Missing BF that was being dishonest

[thelonely]

I was with my bf for 9 months, although we have known each other for a few years. He is my best friend and I love him very much. I truly believed he was "the one". However, we never once had sex (of any kind beyond kissing) and I learned that he was engaging in sexting and cybersex with multiple women on a daily basis. When I first learned of it, we talked through it and decided to stay together, he promised it would stop immediately. I learned that it had continued, so i broke up with him. About a week after that he wanted to talk, we sat down and hashed it out again. After begging me to give him another chance, I did. Not 2 weeks later I learned that he had stopped the sexting, but he was still continuing with the video calls. I broke up with him again and we have had very little contact since. It has been a month and I am still in so much pain. I miss him so much it hurts, it feels like a part of me is missing. Is it wrong that I want to reach out to him and see if this can be salvaged? What should I do? Please help! Thanks in advance for all your advice.

[melancholy123]

You love what you wish he was, not what he actually is. Think about that. He's lied to you and deceived you several times. This is not love. You need to move on from this guy, there is no reason to think he's going to stop what he's doing.

[Skeptic76]

Yeah 👆🏻 And if you end up having sex with him it will be WAY more painful the next time he cheats on you.

[Seraphim]

Forget him. I know it’s hard but he is a liar and a cheat and will continue to be one.

[MissCanuck]

There is nothing to salvage, OP.

 

He is not into you the way you are into him, and he doesn't have any respect for you.

[smackie9]

Sorry but isn't his behavior a deal breaker? why doesn't that make you feel sick? Why are you not angry? Why doesn't it turn you off? Take a good hard think why your behavior towards him isn't normal. What he did to you, your relationship, and how he is, is not worthy of your love. I suggest you seek out some therapy because your response to him is unhealthy. Sounds like you lack self worth. Do you have abandonment issues? What was it that happened to you in childhood? Did a parent die? got divorced? You never had a relationship before? Do you find yourself codependent? Are you afraid to be alone? to start over? What could this guy possibly give you that is beneficial to you?

[ThatwasThen]

I was with my bf for 9 months, although we have known each other for a few years. He is my best friend and I love him very much. I truly believed he was "the one". However, we never once had sex (of any kind beyond kissing) and I learned that he was engaging in sexting and cybersex with multiple women on a daily basis. When I first learned of it, we talked through it and decided to stay together, he promised it would stop immediately. I learned that it had continued, so i broke up with him. About a week after that he wanted to talk, we sat down and hashed it out again. After begging me to give him another chance, I did. Not 2 weeks later I learned that he had stopped the sexting, but he was still continuing with the video calls. I broke up with him again and we have had very little contact since. It has been a month and I am still in so much pain. I miss him so much it hurts, it feels like a part of me is missing. Is it wrong that I want to reach out to him and see if this can be salvaged? What should I do? Please help! Thanks in advance for all your advice.

I suspect that he will be searching out visual aids to help him masturbate as long as he's not getting actual sex from you or anyone else. There's that and there is also a possibility that he has become addicted to what he does and he will never stop it.

 

You broke up with him every time you snooped (or otherwise found out) so if you think logically about this, rather than with your emotions of missing your contact with him, do you really think that hashing it out with him again is in your best interests for the long term? Logically speaking, do you?

 

My advice: You're hurting now but you will soon get over that with zero contact and with accepting that you've done the right thing by breaking up with him. Stay n/c and soon enough you will get to that blissful stage of indifference to him.

[Wiseman2]

What is the reason there was no sex in this friendship/ "relationship"?

I was with my bf for 9 months, He is my best friend.

 

 

we never once had sex

[thelonely]

Thank you all for your advice. I do know that you are all right. I am hoping my emotions will subside, but right now I miss him. I have gone through feeling sick and angry and now I'm here, just sad.

 

Wiseman, to answer your question, the reason there was no sex is because his equipment is not working and he isn't comfortable speaking to his family doctor about it. He is embarrassed by this so he just decided to avoid it all together. It was not for a lack of trying on my part. I have been very patient and supportive and did not push beyond what he was comfortable with.

[ThatwasThen]

Thank you all for your advice. I do know that you are all right. I am hoping my emotions will subside, but right now I miss him. I have gone through feeling sick and angry and now I'm here, just sad.

 

Wiseman, to answer your question, the reason there was no sex is because his equipment is not working and he isn't comfortable speaking to his family doctor about it. He is embarrassed by this so he just decided to avoid it all together. It was not for a lack of trying on my part. I have been very patient and supportive and did not push beyond what he was comfortable with.

