Living Alone Long-Term

[BeaTlesFan77]

Has anyone else here lived alone for over a decade?  If so, how did you cope?  

[Rose Mosse]

What exactly is your question? Is this about a recent break up or separation from spouse? You'll have to be a bit more specific regarding your situation so others can offer more insight.

Living alone is actually an option and a choice for many, not something a person copes with. Take your time adjusting if you're making a transition. It takes time to get used to a new life.

[boltnrun]

I have lived alone off and on for the past 11 years.  I had some months here and there where I had a roommate or lived with family.  Let me see if I can break it down:

Fall 2010- Spring 2014 - Lived alone in a state where I had no family at all.  Had a roommate for about 8 months of that time frame.

Spring 2014-Fall 2015 - Lived with family

Fall 2015 - Summer 2020 - Lived alone.

Summer 2020 - Spring 2021 - Lived with family

Spring 2021 - present - Live alone

I don't see living alone as something I need to "cope" with.  I like myself, I like having my own space and I like not having to run decisions past someone else.  I can eat what I want when I want.  I can leave the bathroom door open.  I can buy what I want, decorate anyway I want, come and go as I please.

Why do you see living alone as something you need to "cope" with?  Is living alone new to you?

[BeaTlesFan77]

I admit my first post was a little vague. Since 2007 I’ve been living solo. Was hoping to be married and living in a house by now but that didn’t happen. I’ve tried putting myself out there through different avenues and still haven’t met anyone. My friends who are married have either moved or barely see them anymore. Have one friend from high school who is still single that I see occasionally. Then I see my parents every other weekend. I guess my question is how did you cope with being single for as long as I have?

[LaHermes]

48 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Has anyone else here lived alone for over a decade?

So, I take it you have lived alone for ten years, OP. Yes?  Do you mean you did not wish to live alone but circumstances imposed this state of affairs on you?

And then the word "alone" can mean many things.  "Alone" never seeing another human being is one thing. 

When single I had an apartment to myself, as in, did not share.  Friends and family came and went, visiting.

Yes, I was single for quite a long time, certainly more than ten years, and found it enjoyable.  Then I married. 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Ok, well my situation is different.  I married fairly young (not too far out of my teens) and was married for 14 years.  So when I got divorced I first had my kids with me and when they moved out I lived alone.  

I have to presume living alone after being married for over a decade would be different than living alone while wanting marriage and children. 

I enjoy having my own space, but I'm middle aged so it's not quite the same thing.

[Rose Mosse]

19 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I admit my first post was a little vague. Since 2007 I’ve been living solo. Was hoping to be married and living in a house by now but that didn’t happen. I’ve tried putting myself out there through different avenues and still haven’t met anyone. My friends who are married have either moved or barely see them anymore. Have one friend from high school who is still single that I see occasionally. Then I see my parents every other weekend. I guess my question is how did you cope with being single for as long as I have?

I enjoyed it. I can't really say much other than that because it is really that simple for me. Thoroughly enjoy it still. Every day is an adventure. I wake up whenever I want and do whatever I please, barring other commitments or appointments. I think you're speaking from a place of want though and I've done everything I could want to do in this life so I am content. Why don't you think about pursuing your dreams of having your own house or place to yourself? Find ways to design your life according to what you want and what you like and what you need. Who cares what your friends are doing? I hope you're not measuring yourself by their achievements. Make new friends too.

Good for you keeping in touch with your parents. Are they putting pressure on you to find someone?

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

4 hours ago, LaHermes said:

So, I take it you have lived alone for ten years, OP. Yes?  Do you mean you did not wish to live alone but circumstances imposed this state of affairs on you?

 

 

 

Yes that is correct. Been living by myself going on 14 years now. I wanted to live alone to start with. Guaranteed I would have clashed with a roommate. Then I eventually wanted to find a girlfriend who would turn into a wife and then get the house. However that has yet to happen. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

4 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I enjoyed it. I can't really say much other than that because it is really that simple for me. Thoroughly enjoy it still. Every day is an adventure. I wake up whenever I want and do whatever I please, barring other commitments or appointments. I think you're speaking from a place of want though and I've done everything I could want to do in this life so I am content. Why don't you think about pursuing your dreams of having your own house or place to yourself? Find ways to design your life according to what you want and what you like and what you need. Who cares what your friends are doing? I hope you're not measuring yourself by their achievements. Make new friends too.

