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Self Discovery and realization that we could all benefit from.


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So for most of my life I’ve been truly afraid to be alone. I’ve gone from relationship to talking on dating sites to another relationship. I never digested or came to the true grit of self reflection. I never metaphorically got to be the caterpillar in the cocoon waiting for it’s beautiful wings.

 

As for the ending of my last relationship, I realized holding onto unnecessary anger doesn’t help. It adds fuel to the flame of toxicity. What’s the point of sitting there bitter and resentful? It’s best to have acceptance and full awareness. That yeah things aren’t so black and white as they first appear after a break up. That once I learned to accept my own faults in the relationship even if more minor. I acknowledged that it was easier to forgive and let go.

 

Once you mentally wish someone well and truly mean it, that’s when closure comes in. It doesn’t come from them because they can no longer be your source of happiness. Your self reliance and loving your own self is where you can get closure on anything because it only comes from you.

 

Im more adaptive about change then I used to be. Having a cancer scare shakes something inside of you. You instantly go into survivor mode. That means you look at the bigger picture and you release the negativity that never should have belonged. You live for the moment.

 

When you get a another chance like I did with results coming back benign. You stop sweating the small stuff.

 

I know inside my gut that being single is my only option for now. I still need to mourn the loss of a relationship. I was with him for a year and a half. Yes it’s sad it ended, but I am better off without it. It doesn’t mean I look for someone new right away. I’m not emotionally ready as I would just try to fill a void and that’s not healthy.

 

Healthy and well adjusted people come into your life when you are the same way.

 

I see a lot of posts with people repeating the same toxic patterns. I was that way too.

 

I’m wanting to break that pattern and in order to do so I focus on me. I come first!

 

So I suggest to whomever is reading this if you find yourself in a toxic pattern. Or an ending to a relationship.

 

Please be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to heal properly. Go through all emotions that is necessary and then find a way to accept what is and what isn’t. That is how you let go and move on.

 

Take time to be single and enjoy being single. It doesn’t mean you’ll forever be single it just means you don’t need anybody to make you happy. Once your happy with just yourself, then you’re not co dependent.

 

Remember it takes two whole individuals to make a relationship be healthy, sufficient, and lasting. Not two halves coming together that are already broken seeking refugee from the loneliness.

 

Im happy to be single and alone right now. Sure it’s scary, it’s terrifying but also exhilarating. Because I’m relying right now only on myself the person I neglected the most!

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Im happy to be single and alone right now. Sure it’s scary, it’s terrifying but also exhilarating. Because I’m relying right now only on myself the person I neglected the most!

 

Isn't this the truth... Amen to all that, sister.

 

Lovely words. Wishing you and your family good health and lots of positive and good things ahead.

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What a superb post. I’ve sat and dwelt on a past relationship for 2.5 years and it’s really got me down (codependency) but I’ve decided I need to push myself to be a better person.

 

Letting go of the past is the only way to move forward.

 

Your post has really motivated me today, thank you.

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What a lovely post! I'm glad you're feeling happy with your choices! For me, personally, I learned more about myself through relationships than while not being in relationships. I did enjoy being single and I was always grittily self-honest that I would not be content to be unmarried as a long term situation - or without the opportunity to try to have or adopt a child. That self-honesty helped me a lot because it co-existed with the fun, fulfilling life I had when I was single. And I knew also there were no guarantees so I made a good life for myself while knowing and staying true to my life goals.

 

I'm so glad you've come to these realizations and are acting on them!!

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Thanks for sharing Limichelle. I remember your posts and its so nice to read about the healing!

 

So many posters go off and heal or whatever and that's fine. No judgment.

 

But this kind of post is not only therapeutic for you, but can help others.

 

In my journey, I've been all over the place... single, in relationships, good, bad, learning, teaching.... I have never really been able to define it as one way or another. Some lessons I only needed to learn once. A few I am still learning.

 

I've wasted time and energy on the wrong people but I never regret doing what's best for me.

 

There can be so many poetic memes about fighting for love and never giving up on a person. but really that's wrong. the person you never give up on is yourself.

