I went snooping and I found something.

[Lilifab86]

Hi.

I have been seeing this guy for 7 months now. From the beginning he was/is very keen, he is everything I always wanted and more... I was cautious of not going to fast to quick but the a couple of months ago I couldn't but just accept that I'm absolutely in love with this guy.

Everything is (was?) great, we have met each others parents and extended family, we had conversations about our goals in the future and what we want from this relationship.

Unfortunately yesterday at his family's barbecue dinner I was part of a conversation between the women of the party, they talk about how hard is not to feel insecure when their partners follow insta models and how they made them feel, some of said it was normal and one of them asked me if my boyfriend followed any, I said I guess I don't know. 

That planted the seed and today I checked his phone. Something I have never done in my life and was proud of...

I found a DM for a girl with a seat insta name. I opened it and started by him saying

hi 'Mary' (not really her name)

How are you darling? 

She said. Good thanks 

He. I want to meet you darling 

She reply. I'm away on holiday (and sent pictures of her on the plain)

He said. Ok darling I understand.

This really broke my heart.

( the date was when I was away for a week with work)

A part of me says that is not that incriminating. The other is absolutely shattered.

I want to talk to him about it but it will make me look bad as I checked his phone. 

I don't know what to do

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Lilifab86 said:

He. I want to meet you darling ( the date was when I was away for a week with work)

Sorry this is happening.

You don't have to admit to snooping, however you are armed with quite disturbing activity.

With that, you can reflect if you wish yo invest more into this relationship and if you can trust him.

[DancingFool]

Please don't bother confronting him about it because it's pointless. He'll just deny, lie, shift blame and otherwise gaslight you to death.

Unfortunately, you already have all the information you need. This guy is a cheater and will cheat on you while you are away. He has no moral compass and no problem with that. Keep in mind also, that this is how he was raised. If women from his side of the family are complaining about cheating....RUUUUUUN. Do not sign up for this garbage.

Yes, it is incriminating enough. Ruuuuun. Get out. Save yourself. What you found is tip of the iceberg.

Thank your lucky stars that you are not married to this creep and also, do get tested for all std's. Again, what you discover about any cheater is just a fraction of what they've done.

You don't need anything except to value yourself and understand that you deserve better and this guy is trash, stinking trash at that.

[HeartGoesOn]

So he would have met her if she wasn't away on holiday.  In addition to that, this went down while you were away.  On the other hand, this may not be the first time this has happened since you've been together, therefore your health, well being  etc, is certainly not at the top of his list.

I can't tell you what to do, but you won't go far without trust.

 

[SooSad33]

Nope, no good!

Remove yourself from this with him.

Do it however way you wish.. As you DO have proof.  You've seen it!

I'd simply msg the guy saying. Sorry, I don't see this working out.. No reason to explain.  If he's got a brain, he may get it.

Either way, is good you've learned of this.. and get out of it.

 

[DarkCh0c0]

8 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I'd simply msg the guy saying. Sorry, I don't see this working out.. No reason to explain.  If he's got a brain, he may get it.

Yup. Yup.

Do not tell him what you found. He will lie and tell you how much is loves you (while wishing he's sleeping with other women!!).

Break up over text. Do not answer his calls or guilt trips.

You deserve better. So listen to your strong woman voice and kick this sick man to the curb.

[Lilifab86]

Thank you all for your advice you are telling me everything my brain is telling me... I'll give time for my heart to realise what he has done. I'm strong and I'll be OK but I will speak to him in person as I have to get this feelings out regardless of what he has to say

[DancingFool]

5 minutes ago, Lilifab86 said:

Thank you all for your advice you are telling me everything my brain is telling me... I'll give time for my heart to realise what he has done. I'm strong and I'll be OK but I will speak to him in person as I have to get this feelings out regardless of what he has to say

... Would you ask a guy who robbed you to comfort you? Whatever feelings you have, write it out and burn it. As for this guy, just dump him. He is not worth your emotions and please don't hope that he will be all sorry about who he is and will have some sort of an epiphany about how wrong what he is doing is. He is not sorry, he'll never be sorry. Get away from him today and save your breath. Any confrontation with him will not go how you imagine and in the end will make you feel worse than you already do.

[MissCanuck]

You've just learned this guy is not into you the way you are into him. 

He's not boyfriend material. Next him. 

[Batya33]

You already wondered about his loyalty or you wouldn’t have snooped. I have friends who have thought their husband or partner was cheating and it didn’t make me want to snoop on my husband.  I think you dodged a bullet and I’m sorry you found  those texts and felt hurt  

[smackie9]

Time to dump and go.

[Lambert]

I would just dump him. he is NOT everything you are looking for. 

You THOUGHT he seemed to be,  but now, you have new info. 

He's creepy, dming strangers on line. 

The women in the family commiserate in the kitchen at family functions. 

Ugh... not a dream guy. Be glad it's only been 7 months. Tell him you know he's been pursuing others and that's a deal breaker. bye good luck. 

At least acknowledging he is a creep, will help you close that door.  There is nothing he can say and you don't have to come clean or anything..  he is lying to you. you owe him nothing! 

Get STD testing done and don't look back. 

[Rose Mosse]

No, just leave. There's nothing to discuss. If he wants to know what happened you can let him know that the relationship is over and you are not compatible. I would not give the other person a reason to contact me again.

[Tinydance]

Well fortunately seven months isn't a super long time. Now that you can see that he was trying to cheat on you, it's probably best to just break up with him. It seems like he doesn't have very moral character and maybe he's also not really as into you as you thought he was because he's trying to get with other women. You can see he would have cheated if he could. You don't need someone like that.

[Jibralta]

20 hours ago, Lambert said:

I would just dump him. he is NOT everything you are looking for. 

You THOUGHT he seemed to be,  but now, you have new info. 

Exactly. You made a simple mistake. Turns out he's not the guy you thought he'd be. No big deal; don't get tangled up with this. Move on to better things.