Good for you keeping in touch with your parents. Are they putting pressure on you to find someone?

 

I’ve had people tell me I should look at buying a home for myself. Then I’ve also talked to other people who said they regretted buying a home by them self. Told me it was too much work in the end to maintain everything. 
 

Thank you yes I have a great relationship with my folks. They are not putting pressure on me to find someone. I just turned 44 though recently and there are things I still haven’t experienced romantically. 
 

I will admit I am guilty of comparing myself to them. It’s easier said than done not to. You get the feeling like you’ve been left behind in the dust. Especially when you’re in the same area of age. Yes I’ve heard the saying that life is not a race but rather a marathon. Have you been there before too?

[Rose Mosse]

All that matters is that you find your own kind of happiness and fulfilment that matters to you. Everything else will fall into place, cliche but true. If you're not happy or satisfied with yourself unfortunately you'll run into issues attracting unsavoury types. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am but not everyone is like that. Some people know exactly what works for them early on. Others take a little trial and error. 

Whatever happiness looks like to you go on and pursue that.

[SooSad33]

Other than your HS chum, do you not have anymore more 'recent' friends?

We all have friends who've married, but they're still around.  Do you reach out & see what they are up to now & then?  ( if you have FB, you can see them on there..).

As for being single & on my own, I have, for a few yrs and have a friend the same way... her son move out for a while, but moved back home with her.

She's is a teachers aid and hangs with a few friends now & then.  We meet for a coffee on occasion as she's just around the corner.  As for me, i have no 'need' really to so looking for a realationship, have had too many negatives in that dep't.

So, I do my own things.. I have a dog & cat... I see parents now & then.  I have my hobbies/crafts, my tv shows, etc.  ( did some sports at one point, until an injury) -- what I am getting at, is many ppl are single for a good while.

Give it more time, but carry on as you are.. no one knows what can happen next week.. or next month.

meanwhile, check out a dating site?  or look up 'local' singles grp's for your area.  I met a few ppl that way.. we'd meet for coffee or goto movie's etc.

 

[poorlittlefish]

I've lived alone for 10 years since my divorce. I love the peace and freedom and don't know that I'd ever want to live with someone again. 

[LaHermes]

7 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Then I eventually wanted to find a girlfriend who would turn into a wife and then get the house. However that has yet to happen. 

Right, OP. I see where you are. As you will see from some of the replies there are those who love being along, as in, living alone. There are many who do not like being along, living alone. Both standpoints are valid. 

Moving on to the topic of buying a house.  Of course, part of owning a house is maintaining it.  Everything in this life requires some work.  I can reveal that I bought a house while still single. Mind you bought straight from the developer so no immediate huge maintenance demands.  It was a good investment, and has since been sold.

I would suggest you listen to your own counsel on such matters as buying property, or speak to an expert. "People" tend to say all manner of things.

 

 

 

[Blue_Skirt]

I am living alone, single and not dating for almost 10 years now. I am sorry to read you feel like you are “coping”, because I don`t “cope”, I live and honestly, being single has become my preferred way of living. I have had 2 long term relationships, never married and no children, but both did not work out in the end.

I now realise that I always felt hemmed to do things for myself when I was in a relationship. I tend to put my own needs aside when I am together with someone and also don`t seem to make progress if that makes sense. After my last relationship was over, I quit my very stressful job shortly after, took a sabbatical leave, had a long vacation, made plans for the renovation and extension of my house and started my own business when I felt like starting working again. I would have done none of this should I still have been in that relationship.

But it sounds like you would like to have a girlfriend. That is perfectly legitimate. Have you tried online dating or do you participate in group activities, because nothing happens just like that.

With respect to buying a house. There is no good or bad and yes, a house needs maintenance. In my opinion there are just different preferences and/or limitations when it comes to financial resources. I bought a house before I met my first boyfriend. Sold it and moved across Europe to be with him. We bought a house together and when we broke up, I sold my part in the house to him and bought another house alone.  

Please do not keep your live on hold because things did not work out exactly as you wanted it. If you really want a girlfriend, that should be your priority number 1. Or if you really want that house, make that priority number 1.

