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Friend said you've lost yourself


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My friend had said to me that she feels like I lost part of myself when I was in my now ex relationship, she said I was always a social butterfly and knew everyone but when I got into my relationship a few years ago she feels a part of me lost myself, what is the meaning of this?

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Did you feel like yourself in that relationship? Perhaps she means you were much more invested than he was?

 

It seems you pushed through despite many problems:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562546&page=2&p=7179057&viewfull=1#post7179057

My friend had said to me that she feels like I lost part of myself when I was in my now ex relationship
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It means that your behavior changed significantly and not necessarily for the better. Maybe you became more isolated, or stressed, or less social, or depressed, or maybe you dropped your friendships. If you want to know specifics, then ask your friend to explain exactly what changed.

 

Some relationships bring out the best in you, others not so much. Sounds like this past relationship was the latter and your friend observed that.

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Yeah she is my best friend and I dont think she was meaning it in a bad way, I think she maybe means that before I was quite a bubbly person and after being in the relationship apart of me maybe wasnt who I used to be before I got into it, she said my vibe changed a bit

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Did you feel like yourself in that relationship? Perhaps she means you were much more invested than he was?

 

It seems you pushed through despite many problems:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562546&page=2&p=7179057&viewfull=1#post7179057

 

Yeah she is my best friend and I dont think she was meaning it in a bad way, I think she maybe means that before I was quite a bubbly person and after being in the relationship apart of me maybe wasnt who I used to be before I got into it, she said my vibe changed a bit

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I think she meant well. Perhaps, it is something you should watch for in the future. Did your friends and family like him?

 

Yeah they did but alot of things happened at the end of the relationship and now they dont

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It means exactly what she said.

 

You changed to accomodate a relationship, rather than your ex accepting you for who you are. And vice versa.

 

Big mistake but at least now you realise it wasn’t worth it. And in the future you won’t do that!?

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She's your friend, she's just trying to help you get back on your feet....she missed you.

 

Yeah she said I was still sociable and went out but just felt like I wasnt myself, it's been 7 weeks now since the breakup and I'm alot better than I was but i still have some good days and bad days tbh, but I just kept trying to be positive, how long has it taken use to get over a long term relationship?

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Keep yourself busy with friends and activities. You should also look into new interests, anything to keep yourself occupied and make your life more full.

 

Yeah I been trying to keep myself busy just some days I feel quite down but have been going to therapy and my therapist says I am doing so well, I'm just dreading Christmas time

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Did you make you entire world around your ex?

 

Nope he seen his friends and I seen mine sometimes but alot of his and my friends are settled now with kids etc so me and my friends dont see eachother all the time

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You can connect with your friends with kids. I do. You can also get out there and make new friends. I have mat a lot of people through volunteering. You can also look into Meetups, or join groups/activities through an online search (hiking groups, classes etc....

 

I am 56 and meet new people on a regular basis, and so age should never be a factor in making new friends. You simply have to get yourself out there.

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how long has it taken you to get over a long term relationship?

 

When I’ve been in a lot of pain I’ve found comfort in hearing others answer these questions, so here you go:

 

My last long one (3 years) took about a year to get over, though I was in pretty solid shape after 6 months, meaning I’d stopped thinking about it all regularly, felt strong and confident and accepted not just that it was over but that it being over was 100 percent the right thing. The early days (what you’re in) are invariably tough, but they can also be pretty rewarding.

 

I kind of think the key, aside from just being kind to yourself and letting whatever you feel move through you, is using what is invariably a temporary kind of raw energy productively. That’ll be different for everyone, but it basically means living your life, fully. Might feel a bit forced for a while, but the hard truth is that it’s hard to be too bent out of shape about the past and future when you’re satisfied in the present. Breakups offer a potent lesson in this.

 

Inhale, exhale. You’re doing well, by the sounds of it. Feel, reflect, and live your life. Healing will come from that on the timeline meant for you.

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It means that your behavior changed significantly and not necessarily for the better. Maybe you became more isolated, or stressed, or less social, or depressed, or maybe you dropped your friendships. If you want to know specifics, then ask your friend to explain exactly what changed.

 

Some relationships bring out the best in you, others not so much. Sounds like this past relationship was the latter and your friend observed that.

 

^^^ This, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. You probably adopted her behaviours to some degree (which are apparently different than yours), thus losing some of your specific personality traits. It's important to maintain your own identity and love who and what you are. Don't change to please someone else. I imagine that's what you did, whether consciously or subconsciously.

 

I've known several people who did just that. When they were not with their respective girlfriends, they were fun, carefree, happy, etc. But, when they were with their girlfriends, it seemed like they were walking on eggshells and, at the very least, afraid to be themselves, lest the gf was not happy.

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When I’ve been in a lot of pain I’ve found comfort in hearing others answer these questions, so here you go:

 

My last long one (3 years) took about a year to get over, though I was in pretty solid shape after 6 months, meaning I’d stopped thinking about it all regularly, felt strong and confident and accepted not just that it was over but that it being over was 100 percent the right thing. The early days (what you’re in) are invariably tough, but they can also be pretty rewarding.

 

I kind of think the key, aside from just being kind to yourself and letting whatever you feel move through you, is using what is invariably a temporary kind of raw energy productively. That’ll be different for everyone, but it basically means living your life, fully. Might feel a bit forced for a while, but the hard truth is that it’s hard to be too bent out of shape about the past and future when you’re satisfied in the present. Breakups offer a potent lesson in this.

 

Inhale, exhale. You’re doing well, by the sounds of it. Feel, reflect, and live your life. Healing will come from that on the timeline meant for you.

Thankyou so much that means alot to hear you think I'm doing well. I remember the advice you gave me 7 weeks ago when I was in a bad place and just thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. And I am trying to change my mind set and try tell myself my self worth and that I deserve better than the way I've been treated

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^^^ This, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. You probably adopted her behaviours to some degree (which are apparently different than yours), thus losing some of your specific personality traits. It's important to maintain your own identity and love who and what you are. Don't change to please someone else. I imagine that's what you did, whether consciously or subconsciously.

 

I've known several people who did just that. When they were not with their respective girlfriends, they were fun, carefree, happy, etc. But, when they were with their girlfriends, it seemed like they were walking on eggshells and, at the very least, afraid to be themselves, lest the gf was not happy.

 

Yeah I did feel I was walking on egg shells sometimes with my bf

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Yeah I did feel I was walking on egg shells sometimes with my bf

 

Ooops, I am so sorry. I used the wrong pronoun. I didn't realise you are a female. I did too with my ex, so I totally understand the feeling. I didn't like the person I became when I was with him.

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