My boyfriend is extremely inappropriate with me in public & it stresses me out.

[Rose Mosse]

Ok we can go on all day about how disgusting/bad wrong behavior it is, and the ol' better dump him advice, but what about an explanation?

 

I see what has happened. Things were great when you had time with him at the beginning, all romantic, etc. What really changed? You going to school full time, working two jobs=very little to no time together. You said he supplements his sexual needs with porn if he doesn't get any. Sounds to me he is supplementing a lot since you started this new semester and more than what he is telling you. What happens with all the porn watching? The porn has conditioned him to objectify you...looks at you as a fantasy sex object without personal sexual boundaries. You no longer feel like his GF for a reason. That romantic emotional connection has diminished. So what can you do to stop it? Nothing. He's a horny guy, you can't be there to satisfy his needs, so he depends on porn, the cycle continues. Tell him to stop? ya right, like that will happen. Look there is too much distance between you two now that you have all this responsibility. And TBH you don't have the time to be committed to a relationship. I know this is hard but it would be in both your best interest to breakup.

 

Agreed.

 

If you're not able or willing to do something about it, don't tolerate it if it's this disturbing for you. It's not worth the grief or headache. Focus on your work and school.

[Cherylyn]

It's time for a new boyfriend. You need to dump him.

[goddess]

The rubbing the private parts is a bit extreme. I get it though , if he’s sexually frustrated ( again though , the rubbing is a bit excessive ).

 

Really depends on how much you like the guy .

 

Are you kidding, V? How could you say you get it??? Rubbing private parts in public?? That is completely out of line and simply disgusting. Unacceptable by anyone's standards, except someone who is seriously disturbed and totally disrespectful.

[goddess]

It's time for a new boyfriend. You need to dump him.

 

I agree 100%. He is so inconsiderate, rude and disrespectful, OP. Don't put up with that revolting behaviour. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.

[ThatwasThen]

Nothing wrong with it if the Op actually enjoyed it and it was consensual ~ but its not. That's what, IMO, makes it "revolting" behavior. In fact, if you're telling him no, Op and telling him to stop it when he does it, then it's sexual assault. He doesn't own you nor does being your boyfriend give him the right to overrule your "no."

[boltnrun]

Nothing wrong with it if the Op actually enjoyed it and it was consensual ~ but its not. That's what, IMO, makes it "revolting" behavior. In fact, if you're telling him no, Op and telling him to stop it when he does it, then it's sexual assault. He doesn't own you nor does being your boyfriend give him the right to overrule your "no."

 

Yes, and being allegedly sex deprived doesn't give him the right to grope and manhandle you.

 

And don't buy the whole "it's your fault because you don't give him enough sex" BS. He's not an animal even though he is acting like one.

[figureitout23]

Nothing wrong with it if the Op actually enjoyed it and it was consensual ~ but its not. That's what, IMO, makes it "revolting" behavior. In fact, if you're telling him no, Op and telling him to stop it when he does it, then it's sexual assault. He doesn't own you nor does being your boyfriend give him the right to overrule your "no."

 

Yes, and being allegedly sex deprived doesn't give him the right to grope and manhandle you.

 

And don't buy the whole "it's your fault because you don't give him enough sex" BS. He's not an animal even though he is acting like one.

 

Completely agree with you both, which begs the question, why is she still with him?

[ThatwasThen]

Anyways, it does make me feel better that I am not alone since I tend to think, "ugh, only me..."

So Have you decided what you're going to do if he does it again, emisme?

[Billie28]

If you don’t like how someone treats you whether privately or publicly , you tell them so , which you have done.

 

If they respect you they will honour that. If they don’t , they won’t.

 

He doesn’t have any respect for you.

 

What are you going to do about that? Continue seeing him and receive his disrespect or leave him?

 

That’s your only options at this point.

You can’t make him be a respectful guy. So accept or reject .

[Andrina]

Telling you he's watching porn because you're too busy is his passive/aggressive way of punishing you. An alternative would be to masturbate in private without any announcements.

