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Too much of a stoner?


Rmu

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My girlfriend and I live with her family in a small 900sq foot house. We’re working towards our goals of moving out but so far we’ve lived with them for about a year. My gf smokes weed all the time which I have no issue with. Except lately she’s started doing dabs excessively....like to the point she can’t function without them. When we’re at her house she spends most of her time talking to her dad or her sister and ignoring me. I’ve expressed that this makes me sad and I’m feeling lonely. She keeps promising she’ll make more time for me but never actually does. Anyway a couple days ago I booked a hotel for us to get some alone time for a couple days. She brought weed and an oil pen to smoke with her. She ended up drinking a beer and getting a stomach ache so she went to bed early the first night. The next morning she woke up insisting that she had to go back to the house to talk to her dad before he went to work and to smoke another dab because she didn’t feel good. I was clearly upset because we live with her family and it hurts that she can’t even spend 24 hours with me. I told her she was too addicted to the weed especially since she had it right there in the hotel room and still was insisting on going home. She said I’m ridiculous and need to be more understanding because it’s her “medicine”. Anyway she left me alone yet again in the hotel and went back to smoke dabs with her dad. Then when she came back and I was upset she kept rolling her eyes and saying I’m overly dramatic and need to get over it because she came back within two hours. She’s done stuff like this before and I’ve told her many times how much it upsets me and makes me feel worthless, yet she continued to do it over and over. I guess my question is.....am I being overly dramatic? I’m always trying to better and now I’m in this weird funk of feeling sad. I want to shake it off and be a better partner so I’m wondering if anyone has a way of helping me see her side more.

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Is this something you’ve always known about? Before you moved in with this family?


She may just take you for granted. Since you live there and I’m sure you give out enough to her that she knows how much you care. As you should by the way. Communication is key and you’ve tried, are you willing to stay if nothing changes? Because I don’t think they will. That leaves one option.

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7 minutes ago, Rmu said:

My girlfriend and I live with her family in a small 900sq foot house. We’re working towards our goals of moving out but so far we’ve lived with them for about a year. My gf smokes weed all the time which I have no issue with. 

She brought weed and an oil pen to smoke with her. Anyway she left me alone yet again in the hotel and went back to smoke dabs with her dad. 

You need to move out. Wasting money on drugs and hotels is not "saving up towards the goal of moving out". Do you both work? If you want your own place you'll have to move out work as many jobs as you can and budget your money better.

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3 minutes ago, Rmu said:

She’s done stuff like this before and I’ve told her many times how much it upsets me and makes me feel worthless, yet she continued to do it over and over.

Sorry about all this. 

The sentence I've highlighted is what I'd be most concerned about, in your shoes. If you've told her something that upsets you and makes you feel worthless, yet she doesn't take those concerns seriously or even bother trying to make an adjustment—well, is that the kind of relationship you want to be in? 

There is nothing dramatic about the way you feel, in short. I'd say it's pretty much how anyone would feel in your position. It really sucks to feel like the person we most consider does not really consider us in return.

Now, if you want to try to see "her side" more clearly? I'd say it's simple. Using these drugs is very important to her, and, as such, she should be in a relationship with someone who is 100 percent okay with her habit. That is not you, from the sounds of it. That's okay, even healthy. 

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How do you see it her way? Call a spade a spade - she is an addict acting like an addict. The moment someone tells you that they need it, can't do without it, it's their "medicine" you are dealing with an addict. Can you cure them or fix them? No.

The only thing you can do is ask yourself if this is really acceptable to you?

Personally, I think that when you find yourself feeling completely lonely and alone in a relationship, it's your clue to exit. After all, you are already alone and that won't change until you leave the situation, heal, and give yourself a proper chance at finding a better match. An addict will always love their addiction more than you.

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If you feel alone in a 900 sq ft place that is pretty bad.

I agree she is an addict.  Look up the definition of addiction.  Just because it isn't heroin doesn't mean she cannot be an addict.  

You clearly come second or third in her life.  Certainly behind weed but it wouldn't matter if it was booze or video games.  You are clearly unhappy (rightfully so) and she rolls her eyes at you and blames you.

  Start saving up in your own bank account to move out on your own or if you have family you can stay with until you get on your feet enough to get your own place.  Once you are ready then break up with her.  She doesn't value you and doesn't even want to spend quality time with you so why stay?

She will not change long term.  Sure if you threaten to break up she might change for a few days but that will only be to appease you until it blows over and she can return to her precious weed.

This relationship is really hurting your soul, time to save yourself.  Being alone would be way better than enduring this everyday.

 Lost

 

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I agree with the other advice given to move out, that she's an addict, etc.

In the future, if you're interested in children, you may want to look for women who have traits that you'd want for the mother of your future kids.  

Someone who wouldn't be able to go 9+ months without weed would just not be a good mom.

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How are you saving up to move out if all this money is being spent on weed?  The dispensaries are not cheap.

Does she work?  I would guess "no" because even though pot is legal in many states, companies still drug test because they don't need their employees coming to work stoned.

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The good news is that she's a GF and not your wife. This frees you to walk your talk and move yourself beyond an issue you can't resolve with someone who has no interest in being with you, much less working things out with you.

Reach for your best dignity and move out of there. You will thank yourself later.

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