Anonymous903 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 I'm 43, he's 48 and 10 years out from a nasty divorce. We met at work as co-workers 12 years ago and were strictly friends with many mutual work friends. We always stayed in touch over the years, as we did with all of the work buddies from that time, and when we ended up in the same town four and a half years ago, we started hanging out (movie, dinner, shooting range etc). One thing led to another and we started dating. That began in January 2015. He moved in with me at my house in October 2015, and arranged to have his dog brought in from out of state who was staying with his brother (he has a job that involves lots of travel and could not bring the dog when he started the new job down here because the place he was staying wouldn't allow it and he know no one to take care of the dog while he was traveling. Things were great for a few years. We never fought, we got along fine, he helped out without me asking (I have a back injury that required a career change and I'm limited in what chores I can do without hurting myself further). With his schedule, we rarely have any time to go do things as a couple, and when we did do something, I always ended up paying, or we'd split the check. His dog got cancer in 2016 and that was a stressful time involving surgeries and lots of bills. I was supportive, gave the dog his meds, cooked chicken, rice, carrots and beef when he wouldn't eat anything else, and walked him in the pouring rain at 5AM before work (it always seems to rain in the mornings here). His dog is the true love of his life I realized, and he always greeted the dog first, hugged the dog first, tended to the dog first, and his days off always consisted of grooming the dog, brushing his teeth, clipping his nails, shaving him, taking him to the park every day, and feeding 3 times a day with all kinds of meds and supplements. I cook dinner every night, since my mother taught me how, and I often make roast chicken, beef, lasagna, pizza, stir fry or grill out. While I do this, he is playing video games or watching cartoons, which he will often have on for 12 hours a day. I work from home several days a week, and have seen the all-day video game playing on the ipad with the cartoons on (remember...he's 48). After dinner he usually lies on one of my yoga mats and falls asleep with his dog by 9:30PM. Now for the other side of the story. I have a very stressful, high responsibility job. My chronic pain from the back injury often makes me depressed. I take no pain meds at all but at the end of the day, I gotta have some Corona with a lime or Rolling Rock or something to get my mind off everything. I do art as a hobby along with writing and my book has consumed a lot of my energy in the past year. When he gets home from trips he's often understandably tired. I have a nice dinner waiting and when he collapses on the floor with the dog afterward, I just work on my book. Every year my family has a vacation on a little island and my brother and his family, and cousins and their families usually come. We block a whole corner of a resort hotel with rooms and I pay for it. There is no obligation to hang out with family all day or anything, and usually couples will go do things throughout the day and then meet up for dinner and card games afterward. The first year, he had to work and would not take vacation, so was only able to come for two days. The second year he had to go to a funeral, and managed to make it for the last day. The third year he again had a trip the whole week (this vacation is always booked 6 months out and the dates are known) and I threw a fit because I'd pre-paid again ($1700) and he dragged his feet but came...and spend the whole time watching cartoons by himself. This year he came....and LEFT two days in because something came up at work, and they KNEW he was on a prepaid vacation!! The last issue: He walks his dog and comes back and puts the crap bags in my planters instead of the dog poop bins throughout the community, or the garbage can 10 feet away. Last time he was out of town, I found 3 stinking poop bags in the planters by the garage. I put them on the ground by his second vehicle, in the driveway, as a hint (I have told him before...STOP putting dog poop bags in my bushes and plants). Today....I'm weeding the flowers out front and find....the SAME THREE BAGS from a week ago. Apparently he just threw them in the flowers and went about his day. I've absolutely had it. Burping and farting all day long, the dog poop, all his junk and models in the front room of my house. He is 48 with no savings, tons of college debt he's never paid so they take it out of his account, he claims he has no money yet buys a fancy truck, and he'll drive 4 hours with his dog to see a specific vet who moved and used to be down the street. Am I crazy in thinking I'm somewhere on the priority list behind the dog, the job, the truck and the cartoons? Yes, I have discussed all of this with him. I said I feel like a source of cheap rent (he pays 1/3 of what this place costs to run a month) and free dog sitting. He really didn't have much of a response. I told him he needed to talk to his boss about being called back from a pre-approved, pre-paid vacation AGAIN and he never did. It's been over a month so the moment has passed on that. I'm ready to kick him out. He has never once hinted at marriage, and honestly at this point I don't want it. That ship sailed. When guys want something (truck, rifle, etc) they go get it. When they want to do something (spend a weekend traveling with the dog to the vet, going to lunch all day with friends etc) they go do it. My feeling is if they don't say something or do something, it means they don't WANT it. I just feel used and taken advantage of. I have not discussed todays dog poop discovery Part II, because he is again on a trip, returning Sunday. I am considering telling him to find a new place because I have tried to discuss how I feel with him...and recently too, and it doesn't seem to be registering. I'd appreciate your thoughts. This person used to be a friend before the relationship, but I never realized he was so lazy, complacent, disrespectful and unable to get anything together in his life financially or professionally. Thanks for reading... Link to comment
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