 

Since he doesn't care about your feelings on one issue, (groping you), this will also translate into other areas of your life as well. If you moved in together and shared expenses and bills, and you didn't want the most expensive cable service and he did, he'd order it anyway because he doesn't care how you feel. If you didn't want to have a party at your place because you had to get up early the next day, he'd have the party anyway.

 

Time to practice self love and learn from this dating experience. There are cute, sexy guys out there who will care about how you feel. You won't find him, however, when you're stuck with a porn watching groper. Yuck. If that's your idea of the ideal lifetime partner, I hate to think of what you think of yourself if that's all you believe you're worthy of.

[abitbroken]

I would have a discussion with him that you do not want him to grope you in public. It has the opposite affect on you - it doesn't make you feel aroused. it makes you uncomfortable and want sex even less. I would tell him the next time you are uncomfortable, you will leave and he will find his own ride home or you will call for help. And stick to it. I would dump him in the meantime, but if he does this again, i would ask strangers for help or say NOOO or STOOOP in a loud and distressed voice. If someone says "are you okay, miss?" i would say NO.

 

Please dump him.

[Hollyj]

It seems that she has left. I guess that she did not care for the advice about the creepy bf.

[boltnrun]

It seems that she has left. I guess that she did not care for the advice about the creepy bf.

 

Oftentimes people don't want actual advice.

 

What they really want is "how do I get him/her to stop doing x or start doing y?" without having to break up.

 

People need to realize that others do what they want and/or what they can get away with. If you don't like someone's behavior toward you, you tell them it's unacceptable. If the person continues, they don't respect you and the ONLY option at that point is removing that person from your life.

 

But too many times it's "But I LOVE him!!!!111", so they stay and remain miserable, frustrated that no one was able to give them the magic formula to turn a turd into a diamond.

 

It's a shame. OP needs to put more value on herself rather than making this loser the valuable one.

[figureitout23]

Telling you he's watching porn because you're too busy is his passive/aggressive way of punishing you. An alternative would be to masturbate in private without any announcements.

 

I feel I need to say I disagree with this very very much.

 

Not saying this guys not a creeper, he sounds like one.

 

But sex is an important part of a relationship and ignoring it and your partners needs is in itself quite selfish.

 

Verbalizing, hey I’m having to masterbate because we aren’t having sex is not always manipulation, it could be him signaling, hey my sexual needs aren’t being met!

 

I think it’s clear their sexual needs aren’t matching

 

Neither one seems to want to rectify this in a healthy way though, he’s reduced himself to groping her ( which, hey, I like getting my butt squeezed while we’re out, but that’s me, not everyone likes that) and she from the sounds of it cut him off due to her discomfort.

 

It’s all bad, but not solely on him.

[Hollyj]

Oftentimes people don't want actual advice.

 

What they really want is "how do I get him/her to stop doing x or start doing y?" without having to break up.

 

People need to realize that others do what they want and/or what they can get away with. If you don't like someone's behavior toward you, you tell them it's unacceptable. If the person continues, they don't respect you and the ONLY option at that point is removing that person from your life.

 

But too many times it's "But I LOVE him!!!!111", so they stay and remain miserable, frustrated that no one was able to give them the magic formula to turn a turd into a diamond.

 

It's a shame. OP needs to put more value on herself rather than making this loser the valuable one.

 

Too bad they don't love themselves.

[ThatwasThen]

But sex is an important part of a relationship and ignoring it and your partners needs is in itself quite selfish.

 

Agreed, however...

What the op is on here about IS solely on him in my opinion. One doesn't get to make sexual advances to someone that doesn't want them just because he's not getting the sexual attention he wants.

Not getting as much sex as he wants is not a free pass to continue to grope her when she's clearly told him that she doesn't like the overt attention out in public.

 

It's all bad and it's all on him when he chooses to assault her (and it is assault if she's telling him no or stop it and he keeps it up) instead of communicating in a healthy way that his wants (not needs) aren't being met. Frankly, since she's asked him to stop and he doesn't, I'd imagine that even if he was getting it twice a day 7 days a week he'd still would be doing what he does.

[LootieTootie]

Insert Gross Face Emoji