meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 How did she survive financially before she met you? She lived with her parents and didn’t have to pay rent Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 OP, where are you? ?? Forgive but I don’t understand the question 😝 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 And she is doing that again, so don't feel financially responsible for someone who has a husband and family to support her.She lived with her parents and didn’t have to pay rent Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I’d feel guilty just bailing on her. That’s what I’m trying to get passed Why would you consider a grown woman to be your dependant? If you need to pay your way out, then do that. Break up, reduce the subsidies by x percent each month until they are zero. Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 And she is doing that again, so don't feel financially responsible for someone who has a husband and family to support her. She is currently in an apartment which I’m paying for. She gets child support but not alimony. It was calculated by some formula. She and her soon to be ex do not speak. He was abusive Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 She is currently in an apartment which I’m paying for. She gets child support but not alimony. It was calculated by some formula. She and her soon to be ex do not speak. He was abusive How on earth did that situation come about? I asked before, you didn't respond. Are you in the habit of playing "savior" to women? Do you feel strong and needed when you are "helping" a woman who you perceive as struggling? Does her "needing" you validate you? If so, why? Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 How on earth did that situation come about? I asked before, you didn't respond. Are you in the habit of playing "savior" to women? Do you feel strong and needed when you are "helping" a woman who you perceive as struggling? Does her "needing" you validate you? If so, why? No, I am not in the habit of paying savior. No, I do not feel strong and needed. No, her needing me does not validate me. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 No, I am not in the habit of paying savior. No, I do not feel strong and needed. No, her needing me does not validate me. Then get rid of her. It's an unbalanced, non reciprocal relationship. She is currently in an apartment which I’m paying for. She gets child support but not alimony. It was calculated by some formula. She and her soon to be ex do not speak. He was abusive You're being a schmuck for supporting her. No need to feel guilty for getting yourself away from her. Online Poster From what I've always understood it means "Opening Poster" Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Apparently the court felt she was capable of supporting herself. That's usually why they don't award spousal support. What job is she currently working? I didn't get spousal support either. I worked to pay for what I needed and the child support I got for my kids covered their needs. And yes, I did have school age children. And I didn't have parents I could live with. What a blessing that would have been! So, what gives? You just offered to pay rent for her and her kids? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Given how deep you got yourself into this situation I can see that just walking away would be a little difficult. Tell her how you feel and give her a period of time, say the end of the month to figure things out for herself. There's really no easy way to undo this. Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 Apparently the court felt she was capable of supporting herself. That's usually why they don't award spousal support. What job is she currently working? I didn't get spousal support either. I worked to pay for what I needed and the child support I got for my kids covered their needs. And yes, I did have school age children. And I didn't have parents I could live with. What a blessing that would have been! So, what gives? You just offered to pay rent for her and her kids? She’s a preschool teacher. He’s an attorney Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 You're being a schmuck for supporting her. Apparently Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 No, I am not in the habit of paying savior. No, I do not feel strong and needed. No, her needing me does not validate me. OK, so what prompted you to jump in and put her into an apartment and start footing her bills when she was already living fine and rent free with her family? As for alimony, courts avoid creating parasitic relationships. Meaning that if a person is deemed capable of getting a job and supporting themselves, alimony will not be granted. Little known fact about divorce. Anyway, this is self inflicted dilemma that's not that hard to resolve - end the relationship. Give her a fair amount of time to find gainful employment or move out and go back to living with her parents. If you are personally on the hook with the lease, then you have what? 4-5 months left? You can see if there is an out clause in the lease. If not, then talk to her about either moving out or starting to contribute at least some toward the lease after x time. Tell her you can't afford to anymore...stock market down, you are out of money, etc. See how long she sticks around after that.... On top of that, some guy texting her on NYE and her lying to you about it....sounds like she already has another schmuck lined up. I wouldn't be too sure about the true reason for the divorce given her current shady behavior. You don't really know her, you have no idea what is true about her ex and her marriage or not. I get the impression that you got fast tracked and manipulated, but now your better common sense is kicking your arse telling you to wake up and get out, thus suddenly feeling cold. Link to comment
ninjabib Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 The relationship has runs its course. Why are you gving her money? You should not be doing that. Wish her well and go about your life. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Ex is a lawyer. She might be better off being on her own (financially) rather than having another man support her. Depending on where she lives, courts will take your support for her into consideration. Do her a favor and have her take baby daddy back to court so he can support his family as he should. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I hope the lease is not in your name? Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 I hope the lease is not in your name? No, it is not Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 No, it is not Thank god! Does she work? You have no responsibility to this woman. I suggest you cut the money and relationship off. Stop supporting her. Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 Thank god! Does she work? You have no responsibility to this woman. I suggest you cut the money and relationship off. Stop supporting her. Yes, she's a teacher Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 She's using you financially and for emotional support. She's going through a divorce...I think you need to leave her to it. You're gonna come out drained financially and emotionally. There is no point and a waste of your time and money. Also her lying about the guy texting is a red flag =_=... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Is she still accepting inappropriate texts from her male friend? Link to comment
meat50 Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 Is she still accepting inappropriate texts from her male friend? She hasn't said anything about it but it gets better. I stopped by to say hello. She went to go pick something up and handed me her phone. I don't think she realized that it was open or maybe she wanted me to see it. She reached out to a guy she dated for 4 months. She told me about him a while ago. She said that she thought that they were going to have a LTR and maybe longer but he ended it. This was fine as it was well before we met. Anyway, I saw the text and it said, "I can't lie...I think about a year ago...a lot has changed. I'll wait for your response." The part that gets me is that she randomly reached out to him and she began with "I can't lie" What does that mean? I get what she means by she thinks about a year ago - him Bottom line is that I guess I really am a schmuck. Link to comment
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