Keep smiling, not coping! ☺️

[Tanzi]

13 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Ok, well my situation is different.  I married fairly young (not too far out of my teens) and was married for 14 years.  So when I got divorced I first had my kids with me and when they moved out I lived alone.  

I have to presume living alone after being married for over a decade would be different than living alone while wanting marriage and children. 

I enjoy having my own space, but I'm middle aged so it's not quite the same thing.

My situation is the same. I was married for 12 years. When me and my ex-husband broke up, I had three children with me full-time. Thirteen years later, my youngest is still at home. My middle daughter is at uni so she is home on and off. I have been in relationships during this time but I both love and crave my own space. I’m not sure I could live with anyone full time (adult that is). Like boltnrun says, it’s a different situation though.  

[Lambert]

8 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

I've lived alone for 10 years since my divorce. I love the peace and freedom and don't know that I'd ever want to live with someone again. 

I'm in this camp. I have anyways had a more independent nature.  I sometimes question if I will ever want to live with someone? but then I think-- with the right person, I totally will. 

if you're unhappy and sounds like you are, I'd look into why? of course humans need other humans... we are social by nature.  But living alone does not mean you don't or can't have a full life. At any age! 

But it's important to enjoy your own company, too. Being desperate for warm bodies will force you to make bad choices. being ok with yourself gives you options.  

What are you doing with your time? Are you enjoying yourself with work, friends, family, your community? 

Maybe put yourself out there more. Mix it up!! Volunteer or find a group that interests you in your community. maybe through meet ups? Check local postings about events etc. 

A the same time what can you do on your own that you would enjoy, too?

Strike that balance and things will open up to you.  

[LaHermes]

I was single, for a long time, because, well, I wanted to be single.  I am ultra independent by nature. My family gave up on the idea of ever seeing me married.  I travelled, worked hard, had a great social life, a few like-minded friends, and enjoyed (and still do) my alone time.  Btw being married does not mean ceasing one's independence!  Then again that depends on who you marry.

To my family's astonishment I announced I was getting married.  Who was this man able to win LaH's independent heart Lol.

Being married is great, I don't have to ask my husband's permission to do anything, I have my space, as much as I want, as does he.  I definitely have peace and freedom. Yes!  Certainly no one tells me what to eat or not eat, or the time of day.  There are no hard and fast rules. 

Come to think of it I should have married long before I did. 

 

 

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Has anyone else here lived alone for over a decade?  If so, how did you cope?  

Yes! about 15 years starting at age 28.  Loved it.  No need to cope.  I had a number of serious relationships during this time including being engaged to my husband.  Never had a desire to purchase a home.  I loved where I rented an apartment.

[melancholy123]

Not me, but a friend has lived on her own for probably 40 yrs.  She had a good job, a lot of friends, many interests, family etc.  all the normal stuff just never had guy friends. She lives her life nicely, semi retired, does what she wants when she wants.  I think she was either smarter or luckier or both than the rest of us.

[LaHermes]

Does this mean, Mel, that those of us who marry (me for example) are neither smart nor lucky? I think I am immensely lucky. 

[dias]

14 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Not me, but a friend has lived on her own for probably 40 yrs.  She had a good job, a lot of friends, many interests, family etc.  all the normal stuff just never had guy friends. She lives her life nicely, semi retired, does what she wants when she wants.  I think she was either smarter or luckier or both than the rest of us.

Someone secretly wanted to be single lol 

[boltnrun]

I loved being married and having a family. I also love living alone and having an entire home to myself.

It's not an either/or for me. I can be happy either way.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

Not me, but a friend has lived on her own for probably 40 yrs.  She had a good job, a lot of friends, many interests, family etc.  all the normal stuff just never had guy friends. She lives her life nicely, semi retired, does what she wants when she wants.  I think she was either smarter or luckier or both than the rest of us.

I don't get the connection between living on one's own and not having a romantic partner.  Many people have both -I did -and some married people happily live separately or for months out of the year.

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I admit my first post was a little vague. Since 2007 I’ve been living solo. Was hoping to be married and living in a house by now but that didn’t happen.

That's OK. Here are the stats:

"In 2019, there were an estimated 34.75 million single-person households in the U.S." 

[Unsure2021]

What romantic things are you yet to experience? I have a feeling this is the important part.