Current situation

[Wiseman2]

She sounds to disorganized and inept to get the appropriate restraining order and delete and block you from her and her child's life. Sad for her child.

[RicBoy]

She comes to my doorstep unannounced and it's my fault now? Lol

[RicBoy]

Last time she picked up the kid, I was super calm and cordial. She initiated the texting to plan. I dropped off my kid at her place, she didn't come to say hi. I didn't complain. Then 3 days later, I picked my son up from her place, again she didn't come outside to say hi. Later that hight my son left a pair of gloves st her place I called her.. During the phone call I asked why she didn't want to say hi at least when I went over. She hung up the phone in my face laughing saying bye bye to provoke me...so I texted her asking what was her dam problem? And then we exchanged several msgs and I insulted her and she said some nasty stuff too..

[Wiseman2]

No, she's crazy to go near you or let her child near you or your offspring.

She comes to my doorstep unannounced

[RicBoy]

No, she's crazy to go near you or let her child near you or your offspring.

 

Dude, I have apologized a million times to her.. Seriously... What am I suppose to do? Go on my knees and ask for forgiveness at her doorstep?

[bluecastle]

What am I suppose to do?

 

Ric? These threads are very disturbing, being frank with you. You're up and down the internet, on multiple sites, hearing the same thing and refusing to listen. This is what you did with her, which got you to the very place you're trying to get out of. Path out? Do something different.

 

The thing you do is very, very simple. You do nothing. Nothing. You take a loss like a grownup, forgiving yourself for where you went sideways, doing what you need to do to get your ship righted, and live your life. This woman is not part of your life. She was, for the briefest of moments, but that's that.

 

So long as you remain obsessed with her, and obsessed with getting her to accept you and somehow validate you, all you're doing is spinning around in a very bad place. The job, the car, the gym—none of that matters, or means anything, if it's all still about her, getting her to think about you some way, feel about you some way, interact with you some way.

 

There is no show of human strength greater than in admitting you are weak, and need help. Please, please get some help.

[RicBoy]

Ric? These threads are very disturbing, being frank with you. You're up and down the internet, on multiple sites, hearing the same thing and refusing to listen. This is what you did with her, which got you to the very place you're trying to get out of. Path out? Do something different.

 

The thing you do is very, very simple. You do nothing. Nothing. You take a loss like a grownup, forgiving yourself for where you went sideways, doing what you need to do to get your ship righted, and live your life. This woman is not part of your life. She was, for the briefest of moments, but that's that.

 

So long as you remain obsessed with her, and obsessed with getting her to accept you and somehow validate you, all you're doing is spinning around in a very bad place. The job, the car, the gym—none of that matters, or means anything, if it's all still about her, getting her to think about you some way, feel about you some way, interact with you some way.

 

There is no show of human strength greater than in admitting you are weak, and need help. Please, please get some help.

 

Thank you. I'll follow your advice. Forgive myself and do nothing in regards to her and just move on with my life. Learn with my mistakes and work on myself.

[boltnrun]

Thank you. I'll follow your advice. Forgive myself and do nothing in regards to her and just move on with my life. Learn with my mistakes and work on myself.

 

You say that, then a few hours later you're asking if you should send her a letter.

 

Why can't you just leave her alone? She doesn't want to be with you. Period, end of. Stop trying. Stop sending texts, stop calling, just stop. For real. Please.

[RicBoy]

You say that, then a few hours later you're asking if you should send her a letter.

 

Why can't you just leave her alone? She doesn't want to be with you. Period, end of. Stop trying. Stop sending texts, stop calling, just stop. For real. Please.

 

Will do. Been in no contact for a month now anyways, haven't bothered her at all since.

[bluecastle]

Will do. Been in no contact for a month now anyways, haven't bothered her at all since.

 

But buddy? You are using threads like this, and others, to stay attached to her—to "bother" her, you could say, without bothering her. It makes it hard to offer advice, being honest, because I get the feeling that we're just substitutes for the drama, fuel for it, a way for you to keep hitting the pipe.

 

You are a grown man, who has lived on this planet for decades and decades. This whole thing? It is just months of your life, and at this point it has been many more awful months than good ones. That math, right there, is all you need to know: you plus her equals more bad than good—much, much more bad. Only bad.

 

No, that's not a fun story, but it can be the briefest of chapters in your own story.

[MissCanuck]

Dude, I have apologized a million times to her.. Seriously... What am I suppose to do? Go on my knees and ask for forgiveness at her doorstep?

 

Ideally, accept that it's over and leave her alone.

 

Would it be possible for you to seek professional counselling about this? You're not really making any progress here, in terms of understand that it's done. You're still here, asking how to get back in her good graces. It's time to take your healing to the next level, I think, and get the assistance of a professional who can actually guide out away from your obsessive thinking and unhealthy attachment to this.

[ninjabib]

You pushed her. You shouldn't have. She decided that was too much so ended things. You apologised. THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING SHOULD HAVE STOPPED.

 

You haven't murdered anyone so let it go. Give yourself a break. Learn from the mistake for YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP. Not one that's already over.