... and yet another reason to break up with him. He refuses to see a medical professional to help him be a good partner. He'd rather wank to some online floozies then be responsible for his own health. Being "too embarrassed" to talk to a medical professional is reason enough to dump him.

 

Be glad you have decided to move on. You will stop missing him in time and you'll be better off for it.

[thelonely]

Consciously I know that you are right. This is just going to take time to move on, I guess.

 

I found out that this was going on because one of the women from one of his social media accounts messaged me and told me about it, she included screenshots of their conversations. When I questioned him about it he admitted everything.

[HeartGoesOn]

The more chances you give him, the less respect they have for you. He's not afraid of losing you because he knows you'll give him another chance.

 

Either way, if he truly cared about you, he'd never take the chance of losing you. Hopefully you'll move forward, up your value and realize that falling on your face is still moving forward. One day at a time...

[ThatwasThen]

Consciously I know that you are right. This is just going to take time to move on, I guess.

 

I found out that this was going on because one of the women from one of his social media accounts messaged me and told me about it, she included screenshots of their conversations. When I questioned him about it he admitted everything.

What? How did she have your contact information? Did you know her?

 

Sorry all of this has happened to you.

[Wiseman2]

Are you sure you are dating? Are you just friends? Is this another woman he is seeing? Is there a reason he has all these cybersex encounters and You Two Have Never Had Sex?

I found out that this was going on because one of the women from one of his social media accounts messaged me and told me about it, she included screenshots of their conversations. When I questioned him about it he admitted everything.

[thelonely]

No, I don't know this woman. He had changed his profile picture to one of him and myself, so that is how she knew who to look for on his friends list.

 

No, he was not dating this woman. He openly called me his gf to everyone. She reached out to me because she wanted to meet with him and he said no because he had a gf. That got her upset and that was why she decided to reach out to me.

 

Wiseman, to answer your question, I don't know why he was using cybersex so much. I did ask him and he said that he didn't know.

[SherrySher]

How do you not look at this man or think of him and feel sick to the stomach or angry knowing that he prefers to fool around with cheap women online or elsewhere and that he made you out to be a fool?

 

I would run from a man like that and NEVER look back. I don't care what I thought we had, I'd know it was all lies with the crap he was doing behind my back.

[MissCanuck]

Wiseman, to answer your question, I don't know why he was using cybersex so much. I did ask him and he said that he didn't know.

 

He knows. He wants to get his rocks off without having these women realize he can't perform physically.

[Lambert]

I think every single person in the world, right now, is missing someone....

 

Its natural, considering the quarantine, that you are thinking and feeling more.

 

But recognize that and don't mistake a global pandemic for wanting your lying, cheating, deceptive, can't get it up but does nothing about it ex boyfriend back.

 

A spade's a spade, gf. You deserve better. Use this time to discover why you don't think so.

[thelonely]

Thank you, Lambert. I think you just hot the nail right on the head. I will do as you said and re-evaluate myself. I do deserve better. I need to figure out why at this moment I feel I don't. Thank you for that.

[Lambert]

Thank you, Lambert. I think you just hot the nail right on the head. I will do as you said and re-evaluate myself. I do deserve better. I need to figure out why at this moment I feel I don't. Thank you for that.

glad to help! just wanted to say, i didnt mean just single people are missing someone. I meant every individual person is probably missing someone right now.

 

Many times I tolerated what I didn't deserve and its only in recent times, I realize why... because I wanted someone to love and take care of.

 

Which is beautiful. But we have to save that for the person that also deserves it, by loving and taking care of us, too.

 

We can't influence people to somehow deserve it. No matter how much we give or love. The trick is to recognize when your wasting your time...

 

Turn your focus and love to the people who love you... it might not be a bf at the moment but more attention and love to your family, your friends, & YOURSELF will fill that need to love and won't hurt you. It will actually bring you more love and strengthen your ability to recognize love.

[reinventmyself]

. . . because he's not all bad. No doubt he has some redeeming qualities or you wouldn't have been with him.

You miss the good things about him. It's natural. I think we all do to certain degrees.

 

But what you have here is also another quality about him that is the ultimate trust and deal breaker.

Accept that missing those good parts of him, the hopes that you had for this relationship, as normal.

 

But don't let it sway you or make you second guess your decision.