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Living Alone Long-Term


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On 8/22/2021 at 5:58 PM, beatlesfan77 said:

As far as looking for other things to do over the week, have any of you taken a swing or salsa dancing class and if so how did it go?

I took ballroom dancing classes about 10 years ago and loved it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I had the time.

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On 6/28/2021 at 4:43 PM, dias said:

Someone secretly wanted to be single lol 

I posed about my friend who has been single all her life and lived alone for about 40 yrs and this is what someone replied.  I don't think she secretly wanted to be single, I think it just never worked out for her to find a guy she wanted.  I believe she really did want to have a steady guy, possibly get married, maybe have kids and a house.  But she is so used to being single and she lives her life her way, so it's not an issue for her anymore.  Not everyone ends up married.

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  • 5 months later...
On 8/29/2021 at 1:48 PM, melancholy123 said:

I posed about my friend who has been single all her life and lived alone for about 40 yrs and this is what someone replied.  I don't think she secretly wanted to be single, I think it just never worked out for her to find a guy she wanted.  I believe she really did want to have a steady guy, possibly get married, maybe have kids and a house.  But she is so used to being single and she lives her life her way, so it's not an issue for her anymore.  Not everyone ends up married.

Well when you're the last person left with the family name it's difficult to just make peace with it.  Was hoping to have my own family and carry on the name.  

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On 8/29/2021 at 4:48 PM, melancholy123 said:

I posed about my friend who has been single all her life and lived alone for about 40 yrs and this is what someone replied.  I don't think she secretly wanted to be single, I think it just never worked out for her to find a guy she wanted.  I believe she really did want to have a steady guy, possibly get married, maybe have kids and a house.  But she is so used to being single and she lives her life her way, so it's not an issue for her anymore.  Not everyone ends up married.

I didn't end up married -I began a marriage -I love when people use that phrase like it's "end up in prison LOL" - I also spent 38 years and 11 months and like 29 days single (if you count when we started being exclusive -we got engaged when I was 42) - and I never ever thought it was a guarantee- honestly I still don't - no guarantees when it comes to matters of the heart (but no I'm not concerned at all about my marriage/family). I think some people absolutely get in their own way (I did!) and I also think some people who are "married" -if you actually speak with them you learn -yes, but they settled big time. 

I know of a woman in her early 30s been with her husband 15 years, married for 5, two kids including a newborn.  As she tells it she was speaking with a divorce attorney when she realized she was pregnant with number 2 so she didn't divorce and now she's seeking marriage counseling because she has no $ or marketable skills, two young kids and he's a great father. 

So - seems to me she secretly wants to be single -but if you don't know her story you assume she's one of those "adults" without "commitment issues" who did the "right thing" and got married instead of putting in the effort to meet someone.  She gets to hold herself out as married without being labeled as a "still single" woman.

 

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You may find it interesting that I never really wanted to be married.  I recognized that I was/am a "serial monogamist", meaning I had a series of sort of long-ish dating relationships ranging from 2 years to 4 years.  I did want children but not to be married. But I was dating a young man who adamantly DID want to be married.  And he told me if I didn't agree to marry him he'd break up with me and marry someone else. Well, that was unacceptable to my 20 year old self, so I did marry him.  And that really was a poor decision.  For one thing, I was "arm-twisted" into marrying him so it wasn't something I really wanted to do.  And for the other thing, it turned out we were not suited to be married, probably largely because I didn't want to be married to ANYONE, but also because we were incompatible.  I did get my wonderful son from that marriage (daughter came along much later with a different man), but the divorce, while amicable, was unpleasant for all parties involved.

I suppose I have "commitment issues" but only for marriage.  I'd happily date a nice gentleman long term, but marriage?  Highly unlikely.

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  • 3 months later...
On 6/28/2021 at 6:35 PM, Batya33 said:

I don't get the connection between living on one's own and not having a romantic partner.  Many people have both -I did -and some married people happily live separately or for months out of the year.

You know what?  I know folks who are married and live separately... and folks who live apart *and* date exclusively, they don't want to combine households.  I'm actually in the middle of a divorce and am very happy living apart, although there are *certain* aspects of companionship I do miss.  But not willing to settle to get those in house.

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I've lived alone for 8.5 years. I wouldn't say I really enjoy it and I didn't like it at the start, but I quickly got used to it. I'm very social and outgoing and I work, so loneliness wasn't really a problem. Until the COVID pandemic started and my city had like a 1.5 year extremely strict lockdown and my job was cancelled for six months. I really did go crazy then.

I used to live with a female housemate for 3.5 years and we got along really well and had a blast living together. In 2014 she moved out with a partner and the place we lived in was old and bad. So I was looking for somewhere else to live. My parents own a small apartment and they said I could rent from them for a cheaper price. I had a few friends ask me if they could rent the spare room but I didn't want to live with friends in case it ruined the friendship. I can also be too soft sometimes so I was worried that if my housemate knew my parents owned the place, they'd take advantage of it. E.g. Not pay rent or be late with rent and expect that they wouldn't get kicked out because they're my friend or because I'm nice. Besides, the place is small so only really good to live with a family member or someone you're really comfortable with.

Meeting people can be hard when you're older but I don't think it's impossible. I think persistence is definitely key. You're not going to meet someone literally every time you go to a Meetup. It's hit and miss and it's a slow process. But I met my best friend of 12 years from a Meetup and dated someone from a singles Meetup as well so it can definitely happen. But it requires to go there a lot. It's not going to happen straight away.

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4 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

You know what?  I know folks who are married and live separately... and folks who live apart *and* date exclusively, they don't want to combine households.  I'm actually in the middle of a divorce and am very happy living apart, although there are *certain* aspects of companionship I do miss.  But not willing to settle to get those in house.

I lived with my husband for 1-2 months the first time we were engaged for practical reasons -wedding date was approaching and my lease was up (we cancelled the wedding and I moved out).  Otherwise I had several long term relationships and never shared living space.  We had a lot of long vacations and sleepovers.  My husband and I became parents 3 months after marriage.  Living together before marriage would not have shown us at all what it was like to live with a newborn in a 600 square foot apartment!

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