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Guy approached me in grocery store


LoreliFinn

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I was buying some food and small house plants.  As I went out this guy said "excuse me I notice you like plants.  I have quite a few snake plants.  Would you like to stop by if going in my direction?"

Sure I like plants but I felt uncomfortable him asking me to go to his place.  I would want to have coffee & get to know a man first.

He looked rather harmless  but a tad too anxious and needy.

Am I being paranoid or rightfully cautious?

 

 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

 this guy said "excuse me I notice you like plants.  I have quite a few snake plants.  Would you like to stop by if going in my direction?"

Trust your instincts. Creepy as hell. Could be just a lame desperate pickup attempt, could be a real weirdo.👹

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How could you even think it may have been ok to go to his house because he looked ok?  Ted Bundy was a nice looking guy!

He is some random guy in a grocery store, he could be an axe murderer, have a basement with chains on the walls, or. maybe he's a nice guy.  You do NOT want to take the chance.

Ignore people who approach you like that and get the hell away from them.

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2 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

Ted Bundy was a nice looking guy!

He also had good manners, was charming, and had a disarming approach. In fact, he often wore his arm in a sling to play up his 'harmless' gimmick even more. All of this was calculated to play on the emotions of his victims. He deliberately targeted timid, uncertain women who felt an almost guilty obligation to help. He turned out to be one of the most violent and sadistic serial rapists/killers in history. The timidity of the women he selected was part of his fetish.

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Thanks for all the advice.  The guy in the storeseemed so sincere.  Yes I recall Ted Bundy was a real charmer & look how he turned to really be.

I've never been approached in this manner.  Men have spoken to me in grocery stores but have not asked me to drop by their home to get free plants.

I made an excuse to this guy that I don't need anymore plants & I am not going in his direction.

I felt him rather pushy and anxious.  He must have wanted to get laid real quick.  No enchilada buddy.  You talk calmly and ask for a phone # or give yours.  Due to his anxious demeanor, I would have said no!

The whole thing was just creepy.

 

 

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2 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Thanks for all the advice.  The guy in the storeseemed so sincere.  Yes I recall Ted Bundy was a real charmer & look how he turned to really be.

I've never been approached in this manner.  Men have spoken to me in grocery stores but have not asked me to drop by their home to get free plants.

I made an excuse to this guy that I don't need anymore plants & I am not going in his direction.

I felt him rather pushy and anxious.  He must have wanted to get laid real quick.  No enchilada buddy.  You talk calmly and ask for a phone # or give yours.  Due to his anxious demeanor, I would have said no!

The whole thing was just creepy.

 

 

Wait  A stranger asking you to go to his home is sincere? Please don't interact even as you did.  Simply say "no thanks" in a firm but polite way and get away from the person because if you share information it only encourages the stranger to keep interacting.  No need to make an excuse.  Less is more. 

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I'm going to echo that this guy needs some serious education on "not creepy" pickup skills.  Go to his house to see his plants??  Yeah...no...absolutely do not feel bad for feeling weird about this invitation or declining it.  Maybe he has two left feet; maybe he's nutters.  Meet for coffee, and heck, he could bring some clippings!  

Pickups happen in the grocery store sometimes, and these can be fun, but the grocery store isn't necessarily some signal of a wholesome, safe meeting.  My suggestion would be, if the guy seemed okay and not a creeper, suggest the alternative..."I would love to see your succulents, but maybe we can start with Starbucks first, or a drink?"  Proceed to date for awhile before checking out his houseplants and inviting him to see yours. 

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Crikey! I've been around and then some, but that approach beats all. Lol. (Wondering here what is a snake plant?)

I don't care how anxious, needy or harmless he looked, I wouldn't even contemplate a glass of tap water with him, never mind a coffee or anything else. 

No man, of the kind I like, would try that stunt.  Be different if he had just chattily said that he noticed you liked plants, then went on to mention he belonged to a gardeners' club (stating the name of said club), and lightly remarking that you might like to attend one of their plant exhibition days or  something like that. 

It isn't that he is/was a "stranger". Everyone is a "stranger" until one gets to know them. Online being a prime example.

OP, a question you must ask yourself is : why do you think this individual approached you, and not other women in the store at that time.  Not a bad idea to practice the 40 yard stare (Picture Clint lining up the sights on his rifle, and you've got the idea). Most useful in situations like you described. L. 

 

 

 

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14 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Crikey! I've been around and then some, but that approach beats all. Lol. (Wondering here what is a snake plant?)

I don't care how anxious, needy or harmless he looked, I wouldn't even contemplate a glass of tap water with him, never mind a coffee or anything else. 

No man, of the kind I like, would try that stunt.  Be different if he had just chattily said that he noticed you liked plants, then went on to mention he belonged to a gardeners' club (stating the name of said club), and lightly remarking that you might like to attend one of their plant exhibition days or  something like that. 

It isn't that he is/was a "stranger". Everyone is a "stranger" until one gets to know them. Online being a prime example.

OP, a question you must ask yourself is : why do you think this individual approached you, and not other women in the store at that time.  Not a bad idea to practice the 40 yard stare (Picture Clint lining up the sights on his rifle, and you've got the idea). Most useful in situations like you described. L. 

 

 

 

Being a stranger is part of it because the approach by a person with common sense and who is stable will take into account that who he or she is approaching is of course going to be extra cautious.  As my child learned -there are "don't know" and "kinda know" strangers- like our librarian is a stranger for purposes of going to his home but not otherwise, a random person approaching you -like the couple of people who offered my kid candy on a public bus - is a "don't know" stranger.  A man approaching a woman he doesn't know -if he has good intentions - will want to make that woman comfortable enough and feel safe.  I met strangers from online in a public place for an hour or so.  I declined to meet any man who even implied we should meet at my place or his.  Even joked about it.  Because he was a stranger. Someone I "kinda knew" likely could joke about it some.

Yes, had he come up to her, mentioned the plant and mentioned a meetup he attended related to gardening -sure - that leaves it to her to click on the link and do her due diligence or whatever.  I do a firm polite tone that directly tells the person if they are in my space or behaving inappropriately.  I was harassed and followed by an older man during covid in a grocery store. I reported him and when he kept it up I made sure, loudly, that everyone knew I was being harassed/followed.  

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