 

Constant apologising is either you trying to hang onto her or you feel immensely guilty and are struggling with that. IF ITS THE FORMER LET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If it's the latter seek professional help to help YOU move on from your mistake.

 

SHe may well be initiating the contact to arrange to see your child but YOU stop this but saying it's not approriate anymore. You have no boundaries for your own child or towards her.

 

 

All this nonsense ends when you want it too. I cannot fathom why you constantly start these threads vicitimisng yourself.

[HeartGoesOn]

Ric...No one is trying to minimize your pain, but at this point it may be more helpful to post your frustrations, etc in a journal. Hopefully you'll consider this option.

[RicBoy]

I'll just stay in No contact and let things happen naturally. I'm a big believer if it's meant to be will be.

She will come around for the kids and I'll treat her with respect, polite, but won't ask anything about her and not ask her out. Just stay in my lane and be happy for the kids and leave everything else to be.

 

A week ago I promise myself to be indifferent (not in the sense of not caring, but to be happy either way with the outcome), I big believer about it, I took a neck tattoo in my neck about it last week

 

https://www.chinese-forums.com/forums/topic/59586-tattoo-indifference/?do=findComment&comment=464739

[ninjabib]

I think you need to be honest with yourslef Ric. The only reason you let her see your child is because it keeps her in your life. She should not be seeing your child. This is not going to end well. Even compared to what has gone on before.

[boltnrun]

I'll just stay in No contact and let things happen naturally. I'm a big believer if it's meant to be will be.

She will come around for the kids and I'll treat her with respect, polite, but won't ask anything about her and not ask her out. Just stay in my lane and be happy for the kids and leave everything else to be.

 

A week ago I promise myself to be indifferent (not in the sense of not caring, but to be happy either way with the outcome), I big believer about it, I took a neck tattoo in my neck about it last week

 

https://www.chinese-forums.com/forums/topic/59586-tattoo-indifference/?do=findComment&comment=464739

 

Then why ask if you should send her a letter?

[RicBoy]

My dad told me to let the kids see each other. That only women block, panic, set too many boundaries. He told me to stay in the background quiet, let her do as she wishes, not to interfere and act this way. I think it's best to let things be and not set so many boundaries.. But yeah im hoping a bit yes.

 

In the past, I blocked her from my kids phone and her daughter.. She was so mad with me, she called me all sort of names, that I'm not a normal person. I don't want more trouble, just let it be.

[DancingFool]

My dad told me to let the kids see each other. That only women block, panic, set too many boundaries. He told me to stay in the background quiet, let her do as she wishes, not to interfere and act this way. I think it's best to let things be and not set so many boundaries.. But yeah im hoping a bit yes.

 

In the past, I blocked her from my kids phone and her daughter.. She was so mad with me, she called me all sort of names, that I'm not a normal person. I don't want more trouble, just let it be.

 

So many boundaries? You don't have ANY boundaries whatsoever. Your dad is giving you terrible advice. No wonder you are this messed up. For the love of....get professional help because you need it desperately. You clearly have zero healthy examples in your life since childhood.

[ninjabib]

It doesn't matter what names she calls you or abuse she throws at you. She has no say in your kids life so you just weather that immaturity from her.

 

I think your dad is wrong on this one. I guess he is saying don't be seen as reactive and remain calm but a child is involved here and they must come first.

 

You can set boundaries in a non-drama filled fashion. You should be setting boundaries not refusing to set them.

[RicBoy]

Then why ask if you should send her a letter?

I won't send anything. Looking back I've already told her all I had to say. Just annoys me that all she can see is one night where I was abusive. Rest all the relationship I treated her like a princess. Once she went one week to see her sister in England. I stayed with her daughter at her house for the whole week taking care of her daughter. I drove her daughter to school and picked her up, cooked dinner etc for a whole week. Then picked up my ex from the airport with flower lol, I'm such a fool lolol

 

Funny how she forgot it all.

 

Anyways it's her decision, I need to accept it.

 

Maybe the reason she only remembers the bad things it because I haven't given her real space. I never been more than 3 weeks NC.. Its now 1 month Fully my record.

[MissCanuck]

Your dad isn't giving you decent advice, Ric.

[ThatwasThen]

Maybe the reason she only remembers the bad things it because I haven't given her real space. I never been more than 3 weeks NC.. Its now 1 month Fully my record.

This i you still not accepting that it's over. The more you don't accept, the longer it is for you to heal and get to the stage of indifference so you can find someone better.

[RicBoy]

This i you still not accepting that it's over. The more you don't accept, the longer it is for you to heal and get to the stage of indifference so you can find someone better.

 

I better get to that stage fast, because it has been tattooed on my neck for a week lol

[Wiseman2]

She's a fool not to get a restraining order and to let you near her child. She's needs to block and delete you and all your people from her life and protect herself and her child from abusers. Hopefully she will get that restraining order if you keep harassing her.

I shouted at her and pushed her, she took this as domestic violence and kicked me out of the house. she wants nothing to do with me, she is scared of me

[boltnrun]

You only abused her once???!!! Are you kidding? One time is one time too many.

 

I hope you mean it this time that you're leaving her alone. Please do not continue to use your child to try to get back together with her. Your son will survive just fine without play dates with a much older girl child.