out and risk him declining, but also have NSA sex with him -so she values him as a person and doesn't see any potential for a serious relationship.  Sounds kind of confusing -and likely to confuse him even more.

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31 minutes ago, willowfairy1 said:

I would not have a problem as I am not hiding anything and do not think us having fun is a bad thing if it is what we both want? 

It's not. But none of us can definitively tell you yes, he's flirting or no, he's not. 

How that woman at my workplace and the 18 year old started sleeping together is, she signed up for personal training sessions with him. According to what he told his best friend (who then told me), she basically "came on" to him, offering him a ride home from work and then kissing him.

Are you comfortable with being that forward? If not, the only way to know for sure is to suggest to him that the two of you go do something together, just the two of you. Invite him out for a drink, or if you two are non drinkers, out to a juice bar.

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1 hour ago, willowfairy1 said:

I don’t want to misread the signs and make a fool of myself and spoil the friendship. Hence I am asking if when a young guy teases you, holds your stare and is not afraid to hug or his hands

First things first, a lifetime friendship isn't in the cards, so don't worry about ruining that. When either of you eventually move on to more serious partners, staying buddies with someone you have chemistry with, and especially if you ended up being FWB's, wouldn't be a wise thing to do. 

Have you ever done a casual relationship with someone where intimacy was the only element you were concerned with? If you're going to do him, know yourself well enough to know if you can handle a no rules, temporary thing. Because women come on here all the time saying they started with FWB and ended up wanting more. Probably because the hormones released in a women when being intimate makes her want to bond with a man, even if he's not appropriate for her. 

In what I quoted, the guy seems to be well-practiced in the art of enticement. So if you think you're special to him, think again. My goals were different when I began dating. Even as a teen, I avoided those smooth talkers and only accepted attention from guys who were more earthy.

Not that you should always care what others think, but as for me, I do consider how others could be perceiving me in a case like this. If I were young and dating a guy who I found out who at 27 had taken the opportunity to boink a girl fresh out of high school, that would turn me off. Just consider your future and that you might sabotage something good with someone if he found out what you'd done in the past. To me, there's a huge gap with these particular ages that doesn't sit right with me. You will likely see a 50/50 split of people who share my opinion and those who don't.

I believe you shouldn't just make decisions on chemistry alone. You should also think logically and take so many other things in to consideration when choosing who to date. 

What were your dating goals before you met him?

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Storytime:

My female friend was 28 year old when she met her 18 year old boyfriend who was a brother of my and her friend. She liked pretty boys with long hair and he was pretty boy with long hair. Plus they were both kinda closed up so they did get along just fine. There was a bit of a problem with her mom because she didnt like her daughter dating younger guys. And she was off put when she found out that she was his first after they did the deed. But they did get along for a while even though we all knew she wont end up with him. As Ive said, they got along fine. But she was more there out of convenience then some love. But for what it is worth, he was serious about her, even wanted to marry. They both ended up in another country for work together. But she couldnt handled it and there was a fallout after that so they broke up and she got back home. Found another guy and went to work in another town with him lol. But they did hold for, I think 8 years together. 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, its not impossible. However, you are both in a different stage of life. In a few years or now you would maybe want family. He maybe wont in 20s. He would want to have fun. Maybe there is too big of a difference, not in age, but just life.

Also, aside of a few signs that maybe just you interpret as liking, there isnt a clear indication if he would even want something with you. You gave him Valentines Day gift but he didnt gave you anything. Nore maybe even called for a date. Or maybe even talked in a private with you outside of work. So I think its just a crush from your side. 

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That's a good point, @Kwothe28

My coworker friend married a man who is six years younger than her (26 to her 32). She is getting to the age where she wants children in the next year or so. But her husband wants to wait to try for a baby until HE'S 32. Which would make her 38 when he wants to start trying. That's cutting it close as far as her fertility years. Do women in their late 30s and early to mid 40s have babies? Absolutely. But it's generally not as easy to conceive at age 38 as it would be at age 32. And presuming she conceived right away she would be in her mid 50s when the child turns 18, which is not what she prefers.

But I get the impression the OP is not at all concerned with or wanting a long term relationship that leads to marriage and babies with this 18 year old. She said she wants "fun" which I presume means casual, uncommitted sex.

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7 hours ago, boltnrun said:

An 18 year old boy I worked with was sleeping with a 32 year old married woman client.

Oops, I missed the "married" part. 😞  So that would change what I think, obviously.  The talking behind their backs was probably less about their ages than it was that.

To the OP, I'd say enjoy the flirtation (if that's what it is, it sounds like it is anyway) and whatever happens, happens.  Flirting doesn't always mean anything, sometimes people are just flirty in general, with everyone.  It sounds like your question wasn't so much about the age difference as it was "is he flirting?" and I agree with the poster who said we can't know that . . .  but it sure sounds like it!

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17 hours ago, willowfairy1 said:

 I have only innocently offered him a flower on valentines day. 

That is heavy duty flirting, so is staring at him and trying to get physically close.

It seems all you want to hear is "yes, he finds you attractive". That's why you want feedback on "signs".

Maybe he does. That's ok. You also claim you don't want to ruin the friendship or create awkwardness when people from the gym go for coffee.

This has zero to do with age gap dating. It has to do with fantasies.

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