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"In my journey, I've been all over the place... single, in relationships, good, bad, learning, teaching.... I have never really been able to define it as one way or another. Some lessons I only needed to learn once. A few I am still learning."

 

 

I really love what you said about the variations in lesson learning - I never thought of it that way -great point!

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Lovely stuff, limichelle.

 

I especially like the emphasis on letting go of anger, of not taking comfort in a story that someone did something to you so much as you co-constructed something, with another, that was not built to last, or work as you've discovered you need something to work. I'm a big believer in that attitude, as I think it's what allows us humans to stay open and light in the face of the weights that life throws our way, to keep growing.

 

Personally, I'm not sure if there is just a thing as a fully "whole" person, since I believe the business of inhabiting our truth is eternal, or ends when we end. But I do agree that connection works best when it's two people in the intentional business of discovering their full "whole" alongside one another, rather than using the other to stitch together that which doesn't yet feel whole.

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Thank you all for your responses! I signed up for Noom a weight loss site after getting rid of the dating sites. You have a weight loss coach on the site and I was assigned to a very handsome weight loss coach. I was like “No” 😂 Here I want to steer clear of dating and be single I don’t need to be distracted. So I switched to a female.

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As for the ending of my last relationship, I realized holding onto unnecessary anger doesn’t help. It adds fuel to the flame of toxicity. What’s the point of sitting there bitter and resentful? It’s best to have acceptance and full awareness. That yeah things aren’t so black and white as they first appear after a break up. That once I learned to accept my own faults in the relationship even if more minor. I acknowledged that it was easier to forgive and let go.

 

Once you mentally wish someone well and truly mean it, that’s when closure comes in.

 

- Good stuff! Glad you have made it there & learned some good points.

I do agree with the 'closure', also means you know you are over them.. and doing better.

 

Regarding. 'holding on to unnecessary anger, That is a normal thing.

As one is going through the emotions of 'Grief', that is part of it and is okay. we are emotional beings....

 

So, it can take much time to work through the 'waves' of grief, before feeling okay again.

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Healthy and well adjusted people come into your life when you are the same way.

 

I totally agree.

 

I had dysfunction in my life growing up. I gravitated towards dysfunctional people, and chose dysfunctional friends, even as I endeavored to improve myself and find my own balance.

 

Dysfunction felt safe in some ways. I guess it was familiar.

 

Then came the day, finally, in my 30s, when I saw that I had to make a leap of faith in the direction that I wanted to go.

 

I worried that abandoning my own dysfunction would somehow make me unattractive to others--certainly to the ones I attracted before.

 

But I did it anyway. I was done playing nonsense games. I walked down enough of those roads to know that there was nothing there for me but cheap thrills.

 

And it's worked out pretty well. I hardly think about that choice anymore. When I do, I can't believe that I once thought it was a big deal.

 

It seems like common sense now, like Duh. Of course that's what you do.

But at the time, it really did feel like I might be risking a significant loss.

 

It actually ended up being a massive gain.

 

Good luck to you.

Edited by Jibralta
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Thank you all for your responses! I signed up for Noom a weight loss site after getting rid of the dating sites. You have a weight loss coach on the site and I was assigned to a very handsome weight loss coach. I was like “No”  Here I want to steer clear of dating and be single I don’t need to be distracted. So I switched to a female.

 

Hahaha!!!!

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Please be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to heal properly. Go through all emotions that is necessary and then find a way to accept what is and what isn’t. That is how you let go and move on.

 

Think this is key. All to often I see people rush into things, trying to ignore what they've been through and determined to make the same mistakes all over again. They don't give themselves time to actually feel and embrace all the emotions they are going through. They don't take time to reflect and sort things out, good and bad. Either they blame the other person, or they blame themselves. Neither is healthy or fully accurate. Slow down and learn from what happened. Figure out what you can do better and what you need to avoid from others. And most of all, take time for yourself. Just enjoy living the life you want to life and being who you are. Everything else falls in place when the time is right.

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